


Dating a teacher

by flutterby_cupcake_26



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexual!Claire, Bookstore Owner Castiel, Bullying, Castiel and Claire bonding, Coming of Age, F/F, F/M, Fluff, I swear this is Destiel, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lesbian Relationship, Lesbian!Alex, M/M, Multi, POV Claire Novak, Parent-Child Relationship, Parent/Teacher Relationship, Sassy Claire Novak, Some Fluff, Teacher Dean, parent teacher meeting, themes of grief
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2018-12-23 22:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 98,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11999337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flutterby_cupcake_26/pseuds/flutterby_cupcake_26
Summary: Claire has recently moved in with her estranged father Castiel after her mother died. The principal of her new school calls them both in for a meeting, and the sparks that fly between her father and the principal are disgustingly obvious. What's a girl to do when her deadbeat dad has a crush on the hot principal?





	1. Chapter 1

 

The door banged open loudly, and a whirlwind of blonde hair went stomping through the store, paying no mind to the browsing customers and carefully constructed displays as the girl the hair belonged to zeroed in on the scruffy-haired man at the counter and stormed up to him. He paid her no mind, and continued ringing up his current customer’s purchases, smiling and having banal conversation about the weather or something else boring. She tapped her foot impatiently and leaned across the counter, glaring at the dark haired man. As the customer left with a small stack of science fiction novels, he finally turned to her.

“How was school?” His voice was measured. She narrowed her eyes and made a derisive sound, thrusting a sheet of paper at him as though it was covered in dirt. He made no effort to take it from her. “We’re not doing it this way, Claire. You have to use your words.”

She smirked condescendingly.

“Bite me.”

With that, she dropped the paper onto the counter and stropped around it, heading for the back of the store to reach the apartment there. She listened as he spoke to another customer.

“She’s my daughter.”

“She’s very rude. If I had spoken to my father that way, I would have been caned.” The elderly woman observed.

“She’s had a tough few years,” her father defended her mildly. She scoffed again as she stomped up the stairs to the apartment. Her father was always calm and non confrontational. It was irritating, and when Claire was having a hard time he made her feel like such a colossal dick with his soothing tones and restrained way of speaking. She vented her new frustration on the front door, giving it a kick before opening it up, and then slamming every drawer and cupboard door she could find, stomping on the ceiling the entire time. It took him ten minutes of her banging around the apartment to finally come up. Charlie must have been on a break. He stood in the doorway and watched with those clear blue eyes while she continued her tantrum, eventually giving up and, feeling foolish, flopping onto the sofa. And then throwing the cushions onto the floor.

“Thank you for not breaking anything this time,” her father eventually spoke.

“Bite me.” She repeated.

“I take it that you’re upset with Mr Winchester wanting to talk with me?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Her latest cushion caught a lamp, which fell to the floor with the sound of glass breaking.

“I take it back about nothing breaking,” he sounded amused. _Asshole_. “Mr Winchester didn’t say you had done anything, merely that he wishes to speak with me. Perhaps he’s looked into your transcripts and seen the problems that you’ve faced recently.”

Claire scoffed again, hoping that noise would contain all the vitriol she felt for her father. He always made it sound like it was her problem, when _he_ was the one who left and _he_ was the one who left her mom to get sick and die all alone and _he_ was the one who came back into her life like nothing had happened. He was different to how he had been as a child too, more distant and less reactive, like he’d had some kind of epiphany or religious experience in the time when he walked away from their family.

“We’re not going to know until we go. I’ll call him and set up a meeting for tomorrow, okay?”

Claire lost control, and threw a cushion at him. It bounced off his head and fell to the floor. It must have hurt, the power she put into that throw, but holier-than-thou Castiel wasn’t going to break.

“I’ll ask Charlie to look after the store. I suppose it’s too much to ask you to do your homework?”

He walked back down to the bookstore, and Claire stuck her finger in the air at his retreating back, before plugging herself into her iPod and letting something loud and full of rage pump through her ears and into her system. She wasn’t going to do her homework, not for her father and definitely not for Mr Winchester.

 

*

 

Claire had intended to cut out of school and avoid her father, but maybe he was more aware of the way her head worked now than he let on, because he caught her coming out of the side door and put a firm hand on her back, leading her around to the office. They were sat together outside Mr Winchester’s office, and Claire felt even crappier.

“I thought you said Mr Winchester wanted to see you.” She snarked. “I didn’t realise it was Mr Winchester.”

He didn’t respond, looking up instead at a poster that was meant to inspire students to be better, but just inspired Claire to grab a Sharpie and make adjustments. She was trying to mess with him, because it was weird, two brothers on the same faculty. Tall Mr Winchester was her annoying English teacher, the other Mr Winchester was the principal. They didn’t look alike, past the brown hair and green eyes, but the rumours had reached Claire in her short time at this school that they were brothers, and they still lived together. Some of the kids thought they were dating too, but Claire didn’t see it. She tried a different tact.

“So, you gonna hang in there, _Castiel_?”

He merely looked at her, that passive gaze that she didn’t buy. He had to be cussing her out every time he looked at her like that, pilgrimage or no pilgrimage. He had to regret coming back in her life, dragging her into his apartment, playing the doting father again. He had to hate her using his name, instead of calling him Dad.

“Mr Winchester will see you now,” The redhead secretary gestured to the door, interrupting their … well, not conversation, exactly. Castiel stood, and gestured himself.

“After you, Claire.” He feigned politeness, though they both knew he was making sure she wouldn’t run away. She stomped into the office, and her father followed. She sank into one of the seats opposite Mr Winchester, but Castiel had to be different. He stepped up to the desk, and held a hand out to shake. Mr Winchester stood up, sizing her father up, and took his hand after a short pause. They lingered after shaking hands, staring at each other, and Claire felt grossed out. She didn’t know what her father had been up to in his absence, but she hadn’t expected it to involve men. Or worse, teachers. And yet there he was, staring at the principal like the second coming, and Mr Winchester didn’t seem to hate it. It took a lifetime for them to realise that hey, they were in a parent-teacher meeting to discuss how terrible a person Claire was. They let go and sat down in their respective seats, Mr Winchester leaning forward onto the desk and trying not to stare at Claire’s father.

“So, you must be curious why I’ve tried to arrange a meeting?” Mr Winchester smiled at Claire. She glared back, slouching in her seat. She could feel her father watching her and refused to meet his eye. It would be like agreeing she had done something wrong and for once, she hadn’t.

“A little,” Castiel said eventually, though Claire could tell he was still watching her thoughtfully.

“I’ll put your mind at ease and let you know that Claire isn’t in any trouble. This is a routine meeting for transfer students, just to check that she’s settling in okay, go over any concerns you have, that kind of thing.”

Claire looked at her nails. She wished she was in trouble, because being checked up on for the sake of it was ridiculous and pathetic and so typical of boring adults like Castiel and Mr Winchester.

“It’s good of the school to do that,” Castiel offered. “What kind of concerns do you mean?”

“Well, anything. Schoolwork, how Claire’s adjusting, after school activities, friendships, access to our school counsellor. Anything. This is a free space.”

Claire wanted to run. She didn’t want to stick around to hear her father go on and on about how awful she was, or suggest she have frequent school counsellor sessions - barf - and she definitely didn’t want to see them continually undress each other with their eyes - again, barf - but leaving would mean that they would probably get more candid without her to buffer them.

“Have you read Claire’s transcripts?” Castiel asked, and Claire wondered if he was buying some thinking time or else he was trying to perve over the principal’s voice.

“I have, but I wanted your input. Sometimes those things can only tell me how well Claire has done, not any issues she might be dealing with. This is a free space, Mr Novak.” Mr Winchester reminded him. “I won’t be making life difficult for Claire, or singling her out. We try and have good communication between parents and faculty here.”

Claire looked up at the ceiling. She couldn’t understand why everyone thought Mr Winchester was so great, he tried too hard. But apparently it worked on her father.

“You’ll know from Claire’s transcripts about my split with her mother, and her losing her mother, her coming here to live with me. It’s all very new, and I know Claire might act out. She did at her last school, which is why she moved to this one. But Claire is tough, she’s going to surprise you. I know it. She’s surprised me in the last couple of months that we’ve had to reconnect.”

Claire’s only reaction was to look at her father from the corner of her eyes. She hadn’t expected a compliment. She hadn’t earned it. He must have felt her surprise, even if she didn’t show it, because he gave her a cautious smile.

“For all your anger over the situation, you haven’t run away from me, you haven’t put yourself in dangerous situations. You have every right to be angry, Claire.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. Was that why he didn’t react to her tantrums?

“She may need some understanding from your teachers when it comes to completing homework assignments for the next few weeks, just to ease her into it, but Claire doesn’t like handouts too much, so I think special treatment would irritate her,” he cast another glance at her. “Almost as much as it’s bugging her right now that I’m speaking for her, even though she has no inclination of talking right now.”

She rolled her eyes, and Mr Winchester fought a smile. The fact that he agreed with her father was worse than their eye fucking.

“You know your daughter well.”

“As well as she’ll let me know her.” Castiel looked back at the principal, and they continued that doey-eyed gaze.

“So, are we good? We done?” Claire finally spoke up.

“For now,” Mr Winchester nodded. “But I am going to give you a pass, Claire. Use it any time you want to, it gives you the power to come and see me. For any reason.” He slid a laminated blue card from a drawer on his desk and handed it over. “I’m not just your principal.”

“I know, I know, you’re my ‘pal’ too!” She said sarcastically. He fought a smirk.

“Hardly. I’m not just your principal, I’m a human being, and very much capable of empathy.” Mr Winchester looked back to Castiel. “And Mr Novak, please feel free to call if you have any concerns that you would like to express without worrying about Claire’s reaction. I’ll make sure the faculty use discretion if there’s anything we have to implement.” He scribbled something onto a Post-it, and handed it to Castiel. “My cell phone is far more reliable than the school secretary.”

Claire felt nauseated. Her principal had actually given her father his cell number right in front of her, and that was after all the eye sex. She stood up, letting her father know she was ready to go. He was folding Mr Winchester’s number up and securing it into his wallet.

“Thank you, Mr Winchester.”

“Dean,” Mr Winchester smiled. “Call me Dean.”

“Dean,” Castiel repeated slowly. “Thank you for seeing us, and for your number, and the pass and everything. I’m hoping Claire has a bright future at this school.”

“I don’t see any reason why she won’t. Thank you for coming in, I hope it didn’t inconvenience you too much?” They both stood, and walked out together, barely noticing whether or not Claire trailed behind, listening to them crawl up each other’s butts with the flirty compliments.

“Not at all. I run a bookstore nearby but my employee is more than capable of keeping it in one piece.”

“Which bookstore is that?”

“Jimmy’s?”

“I’ve heard of it. You have a great reputation.”

“Dad, can we go now?” Claire raised her voice, trying to shut them up before they declared their undying infatuation in front of the few people left in the building.

“Yes, certainly. Thank you again, Dean.”

Mr Winchester waved them along and turned to his next appointment, and Claire stormed ahead of her father as they headed to his car.

“Is everything okay, Claire?” He asked quietly.

“Oh, everything’s fine. My principal’s checking up on me in case I have ‘issues’ and my dad goes along and eye flirts with him!” She blasted.

“I’m not going to deny that your principal is an attractive man, but I was there for your needs first and foremost.” He defended himself as they reached the car. He unlocked it and she climbed into the front seat, crossing her arms and scowling at the dashboard. He climbed in behind the wheel, but didn’t start the car. “I don’t suppose there’s any point in asking if you wish to discuss this?”

“What’s to discuss? He gave you his number. Call him any time, right? About stuff you wouldn’t say in front of me, like what you want for dinner or the nights that you’re free.”

“He gave me his number because he thought I wasn’t talking in your presence. He’s trying to be discreet in his support, Claire.”

“You met him five minutes ago, how in the hell do you even know?”

Castiel put the key in the ignition, and pursed his lips at the rear view mirror.

“There’s no answer I can give that doesn’t sound empty or condescending or vapid. So I suppose I know that because I want to believe that’s the man he is to charge the sexual fantasies I’m going to be having about him.”

“You’re so gross.”

“You prefer that answer to ‘I’m an adult and I’ve learnt about people in the last forty years’ don’t you?”

Claire didn’t respond, except to glare out of the side window, accidentally catching his eye in the wing mirror.

“That’s what I thought. You could thank me for getting you out of homework for the next couple of weeks. You could thank him for that magic pass that allows you to blow off lessons you’re not prepared to deal with.” He finally turned the key, and the car roared to life. “And yes, I think your principal is attractive. But there’s little chance he would want to date one of the sophomore’s fathers.”

“And if he does?” She pushed.

“Would you really want to know? Besides, you heard him, he’d be discreet.”

She looked over in time to see the small smile on her dad’s face. The first time she had seen him truly happy - truly anything - in years. She wanted to hate him and curse him and ban him from Mr Winchester, but that smile made her realise just how long her dad must have been unhappy.

“What about Mom?” She asked in a small voice, not really wanting the answer.

“I will always love Amelia,” he said gently. “She was a good wife, and she gave me you. But I haven’t been with her for years, Claire, and she moved on in that time. I have too.”

“She never moved on.” Claire squared her shoulders and looked down at her knees. “She only ever wanted you back.”

“Then I’m sorry I couldn’t give her what she wanted, what you wanted. Sometimes we don’t get what we want.”

“And sometimes we get the principal’s phone number.”

“Would you rather I don’t text or call him?” Castiel said quietly as he pulled up behind the store. “I have his number, but I don’t have to use it.”

Claire turned to look at him, and she could see the hope in the way he pursed his lips, in the shine of his eyes. She liked the feeling of power over her father, over the jerk-off who abandoned her and her mother six years ago. But she was also beginning to realise that maybe her father had been unhappy for a very long time, and this number seemed to be enough to ease that. She sighed, hating herself for putting him first.

“Fine, use it. But just don’t be gross about it.”

She got out of the car and headed straight for her poky little bedroom, sinking on the bed and looking up at the ceiling. She didn’t want to hear her dad being gross over the principal, didn’t want to deal with Charlie’s pep, didn’t want to do anything except mope. She put on her Netflix, and cuddled up to a cushion, watching some dorky sitcom rerun and burying her face in the cushion so she didn’t have to see herself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope you liked that! I wasn't planning on writing anything and then 3k just leaped out of me. I'm not sure yet as to whether I'm going to add to this. I was intending it to be a one shot but I think it might end up longer. I can see a whole storyline already! Please let me know if you'd be interested in me expanding this.
> 
> I've also begun to use my tumblr for once (I blame the DCBB - this is not my efforts for that btw - for moving there). I have no idea what I'm doing on there but if you ever want to drop me a line, my Tumblr is https://flutterby-cupcake-26.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, almost straight after I posted the last bit, I did another 4k. I have this whole story playing about in my head right now, which I wasn't expecting. Besides, as a one shot it needed more anyhow, right?
> 
> Posting will depend on my work shifts and fatigue, sorry if it's a bit sporadic.

“So, get this kids,” Mr Winchester - the English teacher - said as he slid onto the front of his desk, holding his copy of the book they were reading and stooping down to try to get somewhere near eye level. Claire fought the urge to roll her eyes. Like the principal, the other Mr Winchester was a huge dork. Claire had been in the school maybe two weeks and had already accidentally overheard this Mr Winchester talking excitedly about Lord of the Rings to one of the nerdy kids. Mr Winchester started droning on about George and Lennie and their friendship with the same enthusiasm, and Claire started rolling her pencil across the desk, patiently not listening. Instead, she was dwelling on the change at home in the last week since her father had met the principal.

She hadn’t seen a cell in her father’s hand once, but Castiel seemed lighter, happier suddenly. Even Charlie noticed, interrupting her usual stream of dialogue and enthusiasm of something called The Guild to ask after Castiel’s change in mood. He hadn’t given anything away, but Claire seriously doubted that the principal’s eye fuck could have sustained him that long.

It was irritating, knowing they were in contact but not knowing what they were saying to each other. Not that Claire really wanted the unrestrained dialogue between them, but if they were discussing her, she wanted to know. If she could possibly read her father’s messages but sensor out all the lovely dovey shit in order to see what they had to say to each other, she would do it. Otherwise, she was seriously regretting her moment of weakness. She had to be stronger with Castiel. Firmer. He didn’t get to walk away from her and her mother and get to be happy without grovelling first.

She had missed him, when he first left. When she first realised he hadn’t come home, that her mom was suddenly sad all the time. She used to pretend to call him on her play phone, promise to be a better kid if he came home. And then her mother’s sadness gave way to illness and the fight went out of Amelia Novak. And the fight had seeped into her.

And yet, she hadn’t run. Just like her father had told her. It wasn’t so much that there was anything to stay for, but that there was nowhere to go. And why should she leave? Why shouldn’t she be there every damn day to make Castiel feel guilty for everything he had put his family through? She hoped that every time he looked at her, he remembered the little girl he left behind, the woman who had been so devoted to him that she never let go of the thought he would come back. She wasn’t going to run like he did.

“What do you think, Claire?” her English teacher interrupted her thoughts. She sat back and looked at him. She wasn’t going to admit she hadn’t heard him, that she hadn’t been paying any attention whatsoever. She only had sarcastic remarks left.

“I think you picked this book because Lennie’s about your height.”

“Nice try Claire.”

“Stay away from rabbits, Mr Winchester.”

Mr Winchester pursed his lips, and moved on to the cheerleader at the back of the room.

“Alex?”

“Certainly, Mr Winchester,” she preened, and flicked her dark hair over her shoulder as Claire glanced backwards. She caught the sneer just in time and rolled her eyes before doodling on the cover of her notepad and zoning out again.

God knows why her dad had set up his pathetic book store in this town. Everyone here seemed so fake, so out for themselves and two faced. The only person she had met since coming to live with Castiel who was even remotely tolerable was Charlie, and even that was only in small doses. Charlie was great, but she was an innocent and she could talk non-stop which did Claire’s head in and ruined her efforts to sulk in Castiel’s eye line.

The bell rang for the end of period, and as everyone gathered their possessions, Mr Winchester summoned Claire to the front of the class. She sloped up there and waited impatiently, tapping her foot.

“Everything okay, Claire?” He asked as he pushed his hair back from his face.

“Uh-huh.”

“You know you can talk to me any time you need to, right? My door’s always open.”

“Right. Great.”

“And Dea- Mr Winchester told me that he gave you that pass. You should use it. We’re all here to help.” He rested on the desk again, looking at her with puppy dog eyes. “I heard about the trouble you had in your last school, and all the things that happened with your family. You’re not alone, Claire.”

“Are we done?” She asked, itching to grab her cell phone out of her locker and send her father an offensive text because she just knew he had been blabbing to his new beau and apparently the principal had just as big a mouth.

“Sure. I’m not keeping you, just trying to reassure you.”

She headed over to the door, muttering under her breath,

“Yeah, I need all the reassurance. That’s going to bring Mom back.”

She stomped through the hallway to her locker, not bothering about who she slammed into on the way. She pulled her cellphone out and started tapping away.

 

_-Will you STOP sexting my principal and telling him my sob story, jackass?_

 

“You’ll get detention for a week if they catch you on that cell. They’re strictly forbidden.” Alex the cheerleader leaned against the locker bank to deliver the news. She was smirking, and Claire rolled her eyes.

“So tell the principal. Or someone who cares.” Claire was distracted as her father replied.

 

**- _I haven’t been sexting Dean. I haven’t messaged him at all. Has something happened? Do you need me to come in?_**

 

Castiel was such an asshole. He always had to sound so reasonable.

 

_-Don’t you DARE come down here!_

 

The bell rang again for the start of the next class, and Claire threw her phone back into her locker and slammed it shut, ignoring Alex and walking straight into the principal.

“Whoa, hey Claire, is everything okay?” He stepped back, giving her a respectable amount of space.

“Just heading to class,” she forced herself not to sneer, in case she ended up in detention.

“She was just using her cell,” Alex said as she glided past them towards her next class. Claire forgot the urge to resist, and flipped her finger at Alex’s retreating back. Mr Winchester - the principal - raised his eyebrows.

“Claire?”

“Whatever.” She dropped her hand and pulled her bag strap further up her arm. “I have to get to class.”

“No.” Mr Winchester shook his head. “You’re coming into my office. I’ll square things over with your teacher.”

Claire had no choice but to follow him through the hallways to his office, aware that people in the nearby classrooms could see her walk of shame. He opened the door for her and gestured to the seat she had occupied barely a week before. She slunk into the room and curled up on the seat, waiting for the fall out. But instead, the principal opened a drawer of his desk and pulled out a box of donuts.

“Want one?”

“Are you for real?” She snorted.

“Mmmhmm, love a powdered jelly.” He grabbed one and took a huge bite, chewing with his mouth open, powdered sugar all over his mouth and even on his nose. Claire wanted to be disgusted, but it made him seem like a regular guy, not the intimidating principal that her dad wanted to bone. She reached over and took a cruller.

“So, why the donut bribe?” She asked, pulling a piece off.

“Getting rid of the evidence before Sam sees it. If your English teacher asks, I gave you carrot sticks.”

She was smiling at his candid admittance, but caught herself and scowled. She wouldn’t cave into Mr Winchester’s charms like everyone else. He swallowed his mouthful and leaned forward.

“So, how’s the last week been?”

“Are we really doing this?” She snorted. He raised his eyebrows again.

“Doing what, exactly?”

“Eating donuts and talking about how settled I am in school while you’re secretly dying to talk about my dad.”

Dean took another huge bite of donut.

“I’m on the clock, and you’re one of my students. This is all about you. Well, ninety percent you, ten percent jelly donut.” He chewed furiously, still not brushing the powdered sugar from his nose, but licking his lips. “Your teachers are saying you’re not trying to interact, in class or with the other students. I did some digging at your old school, they said you had a lot of friends there. Are you still in touch with them?”

Claire bit into her cruller so that she didn’t have to answer, but Mr Winchester seemed happy to wait, biting his donut again and getting a smudge of jelly in the corner of his mouth. Claire intentionally didn’t tell him that, or answer his question, nibbling at her cruller until he moved on.

“I’m not going to tell your father, should he get in touch with me. If that’s what’s concerning you.” Mr Winchester eventually broke.

“Whatever,” Claire carried on focusing on what was left of her cruller.

“Claire, I don’t know everything, but I know an unhappy kid when I see one. We’ll be patient with you, but I hope you’re not going to take our kindness for granted. We should make a deal.” He finally brushed his powdered sugar off his hands and mouth, but missed the spot on his nose. “You make a friend, you listen in class, and I will let you off doing homework.”

“A deal,” she snorted, shaking her head.

“Okay, we’re off the record now.” Mr Winchester sat forward, looking at her earnestly. “Claire, I know teenagers don’t want to listen when someone says they know how it feels but … my mother died when I was four. I _do_ know how it feels. You think many schools would take in a kid who got expelled? I know it sucks, and you probably keep going to talk to her, right? And people stick their nose in and tell you how to deal and it’s the last thing you want. I’ve been there. But it’ll get better.”

Claire just looked at him.

“Honestly, it will.” Mr Winchester promised, and put the donut box away, rubbing his chin as he looked her over. “Would you even consider seeing the school counsellor?”

“Nope.” Claire sat back in her chair. “Besides, if you keep dragging me in here, it’s like I’m already trapped in counselling, right?”

“So what would the difference be?” He pressed. “Aside from the counsellor not being your principal?”

“There wouldn’t be a difference. I don’t want to be doing this now, either.”

The principal nodded, and scratched his chin.

“New deal. I have to check some emails, do some paperwork. I don’t see you hurrying off to gym for the last twenty minutes. Let me work in peace, and you can hang out in here like it’s a free period.”

“Do I get more donuts?”

“Don’t push it.”

 

*

 

Claire had been roped into helping at the store on Saturdays. It was like Castiel knew she hadn’t made any friends and was taking advantage of that for some cheap labour. Although he called it a ‘bonding opportunity’, and let Charlie have Saturdays off. Mostly he discussed different books with the customers and rang up their purchases and Claire played games on her phone, leaning across the counter and making sure everyone in the building knew how bored she was.

This Saturday was no different. Claire was halfway through a game on Disney Emoji when a customer stepped up to the counter. Castiel was out back, looking to restock some Harlequin romance that had housewives going nuts.

“Hello, Claire.”

She looked up and saw Mr Winchester. The tall one, the English teacher. Not the one Castiel had made goo goo eyes over. She pressed pause on her game and straightened up.

“Hey. You buying a book?”

“I will be. I didn’t know you worked here.”

“Not through choice.” She shrugged just as Castiel came back in with a box full of the tawdry romance books. “That’s my dad.”

“Hello,” Castiel said cheerfully enough, and continued hauling the books to the display. “Claire, could you ring him up please?”

Mr Winchester watched Castiel’s progress and Claire rolled her eyes. Either both Mr Winchester’s had a thing for her dad, or the principal had blabbed to his brother.

“Which book?” Claire cut through his ogling. Her English teacher turned back to her and smiled sheepishly.

“Uh, this one.” He held up a copy of some cheesy science fiction novel Claire had never heard of. He seemed to be anticipating her vitriol, but it never happened. Because as he showed his book, his brother appeared around a bookshelf and there was almost instant eye contact between him and Castiel. Claire watched them as she snatched the book from her English teacher’s hand and scanned it through. Her principal and her father were talking to each other in low voices, too quietly for Claire to hear. The other Mr Winchester turned and saw what she was glaring at, the body language between his brother and her father, the way they almost seemed in a bubble of attraction, and completely oblivious to their audience.

“Oh.”

“Whatever.” Claire forced herself to look at the till. “Twenty-five bucks.”

He handed over the cash, and headed over to his brother, clutching his book. Claire watched them with a sour expression, as the taller Winchester joined them and chatted freely for a few moments. He left the store and the principal took a few more moments talking with Castiel before he left too. Castiel came back to the counter with a dreamy expression on his face.

“Keep it in your pants.” She scowled. It didn’t seem to dull his mood.

“We were just talking, Claire.”

She grabbed her phone and resumed her game, as Castiel stood beside her.

“He’s asked if I’m free tonight. Once we close up shop, I’ll be getting ready to go see him. Will you be okay on your own?”

“Do you even care? You didn’t last time.”

“Of course I care, Claire. Regardless of what you believe, I did miss you and Amelia. But you gave your blessing to me and Dean, remember? And it’s been a long time,” he sighed and changed the subject. “I’ll leave you some money for take out.”

Claire didn’t answer. She hadn’t given them her blessing, she just hadn’t banned them from texting. A date was something else. But Castiel seemed completely oblivious as he talked to another customer and whistled happily in between. He was unbearable in his happiness and Claire didn’t get why he didn’t see why it hurt so much. She felt like a huge inconvenience to him, not for the first time, and wondered why he didn’t just leave her to suffer in the system after Amelia died. He could have carried on pretending he didn’t have a daughter, screwed the principal without her embarrassment and hired someone else to guard the books. Claire had no idea why he didn’t.

The day dragged until finally Castiel shut up shop, and headed to the apartment to get ready. Claire dragged herself into her room and pulled out a photo album, looking through all the images she had of her and her mom while she heard the shower run, and Castiel muttering about shirts, and smelled the waft of his cologne. Eventually he knocked on her bedroom door, and pushed it open without waiting for a response.

“How much do you want for take out? Forty dollars?”

Claire didn’t look up from the album, stroking along a picture of her mom instead. She could see out the corner of her eye as Castiel took out his wallet and pulled a bunch of bills out.

“Here. Go nuts. And if you want a friend over, that’s fine too.”

Claire took the money and said nothing, still staring at her mom. Castiel sat beside her on the bed, squishing her between him and the wall. But annoyingly, it made her feel safe and secure with her daddy, not uncomfortable and angry. She didn’t want to feel that way, not near him. And then he made it worse by putting an arm around her and pulling her into his side, looking at the pictures of Amelia too.

“She was beautiful,” he murmured.

“Save it.”

“Claire … don’t you get it?” Castiel sounded exasperated. “Your mother was my friend, and you are one of the biggest loves of my life, but I was a product of my generation to an extent. Guys were just meant to be with women. I went out with Amelia because it was expected of me, I married her because she meant so much to me and I hated every day that I didn’t love her. And in the end, I had to walk away from the lie. I had to figure out what it was I wanted, I had to find a way to be a good father for you. I think she always knew, even before I did.”

“It’s not all about you.” Claire growled.

“Amelia knew everything, Claire. I just wish she had met a man who could have loved her the way that she deserved, even for those last few years.”

“Don’t you have a principal to date?”

He kissed her temple gently, and she hated herself for craving more contact like that from him.

“I do, but I also have a teenage daughter who I worry about.” He kissed her again, hugging her tightly, and it was all Claire could do to keep her arms locked on the album, rather than cuddling into her daddy like he never left. “One day, Claire, I hope you’ll let me in.”

“Uh-huh.”

He gave her one last squeeze, and let go.

“I don’t know what Dean’s plans are, but I’ll have my cell on me. Call me if you need anything, okay?”

He stood up and headed to the door, looking back just before leaving the room.

“You don’t believe it, Claire, I know. But I love you. I’ll always love you. And I’m going to make up for the last six years.”

They heard the doorbell, and he left without another word. Claire inched her way over to her window and watched as the principal lead her father over to his car, a black muscle car that the senior guys lusted over in the parking lot at school. He didn’t look up as he climbed in, and Claire felt a sharp stab of loneliness. For everything her father had just said, he was still putting his date before his daughter. She waited until the principal had peeled out of the lot and grabbed the money her father had left her along with her keys, and headed out into the town.


	3. Chapter 3

Claire had been wandering the streets of town for a couple of hours. She had only been there for a couple of months, and spent most of that time sulking in her room, but now that Castiel had reverted to his old, selfish ways and gone out with the principal, she felt like she actually had some freedom.

She had never felt like that with her mother. They had had a good relationship, and when Amelia started to get sick Claire had been there, looking after her. It was only once she was gone that Claire had pierced her nose, bought black clothes and started to overdo the eyeliner. And on these streets on a busy Saturday night, they felt like a kind of armour, protecting her from douchebags.

The town was one of those quaint little ones, full of rustic style stores and throwbacks to the fifties, like her dad’s book store. Which meant that there was nothing good to do when you were nearly sixteen and unable to drive and living downtown over a store. Claire found her way to a cheesy retro diner, and once she established that her dad wasn’t in there, went inside and ordered a burger and curly fries with a chocolate shake. Her food had just arrived and she was taking a huge bite out of her burger when Alex walked in with a couple of other popular kids. She groaned internally and focused back on her meal, hoping they didn’t see her, or try to talk to her. She was officially done with people.

But she was also completely out of luck, because Alex separated from her friends and sat opposite Claire, ordering a salad and a diet soda. Claire studiously ignored her.

“Do you even have a home?” Alex asked once her coke was put in front of her. Claire flipped her off, confident that there was no one to punish her without her father or any teachers nearby. “Because my friends were wondering if you lived in the trash somewhere.”

“When someone gives you the finger, it means go away,” Claire muttered, and scooped ketchup onto a curly fry before taking a bite.

“That’s cute. I was going to say, my foster mom will take you in. She’s called Jody. She’s cool.”

“Tempting.” Claire took a huge bite of her burger, and then talked around her mouthful. “I live with my dad.”

“Not your mom?” Alex actually seemed concerned. But Claire wasn’t prepared to talk about her mom with the stuck up cheerleader in front of her, so she returned to her meal and tried to pretend Alex didn’t exist. But Alex didn’t take the hint, instead sitting there and chattering away, and waving at their English teacher when he walked in.

“Oooh, look who got dumped by his brother boyfriend!” Alex whispered.

“You believe that crap?” Claire wrinkled her nose.

“Ohmigod, you’re new, you don’t know. They have a totally weird relationship.”

“Mr Winchester?” Claire called him over. He came over slowly, pushing his long hair back behind his ears.

“Claire, Alex, I didn’t know you were friends.” He gave them a smile.

“Oh, we’re totally not. But Alex here was saying you’re dating the principal. Is that why you’re both Mr Winchester?”

She blinked innocently up at him, daring him to mention where Dean Winchester was. Apparently Mr Winchester didn’t break that easily, or help with the gossip that much.

“He’s my brother,” their English teacher frowned. “And I’m picking up my girlfriend, she works here and her shift is about to finish.”

Claire smirked, and bit into a fry, raising her eyebrows at Alex.

“That doesn’t sound like he’s with the principal?”

Alex rolled her eyes, as their English teacher hovered. Claire supposed he wanted to say something else, maybe tell them off for gossiping about the teachers or to ask Claire if Dean was with her father, but he remained quiet. After a few more moments, he drifted off to the counter where he had been aiming for when he first came in. Alex leaned forward across their table.

“What are you doing?”

“What are you doing? I was sitting here, enjoying my food, and then you came all up in my business.”

“And it was sad, you sitting here all alone, eating the first hot meal in forever. I felt sorry for you.”

Claire gave her another dirty look and returned to her burger. She didn’t have to put up with perfect Alex and the way she rubbed her perfect life in Claire’s face. Alex could sit there all she wanted, to Claire she didn’t exist. She was so sick of this town already.

As soon as she finished her burger, she threw down some of the bills Castiel had given her, and walked out, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket and hunching her shoulders up as she walked, not really aiming for anywhere but just feeling the need for motion. She could feel her chest aching, and she didn’t want to let thoughts in about her mother, her dad’s abandonment, any of it. If she did, she would break down and she was sick of being upset, sick of all the pity, and sick of feeling like her mother was the only one who ever wanted her.

But she couldn’t stop herself from going over and over it, and she collapsed in the gazebo that stood in the middle of the town’s square, hiding behind one of the panels and letting herself sob, curling up into a tight ball and hoping the mood would pass soon.

She had been there for maybe twenty minutes when she heard someone walk up the wooden steps into the gazebo and stop, clearly looking at her. She tried to cry silently, which just gave way to hiccups, and she was mad at herself to giving in to the pain.

“Claire?” The person said gently. A person who sounded a lot like her English teacher. Of all the people to witness her break down. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” She said bluntly, though it was ruined by a hiccup a moment later.

“Anything you want to talk about?” She heard him sit on the steps in front of her, blocking her into the gazebo.

“No.”

“Is this about, you know, my brother?”

She didn’t understand why he wasn’t getting the hint that she didn’t want to talk about anything. Not with him, and not with anyone else. She made herself breathe, trying to get rid of the hiccups, putting all her focus onto that.

“I mean, I did wonder why you were asking about that stupid rumour when I thought you knew … is that what’s bugging you?”

“Go away, Mr Winchester.”

“Call me Sam. Outside of school.” He shifted on his step. “And please don’t tell me to go away. It’s late, it’s not that near the book store, you’re upset and at the very least you should let Eileen and me walk you home.”

“Don’t you mean Eileen and I?” Claire said from behind her hair.

“Are you trying to teach me English now?” He sounded amused. “No, I don’t. You use what makes sense in a sentence when you remove the other names. You should let I walk you home? No. Doesn’t work.”

“Your girlfriend doesn’t say much.” Claire muttered.

“Only because she can’t read your lips right now.” He sounded amused. “And I’m not looking at her, so she can’t read mine either. You’re not refusing a walk home though, so let’s go.”

She uncurled herself and took a peek through her hair. He was offering a hand to help her up, and one of the waitresses who hadn’t served her table stood just beyond him, looking concerned. Claire gave an exasperated huff but scrambled to get up, ignoring Sam’s hand, and avoiding his girlfriend’s eye contact. But even her black mood couldn’t dent Sam’s happy one. He bounced up and put an arm around his girlfriend, kissing her temple protectively. It was like a punch in Claire’s gut. It was the same thing Castiel had done a few hours before. She watched as Eileen looked up at Sam smiling, and he explained what they were doing. She nodded, and looked at Claire.

“You live at the bookstore?”

Claire gave a short nod, and Eileen grinned at her.

“Sam’s always loved it in there. When he’s reading a book, he turns more deaf than me.”

Claire did a double take. She thought Sam had been joking, but clearly not. Eileen didn’t seem to care about her handicap, or about Sam giving some teenage girl attention, and that was enough for Claire to start walking with them through the town square and along the path that would lead to the bookstore that was her new home. They didn’t bother her as they walked, and she felt herself calming down, her grief giving way to an aching sadness. It didn’t seem real, that she was walking through this town she barely knew, with two near strangers, on the way to her father’s new place when he wasn’t even there. And there was no chance of going back to the place that had been her home, because her mom wasn’t even there and someone else lived in that house now and her friends didn’t even bother to talk to her online. So why not walk with her teacher of two weeks and his girlfriend that she just met?

“Claire?” Sam interrupted her internal dialogue, his voice hesitant. “Why did you ask about me and my brother in the diner?”

“Because it’s a stupid rumour and Alex is pathetic for buying into it.” Claire growled.

“Most people do,” Sam sighed.

“Then they’re all stupid.” She thrust her hands into her jacket again, and tried to keep her anger down. Sam hadn’t earned it. She would store it up and release it on Castiel.

“So, I take it you’re not exactly making friends?”

“Ugh,” Claire made sure he could see her eye roll. “I get this from dad, I get this from Dean, I don’t need it from you as well, okay?”

“Okay,” Sam held up the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Eileen in defence. “I’m just concerned.”

“Yeah, well, don’t worry. I’m not going to accidentally burn this school down.” She jutted out her chin. “And that was an accident, at the other school.”

Sam grimaced, but said nothing. Even though it was obvious to Claire that her principal had ratted her out, even if Sam didn’t want to admit it.

“Do you guys even have confidentiality with students?”

“Of course we do. But the school board reassured all the teachers you were assigned to at the start of the semester that it shouldn’t happen again.”

“And what to do if it does?” Claire snorted with the anger she was trying to keep at bay. “If I had tried to set that fire I would have made sure my dad was there.”

There was a long, ugly pause.

“Claire, do you hate him that much?” Sam sounded concerned.

“Whatever.”

“Claire,” Sam pushed.

“I know my way back now. I’ll be fine. Go on your date or whatever.”

“Claire, please say that was some bad taste joke or something. Because I’m going to have to report it if you weren’t.”

Sam had stopped walking, Eileen looking up at him with her expression full of worry. Though she hadn’t heard the words, she would have felt Sam speaking, would have acknowledged every movement he made. Claire stopped a few steps in front, turning around slowly.

“Report it? Didn’t I just clear my name with the fire?”

“It sounded like you were threatening your dad.”

“And you think I’m capable of that?”

Sam rubbed his face tiredly.

“Kids your age have committed mass murder. Kids younger than you have slaughtered adults.”

“I don’t mean my age. I mean me. Do you think that little of me?”

“Do you think that little of your father?”

They were at a stalemate, Claire could tell. And she was done with the evening. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and stare blankly at BoJack Horseman until she fell asleep. And to get there, she had to tell Sam what he wanted to hear.

“Sam, I was kidding. Geez, get a morbid sense of humour and take a joke.”

“You think death is _funny_?” Sam was incredulous.

“Well, my mom died and left me with a dad who showed how little he cared six years ago, so if that’s not a joke I don’t know what is. Don’t judge me for how I’m dealing with this.”

Sam pursed his lips, but nodded.

“Okay. It’s your process. It’s not funny, but I’ll let it go. We’re still walking you to your door.”

Claire shrugged, and turned around, heading to the apartment entrance behind the store. This time she ignored Sam and Eileen, and dug into her purse for her keys. She opened the door and turned back to them.

“So, bye.”

“Take care, Claire,” Sam nodded, and his eyes flickered up to the apartment.

“There’s no gun up there, no matches. I don’t even have a candle. You can chill out.”

“Are you going to be home alone?” Eileen asked. Claire had forgotten that she could speak, she’d been so quiet while Claire had argued with Sam.

“It’s fine. I prefer it that way.”

Sam and Eileen traded a look, Eileen nudging Sam before he took a card out of his pocket and handed it over.

“If you need someone to talk to,” Sam offered. “Eileen’s a great person to text.”

Claire took the card, and went inside, hurrying up the stairs and peeking out the window to see if they were still there. They were, their hands flying as they spoke to each other silently. Claire didn’t know any sign language, but she knew Sam was catching his girlfriend up. They glanced up once their hands stilled, and Claire waved, watching them slowly walk away. She carried on looking out, at all the other apartment entrances and the skips at the part where the stores doubled back around, at the rickety fire escapes and the way the roofs blocked out the stars. A few minutes later, a sleek black car pulled close to the house, and Claire could see Castiel and Dean talking in the front seat, not daring to look away from each other. And then they reached across at the same time, their lips meeting effortlessly, their cheeks wrinkling as they pushed closer together. She watched her dad put his hand at the back of the principal’s head, tugging him closer, leaning further over. Dean’s hands were nowhere to be seen, and Claire figured they were on her dad’s hips.

But just as they were getting into it, they seemed to jump away, and Claire ducked down just before they looked at the window. She crawled over to her room and into her bed, putting Netflix on and throwing her clothes into her laundry bag, snuggling under the covers just before Castiel knocked on her door and entered anyway.

“Hey Claire Bear,” he whispered. “How was your evening?”

She kept watching the show she had put on, some Nickelodeon reject that she had to commit to now. He waited a few moments, and when he didn’t get a reply, carried on.

“The store’s closed tomorrow. I was thinking we could do something together. Some father-daughter bonding. Like when we went to that pottery painting place together, remember?”

Claire shrugged, and he gave her a gentle smile.

“Okay. Well, good night Claire. And thank you for putting your trash away. You can keep the change by the way.”

She waited until he had turned around, and started to shut the door.

“Are you going to see him again?”

“Dean?” Castiel asked redundantly. “Yes, I will be. It was a wonderful date. We'll talk more tomorrow.”

He closed the door, and Claire curled up with her comforter, turning Netflix over to something more watchable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this at like, 5 in the morning because I can't sleep.
> 
> Sorry if the chapter took a dark turn. I don't know quite what happened but at the moment I'm giving the characters free reign as the storyline comes out. The next chapter is a lot more upbeat, I promise! I apologise right now if anything said was a trigger.
> 
> And no, I don't think Claire would ever hurt Cas, but she definitely had anger issues with him in the show ...
> 
> As to the Destiel elements, I promise there will be more scenes that last longer, but it might be a little bit of a slow burn in that sense x


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised happier this chapter! This might pinball a little with Claire's emotions. Sorry :/
> 
> *

Castiel was up bright and early the next morning, making it impossible for Claire to sneak out and avoid him for the entire day. He was too energetic for a Sunday morning, and Claire gave him a dirty look as she left the bathroom, damp from her shower, clothes slightly wrinkled from the steam, hair clumping in wavy locks even after a vigorous towel dry.

“How do you feel about pancakes this morning?” He beamed at her. She slid onto a stool at the breakfast bar and scrutinised him.

“Pancakes?”

“Yep, made from scratch. Just the way you used to like them.”

“Did you get laid last night or something?”

Castiel pushed a plate full of round, fluffy pancakes stacked five high at her, and brandished a full bottle of Mrs Butterworth’s at her.

“I didn’t think you would want me to talk about my date last night.”

“It was a joke, dad.” She pulled the plate closer, and he gestured with the woman-shaped bottle of syrup. “All over. Everywhere. Hell, just pour it in my mouth.”

Castiel grinned, and Claire felt that now-familiar stab go through her. The one that was equal parts longing and happiness and anger and sorrow and frustration, all at once.

“You always did want more syrup.”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t had pancakes in forever.”

He passed her a fork, and began pouring the syrup all over the stack until the plate began pooling with syrup. Claire cut into the stack and ignored her father for a few blissful moments.

“These are so good.”

Castiel gave a wide smile, and sat opposite her with his own short stack and a mug of coffee.

“So, did Dean stay the night?” Claire made herself ask, though she really didn’t want the answer.

“No,” Castiel gave a small smile. “We thought you maybe wouldn’t like that, after the first date.”

“We?” Claire noticed right away. Castiel cocked his head to one side.

“Yes. It’s something we discussed. As much as it’s a new relationship, I want to give you some respect, Claire. I know you don’t think I’m capable of that, that you think the worst of me, but I promise you, I’m trying. That’s why I want the day together. You clearly have a lot going on and even if you don’t trust me, or forgive me, I want you to know it doesn’t matter. This is your home now, and I’m your father and I want you to at least be comfortable here until you graduate and go to college.”

“What if I quit school at seventeen and run off with a guy on a motorcycle with a huge beard and three kids with his two ex-wives?”

“That’s quite the life the motorcycle has had.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Did you just crack a joke?”

Castiel grinned into his coffee mug.

“I’ve heard that dad jokes are quite terrible.” He gulped his coffee down, and looked at her with concern. “So, what did you want to do today?”

“You ever watched BoJack Horseman?”

“No, and you can watch television whenever. We won’t bond over that.”

“Sure we will, you’ll wonder what Diane sees in Mr Peanut-Butter. He’s a talking dog.”

Castiel cut his own pancake.

“I don’t know if you’re joking.”

“Watch with me and find out.”

“There’s a place that lets you pull taffy. Or a dude ranch.”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m sure I could find a pottery painting studio. Like old times.”

Claire huffed a sigh.

“I’m not going to get out of this bonding thing, am I?”

Castiel smiled, and shoved a pancake into his mouth, letting his silence do all the talking.

“Ugh, fine, but no dude ranch.”

 

*

 

They had searched for about ten minutes after they finished eating before Claire found something she would agree to, and though Castiel clearly wasn’t enthusiastic for it, he agreed without hesitation. They drove to the next town and Castiel paid for them both to enter.

Ordinarily, the place was a giant play area for kids, but one Sunday a month they gave it over to teenagers and adults. There were swings and ball pits and huge slides and vinyl covered cushioning everywhere. They shut their jackets and shoes in a locker with Castiel’s wallet and car keys, and Claire went running, jumping straight into the ball pit and nearly landing on some college guy’s head. She turned and saw Castiel try to step carefully into the pit, only to sink comically, losing his balance. Claire barked out a laugh, and went wading away from him, the balls making that satisfying plastic clicking sound all around her as they moved out of her way.

“Claire, wait!” Castiel called, floundering in the ball pit still.

“Make me!” She called back over her shoulder, and got to the other side, smirking back at him. “If you can catch me.”

She watched as he started trying to swim through the ball pit, before she scooted up a bank of padded levels, checking back on him every so often to make sure he wasn’t too far away. As much as it would be fun to run away from Castiel and make him panic, it was a little more fun to stay just out of reach. She got to the top of the levels as he managed to climb out of the ball pit, heading for the levels. She stuck her head back down into the gap.

“Come on, old man! I’m getting bored up here!”

“Did you choose this to humiliate me?” He complained.

“Whatever, slow-poke!” She skipped along to a hallway that required ducking under beams and heading over others. She scooted halfway along and looked back to where her father was sliding head first down over the first beam. “God, I wish I had my cell so I could capture this. You look ridiculous!”

She laughed as she kept going, swinging across a mesh floor on a rope swing, taking a few extra goes while she waited for Castiel. When he came near she let herself go, flying over the mesh and onto the next part. Castiel was panting behind her.

“You’re loving this, aren’t you?” He said as he grabbed the swing. She flashed him a grin.

“Bye, dad!” And then she was dodging around the hanging bean bags, winding her way towards a slide with a large vertical drop. She heard him groan and knew her father had spotted where she was headed.

“Claire, no! It’s too dangerous!”

“Grow up, dad. Four year olds do it.”

She could hear him muttering under his breath as she made it to the top of the slide. She sat there and looked at the drop, which was easily two stories. Castiel staggered next to her, out of breath as he collapsed onto the top of the slide with her.

“It’s okay if you’re scared, Claire. It looks much higher up here.”

“It does,” she nodded, and held her arms out. He leaned into them, preparing to hug her, and she twisted, throwing them down the drop that tapered on the bottom, laughing raucously as Castiel shrieked. They landed in another, smaller ball pit, Claire still giggling, but Castiel sobering up. She looked across and saw him watching her, and threw a ball at him, laughing again as it bounced off his head. “Okay, let’s go again.”

 

*

 

Eventually, they both got tired of the play area, and Castiel bought them some food at the cafe. They sat at a table eating and people watching.

“Thank you for today, Claire Bear.”

“The day you forced me into? You’re welcome.”

He smiled at her, and she forced herself not to smile back.

“I may have forced you, but we had a good time, didn’t we?”

Claire bit into her hotdog and bobbed her head in a non-committal way. She had enjoyed herself, despite everything, but reminding her of how fragile their relationship was left a bitter taste in her mouth.

“You used to do that as a kid as well. Make me chase you. Normally when it was time to go. You would refuse and go scooting back into the ball pit and bury yourself down. Then you would wait until Amelia sent me in to look for you to get back out and run off.”

He was smiling fondly at the memory, and Claire could vaguely recall something like that. Or she was imagining the story that Castiel was telling her.

“Those were the kind of moments that kept me there. Seeing you so happy, shrieking with laughter as I chased you through the equipment. I had never thought I would be a father, and you were the best daughter. I have missed you so much, Claire.”

Claire focused on her hotdog, rather than acknowledge anything he had just said. She needed time to process her feelings about the tone he was using, the words he was using. It hurt too much to hear he had missed her.

“I think we should make this a regular thing,” he carried on saying. “A Sunday ritual. So no matter how busy we are in the week, we make a day to bond and get back to the relationship we were meant to have. It doesn’t always have to be this place, we can try other things. I just think it would be good. For both of us.”

“What did I do to get this punishment?” She sighed.

“I don’t want to remind you that you accidentally set fire to your last school and got expelled and I didn’t punish you for that, but,” Castiel gestured as a way of finishing his sentence.

“Yes. Accidentally. And my mom died.”

“Yes, and I knew it was an accident. And I know you lost Amelia. But you still have a parent who is alive and trying to reach out to you Claire. I have missed you more than you know, and I’ve tried harder to be your dad than you can imagine. This is something I’m putting my foot down on. We’re spending time together.”

“Great.” Claire breathed.

“That’s the spirit!” Castiel beamed. Claire didn’t bother to correct him.

 

*

 

That night, Claire had gone to her room, where she was picking an outfit for the next day, when she heard her dad talking. She cracked her door open, and saw her father on the couch in the living room, phone pressed to his ear. She listened to what he was saying.

“She’s turned in for the night. It went really well! I mean, we’ve still got a long way to go … no, she hasn’t said much. Thanks, for listening to me talk about it … yeah, it was. I felt so bad, Dean. But I had to … I’m so glad you understand.”

She should have guessed he was talking to the principal. Claire was a little surprised that he was talking about her. She had thought, if they spoke on the phone, they would be a lot grosser. She couldn’t stop listening now.

“Yeah, last night was great … soon. Sunday’s are my day with Claire, so maybe next Saturday? … Tuesday works too.”

She could hear him chuckling, she guessed at her principal being so forward. Gross.

“We’re not ready for that. I think we should stick to mutual ground for now … that sounds perfect. I can’t wait … okay, night.”

He hung up, and Claire turned back to sorting through her clothes. Castiel didn’t come into her room however, not until she had crawled into bed and was heading off to sleep.

“Night Claire Bear.”

“Night Dad. Enjoy your late night phone sex with Dean.”

“We’re not at the phone sex stage. But thank you.”

She closed her eyes, and a moment later she could feel him stroking her face. She made herself keep her eyes closed, even as he kissed her forehead.

“I’m so glad you’re back with me. I just wish you hadn’t lost so much for me to have that.” He whispered. Claire kept her eyes shut, and listened as he stood up and left the room, closing the door gently behind him. Once he did, she opened her eyes. She wanted to believe her dad was being genuine, but it had been six years, and a lot of hurt. She was way too scared to let him in, in case she got hurt again. But she couldn’t help hoping, even now, that he meant it. That he had missed her too.


	5. Chapter 5

Claire came home from school on Tuesday and set up camp in the small family room, her feet up on the coffee table as she flicked through TV channels. She was enjoying the relative quiet of the apartment while her father was downstairs in the store, preparing to eat a massive bag of chips when she found something decent to watch. She found a rerun of Game of Thrones and settled in, ripping into the chips and leaning back, just as someone came running up the stairs. It didn’t sound like her father, who moved silently like a cat or a ninja or something. Nor did it sound like Charlie who tended to sing eighties power ballads as she skipped up the steps. And neither of them would pound the door the way this person was.

She knew Castiel was seeing Dean that night. Beyond overhearing their phone call, Castiel had told her when she got home from school on Monday, trying to prepare her for a night alone. He had suggested asking Charlie to stick around and Claire’s bad mood returned. Just because she needed a babysitter the last time he had seen her didn’t mean she did now. The idea of being babysat at fifteen, almost sixteen, was humiliating just on its own. So she had low expectations for whoever was at the door.

She opened it, and froze in disbelief. Cheerleader Alex was there, looking like she didn’t really want to be.

“What?”

“Are you watching Game of Thrones?”

Claire scowled at her.

“Yeah, so?”

“So, good taste. You gonna let me in?”

Alex carried on craning her neck, trying to look around the apartment.

“Why should I?”

Alex finally made eye contact with her, and spoke slowly as if Claire was stupid.

“Because you invite guests into your home when they drop by.”

“But I don’t want you in my home.” Claire mimicked her drawl. Alex didn’t seem perturbed.

“Well, if you were paying attention in class, Mr Singer assigned us as partners. And I didn’t see you the rest of school, and you weren’t at cheer practice, and someone said you lived at this bookstore. So, we can watch this episode and get to work on our assignment.”

Claire gave up fighting, and let Alex in, heading into the kitchen to grab a bowl for them to shared the chips. She came back to find Alex sprawled on the sofa, their assignment on the coffee table and the chips disappearing already. Claire grabbed the bag and poured it into the bowl, and sat the other end of the sofa, the bowl in between them. There was silence for the first segment of the show, and as soon as the commercials started, Alex began talking. Incessantly.

“So, that guy in the bookstore who sent me up here, is he your dad? He’s hot. Where’s your mom? Was she the redhead? Your place is small. How hot is Jon Snow?”

Claire didn’t even wait for her to take a breath. She didn’t even bother to start answering her. She just focused on the infomercial of some exercise routine guaranteed to burn off pounds, and tried to ignore the stabbing feeling in her chest when Alex casually talked about her mom. It had hurt in the diner and it hurt now. No one seemed to get how much Claire missed her. She hadn’t been the kind of teenager to complain about her mom, she had enjoyed their time together. It felt like the two of them against the world after Castiel had walked away. She hadn’t just lost her mother, she’d lost her friend. No one seemed to get that it wasn’t the same, talking to them, because they were not her mother. Alex shut up as the show came back on, and Claire leaned across the arm of the sofa listlessly, staring blankly at the TV screen. All too soon, the commercials were back on and Alex was making noises again. And someone was responding to her. Claire zoned back in and saw her father in the armchair, talking patiently with Alex.

“No, Claire’s mom and I split about six years ago. Her mom died recently.”

“How awful! Oh, Claire, now I know why you’re so aimless!” Alex looked at her with wide eyes, and Claire tried hard not to roll her eyes. “Don’t worry, Mr Novak, I’ll watch out for her.”

“So, the project,” Claire interrupted. Her father’s eyes lit up.

“Oh, you’re doing homework? Alex, if you’re staying you can have take out with Claire.”

Great. That was just perfect. Her dad was getting Alex to babysit her now?

“Oh, are you going out?” Alex asked innocently.

“Yes, I have a date,” Castiel said with a doe-eyed expression. “I was worried about Claire being alone.”

Claire stopped resisting. She rolled her eyes.

“Nothing was going to happen, Dad.”

Castiel looked at her with that stupid expression on his face, and then back at Alex.

“I’m still glad she’s not alone. Is it okay with your parents that you stay here for dinner?”

Great, Claire felt invisible. And Castiel was doing that thing again, the one where he would look at her and not show what he was thinking. It was irritating, almost as irritating as the way Alex was sucking up to him.

“Oh, yeah. My foster mom is cool, I’ll text her and let her know.”

Alex bent over her cell and Castiel passed Claire some money for food, before heading into his room to get ready. Alex looked up at Claire with a huge smirk on her face.

“So, your dad’s dating already, huh?”

“It’s six years since he ditched my mom.” Claire pointed out.

“Yeah, but it’s not six years without her for you,” Alex argued back. “Must suck.”

“If you’re just going to sit there and make me feel like crap, you can just go. I’m not in the mood.”

Alex’s smirk fell.

“Sorry.”

“I thought you wanted to work on this project anyway, not gossip about my dad’s love life and junk.”

“Wow, touchy! What’s she like?”

“Who?”

“Your dad’s date.”

Claire looked at her steadily. She supposed it was a normal reaction, given that at one point her dad had had a wife. But she didn’t know quite how to say the truth, she didn’t want it going around school that her dad was banging the principal. She could already imagine the reaction of the other kids, and nothing made her skin crawl more than imagining the jeers and comments and the staring that would come from being the new girl whose dad wanted one of the Winchesters.

She changed the subject instead of wading through that mire, and gestured to the books Alex had brought.

“So, we can do that after eating, I guess. What do you wanna get?”

“What’s wrong with his girlfriend?”

“I’m feeling Chinese. That good with you?”

“Is she ugly?” Alex kept pushing, just as the doorbell rang.

“Ugh … just be cool, okay? And keep your mouth shut.”

“Is that her?” Alex whispered, just as Castiel called for Claire to get the door. She did, wondering how she ended up in this mess. Dean was the other side of the door, and he gave her a big smile when he saw her.

“Hey Claire. Is he ready?”

“No, still getting dressed. You wanna come in?” She stood aside, and he started up the stairs to the apartment. She followed him back up. “By the way, Alex is here.”

Dean didn’t react, so far as Claire could see, and she wondered whether he had heard her. But when they got to the apartment, he greeted Alex and seemed perfectly friendly as he did. Alex froze with her eyes wide.

“Uh, hi, Mr Winchester,” she spluttered out. Claire ignored it.

“I’ll let him know you’re here.”

“Thanks Claire.”

She nodded as she headed over to Castiel’s room and knocked on the door.

“Dad, Dean’s here.”

She was about to walk away when Castiel called out to her.

“Claire, come in a minute.”

She did, closing the door behind her. Her dad was in a three piece suit, and holding a tie in each hand.

“Which tie?”

She stared at him.

“Dad, Dean’s in jeans. Where are you even going?”

“Some music thing. Do you think I’m over-dressed?”

“You have a waistcoat on.” Claire called through the door. “Hey Dean, come here!”

A few moments later, her principal was in the room too, looking Castiel up and down. Claire ignored the way they were eyeballing each other for the real issue.

“See, Dad? Jeans. Dean knows to leave the suit at Mr Winchester.” She pointed out. Dean roused himself from the stripping-with-the-eyes bit first, still staring at Castiel but engaging his brain enough to respond.

“She’s right, Cas. I mean, you look amazing, but it’s not the right place to wear … that. You got any jeans?”

“No.”

Dean’s eyebrows rose.

“Okay, let me look.” He stepped over to Castiel’s closet and started rifling through, and Castiel blushed, actually blushed. Claire crashed down on his bed, hoping that her presence would stop them being too gross.

“Is Alex still out there?” Castiel asked, now looking at Dean’s ass. It was Dean who answered.

“Yeah, I think it’s okay though. You know, the whole finding out your principal is dating your friend’s dad thing.”

“Uh, Alex isn’t my friend.” Claire stuck in, just as Dean pulled an outfit out of the closet.

“Change into this.” He gave Castiel another once over, pressing close enough to make Claire feel really uncomfortable. “But keep that waistcoat on.”

They shared another intense eye conversation and then Dean left the room, beckoning Claire out with him. She followed, and found Alex poring over the Chinese menu. Dean was chuckling.

“That’s so Cas.” he shook his head. It was the second time he’d used the nickname, and Claire was a little freaked out. No one ever gave her dad a nickname, her mom had always called him Castiel. But the way Dean said it, so full of affection … it was their second date, that was weird. “Where did he think we were going?”

“He and Mom used to go to symphonies and junk,” Claire spoke softly. “There were dress codes.”

“Oh. Right. Well tonight’s a little different. Pink Floyd tribute act.”

Dean didn’t seem cagey at all about Claire mentioning her mom. His reaction seemed more like he realised why Castiel had made such a misstep, and he thought it was adorable.

“If you feel like leaving him in the pit,” Claire shrugged. “I’ll live.”

Dean shook his head, laughing.

“Nice try Claire. But no, I’m going to look after your dad, make sure he gets back here in one piece. Okay?”

Alex looked up from the take out menu.

“Whatever.” Claire sneered.

“I won’t keep him out all night. It’s a school night.”

“I really don’t care.”

“I’ll use tongue when I kiss him good night.”

“You’re disgusting.”

Dean roared with laughter as Castiel emerged from his bedroom, looking between them nervously.

“Is everything okay?” He asked as he slid his wallet into his pocket.

“Yep. Claire’s vetoed my goodnight kiss plans.” Dean looked like he was enjoying himself.

“You’re not like this in school,” Alex piped up, looking at Dean.

“I’m off-duty as your principal, Alex. Enjoy your food.”

“Claire, if you need anything,” Castiel spoke urgently. “Call me. I’ll leave the place if it’s noisy, but I will pick up. Even if you just need to tell me I’m a massive jerk.”

He hugged her tightly, and kissed her temple as she was treated to a lungful of his cologne. And then they were gone, leaving Claire alone in the apartment with Alex.

“So … your dad’s banging the principal.” Alex said from the couch. Claire turned and glared at her. “And I’m guessing that’s where they were Saturday when I saw you in the diner, right? You knew when you spoke to Mr Winchester where that Mr Winchester was.”

“Call them Sam and Dean, or you’re going to give me a headache.”

“They let you call them by their human names?” Alex checked. “Weird.”

“Yeah well, perks when your principal bangs your dad and your dad is still trying to suck up for ditching you. Let’s order some food.”

“Right, okay.” Alex nodded, and passed her the menu.

“And no talking about this at school.”

“Trust me, no one would believe me. The whole Mr Winchester is dating his brother rumour is too strong. And you’ll kill me.”

“That’s right.” Claire smiled sweetly. “I will. Want some orange chicken?”

 

*

 

Alex hadn’t been so bad, in the end. Claire didn’t think of her as a friend, exactly, but she had Alex spooked enough that Claire would mess her up that she knew the rumour mill wouldn’t pull her and her dad into focus. They had made some decent progress for Mr Singer’s class, and Claire was brushing her teeth in the bathroom when she heard the apartment door open, and saw her father silhouetted in the doorway with Dean.

“Tonight was amazing, Dean,” Castiel whispered. But the quiet of the apartment made his voice carry.

“Yeah, I had a real good time. Can’t believe you haven’t heard them before!”

“It was nice, hearing something you love.”

“It was cool to see your reactions to the songs. Like hearing them for the first time again, you know? Hey, is Claire still up?”

“I don’t know,” Castiel turned to look at the apartment, and then back at Dean. “I should check she’s okay. I’ll see you soon.”

“Not soon enough.”

“I know, but Claire’s important, I need to have some time with her.”

“I know. I guess I just wish we could fast forward a few months to where she’s more comfortable and we can do stuff as a three, you know?”

“I want that too, but it’s complicated. I did say-”

“I know.”

They both fell silent, and after a moment Claire watched them close the gap between their bodies, heard the sounds of lips smacking against each other, and she turned around, finishing her teeth off and emerging from the bathroom.

“Night, Dean.” She called as she headed to her bedroom. She heard them jump apart and then shut her door, climbing into bed. A few moments later, Castiel appeared at her doorway.

“Hey Claire Bear, how did studying go?”

“Not as well as your date.”

“You saw us saying goodnight.” It was a statement, not a question. “Claire, we both meant it. What you overheard. You are so special to me. But Dean … I want him in my life. He wants in, and he knows everything. There’s no many men like him around.”

Claire just stared at him, daring him to dig himself a bigger hole.

“If I had my way, I would have had you regularly the last six years, staying over at the weekends, some holidays. And you would have had more time to adjust to the idea of Dean in my life, and … yeah, I’d want to make a life with him.”

“I’m okay with you being gay, Dad,” Claire said quietly. “Just not how you handled things with Mom.”

Castiel nodded.

“I know. Amelia and I, we should have worked harder to sort something out to make it easier for you. And believe me, it makes me nervous for how things will develop with Dean. We’ll go at a pace that makes you comfortable, okay?” He crossed the room and bent down next to her. “You come first.”

“You should wear casual clothes more often. You look less stuffy.”

Castiel gave her a wide grin and kissed her cheek.

“Good night Claire Bear.”

“Dean thinks you’re hot in a waistcoat.”

He left the room laughing. Claire would never admit it out loud, but it was kind of nice to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter seemed weak. I did a 7 mile walk across 6 of the London bridges yesterday for the hospital that saved me 9 years ago, and now my brain and body is caput because apparently that kind of a walk isn't ideal when you're suffering with chronic fatigue. But they saved me, so they're worth it. But it does mean I could have annotated speeches a little more. So for that I'm sorry.


	6. Chapter 6

School had changed slightly, the few days after Dean and Castiel’s second date. Alex had been true to her word and had kept her mouth shut about the whole situation, and Claire hadn’t been bothered by the other kids. Her teachers were still being lenient on her, Dean still wanted to check up on her regularly. All this was the same as before. It was Alex herself who was the change. She greeted Claire by her locker on the way in to school, chattering away about what else they could do for Mr Singer’s history project and hey, wasn’t Claire in Fitzgerald’s math class too? She followed Claire to lessons, and when they had class together, insisted on sitting next to her. It was a little unnerving. She insisted on sitting with Claire at lunch too, all her popular friends joining them and ruining Claire’s peace. And after school, she kept suggesting things they could do together.

Claire was almost relieved when Saturday came around, and she and her dad could work in the bookstore and she could get five minutes away from Alex’s enforced friendship. Castiel was restocking a shelf and Claire was at the till again, this time doing some homework for the first time this semester. She thought she was a moron for doing it, but at the same time, Fitzgerald was okay. A little bit of a dork, but a dork who maybe needed a break. Claire didn’t mind doing it for him. And Castiel wasn’t bothering her so long as she had her textbook in front of her and her pencil tapping her notebook like she was really concentrating.

Her dad had been different too. Happier, looser with his emotions. Claire could hear him whistling as he restocked some second-hand college textbooks. It was harder to be angry with him while he was in this mood, even when she knew he had another date with Dean that night.

Eventually he came over to her at the desk.

“How’s the homework going?” He smiled at her.

“Totally over my head.”

“Do you want some help?” He looked at the textbook for a minute. Two minutes. And then he looked up and flashed another smile. “I could call Charlie?”

Claire rolled her eyes, and he laughed.

“You’re in a good mood. Where’s he taking you tonight?”

Castiel looked around the store, but the bookshop was empty, a brief lull in Saturday customers. Claire resented the moment, because she really wouldn’t have been that sloppy. But then Castiel was talking, trying to reign in his excitement.

“We’re spending time at his house. He thinks it’s crazy that I haven’t seen some movies he’s very enthusiastic about.”

“Yeah, like what?” Claire could think of a hundred movies her parents weren’t into that she had watched around friends houses. She had forgotten how stuffy Castiel could be until she came back to live with him and ended up demanding TVs and Netflix. He had originally thought Netflix was some kind of fishing technique, the dork.

“The Goobies. Shopping Horrors. Ghostfacers.”

Claire laughed. She couldn’t help it.

“I think you got those names wrong!”

The bell at the front of the store rang, signalling a customer, and they both looked over to see Dean there, clearly unable to resist waiting until the store closed to see Castiel. He looked at them both cautiously, but Claire waved him over.

“Dad, tell him the movies he picked out!” She said through her laughter. “You’ll love this, Dean.”

She saw their usual eye-fuck glance, before Castiel dutifully repeated the names of the movies. Dean joined in Claire’s laughter.

“Please, introduce him to Return to the Past, and Unusual Experiments and the Stable Mild Picture Show.” She huffed out, leaning across her math homework. Dean’s laughter died down into a smirk.

“Hey, the 80’s had classic movies, but those mullets messed everyone up.” He stood up for Castiel. “But one view of Saturday Detention Club and we’ll straighten him up.”

“Ferris Bueller’s Mental Health Day.” Claire nodded.

“I have a feeling you’re both mocking me.” Castiel interrupted. “But neither of you would be able to discern the differences between Bach and Mozart.”

“I have skills that mean something,” Dean shrugged. “You just have adorable skills.”

“Teenager present, be gross on your own time.” Claire turned back to her homework. Dean looked over her shoulder.

“Is Garth picking problems based on prime numbers again? He’s nuts.”

“Fitzgerald’s first name is Garth?” Claire grinned up at him. She had just about given up resisting Dean. He was a funny guy, and he bought good donuts. She understood her dad’s attraction, to some degree. “Party on, Wayne.”

“That’s going on the list too.” Dean nodded.

“Are you both still mocking me?” Castiel moaned. “It’s bad enough Claire keeps watching this Strange Things show when I’m in the room.”

“Sorry,” Dean gave him another glance full of lust. “I think it’s adorable. And you’ll watch these movies with me, so it’ll become our thing, right? Don’t you forget about me.”

“Loser,” Claire interjected. Dean laughed, and Castiel looked between them, confusion all over his face. Claire finally took pity on him. “Dad, it’s the theme tune to Breakfast Club.”

“Saturday Detention Club.” Dean corrected. “Hey, why don’t I bring the movies over and we can watch them together?”

“I don’t know, Dean,” Castiel said quietly. “It’s still early days.”

“And I want to keep my popcorn down which won’t happen if you start making out.” Claire stuck in. Dean held his hands up to stop their arguments.

“No making out. When Claire’s in the room. No other intentions. Just an evening enjoying eighties movies with the great scripts, good acting, and bad visual effects. It would just be cool to introduce you to them with someone in the room who knows the storylines.”

Castiel looked at Claire in confusion at that moment.

“How do you know these movies? Amelia wasn’t the kind of person to enjoy them either.”

“Dad, you ever notice how many slumber parties I went to? All my friends had normal parents who made brownies and understood you had to scar seven-year-olds by making them watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”

“That’s how I helped drag up Sam.” Dean smirked. “Not the slumber parties, but maybe it was making him watch It when he was four that made him scared of clowns.” He looked at Castiel. “So how ‘bout it? I’ll even bring the snacks. I know the best place to get cheeseburgers.”

“Cheeseburgers and no adults making out? You’re making a good sell.” Claire nodded. Castiel looked between them, just as the bell rang again and a few women walked in, chattering between themselves. The conversation stilted as the women settled into the cushy seats Castiel had in the centre of the store, and they realised that they couldn’t carry on. Castiel finally answered them, being careful of their new audience.

“If you’re both sure, then okay.”

“Cool, see you then!” Dean smiled, and tapped Claire’s math book. “It’s not as hard as you think. If your problems aren’t picked by prime numbers, the answers will go in that pattern. I never told you that.”

He left the room, and the women came up one by one to order coffee and talk to Castiel. Claire looked back at her math homework, and looked for the patterns Dean had told her. Maybe it wasn’t so horrible that her dad was dating the principal.

 

*

 

That evening, Claire was curled in the armchair, watching the screen and eating a cheeseburger from the diner Eileen worked at. She was aware of Dean and Castiel, side by side on the sofa, Dean’s arm running along the back of the sofa and grazing her father’s neck. Castiel seemed oblivious, too intent on asking about irrelevant moments in the movies and not understanding Dean and Claire’s “Baby Ruth” impressions before they put the Goonies on.

She kept sneaking glances at them, at the way their bodies tilted towards each other, their shifting fingers that screamed to her how they both wanted contact but were restraining themselves because she was there. The way Dean kept inching closer and closer, his arm barely on the back of the sofa anymore. The way Castiel tilted his head, drinking in the movies, his eyes narrowing at parts he didn’t understand, his hand clasping his thigh to keep it away from grabbing Dean.

It felt weird, like everything was upside-down. She was meant to be the one sitting nervously beside her crush while her parents kept an eye on them. The one who was supposed to pretend she didn’t notice her dates arm hovering near her shoulder.

She felt a stab of loneliness as she watched them, and forced herself to focus back on Little Shop of Horrors.

“When I was a kid, that plant scared me,” Claire broke their silence.

“I didn’t know you saw this.” Castiel’s eyes flickered from the screen.

“Yeah, at Britney’s.”

“And now?” Dean asked.

“It’s so badly done. It’s like stop motion or something. Why did this scare me so much?”

"Why did Beetlejuice freak Sam out?” Dean grinned. “The effects were good for what they had.”

“You are giving me so much dirt on my English teacher.”

“Never said a word.” Dean shifted again, and finally rested his arm across Castiel’s shoulders. Castiel gave him an apprehensive look and glanced at Claire. She raised her eyebrows, daring him to bring it up. She could almost see the debate in his head. He wanted Dean’s arm there, wanted to curl up against him, but he was trying to respect what he thought Claire wanted. She stood up, dusting her fingers after her cheeseburger, and heading into the bathroom. She pulled the door to and watched through the crack.

They both stopped watching the movie, looking at each other instead. Those lust-filled gazes doing all the communicating, before they both leaned closer and kissed. Castiel’s hand crept over to Dean’s thigh, and she could almost see how much they were restraining themselves. They both wanted more. Claire had no idea why Dean had thought it was a good idea to come over when clearly if they had stuck to their original plan then they would be having sex and Claire would be ignorant of that fact.

She flushed the toilet, despite not using it, and washed her hands, before emerging from the bathroom. They were no longer making out, and from the way they were looking at the TV you would never think they were, though Castiel still had his hand on Dean’s thigh. She crashed back onto the armchair and looked at the TV, letting the peace settle again. They were near the climax of the movie when she finally broke the moment.

“You gonna tangle tongues every time I go to the bathroom? ‘Cause I could go out.”

“We want you here, Claire.” Castiel said gently.

“Uh-huh.”

“Sorry, you were out the room, the deal was we wouldn’t make out in front of you. Not that we wouldn’t make out.” Dean pointed out. “Besides, I thought we were cool?”

Claire shrugged. She couldn’t explain properly, why it bothered her that they made out when she knew that was going to happen. She supposed it was because, as nice as Dean was, it was confirmation that Castiel didn’t love her mother anymore, even after his six year absence. She couldn’t be the only divorced kid who still harboured that wish after years, or after the death of a parent. They were her Mom and Dad, they were meant to be in love with each other. She couldn’t help that feeling, even though Castiel was slowly trying to get her to see that he felt like he had been living a lie, pretending to be straight when he wasn't.

A tear rolled down her cheek and she batted it away, but more came. She curled further into the armchair, and hoped that her father and principal didn’t notice. But she could hear the credits rolling and knew she wasn’t going to be successful. She heard someone stand up, and the next thing she knew, Castiel’s arms were around her, and he was holding her tightly. She could smell Dean’s cologne, clinging to his button down, and she could hear Dean, stopping the DVD and putting it away.

“Cas? Maybe I should go?” Dean said quietly. Castiel pressed a kiss into Claire’s hair and she dissolved fully into her tears. Through her sobs, she could hear them talking quietly, kissing briefly, and then the front door was closing. And still she sobbed into Castiel’s shoulder, clinging to her dad like she had as a little kid and had fallen off her bike. Castiel pulled her closer, until he was kneeling on the floor and she was in his lap.

As the sobs began to subside, Claire could feel a well of shame growing in her gut. How embarrassing was it to fall apart like that anyway, but especially in front of her dad. And his date. Her principal. It was gross. But Castiel was still holding her close, stroking her hair softly, riding it out with her.

“What’s wrong, Claire Bear?”

She shook her head, but Castiel didn’t press for more information. He carried on trying to soothe her until she was ready to break the moment. But she didn’t, and soon they were just kneeling in their living room in a tight embrace.

“Sorry,” she mumbled eventually.

“You don’t have to apologise, Claire.”

“I scared Dean away.”

Castiel pressed a firm kiss against her forehead.

“Not at all. He knows you’re still grieving Claire, he knows it won’t disappear just like that. And he’s been there, except he didn’t have the amount of understanding you do at the time.”

They sat for a few more moments, Castiel still holding her close.

“Can … can I show you something?” He asked cautiously.

“What, Dean’s sexts?”

“No, not the texts Dean sends where he references a lot of pop culture I’ve never even heard of. Do you remember when I came back? Just before the funeral, they agreed I had full custody and I helped your grandparents sort out the house. You were angry and throwing your belongings into boxes, and I went into Amelia’s room. Our old bedroom. There was something I wanted for you, and I thought she would have hidden it in there. I found it under her bed.”

He stood her up, and led her into his bedroom, opening his closet and reaching towards the back of the top shelf, pulling out a floral shoebox that Claire recognised. She had never pried, she had assumed Amelia kept shoes in there. Castiel was holding the box cautiously, almost caressing the sides of the box.

“I’m not trying to influence your emotions, Claire. I don’t want you feeling guilty, or unable to express yourself. But I do want to reassure you, and I think maybe this would help that.”

He passed it over as though it were a fragile treasure, and Claire took it apprehensively. She lifted the lid, and was surprised to see neat rows of envelopes. She lifted one, and saw her father’s tidy cursive, her name and old address, and a postal stamp dated three years before. She looked up at him.

“I wrote, every week. To both of you. I was looking for my letters to Amelia, so I could give you both them and her replies to me one day, and found all of these too.”

“None of them are opened.” Claire whispered.

“Not one. I had thought you had read them all, that you were upset with me during our time apart. But your reactions to me and then finding this box gave me my answer. But they’re your letters. I’ll give you the letters between Amelia and myself another time.”

“But … why didn’t Mom give me these?”

“I can’t tell you that. Only Amelia really knows.”

“I thought you didn’t care, that you were never … and you …” Claire felt choked up. Castiel gave her a sad smile.

“At least we have a chance at a new start. They’re your letters, Claire.”

She put the lid gently on the box again, and stood up.

“I’m going to bed.”

“Okay. Do you want some cocoa?”

She nodded, and he caressed her cheek until he could hold her chin gently between two pinched fingers.

“I’ll let you read on your own. You know where I am if you need me.”

She tucked the box under one arm, and reached up to kiss his cheek, before heading into her bedroom and trying to get some real composure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated this as quickly as the other chapters. I've had a few extra hours at work, I haven't fully recovered from my walk across London, we started our sale and I've had a few personal issues. I've only been able to write today, my first real day off in aaaaages!
> 
> Also, I was kind of having fun with the whole renaming 80's classics but I don't know if they translate out of my head, so five extra fan points if you do know what movies Claire and Dean are referring to.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicating this chapter to Wayward_Mom who has to put up with me tomorrow night :D

_Claire Bear,_

_I guess you’re still mad. It’s been eleven months and you still haven’t written back. I’m still going to write to you though, because you’re still my little star and maybe one day you’ll look back on these letters with fondness._

_Bear, I love you so much. I saw a Care Bear in a store window today and it made me think of you. The one with the sunshine on it’s stomach? I know you’re too old for those now but you had some when you were small. I couldn’t resist getting them for you after you told me all about the Claire Bears. I don’t know if you remember that? You came back from your friend Hannah’s house telling me all about the Claire Bear’s on television and that’s when I started calling you that. I guess you’re getting to the age now where it might seem babyish to have that kind of nickname, but old habits die hard._

_I got the store open today. It’s a nice little place. Cosy. There’s a little nook I can picture you in, curled up on cushions and reading those Judy Blume books your Mom has from when she was small. I’d love for you to see it. It’s not quite like that cartoon library you showed me, but it still has something. Maybe some time soon? I’ll ask Mom._

_I miss you every day, Bear._

_Love,_

_Daddy._

 

_Claire,_

_I always wonder what you think when you see these letters land in the mailbox. I wonder whether Mom’s told you, now you’re thirteen, why I left. I wonder whether you think I should take the hint and stop writing you._

_I know it wasn’t smart, and it wasn’t well planned. It took me so long to realise what was going on with me and even longer to realise it wasn’t right to leave the way I did. I let you down. That’s a truth I’m just always going to have to face, and somehow I will make it up to you, if you’ll let me._

_I always try and picture you, what you look like now. Whether you’ve shot up even taller, how long your hair is, whether you’ve discovered make up and labels and how Amelia’s chosen to handle it without me there. I wonder what team sports you’ve signed up for, or other clubs you might be involved in at school. Whether you still get good grades, or enjoy going to church still. And then I wonder if you think the same way about me. If you remember what I look like and our bond, if you still look at Claire Bears in the same way. Or if you’ve tried to forget me and just dump all my letters before reading my words._

_Whichever it is, know that there is a bedroom in my apartment for you, always. It’s only got the basic furniture inside because I think you’d prefer to make it your own. But if the furniture isn’t right, we can change it. Whatever you want, Bear._

_I love you and miss you,_

_Dad._

 

_Claire,_

_I heard Amelia got taken ill. I’m so sorry, it must be so hard to take. I went to the hospital to see her, but they wouldn’t let me through. I think I saw you in the hallway, you were with your grandmother and looked worried. I wanted to say hello, but I don’t think you noticed me. Maybe you didn’t recognise me. Your grandmother did, and the look on her face stopped me from talking to you._

_I regret that. I should have ignored her, should have been there for you while you faced Amelia’s illness. I feel like I’m always letting you down, not making quite enough effort despite the challenges in place._

_For what it’s worth? You have grown into a beautiful young lady. You’re tall like I thought you would be, and your clothing choices are very different to when I last saw you, but otherwise, I knew it was you right away. You were talking to your grandmother about daisies and wishing they were in bloom because Amelia would like them, do you remember that? I wish I had talked to you. I should have talked to you._

_I hope your mother recovers soon. And I’ll try harder to see you both._

_All my love,_

_Dad._

 

Claire had taken a few attempts to read some of the letters at random. She had had no idea of the existence of the letters, or that her father had contacted her mother in the last six years. Amelia never even mentioned him once he left, wouldn’t answer Claire’s questions or acknowledge she once had a husband. It made Claire’s stomach feel like it was full of lead to see the efforts her father had gone through, to know he was reaching out and … had her mom done it on purpose? Had she seen Claire and Castiel trying to get to each other and decided to keep them apart? Why? To punish Castiel? To make Claire suffer?

She kept stopping and starting each one she picked up, more questions occurring to her as she read each one. But it was clear that Castiel cared, in his own way.

She remembered the moment he was describing in the hospital. She hadn’t recognised him, but she hadn’t really looked at him either. She was aware that some strange man was staring intently at her from the nurses station and she had raised her voice to talk to her grandma, trying to get the creepy guy away from her. She had never considered the idea that he would have visited his ex-wife when she got ill. She had given up on ever seeing him again.

She headed into his bedroom, some time in the early hours of the morning. He was asleep, wearing just his boxer briefs and a tee, the covers kicked down the bottom of the bed. Claire climbed into the space he left, and pulled the blankets back over both of them, and wriggled under one of his arms.

“Claire?” He asked sleepily.

“Can I sleep in here?”

“Of course,” he yawned. “Did you read any of my letters?”

“A few of them.”

They arranged themselves more comfortably on the bed, and Claire felt more secure, breathing in the smell of him as she sank into his hug. Castiel was soon asleep again, and she watched him for a few moments, trying to memorise his features, before she closed her eyes and nuzzled against his shoulder.

 

*

 

Claire woke alone in Castiel’s bed the next morning, feeling disoriented as she looked around the room. She tiptoed into the kitchen and found Castiel in the middle of preparing a frittata for breakfast. She watched him for a moment, before announcing her arrival.

“You went to see Mom? At the hospital?”

He looked up and gave her a soft smile.

“I tried to. She was sick enough that they asked for a list of people who could visit. You and your grandparents were the only ones named. And then you were there, but I don’t think you knew it was me.”

“I didn’t. I thought you were some creepy pervert.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

There was a stilted atmosphere percolating the silence that followed. Claire was the one to end it, pouring herself a glass of orange juice so she didn’t have to look at her father.

“Do you think Mom was trying to hurt you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe not. It’s a complex situation. And maybe she thought differently about me when I told her how I was feeling. Perhaps she thought by having you visit me, I would corrupt you. I want to believe she was looking out for your best interests, even if she was naive about what having a gay ex-husband really meant.”

“I used to talk to you,” Claire admitted to her glass of juice. “When I went to bed, I’d look at the stars and I picked one that was your star, and I would tell you I missed you and stuff that happened at school. I thought the star might let you know.”

Castiel served up the frittata and sat with her at the table.

“I like that idea. I’m sorry, Claire, I should have tried so much harder to see you.”

“You tried. I know you did. Mom would never even talk about you. It was like you never existed.”

Castiel reached across the table, and took her hand for a moment.

“Well, I definitely exist. Maybe it was her way of coping?”

“Why are you so okay with this?” Claire looked up at him. “With everything that happened?”

“I’m not. Of course I’m not. But I do feel like I made this happen. My decisions started it all off.”

“You didn’t decide to be gay.”

Castiel smiled into a cup of coffee.

“No, I did not.”

“Do you think Mom took it personally? Like she turned you?”

“Perhaps. But she didn’t turn me. And she was a wonderful wife and mother. On paper she was perfect. I tried to convince myself that I was in love because there was no negatives when it came to Amelia. But I couldn’t love her, and I was just hurting us both. If I couldn’t love her, it wasn’t because of Amelia, it was because I needed to be with a man.”

“I don’t think she was this nice about you.”

Castiel took a bite of frittata, and Claire could tell he wasn’t going to answer.

“Do you love Dean?”

“No,” Castiel shook his head. “It’s too early. But I think that, maybe I could. In time.”

Claire nodded and ate her own breakfast.

“Sorry I ruined your date last night.”

“You didn’t. Dean knows that, while I’m interested in a relationship with him, you and I need to sort a lot of things out, rediscover our roles with each other. He knows how important that is. If anything, I think last night helped us set a pace.”

“I do like him. If you were wondering.”

“That means a lot,” he grinned. “Dean and I will be fine. But perhaps we should continue dating on our own for a while.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“So, what shall we do today?”

“Oh God, are you sticking to these daddy-daughter dates?” Claire grimaced. Castiel smiled back brightly.

“Absolutely. Shall we basket weave today?”

“No. Gross, never!”

“We could go square dancing?”

“I thought you were trying to make up with me?”

“I know!” Castiel said excitedly. “Opera!”

“No. So much no.”

“Art gallery?”

“It’s like you don’t know your audience at all.”

“What would you suggest? Daddy-daughter tattoos?” Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Male. Strippers.”

“You’re too young.”

“Gay bar?”

“You’re also too young to drink. And I’m going to pick someone up when I’m seeing Dean?”

They went quiet for a moment.

“Maybe we don’t have to go out. Maybe we could stay here. Just bake and play board games and talk?”

Claire considered it as she drained her juice.

“Well, okay. But board games aren’t so fun with just two people. Maybe Dean could come back over and play with us?”

“After we’ve baked?”

“Sure.”

Castiel beamed, and started looking through the cupboards for ingredients. Claire began washing up wordlessly, before letting her father tie an apron around her, and they began making cookies, Castiel texting Dean and inviting him over.

“Do you want to invite Alex over as well? She knows about Dean and I, and it might even the playing field a little?”

“Fine,” Claire sighed. Alex had forced her cell number on Claire, so she too sent a quick text and then threw herself into baking the cookies, and discussing what else they could make for when their guests came over. For the first time, Claire was beginning to feel at home with him, and like he had never been away.

 

*

 

The apartment smelled of sugar and vanilla and cinnamon, and the Monopoly board was all set out. Dean had come over with Sam and Eileen, and they were busy arguing over which piece they were going to be, Dean trying to lay down the law and Eileen’s hands flying in what Claire hoped was her cussing him out. Castiel was picking some background music and Claire was frosting the last of the cupcakes when Alex showed, a woman with cropped hair in tow. The bickering stopped as they appeared.

“ _Jody_?” Sam choked out.

“Jody!” Dean jumped up, and rushed over to Alex’s mom.

“Am I missing something?” Alex asked.

“I am too,” Claire assured her. The adults all ignored them to chatter amongst themselves, until Dean finally had the sense to introduce everyone.

“Cas, this is Jody. We went to high school together. I haven’t seen you in forever! And you remember Sam, that’s his girlfriend, Eileen. That’s Castiel, and his daughter Claire.”

“Claire Novak? Alex talks about you a lot.” Jody smiled at her. Claire stopped moving, her eyes widening, but Jody was already back to talking to Dean. “What are you doing lately?”

“I’m their principal,” he pointed a thumb in her direction. “What about you?”

“Alex’s foster mom, local sheriff.”

“Great, can’t do the drug deal now,” Claire muttered. Alex sniggered, and Dean grinned at her.

“And make us miss out on the fun?”

The adults carried on talking, leaving Claire and Alex in the kitchen.

“Hey, Mom might be local law enforcement, but she’s cool.”

“If you say so.”

“I think there’s too many of us for Monopoly.” Alex cocked her head. “Seven of us. Six counters.”

“Charlie’s coming too,” Castiel said as he walked past them to get drinks. “So there’ll be eight of us. We can team up.”

Alex slipped her arm through Claire’s.

“Fine, we’re a team!”

Claire fixed a smile onto her face.

“Great.”

“We’ll kick their butts,” Alex promised. She led Claire back to the sofa, and the flopped down between the Winchester brothers, claiming the racing car counter despite the earlier debate. Dean went to grab it from the board, but Alex wiggled it between her fingers.

“I’ll give you detention,” he threatened.

“I’ll bomb my grade point average so you score lower on standardised testing,” Alex countered.

“Jody, you gonna let her talk to me like that?” Dean appealed to Alex’s mom. She perched on a seat that Castiel had slid out from the breakfast table, and sipped from a glass, before shrugging.

“You gonna pull the principal card in someone else’s house?”

The doorbell went, and Castiel went to let Charlie in as Claire caught Dean’s eye. Truly, she didn’t care about which lump of metal was slid around the board, but Dean seemed to act as though that glance were enough to win the argument. Or maybe he was trying to suck up. He gestured at the piece in Alex’s hand.

“Fine, it’s yours.” He looked up at the doorway, and the issue over the game pieces was forgotten. “Charlie?”

“Charlie?” Jody and Sam whipped around too, staring at Castiel’s assistant. She was staring at them too.

“Castiel, how do you know Jody, Sam and Dean?” She asked quietly. Castiel took a deep breath in.

“Jody is Alex’s stepmom, Alex is Claire’s new friend. And Dean is … Dean is …” Castiel cocked his head to one side, and Claire wondered why he was faltering. She didn’t imagine he would be so private about his sexuality with Charlie. “The guy.” He finished eventually. Claire didn’t understand, but Charlie evidently did. She punched his arm, beaming at Dean.

“Shut up!”

“I will not. How do you know them?”

“I was in the same grade as Sam, we always hung out together. Small world, huh?”

Charlie walked into the room, leaving the seat beside Dean free.

“So, how’m I kicking your ass? On my own or with a team mate?” Charlie laughed.

“Team up with me. Like the old days,” Jody grinned at her. They high-fived and Sam groaned.

“There is no way in hell that Charlie’s banker.”

Castiel drifted to the empty spot beside Dean, who took his hand silently. Claire watched, and wondered if anyone would comment. But apparently, Castiel calling Dean ‘the guy’ was enough explanation for everyone.

 

*

 

“Cheater! CHEATER!” Alex and Charlie crowed together as Sam took the last property card from Alex and Claire.

“Sore. Losers,” Eileen chuckled as she counted their winnings. Claire looked to Alex, who she had warmed to throughout the hours they had been playing the game.

“I think we just got played by our teacher.”

“He better give us A’s on that Shakespeare assignment to make up for it.”

“You didn’t make your grades a wager, no dice,” Sam shook his shaggy hair. “And you’re still handing it in Monday.”

Claire and Alex swapped a look.

“How do we get out of that one?” Alex smirked.

“Lean on the principal.” Claire nodded. Alex leaned across her to Dean.

“Claire’s future stepdaddy,” she batted her lashes. Dean merely glanced at Castiel.

“Maybe we should encourage Claire to make friends with the matheletes. This one’s bad news.”

“Claire’s made a friend. That makes her good news.”

“Them being mushy is our cue to go,” Jody decided. “Come on, Alex. Nice to meet you, Claire. Boys, Charlie - don’t be strangers.”

The adults all hugged, and Claire even let Alex pull her into a one-armed embrace, before everyone was filtering out, leaving Claire, Cas, and Dean behind.

“You want some help cleaning?” Dean asked.

“I’d love some, Dean,” Castiel smiled briefly, and then nodded to the stairs leading out of the apartment. “But you probably need to get home.”

“Sam’s staying at Eileen’s tonight, I’ll be home alone, so it’s fine.”

They both turned to Claire, who shuffled off the sofa.

“Well, if Dean’s staying to help clean up, I don’t have to, right? Later.”

“Are you sure?” Castiel checked. She shrugged one shoulder.

“I ruined date night yesterday. Just be quiet when you start getting it on.”

She headed to her room, as Dean called out her name. She turned, and saw them arm-in-arm already.

“Thanks. And you didn’t ruin last night.”

“Okay. Keep it down.”

“We’re just cleaning!” Castiel reminded her.

“Uh-huh. Cleaning inside Dean’s mouth, right?”

She shut her bedroom door, and got ready for bed, waiting for the weight of the day to press down on her. She expected to ache for her mom like she had been since Amelia passed, but it didn’t come. Instead, as she settled under the covers, she reached for another one of Castiel’s letters.

 

_Dear Bear,_

_I can’t believe you’re almost eleven! What presents did your mom get you? What did your grandparents get you?_

_I’m sorry the money isn’t much, not compared to an actual gift, but it’s not the same sending a present as it is giving it to you, seeing the happiness on your face as you open it, enjoying your reaction maybe more than you enjoy your toys …_


	8. Chapter 8

Claire didn’t mind Alex accosting her at school so much. It turned out you can bond a lot with someone when you lose Monopoly to your English teacher. But also, Alex hadn’t asked too much about her mom, or probed too much into Dean and Castiel’s relationship, and Claire liked that. Plus, Alex was a total brain so it made tackling homework easier when she was around.

And Castiel was fine with her hanging around Jody’s house to work on homework. She and Alex would hole up together in Alex’s room, play music and work on assignments together. Claire was slowly learning how Alex came to be with Jody during this time, but she never asked questions. Alex would tell her when she was ready.

The Friday after Monopoly gate, once they had finished homework and were watching dumb YouTube videos, Jody knocked on Alex’s bedroom door, and stuck her head in.

“Hey Claire, I was going to ask if you wanted to stay for dinner, but your ride just got here.”

Claire frowned, and got up from Alex’s bed, gathering her things before she followed Jody to the front room.

“Dad normally waits until I text.”

It was one of the good points about her father that she was learning. He was trying to respect her boundaries and her need for freedom. She was finding it harder to blame him for things when he had written every week without fail, even if she only just got those letters.

But it wasn’t her father who greeted her in the entrance hall. Dean was looking around at Jody’s pictures. He straightened up when he heard them coming and smiled at Claire.

“Hey,” she frowned at him.

“Hey. So, Charlie couldn’t work tonight and Cas is staying at the store, and I thought maybe you and I could go hang out?”

“Uh, sure,” Claire shrugged, and followed him out of the door, Jody waving them off. Dean opened the passenger door for her and she slid into his car, dumping her books onto the floor and looking around.

“This thing is spotless,” she told Dean as he climbed in the driver’s seat.

“Yeah. Sam thinks I’m obsessed, but you got to treat a beauty like Baby real good,” he caressed the dashboard.

“Are you cheating on my dad … with a car?” Claire was unimpressed.

“No. I’m cheating on Baby with Cas,” Dean shot her a grin. “Anyway, how do you feel about burgers?”

“I could eat one.”

“Sweet. But first, we should go somewhere. Bond.”

“And we didn’t ripping into my dad for not knowing any decent movies?”

Dean’s smile widened.

“Still, I mean, I’m going to be a feature in your life, and Cas has made it so clear you’re a package deal. So we should have a friendship on top of that. Beyond me being your principal.”

“So how’re we gonna do that?”

“Mini golf.” Dean beamed. Claire rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on!”

“So tacky.”

“Is that a no?”

Claire looked at him tiredly, but couldn’t resist the offer either.

“Bring your a-game, old man. No dodgy knees or thrown backs getting you out of a butt whooping.”

“It’s on. And I’m not old.”

“Right, sure.” Claire nodded. “You actually lived in the eighties.”

“Yeah, when I was a kid. Loser buys burgers?”

“And cheaters buy the shakes. Think both are on you.”

Dean chuckled, and started the car, cheering as the engine caught first time.

 

*

 

Dean wasn’t horrible at mini golf, Claire noted. But she was better. There was a friendly rivalry on every hole, and by the fourth hole alone they had brought in more rules and conditions for their dinner when it came after their game.

“So,” Dean changed the subject on the fifth hole, which included going through a plastic castle. “How are things with Cas? I know it was tough when you first got here. But it seems like it’s going better.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Claire lined up her ball, and tried to work out the angle she needed to get nearest the cup at the end. “His letters helped.”

“Good. He was hoping they would, and that you wouldn’t get pissed that he’d only tried to write.”

“But he didn’t,” Claire looked at Dean, who was standing at the edge of the green. “He mentioned in his letters, trying to organise things and getting my room ready and coming to the hospital when my mom was sick. He tried.”

Dean’s expression was morphing into something close to sympathy, so Claire looked away before it could really register. She didn’t want to be pitied.

“I know,” Dean said quietly. “I didn’t know you did.”

Claire hit the ball, and they both watched it sail through the right side hole in the castle, and circle around the lower green at the back, stopping just beside the cup.

“Does Dad talk about it a lot?”

“Not a lot.” Dean said gently as Claire went to chip the ball into the cup. “But he wanted me to understand what I was walking into.”

Claire retrieved her ball and stood aside for Dean to putt, and noticed a group of kids at the start of the course. She recognised some of them as Alex’s cheerleader and football friends, and instantly looked away. She didn’t want to be recognised out with the principal.

“And you’re still walking into it?” Claire asked, trying to distract herself.

“Of course,” Dean grinned. “I think Cas could tell me he killed someone and I’d still want him.”

“Gross.”

“I try.”

Dean finally potted the ball, and marked their scores on their sheet, moving on to the next hole just as one of the kids from school recognised them.

“Hey, Mr Winchester!” One of the guys crowed. Dean looked over and waved, before stepping aside so Claire could play first.

“Mr W, is that your girlfriend?” Someone else called.

“No it’s that weird new girl that Alex likes.”

“Oh, kill me now,” Claire muttered.

“Ignore it,” Dean suggested. “Just play on, okay.”

“I thought Mr W was with his brother?” One of the cheerleaders giggled too loudly.

“They’re not there,” Dean said quietly, and Claire tried to ignore the catcalls going on behind them, though she could feel her cheeks burning. “Don’t listen, okay?”

She was trying to focus on Dean’s gentle approach, but the raucous laughter was getting to her too much. After accidentally knocking her ball into a nearby pond, she whipped around, moving to the end of their green. Dean grabbed her shoulders, trying to stop her storming over to the other kids.

“Claire, don’t. You are still in front of your principal. You hit them, I’ll have to discipline you, and I don’t want to do that.”

“We’re off school grounds.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“They’re saying crap about you and Sam too!”

“I know. I know.” Dean managed to ease her back. “But think okay? If you go hitting them because of the things they say, it just validates it. You know I like your dad, you know how you feel. Don’t fuel it.”

“If they can’t talk-”

“You know what? Golf’s over. You win. Let’s go grab burgers.”

“Isn’t that going to make it worse?” Claire asked sarcastically.

“No, that’s making sure I don’t have to suspend you for fighting.”

Dean frog-marched her to the exit, where the catcalls followed them. Dean returned the clubs and his ball, and handed over ten dollars for the one Claire had lost into the water, and then he made her get in his car. They rode in silence as Dean drove over to Eileen’s cafe. Claire refused to speak as they went inside and Dean handed her a menu. He leaned across the formica towards her.

“Those rumours about me and Sam, they’ve been there since the beginning. Eileen almost didn’t go out with him because of them. I guess I’m used to them, and I know it’s ridiculous so I just don’t let it get to me. But I haven’t forgotten how it felt the first time, and I know you get angry over what you think are injustices. You shouldn’t lose that, but maybe you could channel it some other way instead.”

Claire rolled her eyes, and Dean smirked.

“Was that Claire speak for ‘you’re not my dad’?”

“You’re so old.”

“Yep,” Dean said cheerfully. “And I knew I could make you talk.”

He waved, and Claire looked around as Eileen approached, beaming at them both. She had her notepad and pen in hand, and Dean gestured at Claire first. She ordered, then he did, and Eileen squeezed Claire’s shoulder as she walked away. Dean took out his cell phone and started tapping away, and Claire looked around the diner, drinking in all the touches that made it so retro: the black-and-white floor tiles, the dated posters, the juke box and the red pleather upholstery edged in chrome.

“Have you ever brought my dad here?” Claire asked. Dean shook his head.

“I take him out of town. It’s just easier.”

Claire didn’t have to ask what he meant by that, the day had been enough to give her that information.

“Would you ever go public?”

“Yeah, of course. If he was ready for it, and you were, and I was. Maybe if we get to a point where we want to live together or get married. But we’re not there yet. It hasn’t been that long.”

“But you like him.”

“Yeah,” Dean gave a soft smile. “Dork though he is, I do. It was there the moment I met him.”

“I know, it was gross.”

Dean gave her a strange look, but then their meals were arriving and they both tucked in, conversation diminishing as they relished the burgers and fries.

When they finished eating, they climbed back into Dean’s car, but he didn’t start the engine straight away. Instead, he looked at Claire thoughtfully.

“I might be stepping over the mark here, but … you weren’t there when I first met your dad.”

“What?” Claire shot back. “Yes I was, you were giving each other these dorky faces while you stared at each other when you were meant to be doing that welcome speech.”

“That wasn’t the first time.” Dean shook his head. “And I’m only telling you because I think you deserve to know how Cas is thinking. That was the second time I met him.”

“When was the first time?” Claire rolled her eyes. Dean grinned.

“A couple of months before. I’d been at a bar, just enjoying a quiet drink, giving Sammy and Eileen some privacy at home. And this guy sits down next to me, orders red wine, and when I laugh at that he looks over at me. And there’s just something there, you know? So red wine and I start talking, and next thing I know, the bar’s closing. And red wine comes home with me. And I know I want it to be more than one night, and it feels like he does too. But when I woke up he was gone. It felt pretty awful, knowing I wanted this guy and I’d got him so completely wrong. And then I hear about this kid who lost her mom and she’s getting a bad name for herself and I want to help because it sucks to lose your mom. I’m still not over losing mine. I did not expect red wine to follow this girl in.” He looked at the steering wheel, fighting a smile. “I realised pretty quickly that maybe the firestarter was the reason why red wine bailed on me. And when I got Sam to come with me to your bookstore, Cas confirmed it for me. That he hadn’t wanted to leave, but he got a phone call about his estranged daughter and he had to go to her.” Dean looked at her, the smile fading. “Cas cares about you Claire, so much. He put you before me and I know he’ll do that again and again. But I can be there for you too, you know? Because one day … one day I’d like to be your stepdad.”

Claire sat back on the Impala’s front bench, looking at the schoolbooks by her feet.

“Too soon?” Dean asked quietly.

“Can you take me home?”

“Sure.” Dean looked disappointed, but turned the ignition and pulled out of the diner’s lot.

“I just think we’ve both been away from Dad too long.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, we are his two favourite people, right?”

Dean just smiled as he drove.

“And I suppose it’d be okay, if you were my stepdad.”

“Yeah?”

“I’d get special treatment at school, right?”

“Don’t push it.”

“Thanks, fake Dad.”

“That wasn’t a yes!”

“I’ll tell my real dad.”

Dean shook his head.

“It’s so sad, the way you get detention so easily.”

“Pffft, the teachers are meant to suck up to you, right?”

“Failing English, it’s just pathetic.”

“I could not be okay with you and Dad.”

“Straight A’s, you say? Great report card!”

Dean pulled up behind the bookstore, and Claire scooted across the bench, giving him a quick hug.

“You don’t suck. For an old man.”

“I need that in writing.”

“Are you coming in to be all mushy with dad?”

Dean grinned.

“And gross you out? Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

They got out of the car and Claire let them into the apartment, where Castiel was sitting on the sofa, reading a book and sipping from a glass of wine.

“Night!” Claire called, and left Dean with her dad, watching from a crack in the door as Dean sat beside Castiel, reaching across for a kiss. But this time, it didn’t upset her. This time, it just seemed right. Whether her dad was ready to admit it or not, it was clear that they were falling in love. She crept away from the door as they began talking quietly, and went on her phone, texting Alex and giving a very basic version of what had happened since Claire had left her house.


	9. Chapter 9

“Why are you so jumpy?” Alex asked as Claire flinched against the lockers. It had been a couple of days since Dean had taken her to mini golf and she kept waiting for some stupid comment from the kids who had been there, more of the same from that night. But there had been nothing. Not at lunch, not in class, and not at moments like this, in the hallway, Alex dispensing her books in her locker before cheer practice.

“I’m not.” Claire deflected. Alex rolled her eyes, and leaned closer to whisper in her ear.

“There’s nothing wrong with admitting a weakness.”

“It’s, you know, Dad stuff,” Claire shrugged, and pulled her backpack strap further up her shoulder. “And anyway, you’ve got to dance around and yell stuff that no one is going to hear because they’re trying to see your spanx under your cheer skirt.”

Alex winked, and shut her locker door.

“I’ll text when I’m done,” Alex promised, and walked towards the gym as Claire headed out to the teacher parking lot, dropping her bag on the floor and sitting on the trunk to do some homework. Already the place was deserted, some teachers still in meetings and most students either gone for the day or in extra curriculars. Dean was coming over for dinner and had offered Claire the ride home. She could have studied inside, but the weather was nice and she wanted to be alone before Dean took her home.

He was one of the teachers in a meeting, and he had promised to come as soon as it was done, but Claire wasn’t too worried. She opened a bottle of water and sipped it as she read the latest history project Mr Singer had assigned, making notes that she could go over with Alex before they started working on it properly. Once she was done, she cracked open the book Sam was making them study, and started reading the assigned pages.

She lost track of time, until Dean cast his shadow over the book.

“… you listening to me?”

She looked up at him.

“What?”

He thrust his thumb behind him.

“Off. Or when you get a boyfriend, I’m going to sit on him.” He scooped up her schoolbag and placed it on the backseat with some of his files, and Claire slipped into the passenger seat.

“What if I stay single forever?”

“Then I’ll sit on you.”

He started the car and pulled out the lot. Claire waited a block or two.

“So, bad meeting, huh?”

“No. Obnoxious teenager sitting on my prized car.”

“You said wait by it.”

“By, not on it.”

Claire rolled her eyes and stared out of the window. Dean was normally so easy going, but when it came to his car, he could be … high maintenance.

“I’m sorry I sat on Baby. Sorry, Baby, for sitting on you.”

“Better,” Dean nodded. “So, Cas is cooking, huh? What’s he like as a cook?”

“Um, he’s okay. I don’t think he was really eating right before I came back so he’s been relearning a lot of stuff. It’s edible.”

“I do like edible in food.”

“Dork.”

He pulled up behind the bookstore and Claire grabbed her school bag as Dean grabbed his files, and they made their way into the bookstore to say hello to Castiel. He kissed Claire on the top of her head, and smiled at Dean, before turning to a customer. Charlie chatted to Dean for a while, and Claire went up to the apartment to finish reading the pages Sam had assigned.

Sam Winchester was, Claire grudgingly admitted to herself, a pretty good teacher. He just got so involved in books, in looking for meaning in the prose, in the world-build and character tropes that it became infectious. In class, he sometimes made it a competition to see who could find the best examples of prophetic fallacy or the subtlest foreshadowing. It was a far cry from grumpy Mr Singer who called at least one student an idjit per class and seemed more interested in topics that had nothing to do with their syllabus. One lesson, he kept slipping into Japanese. In another, he spent the whole time lecturing them on the difference between the realities of ancient Greek life and the fantasies of their religious structure. But he had that same essence that Sam had, he loved his subject. He just didn’t seem to love teenagers.

As for Garth Fitzgerald, he didn’t seem to get his students. He either thought he was one, or that they were kindergarteners. He had a gross sock puppet he sometimes explained formula’s with. God knows why Dean hired him. So far as Claire could see, he found Garth funny and that’s why he stayed. Claire hadn’t forgotten Dean’s advice about how Garth picked his homework assignments and had used that to quietly get to the top of the class.

She finished her assignments and settled in to texting with Alex as Dean and Castiel joined her in the apartment, Dean asking incredulously about superheroes as Castiel repeated the word no. They made their way into the kitchen, engrossed in their discussion, and Castiel started pulling out pots and pans.

“So, let me get this right,” Dean said, opening the refrigerator and pulling out half the contents. “You have this epic bookstore, and you don’t sell comic books or even recognise the genre?”

“It’s a bookstore, Dean. Not a comic store. I have book clubs and writers groups and poetry fans who use the space. I have the coffee corner so people can sit in and read their purchases. Do you really think garish statuettes of men with their underwear showing is really part of the atmosphere?”

“I can’t give you my real answer, Claire’s in hearing distance.”

“You’re a pig!” Claire called across the room, and starting playing with an app on her phone.

“Come on, Cas, they’re comic _books_. Graphic _novels_. Surely there’s a niche in the market for manga, right?”

“Dean, you’ve seen the average age of my clientele.”

“Yeah, middle-aged ladies and Sam. Sam _loves_ a good manga.”

“Sam does, or you do?”

They fell silent, and Claire peered over the back of the sofa, to see them kissing, Dean bracing a hand on her dad’s arm, though Castiel kept both arms down, hands fisted like he was trying not to grab Dean and pull him closer.

“Okay, so you’re eating each other, what do I get for dinner?”

They separated, and Castiel looked ashamed as Dean grinned.

“Sorry, Claire. You’re right, that’s inappropriate,” Castiel shot a look at Dean, and started chopping vegetables.

“Well, you did get him all hot and bothered talking about guys underwear on show,” Claire pointed out, and cocked her head at Dean. “You’re really not subtle.”

“He’s incorrigible Claire, please don’t bait him.”

“You love it,” Dean grinned at him. Castiel eyed him for a moment, and then shoved a slice of carrot in his mouth. They messed around in the kitchen for a while, and Claire watched as Dean tried to get his revenge with a broccoli floret, chasing him around and play wrestling until they kissed again. Castiel had never messed around like this with Amelia, not when Claire was there at least. She couldn’t imagine them doing it when she wasn’t. And yet, with Dean, it seemed so normal, such a part of both of them to have those immature moments together. She took a picture and sent it to Alex, who replied back with a string of emojis that seemed to echo Claire’s thoughts about it.

“Okay, Dean, out of the kitchen or I’ll never get done. Go and preach comic books to Claire.”

“Or, we could watch Deadpool.” Claire smiled innocently.

“What’s that?”

“Superhero movie.” Claire blinked her big blue eyes. Dean muttered something into Castiel’s ear, and he whispered back, both of them leaving Claire out of the discussion for a moment.

“Fine, Claire. But no repeating anything said in the movie.”

She grinned and set the movie up to play, as Dean captured Castiel’s mouth with his own one more time before crashing over the back of the sofa and sprawling next to Claire.

 

*

 

Castiel made them pause the movie to eat, just as Francis was putting Wade through the experiments. Dean had complained as loudly as Claire, but complied and shut off the television and led the way to the table. They all tucked in straight away, and for ten minutes there was the sound of chewing, and Dean’s occasional happy moan. Eventually, Castiel began talking.

“How’s school going, Claire?”

“Okay,” Claire shrugged. “Principal yelled at me today.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, something about a car?”

Dean gestured at her with a fork full of creamy pasta.

“Tattletale.”

“He said he’d sit on me!”

Castiel rubbed his forehead with one hand.

“Everything okay?” Dean asked him. Castiel looked at him from under his hand.

“I’m trying to work out how I ended up falling for a man who has the maturity level of my teenage daughter.”

“I find that insulting,” Claire stuck in.

“It’s all the time I spend in high school. Never grew out of it.” Dean grinned. “And you love my boyish charm.”

“God help me, I do,” Castiel sighed, and shook his head. “I was asking a genuine question.”

Dean grinned at Claire, and she busied herself with her meal, hiding her answering smirk.

“In my defence,” Dean purred. “She sat on Baby.”

Claire looked up to shoot him a dirty look, as Castiel lowered his hand.

“Dean, we’ve done that. Remember when we parked up in that field and-”

“Do I have to finish my food somewhere else?” Claire interrupted. Castiel looked at her for a moment, and sat up straighter in his chair.

“You know, maybe now is a good time to establish some good ground rules. If you can be serious for a moment.”

He looked at Dean as Claire did.

“I can be serious.”

Castiel didn’t look convinced, but carried on with his agenda. Claire poked her fork at her broccoli and watched him.

“Okay, so,” Castiel turned to Claire, pursing his lips for a moment. “Would it be too much for you if Dean stayed over occasionally?”

Claire felt taken aback. Was her father really asking her permission to have sex with Dean? She made a choking noise, and he made it worse by elaborating.

“I’m not saying we’ll be physical, and if it’s too early, we’ll work something else out. Maybe you could stay over with Alex and Jody on occasion?”

“You couldn’t start with something simpler than when you and Dean get to have sex?” She spluttered, dropping her fork onto her plate. Castiel hesitated, and Dean jumped in.

“My fault, I’ve been asking. It’s cool, Claire. We’ll work around you.”

Claire pushed her chair away from the table, but didn’t move to get up. She didn’t want to storm away, she didn’t want to not have a reasonable conversation with them, it was just so weird to have to talk to her father about sex. It would have been bad enough if she was seeing someone and he tried to give her The Talk, but this? She wasn’t sure how to feel.

“I guess,” her mouth was moving as if on autopilot. It was so surreal. “I guess if you keep it down, it’s okay. If Dean gives me a ride in to school in the mornings?”

Castiel got up from his chair and knelt in front of her.

“Are you sure?”

He was looking up at her, his blue eyes big and innocent, but cautious. She forced a smile.

“Yeah, Dad. He makes you happy, even though he’s a dork.”

Castiel shot her a warm smile, and patted her knee.

“Like I said, it won’t always be … that. It would just be nice to fall asleep with him, wake up with him.”

Claire put her hand on her fathers where it still rested on her knee.

“We’ll still have our Sundays,” Castiel promised. “Just you and me. Unless we agree to have other people with us.”

Claire merely nodded. She was glad he wasn’t pushing for Dean to attend those already. It was nice, sometimes, to have Castiel’s undivided attention, to talk about the old days before their world became so fractured. Her father had a great memory for the things they had shared, for her old tastes and how they had developed.

“And when you go out, or want to hang around Alex, you text me, okay? You can have your freedom, but you keep in touch.”

Claire leaned forward and caught him in a tight hug, which he returned straight away.

“And we can still talk about Mom?”

“Whenever you need to. And we can talk about anything but whenever you need that too.”

“Um,” Dean interrupted. “I know I’m not part of this family, not really. But I could help with the Mom thing?”

Claire started playing with her father’s sweater, rubbing the yarn between her thumb and forefinger. She felt Castiel’s slight head shake, rather than seeing it.

“Not the stuff about Amelia, I don’t know enough about her, but I’ve said before, I get what it’s like to lose a Mom.”

Claire met his eye, and Dean smiled softly.

“I promise to be totally serious when we talk about Amelia and Mary. In fact …” He got up from his seat and joined them. “Can I take you where I go? When I miss my Mom?”

Castiel kissed through her hair, and Claire felt that out-of-body sensation again, but nodded. She let go of Castiel and let Dean lead her to the front door.

“Don’t be long,” Castiel said softly.

“We shouldn’t be,” Dean promised, and led the way back to the Impala.

 

*

 

Claire should have expected a cemetery. For some reason though, she hadn’t been. And yet, Mary Winchester’s grave was pretty, well cared for, and in the corner of the graveyard. They stood side-by-side at the foot of the grave.

“It was a house fire,” Dean said in a quiet voice. “Bad electrics, or a cheap nightlight in Sammy’s room. Something like that. I woke up coughing. Dad had Sammy in a blanket, he came out of nowhere and carried me like a football onto our front yard. Gave Sammy to me, told me to watch him, then turned to go back in the house to get Mom. Something caught, and there was a big fireball. Dad never made it back in … and Mom never made it out.”

“Cancer.” Claire said in a shaky voice. “She went in for a sore throat, and they said it was cancer. Lymphoma. She never stood a chance, it happened too quickly. I don’t think she had the fight in her, without Dad.”

There was a loaded pause, and Claire waited for Dean to talk about his mother some more. When he didn’t, she looked up at him, but he was staring down at her, the gathering dusk not marring that expression, the one close to pity.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Dean looked back at the grave. “Just … Cas. It’s,” he sighed, and clenched his hands in a nervous tic that seemed out of place for his normal happy-go-lucky personality. He seemed to be hesitating on what he wanted to say, and it eventually clicked for Claire.

“Right, yeah. I wasn’t trying to say … my mom could miss him, even if he was doing the right thing for him, right?”

Dean gave a short nod, but didn’t say anything more.

“What was it like? Once she was gone?” Claire changed the subject back to the entire reason why they were standing in a cemetery.

“Difficult. My dad didn’t handle it well, losing Mom. He started drinking a lot, left us alone or with our Uncle Bobby. I didn’t understand where Mom was, and Dad said I was responsible for Sammy so I had to learn to look after him, had to learn Mom wasn’t coming home. Bobby helped me a lot, gave me a break from being Sam’s other parent, talked to me about loss and stuff. Stood up to Dad when he didn’t do enough for us. Child welfare should have been all over us, but Bobby didn’t want us separated, and Dad didn’t need that either. I needed Sammy, Sammy needed me, and we were meant to have Dad as well. Sometimes we did, but losing Mom hardened him. He wasn’t always the guy we needed.”

Claire carried on watching him, and he studied the grassy patch before them that held his mother’s remains.

“Bobby’s how we both got into teaching. He said I’d helped drag Sam up and I was a natural. Sam wanted to be a lawyer but we couldn’t afford to send him to school for that. And Bobby knew of this scheme where we could get paid to learn how to teach, he’d been at the school long enough. I owe Bobby a lot.”

Claire silently reached across and slipped her hand into his clenching one, giving him a gentle squeeze. He gave a definite squeeze back.

“You really do get it.”

“Yep. And I also know how lucky you are to have Cas. You’ve been a lot calmer in the last couple of weeks, more settled.”

“I’m not moving on from Mom.”

“I know. But you’re accepting him. And me. Thanks.”

“It’s okay, fake Dad.”

“You’re welcome, future stepdaughter.”

She gave him a shy smile.

“Dork.”

“Come on,” he dropped her hand, and gestured towards the car. “Real Dad is probably going crazy without you at home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my updates are so sporadic! I keep having shift changes and my son's going to a new school next year and there's so much to organise for it! Plus Christmas etc ... I'm writing when I can! Special mention to Cliophilyra who I ran the plot of this by and gave me some good advice that for once I'm taking (lol!)


	10. Chapter 10

Claire opened her bedroom door in trepidation. It had been the first night that Dean had stayed over and she didn’t know what she was going to walk out of her bedroom to find. But it was fine, Castiel was serving up breakfast and Dean was at the table, sipping a cup of coffee and watching Castiel cook. Both were fully dressed, ready for work.

As she walked out of her room and over to the kitchen area, Dean looked at her and raised his eyebrows.

“Morning.”

“Hey,” She nodded, and sat at the breakfast bar, pouring herself a glass of juice.

“Are they pyjamas or are you planning on breaking school code?” Dean asked conversationally. Castiel stopped fussing with the frying pan to look over at them, and Claire looked down at her outfit. Worn jeans, and a vest that she was planning to wear underneath a checked shirt. It was an outfit she had worn before and definitely didn’t break any codes.

“I’m going to put a shirt on. I just didn’t want to get egg on it.”

Dean wore a skeptical expression, which Claire ignored to help herself to eggs and bacon.

“The rule is no spaghetti straps.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want some gross teacher perving on me for wearing clothes some other guy designed.”

“I’m not having a feminist debate with you Claire.”

She refocused on her breakfast, and blanked Dean. Castiel took a cautious seat next to him, and Claire heard the kiss they shared, the way their lips smacked against each other. She ate the rest of her food as fast as she could and went back to her room to throw her shirt on and grab her schoolbag, before reappearing in front of the lovebirds.

“Happy?”

They stopped kissing, and Dean looked over at her.

“Better.”

“Whatever. Are you giving me a ride still?”

“Mmm-hmmm, give me a minute.” He gave Castiel another enthusiastic kiss, and drained his coffee before getting up. “Okay, let’s go.”

“Bye dad, see you later.”

“Bye Claire. Have a good day,” he gave her a brief kiss on the cheek, and she could smell Dean’s aftershave lingering on his skin. She gave him a swift hug, and followed Dean out of the door and into his car.

They had driven for perhaps a block before Dean began talking.

“It’s not up to me, those dress codes. They’re decided by the school board. I think the same as you, that there’s something wrong with anyone who looks at a teenage girl wearing clothes and decides it’s sexualised. But it’s not for me to let you break those rules just because I’m seeing your father. If you want it changed, we do it the right way, we petition the school board, we make a strong argument for it. You know, give me something concrete to go forward with.”

“Whatever.” Claire looked out of the window.

“I’m still your principal, I still have to play by the rules and try not to show you favouritism.”

“I’m just not a morning person.”

“Okay. So long as you’re not secretly annoyed that I stayed over. I know you said it was fine and all, but actually having it happen can be different to just the idea of it.”

“I’m not. I’m openly annoyed that you criticised my outfit.”

“Okay, well … you wear plaid better than Sam?”

“That’s not a compliment.”

“Are you kidding? Sam would hate you for it.”

They pulled up at the school, and Dean turned to her.

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Are we still friends?”

He held out his pinkie, and she gave an exaggerated sigh.

“Friends is a stretch. You’re still the guy giving it to my dad.”

“Actually,” Dean grinned, and Claire slapped a hand over his mouth.

“Don’t you dare.” She dropped her hand. “Dork.”

“And now I know we’re okay.”

She hugged him with one arm, and then climbed out of the Impala, walking into school and towards her locker. It didn’t take long for another student to approach her.

“What’s going on with you and principal Winchester?” One of the preppy girls asked. Claire gave her a filthy look. “We saw you hug him in his car. Are you seeing him?”

“No, right now I’m seeing your Cher-from-Clueless wannabe ass.” Claire shut her books in her locker.

“Someone was saying on Insta last night that they saw you with him in the cemetery too.”

“Wow, some people have a lot of time on their hands.” Claire headed to Alex’s locker, with this preppy bimbo on her heels.

“So, is he bi? Is he dating his brother too? What’s the deal.”

Alex looked up as Claire and the barrage of questions approached.

“Did you date the last principal? Is that why you got expelled? What’s he like as a kisser?”

“Everything okay?” Alex asked Claire.

“No. Woke up grumpy and now this asshole won’t leave me alone.”

Alex rolled her eyes.

“Get lost, Becky.”

“I’m just asking-”

“No one cares. Go prep for model UN.”

Becky made an insulted noise but did as Alex told her. Alex watched her leave and raised her eyebrows at Claire.

“What was all that about?”

“Something about the principal. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Okay,” Alex nodded. “We won’t talk. Want some chocolate?” She pulled a bar from her locker.

“Thanks. You’re a pretty good friend.” Claire took a piece of chocolate and ate it, and Alex gave her best peppy smile.

“I’m the best friend.”

 

*

 

The rumours dogged Claire all day, growing worse and worse in intensity. She withdrew again, glaring at everyone except Alex who acted like her protector throughout the hallways, throwing old rumours back in other people’s faces. Claire soon learned who had peed themselves in gym last year and who still slept with a blanket, who had shoplifted and who kept pictures of Mr Fitzgerald in her locker. It was like a snowball, however, and she could feel people whispering about how she had boned the principal in the graveyard behind her.

As if the rumours about Sam and Dean hadn’t been bad enough. As if Claire didn’t have enough to deal with. And yeah, she had been in a bad mood in the morning, but that didn’t mean she didn’t like Dean, didn’t appreciate what he had done for her in the cemetery and now it was tainted by stupid rumours.

She went to Alex’s house that night, sending Castiel a text to let him know where she was. And there, she and Alex talked.

“I can’t believe how stupid some people can be,” Alex shook her head.

“Right?” Claire scoffed. “I can’t believe our school.”

“They’re assholes. I know I used to believe that crap about Dean and Sam but one look at Dean with your dad … I was an idiot.”

Claire didn’t answer, and Alex linked their arms.

“Okay so … wanna complain about Mr Singer droning on and on about the civil war?”

“He wanted to pop a cap in the ass of people on both sides, you know.”

“Totally. ‘Every person at the Alamo was an idjit’. If Mr Singer ran the world …”

Claire snorted.

“Oh my God, you’re laughing!” Alex beamed.

“Can you imagine it though? ‘Don’t come into the oval office unless you have something real to say’.”

“IDJIT!” They chorused together, and fell apart giggling.

“Are you going to be okay?” Alex asked as their laughter subsided. Claire shrugged one shoulder.

“I don’t know. Dean was being so helpful last night and I was a jerk to him earlier and it’s complicated enough, being okay with him and my dad but still missing Mom and trying to get used to being without her and stuff. And now I’m going to feel like I have to watch myself around Dean when we’re not in school.”

“That’s stupid. He calls you his future stepdaughter. He’s like a cartoon character around Cas with the heart eyes. Even Jody was like, how long has Dean been with the book shop guy? Because they’re a little married already.”

“Thanks, Alex.”

“Anytime,” Alex grinned, and gave her a hug, which she returned, and then stood up.

“I’d better go see Dad. Catch up later?”

“Sure.”

Alex followed her to the front door.

“Let me know you get back home okay,” Alex said as she started up the front path.

“Okay Mom!”

“Not your mom, idjit.”

“Idjit means you love me!” Claire grinned and waved as she reached the sidewalk and headed off towards her house, the route between the bookstore and Alex’s place now memorised.

 

*

 

The store was closed by the time she got there, and Cas was at home alone, cooking dinner and texting on his cell phone. He looked up as Claire entered, and put his phone away.

“I was just checking if you were coming home for dinner.”

“Sorry, I needed a walk.”

“Is everything okay?”

She looked at her father, at those big blue eyes she inherited from him, and felt it all come tumbling out, the guilt from her moodiness and how Dean tried to make it up with her, the way the kids at school had misinterpreted it and all the stress that came with it and how Alex had helped her all day, but especially in the evening. And Castiel let her talk uninterrupted, occasionally pulling out plates or checking their food. When she ran out of steam, he served up both their meals and looked at her seriously.

“Do you want me to talk to Dean?”

“No, I think that would make school worse.”

“Okay. I’m sorry that they’re twisting it. For me, it’s been wonderful seeing you create your own bond with Dean. Even if he and I weren’t in a relationship, I’d be happy that you were making connections here, settling down okay.”

Claire blushed, and stuck her fork into her dinner.

“It’s tricky, working out what to do. I mean, I could deny it but then it would sound like I was lying. I could ignore it but that wouldn’t stop them. I don’t have the ammo that Alex does. But I don’t want to keep my distance from Dean either. Not when he means so much to you.”

Castiel beamed at her.

“Thank you Claire, that means the world, to hear you say that.”

“Well, you are my dad.” She looked away from him, embarrassed to be getting so emotional. “Dad, can we not talk about it any more? I’m worn out by it all.”

“Okay. Did you do your homework at Alex’s house?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you want to do something together? Play a board game or something? You used to be pretty good at chess. That might help clear your mind. After dinner, obviously.”

Claire considered it for a moment, scooping some mashed potato onto her fork.

“Doing something together would be cool, but not chess. How about more stories from before?”

Castiel beamed.

“I could do that as we eat. There was one time when you were about six, and you got hold of a pair of scissors and decided to give all your Barbies a haircut …”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, this chapter is a bit shorter than the others, I'm sorry!
> 
> Also, I'm sorry if the contents of this chapter touched a nerve with anyone, especially as this is just the start of a subplot. I won't be insulted if you don't read on.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame where this chapter goes on MystikGenie who put this thought worm in my head and had me messaging Cliophilyra and Wayward_Mom asking for advice until it merged with all the other things I wanted to put in the narrative and buried itself in there good and proper. Thanks, MystikGenie!

It wasn’t any better the next day at school. People would stop talking as Claire approached, whispering behind her back as she moved on, and constantly staring. She wanted to talk to Alex about it, since Alex was the only normal person at the school, but at the same time, she couldn’t keep relying on her friend. Alex had her own things going on. So she pretended she didn’t notice the other kids and focused on getting through the hallways as quickly as possible, keeping her head down in class and just focusing on the work.

She was heading to the benches outside to eat lunch when some jerk ran into her in the hallway outside the cafeteria. She lost her balance and fell over as he stumbled back, and then she was on her feet, pushing him in retaliation.

“What is your problem?” She yelled and gave him another shove.

“Ow, what’s your problem, psycho bitch?” The guy shot back. There were footsteps pounding behind her, and then she was being hauled off him, and Dean stood between them, arms extended to keep them apart.

“What’s going on?” Dean demanded in his scariest principal voice.

“I ran into her, and she started pounding on me.” The guy said, not quite meeting Dean in the eye. Now that he wasn’t inches in front of her, Claire could see that it was a senior, one of the boys on the football team. “It was an accident and I was going to apologise and she went pyscho on me!”

“Okay Devon, you can go.” Dean dropped the hand closest to him, and he headed into the cafeteria before Dean could change his mind. He looked at Claire then, who was still being restrained. “You can let go of Claire now, Sam. Can you check on the kids in there for me?” He nodded in the direction that Devon had gone, and turned to Claire. “My office. Now.”

It was the coldest that Dean had ever been with her, and she could feel the gaze of the other kids nearby as she followed him in angry silence to his office. He stopped along the way and grabbed Mr Singer from the teacher’s lounge, and the three of them filed into Dean’s office. Mr Singer sat beside Dean without being asked, leaving Claire feeling like they were ganging up on her.

“Claire, you know Mr Singer?”

“He’s my history teacher.” She said in a clipped voice. Dean and Mr Singer traded a look that was loaded with silent conversation.

“She’s a pretty smart kid. Lot more focused now she’s working with Ms Jones. Never had trouble with her before.”

Dean nodded, and made a note on a piece of paper, then looked at Claire.

“Claire, what made you react to Devon like that?”

Claire looked at her knees. This wasn’t how Dean was with her, and it made no sense that Mr Singer was in the room too. He hadn’t even been there when it happened. Maybe she did expect special treatment from Dean, and perhaps she shouldn’t, but she thought of him as her friend - and her dad’s boyfriend - more than she did the principal of her school.

“Claire?”

“I’m so sick of this place.” She muttered.

“And that’s your reason for getting into a physical confrontation with a senior?” Dean was still making notes, and Mr Singer was eyeing her with interest.

“Do you even know what they’re saying?” She blurted, sitting forward in her chair. Dean’s pen paused, and he glanced at Mr Singer. “They saw you giving me a ride to school, so of course that means we were doing it.”

“And Devon said this to you?” Dean checked.

“No, they say it behind my back.”

“And Devon did that on your way in to the cafeteria?”

“Never seen that guy before in my life.”

“Dean,” Mr Singer said quietly, and they began murmuring amongst themselves. Claire looked out of the window. Eventually their muttering died out, and they drew Claire back in to the conversation.

“Claire, kids talk. That’s something I can’t control, that Mr Singer here can’t control - that you can’t control. So as bad advice as it might sound, you’re going to have to get over the gossip and rise above it. And try not to take it out on someone older than you and twice your size.”

“So I’ll apologise to him,” Claire shrugged.

“Hmm. Tomorrow.” Dean made another note. “Claire, you’re suspended for the rest of the day. I won’t have fighting in my school, whatever the circumstances. I’ll notify your father. Here’s a pass to get you off school grounds.”

He passed her a lurid green piece of paper, and she snatched it from his hand, feeling unfairly treated. This was Dean, for God’s sake! He wasn’t meant to suspend her, and she knew he had donuts in his desk drawer. Donuts he always shared with her.

“I’ll see you first thing tomorrow. Bobby, can you be here at eight?”

“Course.” Mr Singer answered gruffly.

“Okay. First thing, with your father. You’re dismissed.”

Claire grabbed her things and stormed out of the room, hearing Dean and Mr Singer muttering between themselves. She started walking home, and as she did she reheard some of the things that were said. He had called Mr Singer Bobby, and the only other Bobby he had ever mentioned was some guy who had helped raise them, helped get him into teaching. It was too much to be a coincidence. She just couldn’t figure out why Mr Singer had to be there, why Dean was being such an asshole with his uncle in the room.

She didn’t try to avoid the bookstore, and as the bell chimed when she opened the door she caught Castiel’s eye. He didn’t look angry, or disappointed, he merely opened his arms and she rushed across the store and into them. She could feel his hands in her hair as he pressed her closer, and the scratch of his stubble against her forehead as he pressed a kiss there.

“I had to send Charlie home early,” he said quietly. “So she could open the store tomorrow. You’re welcome to help out this afternoon, or to go up to the apartment if that’s what you want.”

“You’re not going to punish me?” Claire double checked.

“I think that conversation you just had with Dean was punishment enough. For the both of you.”

“He told you everything?”

“Yes, perhaps more than he said to you,” Castiel looked around the store for a moment, to the two middle-aged women in the coffee area reading and pretending not to listen. He dropped his voice. “We’ll talk about it later.”

He dropped another kiss onto her forehead, gave her another squeeze, and then let go to check if his customers needed a coffee top up. Claire hadn’t been given homework that day, and she didn’t want to be alone, so she decided to help out with her father, refilling the coffee beans in the machine and taking her spot by the cash till.

 

*

 

About an hour before closing, Alex walked into the store, looking worried as she peered around. Claire had been dusting the tops of the bookshelves so could see her over the stacks. Alex approached Castiel, who was wiping down the cappuccino machine, and Claire listened to their conversation.

“Hey, Mr Novak.”

Castiel jumped, turned, and then relaxed.

“Hello, Alex. How are you?”

“I’m good, you?”

“I’m okay. How’s Jody?”

“Good. Um, is Claire here?”

Castiel chuckled.

“No more small talk, okay. Claire? Alex is here!”

Claire finally came down from the ladder she had climbed to dust, and appeared around the shelving.

“Hey,” she nodded. Alex gave her a cautious smile.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere at school. Wanna go upstairs and talk?”

Claire looked at her father who gave her a warm smile back.

“It’s fine, Claire. I can close the store. Great job on the tops of the shelves.”

She gave him a quick hug and led the way up to the apartment, Alex not far behind her. They settled in Claire’s room with the door closed, both of them sitting cross-legged on the bed.

“Everyone’s talking about how you beat up a jock,” Alex broke the news to her.

“At least they’re not talking about me hooking up with Dean anymore,” Claire grouched.

“Oh, they still are. Apparently Dean had to look pissed off with you to save face and you gave him oral in his office before he sent you home.”

“Mr Singer was there,” Claire’s voice was as disgusted as the expression on her face. Alex cringed back.

“Some people are so messed up. I’d been looking for you all day, wish I’d gotten there before it all happened.”

“You’re my friend, Alex. I don’t wanna use you.”

Alex rolled her eyes.

“Shut up, Claire. Look, I told Jody I’d be here for a while, so how about I use your hospitality and we hang out until your dad’s sick of us?” She brushed her hair back. “Sound fair?”

Claire gave a sheepish smile.

“Fine. Want a drink?”

“Maybe later. Right now … okay, this has been bugging me. Can I give you a make over? I really want to try this mascara out on you.”

Alex grabbed something out of her school bag, and Claire realised she had gone home first and brought half of her make up with her.

“Fine. I guess I owe you.”

Alex grinned, and got everything set up on either side of herself, gesturing for Claire to come closer.

“I don’t know about you, but I kinda relax when someone does this for me. Jody hates it, but sometimes one of the other foster kids will be willing. You just have to avoid the youngest ones, they make you look like a clown. But you … you’re going to look gorgeous.”

Claire closed her eyes, and trusted Alex to not make her look ridiculous, and as she did, Alex kept up a stream of chatter.

“So like, did Mr Singer call Mr Winchester an idjit?”

“No, but that would have been funny,” Claire felt her eyelids move as Alex smeared a cool cream around her face. “I don’t think Mr Singer said more than two words the whole time.”

“Then why was he there?”

“God knows.”

“Oh my God,” Alex laughed. “What if he was there to make sure Mr Winchester didn’t jump your bones?”

Claire didn’t join in the laughter. It made sense. Except that it didn’t. It made sense for the rumours, to be chaperoned when they were together to prove there was nothing going on, but it didn’t make sense for Dean. Dean who was blatantly lusting over Castiel, Dean who spent every second he could winning over her father, being her buddy so that Castiel would love him more. She sank in to the feeling of the sponges on her face.

“You have really good pores,” Alex said when it was obvious that Claire wasn’t going to carry on talking about what had gone on at school.

“Thanks.”

Alex moved on to stroking a brush across her eyelids, and Claire felt some of the tension of the day seeping out of her. She relaxed, as Alex moved her face with a cupped hand.

And then Claire felt something brush against her mouth. Her brow puckered slightly, but she didn’t open her eyes. It must have been a mistake, Alex’s hand brushing against her face as she went to change brushes or products or something.

But then it happened again, firmer than before, and Claire didn’t think it was an accident this time. Alex had just kissed her, and returned to putting the make up on. And Claire didn’t know what to do. Was she meant to have kissed Alex back? Did she want to? Was Alex messing with her, or did she think Claire must be gay if her dad was? Was she?

“Can you open your eyes so I can do the liner?” Alex interrupted her internal panic. She did automatically, and was surprised to see that Alex didn’t look any different to her. Same jet black hair flowing down her back, same warm hazel eyes. She was holding liquid eyeliner and Claire did her best to look where Alex instructed her as she applied the liner. “This looks so much better than the badger eye you always end up doing.”

“Um, it’s called smokey eye.”

“You look a lot prettier without it.” Alex said firmly, and this time Claire didn’t think it was a throwaway comment. The door creaked open, and Castiel stuck his head around it.

“Hello girls, is everything okay?”

“Yes,” they chorused, before Alex asked his opinion.

“Mr Novak, doesn’t Claire look prettier with her liner toned down?”

Castiel came closer into the room, and looked at Claire with a tender expression in his eyes.

“I think she’s beautiful no matter what.”

Claire gave him a wan smile, and he squeezed her shoulder.

“I hope you’re feeling better.”

“Yeah, Dad. Alex is a really good friend.”

He beamed, and left the room, closing the door softly behind him. Alex grabbed a mascara wand and applied it to Claire’s lashes, her face close as she scrutinised her work. Claire found herself staring into Alex’s eyes, and it felt like Alex was trying to say something to her. It wasn’t clear what Alex was saying, but the whole thing suddenly felt intimate. Alex was cupping her face, kneeling against Claire’s crossed legs, leaning up into Claire’s personal space. It really wouldn’t take much for Alex to kiss her again, or push her down on the bed, or God knows what. It didn’t happen, as Alex moves on to applying lipgloss, and Claire couldn’t work out whether or not she was disappointed by that. Alex holds up a mirror once she’s done with Claire’s make up, and Claire frowns at the person staring back at her.

“What, you don’t like it?” Alex sounded worried.

“I look like my mom,” Claire replied quietly, registering a whole new wave of worries and shame that come with her words.

“Your mom must have been stunning.”

“She was.” Claire’s throat was tight, and she could hear it in her voice.

“I should go, Jody’ll want me home soon. I’ll see you in school tomorrow, okay?”

They both got up from the bed, and Alex threw her arms around Claire, who held her back tightly. Alex didn’t say a word, didn’t make another intimate gesture, but pulled away from the hug after a few seconds and disappeared down the apartment stairs. Claire walked out and found her father in his favourite solo position, reading a book and drinking a glass of wine. He looked up at her as the front door opened and closed.

“Is Alex not staying the night?” He asked pleasantly.

“No. I said she’d made me look like Mom and she thought she should go. I think she’s worried she upset me.”

Castiel closed his book and placed it onto the coffee table, then held his arm out for Claire to join him. She did, curling up into his side.

“You do look like Amelia, but that’s not a bad thing. She was a beautiful woman.” He gave her a squeeze. “I knew I was a lucky man when I was with her.”

Claire curled her arms around his waist, and asked something that, until that point, she wouldn’t have felt comfortable with saying. But with what had just happened with Alex, and all the letters she had been reading through, and whatever complications were developing with Dean, it felt relevant.

“Dad? How did you know? That you weren’t in love with Mom, that you were gay?”

“Are you sure you want to know?” Castiel seemed surprised, but not offended.

“Yeah. You’ve had some time to come to terms with it, but it’s still a new thing for me.”

“Okay,” he shifted slightly, so he could hold her just as tightly, resting his chin against her forehead. “When I met Amelia, we were both young. Idealists in college, both brought up to believe the same things. I thought I was meant to find a nice girl, settle down, take care of her. So I did. I worked in an office to support my new wife and everything was perfunctory. We even had the white picket fence and the porch swing and all the other trappings that seemed so important at the time.”

“So how did I come about?”

Castiel gave her a scratchy kiss and another squeeze.

“We were married, people were asking when Amelia was going to be pregnant. I remember not enjoying the actual act much, something didn’t feel right. But then, we weren’t a physical couple and we hadn’t been together that much. I didn’t give it much thought. And then you were born, and the first second I held you in my arms I felt it. That ache that only love can cause. I didn’t want my life with you to be some apple-pie life, I wanted to throw myself in harm’s way to keep you safe. I felt something holding you that I had only known of when described in novels before.”

“So I’m to blame?”

“Never.” Castiel was vehement. “Never. It’s just that I was happy to plod along with pleasant as was your mother. I didn’t think passion existed, that it was anything but transient and worthless as a result. But having you opened my eyes to the fact that maybe Amelia and I had settled. And beyond that, though she was beautiful and warm and kind-hearted, I never found her attractive. I would find my head turning towards men. I told myself it was because they were speaking, or relevant in some way.”

He took a sip of his wine, and continued talking.

“And then Amelia introduced me to our new neighbours, two men who were very happy together. You loved them because they could make balloon animals, and Amelia loved them because they could bake like professionals. And I would watch them, the ease they had with each other, the way they would talk and laugh with each other. How they would never want to be too far away from each other when they could help it. It made me reflect even more, on my marriage and my feelings. They moved away not long after they came, one of them had a changeable job, but they left their mark. Eventually, I realised I couldn’t live the lie anymore. Amelia and I spoke endlessly about it, but I had to do what was right for everyone. It wasn’t fair to trap Amelia in a one-sided marriage, it wasn’t fair to raise you in a household where your parents are only together for your sake because that never works as well as parents think. And it wasn’t fair to be married to someone who didn’t spark that interest in me.”

“Do you think Mom hated you for leaving?”

“I know she did. But I didn’t have an affair, didn’t move in with another man. I spent my time trying to live an honest life. I didn’t like the office work, so I bought the book store. I wanted to believe I hadn’t lost my daughter, so I made sure you had a space to come to when you visited me. I’ve been waiting for that rush of passion for as long as I’ve been without you, and it came back into my life around the time you did.”

“Dean said about meeting you in the bar.”

“Did he? Well, I won’t go into specifics, but he made the evening enjoyable. And then I got the call about your mother and I had to go, I had to be there for you.”

“How was it different, between Dean and Mom? Apart from the obvious?” Claire started tracing a pattern onto her father’s forearm.

“Amelia was someone I knew from college. Our friends made us date, expectation made us marry. I was going with the flow, as they say. But Dean was rough and uncultured, and I thought we were going to end up having an altercation until I looked into his eyes and felt a sucker punch to the gut. I was gone from that moment. And every time I see him, I feel the same way, like the wind’s been knocked out of me.”

“Is that what you should wait for?”

Castiel didn’t answer right away, but placed his glass down and started stroking her hair back.

“So, this entire conversation isn’t about what’s going to happen at school tomorrow?”

The possible kiss had actually wiped that from Claire’s mind.

“I told him it was best to have the space tonight, because tomorrow morning was going to be difficult. We’re going to have to get used to the fact that the Dean we see is different to your principal. Otherwise when he needs to discipline you, things are going to get more complicated than they need to be.”

“It wasn’t that,” Claire shook her head. “I was just wondering. I mean, I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

“And as your father that makes me so relieved.” Castiel teased.

“Yeah, but … what if I’m gay too?”

“You can’t catch it, Claire. But if you are, there’s no harm in it, like there’s no harm if you’re not.” He cupped her face in an echo of what Alex had done earlier, guiding her face around to make eye contact with him. “You’re fifteen. It’s okay not to have it figured out yet. I’m only just getting it figured out myself. And even if you have a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, or nothing at all, that doesn’t mean you’re set in stone.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“And if Alex cares about you at all, she’ll let you figure out what you’re feeling. Or understand that you’re still grieving and maybe can’t process someone’s attentions right now.”

She frowned, not understanding how he even knew what had happened with Alex, and he grinned shyly.

“Sorry, that was presumptuous. But Alex is the only person I’ve seen you with and-”

“No, it’s fine. You’re right. Good gaydar.”

He gave a shaky smile, and kissed her forehead again.

“Come on, let’s order some food in. I think after today, we both need it.”


	12. Chapter 12

Nothing felt more awkward than filing into Dean’s office first thing in the morning with Castiel in tow, pretending that Dean wasn’t such a big part of their lives. Claire watched as Dean and Castiel shook hands, and Dean introduced her father and Mr Singer to each other. The adults all seated themselves quickly either side of Dean’s, desk, and he clasped his hands together as he looked at Claire and Castiel.

“This is just a small debriefing over what happened yesterday,” he promised. “A chance for Claire to explain herself calmly, and we can work out how to go forward.”

Claire stared at his hands, resting on a small stack of papers on the desk, and then glanced up at Mr Singer, who was watching her with the same expression he shot around the classroom during pop quizzes. After a few endless moments of silence, Castiel broke it.

“Claire, what happened yesterday?” He asked gently. “You told me last night, you can say it again now.”

She turned her head and looked at her father, seeing his gentle, encouraging smile. She took his hand and he gave her fingers a small squeeze. She answered him.

“Everyone keeps making these stupid comments because they saw Mr Winchester give me a ride. It was pissing me off and I just wanted to be alone. So I got my lunch and I was going to the benches outside and ran into that guy. It would’ve been cool except for all those stupid comments and weird looks I’d had all day. I was at the end of my patience, it was just bad timing.”

It was more or less what she had told her father the night before, though she had given Castiel more embellishment. He had been understanding of the whole thing, and Claire recognised his patience from when she had just moved in and thrown tantrums. She had thought he had been unemotional, but she was starting to realise that maybe Castiel didn’t have the words to express how he felt at those moments.

“But Devon didn’t make those comments?” Dean pressed. Claire looked down at her hand clasped in her fathers.

“No, he didn’t. I said it was bad timing, and I said yesterday that I’d say sorry to him.”

“Okay. And you realise that whatever you’re feeling, Claire, violence isn’t the answer? You know where the teacher’s lounge is, you can knock and talk to a faculty member. Or if that’s not something you feel comfortable with, you have a friend don’t you?”

Claire was reminded of Dean restraining her at the mini golf course, trying to stop her from reacting similarly to the catcalls they received there.

“I wasn’t thinking,” she ground out, and Castiel gave her hand a firmer squeeze, a silent warning not to get too angry with this meeting.

“Okay,” Dean unclasped his hands and began jotting something down on the top piece of paper in his pile. “Claire, you’ll be able to go to class today, because I don’t want you to fall behind, but you will have to check in with your teachers, and spend lunch break in your study hall classroom. I’ll make sure a teacher is there to watch out for you.”

“De … Mr Winchester, don’t you think suspension is punishment enough?” Castiel asked in that patient tone of his. “I know this is your school and Claire shouldn’t get special treatment but it seems to me sending her home for the rest of the day was her punishment and this just seems to be excessive.”

Claire looked up just as they swapped a look that didn’t quite hide the lust between them.

“It’s not about punishing Claire. It’s about trying to reduce the issue. If the other kids are upsetting her, some distance between them won’t hurt.”

“But surely you can understand that, to the both of us, it looks exactly like you’re isolating Claire to continue punishing her?”

Dean sat back in his seat and sighed, and Claire fought hard not to smile. It meant so much to have her father stand up for her like this, even against the man he was crazy about. She wondered idly whether Dean would break down his principal wall for a moment and talk to her father the way she knew they were dying to do, and then she considered how ridiculous it was that surely everyone in the room knew that Dean and Castiel were in a relationship? Mr Singer surely knew that?

“I’m not isolating your daughter. I’m not punishing her. This is a plan we drew up a while ago that has worked before.” Dean sounded strained. “Just for today, I would like to keep an eye on Claire. But due to the nature of the rumours currently circulating the school,” Dean looked at Mr Singer, who gestured for him to keep going. “It’s not possible for me to physically do it. So my staff will do so, and they will report back to me. I can give you full disclosure at the end of the day. It’s supposed to be a chance for Claire to ease back into school without coming up against the same issues that had her excluded yesterday.”

He gave Castiel an intense look, which her father returned, and Mr Singer stood up abruptly.

“So, are we done? Because I gotta go over my lesson plans.”

Castiel nodded absent-mindedly, and rose to his feet also.

“I should get back to my store.”

“Okay. I’ll be calling around three,” Dean promised. Castiel gave him an unreadable glance.

“Thank you.”

Claire followed her father out of the door, and they walked together to her locker.

“Claire, I don’t want to be that parent, but please behave today. Pretend you don’t hear what the other kids are saying.”

She heard the words he wasn’t saying louder. _That was horrible, facing off against Dean like that. Please don’t make me go through that again._ A matter of weeks ago she wouldn’t have cared what her father wanted, but now she felt so close to him that it was almost difficult to believe they had ever had time apart.

“I’ll do my best.”

“Thank you. I’d better go before too many of your classmates show up and see your old man embarrassing you.”

She smiled, and hugged his midriff tightly.

“You don’t embarrass me, Dad.”

He held her back, though his hug didn’t last as long as she would have liked.

“Make me proud, Bear,” he whispered, and she smiled up at him.

“I’ll do my best.”

He returned her smile and walked down the hallway, and Claire made her way to her first class, passing a group of senior kids on the way which included Devon. He saw her as she noticed him, and she nodded her head away from his friends. Surprisingly, he came away easily, waiting for what Claire could possibly have to say. Maybe he had been expecting the apology. Unfortunately, his friends whooped and catcalled as they moved away.

“Sorry,” Devon looked ashamed, surprisingly. “They can be dicks.”

“Yeah,” Claire nodded. “Look, I’m sorry about yesterday. I was just-”

“I have sisters, I get it.” Devon cut her off, and then shifted his weight from foot to foot, pushing his blonde-brown bangs back from his forehead. “Look, um, you’re friends with Alex Jones, right?”

“Right.” Claire frowned back at him. He ducked his head lower.

“She’s real cute. If you gave her my number, I think we’d be even.”

Claire felt dumbfounded for a moment. She still wasn’t sure if Alex had kissed her the night before, or if it was in her imagination. She didn’t know how she felt about any of it, even before the complication of some guy having a thing for her best friend. She nodded silently, and Devon scribbled his number down on a scrap of paper for her to give to Alex before he rejoined his friends. Claire walked away before she could hear any of their comments, and found Alex at her locker, arranging her books in order of her classes. She smiled at Claire as she approached.

“You’re back! They’re not doing that isolation thing?”

“They are. At lunch.”

Alex pulled a face, and Claire smiled weakly.

“You had to do it?”

“Yeah. It sucked. I had Ms Talbot.” Alex shut her locker door and they walked slowly down the hall together. “I swear Talbot’s accent is fake.”

“I haven’t met her,” Claire admitted. Alex snorted.

“She’s the one with the British accent,” Alex did a fairly bad impression herself, and Claire laughed.

“What did you even do to get that?”

“When I first moved in with Jody,” Alex admitted. “I had a major meltdown in Talbot’s class. I swear it was revenge.”

It was the most Alex had offered about her life before Jody, but Claire was determined not to make a big deal out of it, not when her friend was so cool about her own situation.

“Glad I don’t have Talbot then. Hey, um, that guy I got into it with yesterday? He said he’d accept my apology if I gave you his number.”

“Oh.” Alex’s smile fell, and Claire could sense the tension between them.

“You don’t have to call him or anything. He didn’t say that. I’m just going to give you his number,” Claire passed it over. “And you can do whatever you want with it. Recycle it, write it in the girl’s room, throw it back in his face, anything.”

Alex didn’t even look at her.

“Come on, the bell’s about to go,” she spoke abruptly, and Claire’s chest felt tighter. It was like Alex was mad at her for just handing over a small piece of paper.

 

*

 

The day was long, and Claire didn’t get the chance to talk to Alex all day between pop quizzes and study time and Sam enthusing over the end scenes of the book they were studying, plus the stupid lunch time slot that Dean had booked her in for. She didn’t have a teacher in the room with her, instead it was Dean’s secretary, the redheaded lady called miss Milton. And miss Milton was obnoxious and put Claire in a bad mood which hadn’t shifted by the time the final bell rang. Claire finally caught up with her best friend by her locker.

“Hey,” she spoke quickly, wanting to vent about all the stupid things miss Milton had said during lunch period, but Alex cut her off.

“Hey, sorry Claire, but I’ve got to go. Cheer practice.” Alex didn’t even look at her, just shoved a couple of books into her backpack and shut the door. Claire walked with her towards the gym.

“Maybe I could watch? And then we could grab a drink and talk afterwards?”

Alex stopped walking and frowned at her. There was a heavy feeling in the atmosphere between them.

“We don’t let spectators in,” Alex’s voice was stilted. “I’ll call you.”

It didn’t sound like Alex was going to call her, and Claire didn’t have the patience to be nice.

“Whatever, don’t strain yourself.”

She turned on her heel and stalked off before Alex could call her back. She stormed through the halls, and outside, down the sidewalk, pounding the now familiar path to the bookstore. After a block or two, a black muscle car she was coming to know very well pulled up beside her. She ignored it, even as it crawled along at her pace. The window came down, and Dean leaned over.

“Need a ride?”

Claire remained focused on the sidewalk in front of her.

“Get in, Bear. We need to talk.”

She glared at him, forgoing the need to ignore him for the urge to correct him.

“You don’t get to call me that.”

“Sorry, it’s just Cas-”

“He’s my dad. He’s allowed. You’re not. Now leave me alone.”

He carried on crawling along the sidewalk next to her for another block, until they hit a traffic light and he had to drive on while she waited to cross. His car wasn’t at the bookstore when she got there, and Castiel was patiently listening to Charlie telling him a very involved story, her arms flying as she imparted the details. Castiel had a mild expression on his face, though he did have to rescue a vase and stop Charlie from accidentally punching a gentleman with a stack of true crime novels. Claire slid over to their side of the counter as the customer left, clutching his books to his chest.

“Maybe you should have let Charlie hit that guy. He seems suspicious.”

“I like true crimes,” Castiel said diplomatically. “The human mind is fascinating.”

“Ooooh, you switched Cas’ nerd centre on!” Charlie clapped her hands together in delight.

“It’s the nerve centre.” Castiel corrected her.

“See?” Charlie gestured at Claire. She didn’t even smile. “Uh-oh. Teen drama? I’ll grab us both a latte and we’ll gossip while Cas does the whole overbearing father thing. Sound good?”

“Charlie, I don’t pay you to gossip with my teenage daughter,” Castiel said quietly. Charlie looked at him for a moment, and then gave a wide grin.

“Sure thing Cas. Boss.” She saluted, and headed over to the cappuccino machine. “Claire, you want sugar?”

“No. I don’t want coffee.” Her voice had gone soft, and she could feel tears prickling the back of her eyes. Castiel looked at her with some understanding, and nodded up to the apartment, mouthing the word ‘go’ before addressing Charlie.

“I think you have a coffee addiction.”

“I know I have a coffee addiction. You pick a great roast,” Charlie chattered. Claire didn’t hear her father’s response as she headed up the stairs to the apartment, slumping on the sofa and staring up at a picture of a cat silhouette that Castiel had apparently had for years. He joined her a few minutes later.

“I think I need to pretend that Charlie on coffee is not going to wreck the store. I can’t watch if it’s actually going to happen.” He sat on the couch himself, pulling her feet onto his lap, and patting her calf. “Want to talk about it, Bear?”

“Did you tell Dean he could call me that?”

“Do you mean Bear?” He sat back against the cushions. “No. I haven’t even told him why I call you that.”

“Well, he just tried it.”

Castiel pursed his lips, and nodded.

“Then I understand your anger. I’m sorry, I’ll tell him not to.”

“And Alex would barely talk to me at school, she totally shut me out. It’s stupid. I bet she loved that I couldn’t see her at lunch.”

“Sounds like a bad day.” Castiel acknowledged. “Do you think that maybe Alex is having second thoughts over what happened here last night?”

“She’s the one who kissed me!”

“Yes, she is. She’s the one who put her feelings out there, and realised that maybe she read the situation wrong. I suppose she’s second-guessing everything the two of you say to each other. Give it time. You might work out how you feel too.”

“I just wanted to talk to her about my lunch period. It sucked!”

Claire sat up and looked at her father intently. He gestured for her to talk.

“Dean’s secretary had to sit there and watch me and that’s all she was meant to do, but instead she kept talking, like all the time. Sometimes on her cell, sometimes to other teachers, and sometimes at me. And it was pissing me off and giving me a headache but I swear she was trying to make me get angry again. And she totally has a thing for Dean, she kept telling one of the other teachers about how in tune they were and how he had especially chosen her to keep an eye on the delinquent. I heard way too much about her period when she was on the phone and she kept telling me that it was wrong to make shit up about my principal and Mr Winchester was a man of honour and I am just done.”

“I’m proud of you.” Castiel responded.

“What?”

“I mean it, Bear. As much as that got under your skin, you kept your head. And I can see how it would when she was clearly boasting about an untruth, and making out that you were an awful person. You were smart not to react at the time, and to look for someone to talk to afterwards. It’s just bad timing with Alex. And … thank you for confiding in me.”

“Don’t be an ass, you’ll make me cry.”

He smiled gently.

“Sorry for being a doting father.”

He held out his arms and she leaned forward, letting him hug her.

“It means a lot, Bear. That you’re opening up to me, letting me in. I know the last six years have hurt and you must have resented me so much. And I want you to know that, no matter what, you can always come to me. Always. I’m on your side.”

She clung to the back of his shirt, fighting tears.

“Thanks Daddy. And your letters help, knowing how you were thinking back then. Maybe we’re more alike than we knew.”

He didn’t answer, but merely kissed her temple, just as his cell phone began to ring in his pocket. He didn’t move.

“Aren’t you gonna get that?”

“It’ll be Dean.” Castiel said mildly. “And you’re not the only one to dislike this morning’s meeting. I think I just need a couple of days to cope with where our roles all lie with each other, to remember that while you’re at school, he’s in charge.”

The phone rang off, but started again almost immediately.

“He’s not going to leave it alone,” Claire observed drily.

“He will. Because he knows you come first.” Castiel let go of her to remove his phone from his pocket and press ignore. “And if he cares the way it feels like he does, he will let us have a couple of days.”

“You can answer, you know,” she muttered as he rang for a third time. Castiel turned his phone off.

“No. Charlie’s going to close the store, it’s the weekend. I’ve asked Charlie to watch the store tomorrow as well. I think you and I need to go somewhere. Just us. And it will give Alex and Dean the time they need also.”

Claire nodded, and leaned in for another hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got back into drawing a few weeks ago. I still have a LOT to learn, but I wanted to do some artwork connected to my writing, so I did a picture. It's not a scene, or at least, not one I've written so far, but I'm fairly proud of it. So if you're wondering what that atrocity is at the end ... at least Misha's face looks like him, IMHO


	13. Chapter 13

“Pontiac? We’re going back to Pontiac?” Claire asked as they stood in the departures lounge, both clutching overnight bags. “Why?”

“Because I think that perhaps you need some real closure,” Castiel said quietly. “I think I need to call Dean back, do you want to go and get some snacks for the flight?”

“No.” Claire slumped onto a nearby seat and glared at the announcements board as Castiel turned his cellphone back on.

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Nothing. It wasn’t Dean calling me.” He tapped on his phone for a few moments and then held it up to his ear. It didn’t take long for Dean to pick up, and Claire could hear his voice on the other end.

“Hey, been waiting to hear from you.”

Claire rolled her eyes.

“Sorry, Dean, it’s been … well, you know.”

“A hell of a day, I know. And I told you, I don’t believe the stuff Anna said to me.”

“It seems that Claire found her quite abrasive.”

“And that would explain why she refused the ride. Right, okay. Hey, can I come over?”

Castiel shot a glance at Claire. She could see it in her peripheral vision, but she stayed focused on the announcements board.

“Dean, we’re away this weekend.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry. I’ll explain when she’s not three feet away and listening to every word. And maybe it’s for the best, if you’re seen out in town and Claire’s not around, maybe those rumours will go away.”

“Or maybe they’ll last as long as that one about me boning my brother. I can’t watch myself every second of the day, Cas. There’s always going to be someone to criticise.”

“Yes. And it’s alarming that they jumped to the conclusion that you’d be with my daughter, not me.”

“People see what they want to see.”

“I’ll call you when we’re about to fly back, maybe we can see each other then?”

“Text me the flight number and I’ll pick you up.”

“Sounds good.”

Claire could hear the smile on her fathers face, it seeped into his voice. Their gate number appeared on the screen.

“Dean, I have to go, our flight’s been called. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay. Let me know you got there safe.”

“I will. It’s only Pontiac.”

“Ohhhhhh. Good luck.”

Dean hung up, and Castiel grabbed his rucksack, leading the way to their gate.

“So, Dean knows what going to Illinois means?”

“He’s seen your files, Bear. He knows that’s where we moved from.”

They joined the queue for their gate, and Castiel stepped aside.

“I just need the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

Claire nodded, and looked around at the other passengers in the queue while he walked away. And then Claire felt the urge to run. Not because she wanted to make things difficult for her father, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready to return to Pontiac. To seeing someone else living in her childhood home, her friends moving on without her, and all the places her mother should be but wouldn’t. And she couldn’t understand why Castiel would want to return either, since it was the place he left his family.

But then he returned and they scanned their boarding passes like it was normal for them to fly back to their old town.

 

*

 

Claire napped on the plane, and Castiel read his book, rousing her only when they were getting ready to land. They made their way through to the taxi bank and drove to a motel on the outskirts of town, where they ate and went to sleep. In the morning, they got ready and Castiel got them another cab to a house Claire knew pretty well. Not the house they had lived in, but the one she had stayed in during her mother’s illness, until the day that Castiel came back.

He let her lead the way up the path, and stood at the bottom of the porch steps as she climbed them, and rang the door bell. Her grandmother opened the door.

“Claire?”

“Hi, Gram.”

She pulled Claire into a tight hug, and then stiffened as she saw Castiel.

“And you brought your father.”

“He brought me,” they separated, and Claire tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Dad’s pretty cool, Gram.”

“Well, come in. We’ll get you some lemonade and cookies and catch up.”

Her grandmother ushered her in and nearly shut the door on Castiel. Claire noticed, and gave him a sympathetic face, which he tried to shrug off. She didn’t have time to process what it meant for Castiel to willingly come to a place where he would be ostracised just for her, because her grandmother began clucking and asking a ton of questions about school and her friends, as well as calling Claire’s grandfather in from where he was tending the garden. The whole thing cycled again, her grandfather fussing and telling her how much she had grown, both of them ignoring Castiel as they doted on their granddaughter. Eventually, they all sat down, Claire taking the sofa and pulling Castiel down next to her as her grandfather took his armchair and her grandmother got the snacks. When her grandmother settled, her grandfather poured some lemonade in the three glasses on the tray, and her grandmother perched on her own chair.

“So, how is school going?”

“Um, okay. I study with my friend a lot, she’s pretty smart. So I’m doing good.” Claire nodded, and accepted her glass, watching as her father was ignored completely.

“Where do you live again?”

“Sioux Falls? It’s nice there.”

“We’ve missed you, baby girl,” her grandfather said, sipping his drink. Claire silently passed her glass to her father, refusing to leave him out. “We keep saying, it’s too quiet in this house without our Claire!”

“I miss you too,” Claire said. She had, to a lesser extent than she missed her mother, but as much as she had missed her friends and the familiarity of the town. “But at least this way you guys get to enjoy your retirement, and I get to know Dad again.”

There was no mistaking the chill in the atmosphere after Claire’s words, and her grandmother spoke in clipped tones.

“Well, we’d rather you had stayed in a place you know with people you love but apparently we have less rights than the man that abandoned you.”

“Moira,” Castiel finally spoke. “That’s not fair and you know it.”

“If Amelia knew that you would take her away from us, she would have written it in her will that we should have custody. God knows what kind of lifestyle you’ve subjected our granddaughter to.”

Castiel didn’t defend himself, or rise to their needling. Claire did, feeling angry with her grandparents. It was meant to be a good reunion, the happiest part of this weekend, and they were ruining it.

“Lifestyle? Dad owns a bookstore, a really successful one. Do you know how hard that is? And he has a great employee and we’re friends with the local sheriff and-”

“Claire, it’s okay,” Castiel said quietly. “You don’t have to convince anyone.”

“And he probably has a string of men passing through. It broke your mother’s heart when he said he was interested in men, and I bet he has no concerns about parading them in front of you.”

Castiel placed a hand on Claire’s wrist, and she knew it was him asking for privacy about Dean. And that was fine, but her grandparents attitude stank.

“Yeah, well, I have a girlfriend, so what’re you gonna do?”

Silence fell, and the tension got thicker. She knew she’d be having a big conversation with Castiel after this.

“A girlfriend?” Moira asked.

“Claire,” Castiel murmured. He didn’t need to say anything more. But Claire’s grandfather let loose.

“This, this is exactly what Amelia didn’t want! It’s bad enough you walked away from your family and your commitments, but now you’re leading Claire down a very confusing path. And we’re not going to let you take her away again.”

“Claire’s fifteen and capable of making her own decisions,” Castiel remained calm. “If she wishes to stay with you, then we’ll work something out. But I will be seeing my daughter. And if she decides that she wants to continue repairing our relationship, then you will respect that decision.”

“She’s a minor!”

“Claire? Since your grandparents are bringing you into this argument, would you rather live with them, or with me?”

Claire looked between them, at Castiel holding her full glass and remaining composed on the sofa, at her grandmother who was clutching her apron to her as though she were having palpitations, and at her grandfather who was standing over them, glaring angrily at her father. Castiel had sounded so calm as he spoke, as though this was an argument that had been going on for a long time.

“We’ll sue,” her grandfather spat.

“I told you I would bring her to see you. I have held up my end. But I’m still her father, I still get a say. Claire?”

“I didn’t think I had a choice,” she said quietly.

“You do.” Castiel assured her.

“Well,” she felt awkward, having this conversation. Is this what Castiel had meant by closure? “I mean, I do miss you guys, of course. But it’s nice to have a chance to start over, to not walk past all the places I went with Mom. I get to remember her when I want to, not because I went down a street and the memory jumped out on me. And I’ve missed Dad so much, it’s nice where he lives. I’m just getting settled. But you can come visit, and we can come back, right? But Dad and me, we’re a team.”

She couldn’t look at her grandparents, so she looked at her father. Castiel couldn’t keep the beam off of his face.

“And my dad is a great person. He listens when I have a problem and he talks through issues and he’s just … he’s great. I don’t know everything that went on when he left, but I know my dad, and he doesn’t deserve this.”

He squeezed her wrist, and put the glass down gently on a side table.

“Thank you, Bear.”

“Can we go?”

“You just got here, Claire!”

“And you’ve treated my dad like dirt every second.”

Castiel stood up without another word, and Claire followed him to the door.

“You’ve brainwashed her,” Claire’s grandmother accused as she followed them through the house. “You took her away from her home and you brainwashed her.”

“Claire? Please wait on the porch,” Castiel said in that placid tone of his, though it still made Claire shiver. She did as he asked, and he closed the door, keeping her out of whatever he had to say to Amelia’s parents. She sat on the porch swing, and wondered just how much everyone had kept from her for the past six years. And then she started thinking of how it used to be, when Castiel had left, when it was just her and her mom, and they visited this house. How they had helped bake cookies and she failed to learn how to knit but liked whittling with her grandfather. How simple and cookie-cutter a life it had seemed.

Although she couldn’t claim living with Castiel was the same way. They did normal family activities - Castiel had roped her into doing a jigsaw puzzle with him recently - but it was uglier in places, and messy, and it needed a lot of hard work. And yet, when she asked, Castiel was honest with her. Her mom had always brushed off talk about Castiel, but he was fair, and patient. Maybe he didn’t have such a glowing view of Amelia as he said, but he was respecting Claire’s view of the woman who raised her at the same time.

He came out after ten minutes, and they looked at each other on the porch, no need for any words. After a few moments, he held his arms open, and she rushed into them, arms around his torso as he held her close. They stood that way for a few moments before Castiel broke the moment.

“Let’s go back to the motel. We have one more place to go, tomorrow morning.”

“And then we fly back to Dean?”

“And then we fly back home.”

 

*

 

Castiel took her to a restaurant on the outskirts of town for dinner that night, and he finally brought up the subject of Alex during their entrees.

“Claire? I know you were emotional at Moira and Franklin’s house, but why did you tell them you had a girlfriend?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t like the way they were acting like being gay was the worst thing ever. It’s not. And you’re not defined by it, Dad.”

“Thank you,” he smiled warmly. “But that wasn’t their issue. I hurt their daughter, I will always be the bad guy with them. And that’s okay, I expect that. I’d be more worried if they were welcoming. At least when they don’t offer me a drink I know I’m not being poisoned. But Claire, what you said … I know you were supporting me, and I’m grateful. It’s just not fair for Alex, and it’s not fair for you.”

“Dad,” Claire began, but Castiel was on a roll.

“You said you were confused, that you didn’t even know if she had kissed you. And if it’s something you want, of course I’m going to support you. But do it for you, because you feel something for her. Not to score points off your grandparents, even if it’s in my honour.”

He gave her a pointed look, and she had the grace to look ashamed.

“Sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, Claire. And I appreciate that you wanted to stand up for me too.”

“Yeah, well, you’re the only one who’s honest with me about everything.”

Castiel took a big bite of his meal, and Claire thought he wasn’t going to respond, so she went back to her own meal.

“I haven’t been fully honest, Claire. And I hope you don’t hold that against me. It’s just that there was a lot of bad feelings in the last few years and I want to protect you from it as much as I can.”

“Is that why you sent me out?”

“I had to remind them who your parent is.”

“You didn’t hurt them, did you? I mean, they were jerks but they’re old.”

He gave a side smirk.

“Of course not. What kind of person do you think I am? I just reminded them that we all cared about you but insulting me in front of you was going to damage your relationship with them.”

“Come on,” she snorted.

“I didn’t want to curse in front of you.”

“Dad, I’m fifteen.”

“And yet, you still can’t get into an R-rated movie.” Castiel deadpanned.

“I’m not nine anymore, Dad.”

He gave her an intense look.

“I’m aware. But you will always, _always_ be my baby girl.” He took a sip of his water. “Have you spoken to Alex since yesterday?”

“No. I’ve been with you.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll take you back to the motel, and give you some space. Girlfriend or not, you shouldn’t leave it in a bad place.”

“Thanks.”

“Any time, Bear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I double checked locations on Superwiki. But made up the grandparents names.
> 
> And yeah, I put things on hold for a while. It'll be back on track soon!


	14. Chapter 14

Castiel had kept to his word and given Claire the privacy of the motel room when they got back. She suspected he was going to use the opportunity to have a long talk of his own with Dean, and she couldn’t fault him for it. She rested against the headboard of her bed and worked herself up to video chat. It wouldn’t have surprised her if Alex had left the call unanswered, but she picked up fairly quickly.

“Hey,” she looked at the camera.

“Hi,” Claire’s mouth felt suddenly dry. “How’s it going?”

Alex shrugged at the screen.

“Homework. There was a game tonight, I didn’t see you there.”

“Uh, yeah, my dad brought me out to see my grandparents back in Pontiac. I’m in a motel right now.”

Alex just stared at her.

“Look, I’m sorry about yesterday. I was an asshole.”

“When?” Alex cocked her head.

“Yesterday.” Claire felt nonplussed.

“Uh-huh.” Alex pulled her hair back from her face, and Claire watched in fascination before making herself focus. “So what were you being an asshole about?”

“Do you not remember? You going to cheer practice, I was trying to talk to you, then I stormed off? Did you just write that off?”

“No, I was just already mad at you.”

The camera moved, and resettled, and Claire realised Alex had sat up on her bed, her decor showing.

“What, because I had that stupid isolation thing? That wasn’t my fault. I think Dean was trying to show he wasn’t playing favourites or something.”

“No, that wasn’t it.”

“Giving you Devon’s number? That was just smoothing things over with him, Alex. I said you didn’t have to call him, you coulda trashed it.”

“Do you not remember what I was saying before you gave me Devon’s number? I was saying about when I first moved in with Jody. I was going to tell you … never mind.”

Claire frowned as she remembered the conversation. She had thought it was giving some guy’s number that had upset Alex, not what had been said moments before.

“Oh God, Alex, I’m a bigger asshole than I thought. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t even thinking.”

“I know.”

Claire looked down, away from the camera.

“It’s just, I hate when people ask about my situation and you were pretty cool about not asking too much and I just didn’t want to ask you too many questions. You’re the coolest person I’ve met in Sioux Falls.”

“Try again,” Alex’s tone was slightly more teasing.

“Coolest person on the planet?”

“More like it. Maybe I’ll tell you sometime, when it feels right.”

“And maybe I won’t be so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid, Claire. You were just getting it over and done with.”

Claire chanced a glance at the camera again, and saw Alex’s smile.

“Besides, I can’t be mad at my bestie for long, can I?” She pulled her hair to one side, and Claire watched its progress again. Her hair was like a black waterfall, and hypnotic. “What are you doing Monday night?”

“Hanging with you?” Claire guessed, and Alex laughed.

“Close. We have a double date with Devon and his friend Ben. Come to mine after school and we’ll get ready, okay?”

“Oh … okay. I mean, I’ll check with my Dad but it should be okay.”

“Great.” Alex looked away from her phone for a moment, and then looked back. “I have to go, Jody needs some help with some kids that turned up last night. Enjoy Pontiac!”

The call cut off, and Claire’s arm flopped down onto the bed, her phone bouncing on the mattress. That call hadn’t cleared anything up, at all. She had hoped, if Alex had picked up, she would have been able to work out how she felt and what was going on between them. But she was more confused than ever. Maybe Alex hadn’t kissed her, if she’d set up a double date. But her hair was so hypnotising … Claire rolled over and mushed her face into the -hopefully clean - motel pillow, and that was how her father found her when he walked in twenty minutes later.

“Bear?”

“Feelings suck,” she said, her voice muffled by the pillow.

“Did you speak with her?”

“We have a date on Monday.”

She felt the bed dip where Castiel perched on the edge of the mattress. He rubbed her shoulder gently.

“Shouldn’t that make you feel better?”

“It’s with two boys at school. She’s not my date.”

“Ah. Would you feel better if she was?”

Claire shrugged.

“I have some ice cream. Want to eat your feelings?”

She sat up, and let him put an old black-and-white movie on the old box television as they shared a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

 

*

 

The next morning, they packed up in the motel and took their overnight bags with them, Castiel leading her to a place that she had only been once before. She finally understood what he had meant about closure.

“Are you going to be okay?” He asked her as they walked through the entrance gates.

“I don’t know.” She said quietly. “This is where you came back in my life.”

“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” Castiel mused. “I just know you miss her, and this is where she is now.”

They walked side by side down a pathway that was bordered by new marble headstones. They aged the further away from the main gates, down almost to the tree line at the border of the plots. There was bird song in the distance, and flowers and trees growing in strategic places. If it weren’t for the markers of death everywhere, it would have been tranquil.

“What do you think she would think of this place?” Claire asked him now. “Of living in the cemetery?”

“The Amelia I knew would love the rose bushes, and the trees, and how well cared for it is. She would sit on a bench and think of the lives of everyone in here, how they played out. She would watch the grieving families and just focus on how much they missed their loved ones.”

“Yeah,” Claire said softly, as they turned a corner and walked towards a grove full of tiny brass plaques just behind the crematorium. It was bordered by trellises full of ivy, and there, towards the bottom of the front row of plaques was the small one noting all that was left of Amelia Novak. Claire sat on the floor and looked at the plaque which bore her name, her dates of birth and death, and a small message that Claire’s grandparents had picked. “It’s weird, that she was a whole person, and now she’s just ash and a sign.”

“She’s more than that. She’s all your memories, she’s in your genes. She’s still all around you.”

“But I can’t talk to her any more. She can’t hear.”

“Maybe. But maybe voicing your thoughts aloud will lead you to the answers she would give. In that way, maybe she can still be there for you.”

Claire turned and looked at her father, who stood on the edge of the entrance like he wasn’t welcome to come in.

“You do that for me, Dad.”

He instantly looked contrite.

“It wasn’t my intention to step on your mother’s toes.”

“But you’re not. Like you said to Gram and Grandpa, you’re still my Dad. And you’re here. Despite everything … you’re here.”

Castiel’s mouth dropped open, but he didn’t seem able to respond. His lower lip quivered, and the tears filled his eyes. Claire stood up, and dusted herself off before hugging him tight around the waist.

“So it’s not what Mom wanted, so we’ve lost years. We’ll muddle through.”

Castiel still didn’t answer, but curled himself around Claire. She could feel him shaking with repressed emotion, and just held him tighter.

“Dad? I know you brought me here for Mom, but she’s not here. And I said my goodbyes at the funeral. I don’t need to come back here, because for me she’s not here. It’s like you say, right? Mom’s in me.”

“We’ll still come to visit your grandparents,” Castiel sounded choked up as he replied. “I made them a promise, and whatever our feelings about each other I intend to keep it. We should go and visit them before we fly home.”

“They’re going to be so mad,” Claire muttered.

“Perhaps, but you’ll regret it if you don’t. They did help to look after you for a while, and you are their grandchild.”

“Okay. But they have to apologise to you.”

“I suppose miracles can happen.”

He kissed her forehead, and then they walked back the way they came, arm in arm between the gravestones.

 

*

 

Castiel read on the flight home, and Claire tucked herself under his arm, thinking about their second visit to her grandparents. Castiel had stayed outside that time, and Claire had put it to her grandparents that, though she did miss them and loved them a lot, she had wanted her father back in her life for a long time and now that she had that opportunity, she didn’t want to waste it. They didn’t seem to understand her thinking, but she thought they had given her their blessing, and they had promised to come and visit Sioux Falls too. It wasn’t an ideal solution, but it was the one that they could make work.

They were two of the last to disembark from the plane, but could walk straight through, no need to claim luggage. And there, in amongst all the signs for business men, was a man in a stetson, which he had pulled low, and he held a handmade sign with the name ‘Novak’ scrawled across it. He cocked the rim of the hat up for a moment, just long enough for them to see it was Dean, before pulling it low again. Claire grinned at her father.

“Race you.”

And then she went running at Dean, Castiel not far behind her. They reached him at the same time and fell into a three person hug, all three of them laughing as they did. It was a far cry from the morning meeting they had on Friday. They slowly detangled and Dean led the way to his car, taking Claire’s backpack for her. When they were clear of the airport, Dean took the hat from his head and placed it on Castiel’s, kissing his cheek as he did.

“Whoa, be careful there with the PDA, fake Dad.” Claire said from two paces behind. “What if someone sees you?”

“We don’t know anyone in this town,” Dean said over his shoulder. “And I haven’t seen Cas in three days.”

“Two days,” Castiel corrected.

“Oh, sorry, did you count when principal Winchester met with his student’s father? Because I don’t.” Dean grabbed Castiel by the neck and pulled him closer for another kiss.

“Fine. Spare me the PDA.” Claire rolled her eyes. Dean grinned at her and unlocked the Impala.

“Hey, are we okay? You over me, you know, doing my job?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“That’s teenspeak for ‘I’m over it, Dad’s boyfriend, but I need to save face.’ You learn to speak the lingo when you teach teenagers for ten years.” Dean spoke to Castiel as they got into the car. Claire slid into the back, just as Dean launched into the importance of saving face at the age of fifteen. Castiel cut him off with a kiss. “What was that for?”

“I missed you. That’s all. Are you staying over tonight?”

“Hell yeah,” Dean grinned, and turned around in his seat. “Are you cool with that, Clarabel?”

“Claire. It’s Claire.”

“I can’t call you Bear. I can’t call you Clarabel. Cas would bolt if he heard me calling you my future stepdaughter. What do I get to call you?”

“You’ll figure it out. Dork.”

“I’ve missed this,” Dean grinned. “You, me, your dad, your embarrassment, the insults and the banter.”

“Stop with the warm fuzzies and start the car. The sooner we get home, the sooner I can escape and you two can get on with your gross reuniting.”

“Can’t wait for that bit,” Dean winked at Castiel, who merely sighed as a response.

“And that’s Dadspeak for ‘yes I want to have that too, Dean, but do you have to be so inappropriate in front of my teenage daughter?’ just to clear that up for you, Claire.”

“No, I got that,” Claire smirked. Dean pulled out of the lot and onto the highway, heading back into town. “Um, hey, Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. For being a jerk about … about everything.”

“Claire? I’m used to fifteen year olds. Side effect of teaching. And it’s not been easy to hear those things for me either. Like, do I have to stop seeing Cas to shut them up? Do I quit teaching? Do we come out even though it’s early days? Do we stop having to hang out? Because I want us to have a relationship too. Not like that, like-”

“I know.”

“We’ll work it out, kid. I wanna be with you guys for a long time.”

“We want you too.” Claire looked out of the window as they started driving into town. She heard the creak of vinyl as Castiel turned to look at her, and she made sure not to look back.

“We do.” He said quietly.

“Me and my two dads,” she smiled to herself.

“Hell yeah!” Dean agreed. “So can I give you a nickname yet?”

“When you find your own one.”

They pulled up behind the bookstore, and all walked in together. Claire was heading into her room to give them privacy, but Dean put a hand on her shoulder.

“Claire?”

She turned to face him, and he gave her a small smile.

“Look, we’ll work it all out. How to hang out without people calling us out for something that’s not true. Don’t let those rumours get to you, okay?”

“Thanks.” She nodded, and then gave him a quick hug. “Dork.”

“Loser.”

She stepped away, into her room, but could hear them talking through the wall.

“I thought I would have to ask her to apologise.”

“Yeah, but your kid loves me. An appropriate amount.”

“I’m sorry too, Dean. This is … difficult. I love that I found you again after that night, but not that you’re her principal. It’s hard knowing where the lines are drawn.”

“So you asked for me to go easy on your kid, Cas. Happens all the time.”

“Why are you being so understanding?”

“Because I care about you, and her, and I see it a lot in those situations. And I know you, Cas. I know her. You weren’t pretending she was an angel, she wasn’t acting like she hadn’t done wrong. Believe me, you were the nicer end of the crap I deal with sometimes. And it is hard, knowing what to do when people are saying that kind of thing. At the moment it’s just a stupid rumour amongst the kids, but it goes any further than that? I could lose my job. I could end up on registers, even though it’s not true. And then it’s like, we’re too new for people to know the truth but what would happen if it got to that point and they didn’t?”

“I hope they get over it soon.”

“Me too. I’m sure there’ll be some new gossip at some point, something that’s more interesting than the principal and a sophomore. Maybe they’ll hear that Bobby does Riverdance.”

Castiel chuckled quietly, and Claire could hear the smacking sound of their kisses.

“So, what’s the cowboy hat for?”

“I figure if we hang it on your bedroom door, Claire will know we’re both naked and in positions that could scar her for life.”

“And you think you’re going to get me naked?”

“Oh, Novak, that’s a challenge right there,” Claire heard a few bumps, and realised what was about to happen. She grabbed her iPod and shoved her earbuds in, listening to music rather than whatever was going on between Dean and her father. She crawled into bed, and shut her eyes, only to see an imprint of Alex there, sweeping her hair back and looking at Claire with an intensity in her eyes.

Maybe Claire was the one who had it bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Dean, more Alex, and probably more angst. Happy Halloween!


	15. Chapter 15

Claire beat both Dean and Castiel into the kitchen the next morning, and made herself some cereal as the two emerged, pulling each other into kisses and oblivious to her. She watched as she chewed, at the smile on Castiel’s face, at the loose tie looped around Dean’s neck, the way her father seemed as into the moment as Dean did. It was a rare moment when their defences were down, and Claire could see just how much they meant to each other.

Castiel was the first to notice her in the kitchen, and he reluctantly pushed Dean away, both hands on his chest. Claire simply took another bite of cereal.

“Morning,” Dean smirked as he turned around and approached the kitchen. “Want a ride to school?”

“No, it’s cool.” Claire shrugged. A ride with Dean would have been fun, but she was trying to get rid of the rumours, after what she heard them say the night before. Walking to school and then the double date with Alex that night would help quash the rumours a little bit, at least.

“Are you sure?”

“It’s probably wisest, Dean. Want some bacon?” Castiel ran a hand through Dean’s hair for a moment, and then got busy at the stove, cooking breakfast.

“Always.”

“Claire?” Castiel asked. “You want eggs and bacon too?”

“Sure.” Claire nodded, and carried on with her cereal.

“Are you looking forward to tonight?” Castiel asked as the oil in the pan started sizzling.

“What are we doing tonight?” Dean asked as he started tying his tie.

“Not you and me. Claire has a date. Are you staying at Alex’s house afterwards?”

“I don’t think so.” Claire shrugged just as Dean sat forward and blurted, “A date?”

They stared at each other for a moment, and then Claire ran her spoon through the milk in her cereal bowl.

“Are you going to be more Dad about this than my actual Dad?”

“I just think we need some information. You’re fifteen, and I know what that means with dates,”

“He’s actually doing it,” Claire looked at her father’s back. “He’s actually trying to parent me.”

“Who’s the guy?” Dean persisted. “A kid at school?”

“Back off, fake dad.”

“Dean, it’s fine,” Castiel promised. “She’s not going to talk if you pressure her.”

“I’m just saying, teen boys, Cas.”

Claire rolled her eyes.

“You know what, Dad? I’ll skip the rest of breakfast. I’ll grab my stuff for Alex’s house and go.”

She made to stand up, and Dean put his hand on her arm, stalling her.

“Claire, I’m not trying to be pushy or overstep my boundaries. I know the kids at school, that’s all. I just wanna know you’re going to be okay.”

“You wanna know? Fine.” Claire snapped, and Castiel turned away from the food, ready to interrupt if need be. “It’s Alex’s date, with that guy I pushed. And she wants me along to keep his friend company and there is zero interest, okay? I’m going because my best friend asked me. So she’s with Devon, and I’ll put up with his friend Ben and you can stop.”

She stormed over to her room, and began packing her make up and some clothes into her bag for that afternoon, before stomping back out and down the stairs to walk to school.

 

*

 

“You would look so pretty in this!” Alex grinned, holding up one of her shirts against Claire. She shrugged, but took the shirt.

“Do you even know what the guys are planning?” Claire asked. “Or are we just planning on being overdressed?”

“Claire, you can’t dress like a trucker on a date. And you’re too pretty to dress down all the time.” Alex carried on looking through all their collective clothes, and Claire couldn’t help reflect on the fact that Alex had called her pretty twice in about a minute. It didn’t help how confused she felt, but she could hardly ask Alex what she meant, if she had kissed Claire that time. She regrouped, and tried to put it out of her head.

“So, what are they like?”

“Devon’s on the football team, I think Ben is too? So you know, typical meatheads, but it might be fun.”

Alex started to take off her top, and Claire looked away, trying to convince herself that she was giving Alex some privacy. She started changing too, into the shirt Alex had given her, and then she felt Alex’s fingers in her hair.

“Can I do your hair? These braids are looking a little tired.”

“Uh, sure.”

Alex made her sit on the vanity seat and started untying the braids that ran along one side of her hair, and Claire tried not to think about how gentle Alex’s fingers were, and how cool to the touch. She put her hands underneath her thighs so she didn’t do anything stupid, and watched in the mirror as Alex concentrated on what she was doing.

“So, I guess you’re excited, huh? Going to this much trouble for Devon.”

Alex shrugged, but didn’t stop undoing the braids.

“It’s a date. Are you saying they won’t be wearing their best cologne and dressing a little smarter?”

“I don’t know. I’ve not really been interested in anyone, never had a date before.” Claire shrugged, though she could feel the half truth burning in her stomach. Alex looked at her in the mirror, her head cocked and her gaze intense.

“Like anyone? No little crushes or anything?”

“Not really,” Claire hitched a shoulder uncomfortably. Alex continued scrutinising her, and it felt as though the truth was written all over her face. But then Alex turned and plugged in some curling tongs.

“So let’s make this your best first date ever.”

Claire forced herself to smile, but inside she had a gnawing feeling. How could it possibly be the best first date ever if she wasn’t on a date with Alex?

 

*

 

It most definitely was not the best date ever. The boys had shown up in some cheap jalopy and driven to a nearby wooded area, finding a clearing where they had built a camp fire and then sat around it with cans of beer. Devon was pressed up close to Alex, leering at her and being gross, and his friend Ben sat uncomfortably close to Claire, offering her his drink and trying to put his arm around her. She glowered into the fire, trying not to care every time she heard Alex’s laugh.

She knew it was pointless to get dressed up, and Alex’s nice shirt was going to be ruined by the smoke coming off the fire.

“Come on, Carrie, what’s wrong?” Ben nudged her, and threw his second can into the fire.

“First of all, it’s Claire, second of all, you know Alex’s Mom is the sheriff, right?”

“And her mom isn’t here, is she? Lighten up!” Ben cracked open another beer can. “I knew it was a mistake, agreeing to go out with you.”

Claire rolled her eyes and debated whether or not to call her father to come get her. Castiel wouldn’t get mad, would he?

“You could do a lot worse than Claire,” Alex immediately defended her. Ben turned away from Claire to give Alex a dirty look.

“Well, can you tell her to stop being so repressed? Like, I get she’s feeling guilty for cheating on Mr Winchester but this is my freaking date too.”

Claire looked down at her feet rather than acknowledge anything that Ben had just said. Alex on the other hand, tackled it well.

“Devon, I want to go home.”

“Babe, I can’t, I’ve been drinking.”

“It’s fine. I have my permit.”

Devon rolled his eyes.

“I haven’t got that kind of insurance,” he sighed, and looked at Ben. “Come on, dude, we’ll let them talk for a bit. Think I have some marshmallows in the car."

The boys moved off, and Alex came to sit next to Claire on the fallen trunk she was watching the fire from. She shuffled close, until their legs were pressing against each other.

“I was going to ask why you weren’t enjoying yourself, but I think Ben just made that clear.” She sighed, and looped her arm through Claire’s. “I’m not either. Devon’s nice enough, but kind of boring.”

Claire nodded, and continued watching the flames dance in front of them.

“Stick it out a little longer, okay? For me.”

Claire finally turned, looking at Alex, her face half in shadow and half bathed in an orange glow from the fire. Alex held up her pinky finger, and Claire caught it.

“You owe me, Jones.”

“I know.”

They dropped pinkies, and carried on watching the flames, cuddling together to stay warm until the boys came back, both of them laughing and swigging from yet another beer can.

“Um, you do have to drive us home?” Alex pointed out. “Unless you’re going to be so wasted, and then I’ll call Jody, or Claire can call her dad, come pick us up.”

“Good luck, there’s no signal out here,” Ben smirked, and tried to sit between the two girls. Alex stood up, not seeming to care as Ben fell forward onto the trunk. She pulled Claire along with her as they walked away from the guys.

“You’re going to get lost!” Devon called after them, while Ben muttered a stream of cusswords about Alex. She turned around, and levelled an intense stare at him.

“We’ll be fine. But you, on the other hand? You took the sheriff’s daughter out on a date and took her into the woods, got drunk, and watched her walk in the dark to somewhere she hopes is civilisation. Good luck. And lose my number.”

They started walking past the car, and tried to pick out the route between the trees. Claire turned on the torch function on her phone, and they used that to help them cut through the woods.

“That wasn’t much longer,” Claire pointed out when they could no longer see the glow of the fire or hear the boys talking.

“Well, who says they need to sober up and then carries on drinking? What an asshole. And I thought he was genuinely into me.”

Claire said nothing, afraid of what would leave her mouth. Afraid of upsetting Alex further and then being on her own in the middle of the dark woods with the rustling in the undergrowth and owls hooting in the distance, the light on her cell phone the only company through the unfamiliar woods.

“Maybe I should be more like you,” Alex continued talking. “Not interested in anyone, ever. Then we wouldn’t be walking through the woods like total morons. Doesn’t this feel like the start of a murder mystery to you?”

“Are you scared?” Claire asked, trying to ignore what Alex was trying to imply. It sounded like she had really liked Devon, so the kiss must have been part of Claire’s imagination. It had to have been. It was just wishful thinking on her part.

“Uh, a little? We’re in the middle of nowhere, we know there’s two drunk guys behind us, and I still don’t have bars on my cell. Do you?”

Claire checked.

“No. But I don’t think we’re that far from town, and we’re together, and we’re both kick ass women, right?”

Alex linked their arms again and walked closer to her.

“Yeah, I definitely wish I was more like you,” Alex breathed. Claire spotted a streetlight, and they both started walking closer, finding themselves in a part of town closer to the bookstore than Jody’s house. They didn’t have to agree out loud, both were getting cold enough that they just wanted to get somewhere warm, and so they made for the bookstore still arm in arm. They saw the Impala parked out back, and Claire wavered for a moment before leading the way up the stairs and knocking on the door. She pushed it open and braced herself for what Dean and her father could possibly be doing. The only physical evidence of them was a shirt on the floor, and the stetson on Castiel’s door. They weren’t staying quiet, however, and Claire cringed as the sound of panting and loud moaning carried through the apartment. She could feel Alex’s eyes burning into her.

“Maybe we should go to mine?” Alex whispered, just as they heard Dean shout ‘yes’ repetitively. Claire felt nauseated. “Claire?”

“Dad! Dad, I’m back!” Claire yelled. Alex grimaced, but it eased the audible element of their lovemaking, they shut up immediately, and all that was left was the dull thud of the headboard. She felt herself relax, and realised she had been clinging on to Alex’s arm, leaving fingernail marks along her forearm. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Alex led the way into the kitchen, the furthest point in the apartment from her father’s room, and they sat at the breakfast bar. “I thought you were cool, about Mr Winchester and your dad?”

“I am,” Claire said quietly.

“So what’s the problem?” Alex asked. “Just how loud they were? It did sound like torture.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Claire folded her hands on the counter and rested her head on them. Alex started stroking her hair softly, the way her mother used to. But it didn’t irritate her, it was welcoming to have Alex’s hand caress her like that.

“Are you a prude or something?” Alex asked. Claire merely shrugged, and Alex put her face close. “I mean, you’ve never had a boyfriend. Never been on a date. You’re okay with your dad dating our principal but-”

“Would you wanna hear Jody going at it?” Claire interrupted.

“Good point.” Alex shifted closer. “Are you okay?”

She could feel Alex’s breath on her face, she could look right into Alex’s eyes, to the point they were starting to unfocus and become one. And before she could talk herself out of it, she crossed that short distance between them and kissed Alex. It was brief, and she pulled away just as Castiel’s bedroom door opened and they both walked out, both looking sheepish, Dean slightly more bow-legged than usual.

“Where are your dates?” Dean asked immediately, and Claire looked down at her arms.

“Probably still out in the woods.” Alex answered. “It wasn’t a great night. Um, I’ll call Jody, get her to come get me.”

“I’ll take you home,” Dean insisted. “You don’t live that far from me.”

“Okay, thanks.” Alex’s tone was relief. “See you tomorrow, Claire.”

“See you,” Claire barely raised her voice. She felt a squeeze on her arm, and listened as Dean and Alex left. She looked up and saw her father watching her carefully.

“Am I broken?” She asked before he could say anything.

“No, of course not, Claire. It’s a healthy response to freak out when you realise your parents-”

“I don’t mean that. I mean, I was on a date and I hated it until Alex and I were walking away. And she kept talking about the boys like she was interested in them and I keep wondering - hoping - that she was interested in me, but how do you even go down that route? And I just kissed her, just before you both walked out. I have no idea what I’m doing, Dad.”

He edged closer, and pulled her into a hug. He stank of Dean, and sex, but Claire didn’t care, because he still had a trace of himself in there and his arms were solid and comforting.

“You don’t have to put pressure on yourself, Claire. Or on her. If it’s meant to happen, it will. And if you want tomorrow off, I’ll call the school in the morning.”

He kissed her forehead.

“Dad? Go get a shower.”

“Will you be okay?”

Claire nodded, and forced a smile onto her face until he had shut himself into the bathroom. Then she got out her phone and looked through at the pictures she had taken with Alex before they were picked up for their date. As muddled up as she felt, she knew the way she felt about Alex was undeniable. She had a crush on her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys, I've had a few extra shifts at work lately and that makes my fatigue more of a challenge to deal with, I've had a flare up and had to get my DCBB posted this week, so this has been on the back burner for a while. I still have so much I want to throw at this story but my postings are probably going to get less frequent as Christmas builds up - the joys of retail! - so I'm sorry, and please bear with me, and sorry if this chapter doesn't seem up to par.
> 
> Also, it's not Ben Braeden ;) just some random with his name x


	16. Chapter 16

Claire had taken her father up on his offer of a mental health day, and woke to a book on her bedside table and a note from her father, encouraging her to read. She took a fluffy blanket off her bed and traipsed onto the sofa in the main room , curling up under the blanket and reading the book. She didn’t often read unless forced to do so, but she knew her father meant well and he obviously thought this book would communicate things more effectively.

And it did. While he worked downstairs in the store, she read all about the different kinds of sexuality that they knew existed, words she had never come across before, terms she had heard of and taken to mean something else. It wasn’t like many people discussed autochorissexuality often, and she had never heard of quoiroromantics before. But the more she read, the more she started to find herself in the pages. After a while, she closed the book, and looked at the cover. It was a fairly new edition, but battered, its spine almost completely bust, the pages dog-eared. It was her father’s copy, and it was possibly the book he had used to figure out his own feelings. He appeared at lunchtime, nuking burritos and bringing them over to the sofa.

“I wondered if you would read it.”

“I think I’m quoiromantic,” she said quietly. “Maybe demiromantic.”

“Right now, I’d say that was a good assessment. But it could change, Claire.”

“I know. But if Alex is the only person I’ve had a crush on, does that mean I’m a lesbian too? One doesn’t cancel the other, does it?”

“I don’t think so. I didn’t look a lot into asexuality when I read the book before, though I skimmed it once or twice. But no, I don’t think one negates the other. It might just be that your quiroromantic nature means you can only question, or you’re pansexual, or bi. Did you never discuss anything like this with Amelia?”

“No. I didn’t even know you were gay until I got here. It wasn’t Mom’s thing.”

Castiel nodded, and chewed on his burrito for a moment.

“I’ll ask Dean for more discretion. I’m sorry about what you walked into yesterday.”

“It’s okay. I know you and Dean are … you know. It was just kinda loud.”

“Understood. But perhaps for the next couple of weeks I could just go to see Dean when we want some private time together. I just didn’t want to leave you alone, but you are going to be sixteen soon.” He patted her leg. “I feel like I won’t have you long before I have to say goodbye to you again. Three years from now you’ll be in college. I don’t know if I should be clingy or let you have your space. I’m still working out our boundaries.”

“Well,” Claire shifted closer. “I think you’ve got it pretty smart so far. And you shouldn’t have to disappear with Dean, I just have to deal with the idea that maybe I’m sex-repulsed.” She held up the book. “But I like getting to know you, I don’t want you to leave the house. And Dean’s family, right?”

Castiel didn’t agree or disagree, didn’t make any soothing tones. He just looked at her.

“I could never talk like this with Mom. She would call me a late bloomer, say the right guy would come along eventually, dismiss everything with Alex as me being lonely and needing a boyfriend. Not because she wanted to hurt me, she just didn’t know any better.”

Castiel nodded slowly, and sighed.

“It’s getting harder not to show you the letters Amelia and I traded.” He said quietly. “It’s very much similar to what she insinuated with me. And even now I wonder if she would say something about me corrupting you if she were still here.”

“Probably, but if Mom was still here, you wouldn’t be. And I love her, I will always love her, but that doesn’t mean she was always right. You’re not corrupting me, you’re helping me. I could have gone years not meeting anyone I cared about, having Mom talking about me settling down and getting married and why haven’t I found a guy yet?”

“She would have just wanted you happy, Bear.”

“I know. And I’m not there yet, but I’m better than I was, right? I’m not throwing things at you any more.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Why did you never react? When I had those moods?”

He gave a wan smile.

“Because you were still here. I had you, and I would take that whatever I had to endure in the meantime. You know how I’ve missed you, I know how you’ve missed me. I was just so happy to have you back in my life, to see that you were a real person, to have you express yourself,” he ran out of steam, and patted her leg again.

“You’re not going to kick me out at eighteen, are you?” Claire checked.

“Whatever happens, Claire, you have a place with me. Always.”

She curled up to his side, and he held her close, stroking a thumb along her arm.

“So, what’s going to happen with Alex?”

“I don’t know. I kissed her, and then she left with Dean. But I guess it’s on her now, there’s no question about whether I did it or not. She’ll either ignore it or ignore me.”

“Or, she’ll realise that she needs to communicate with you properly, and you might end up with someone you care about. Give her the benefit of the doubt.”

“Yeah, maybe. But then, what if she wants to take it further than I do?”

Castiel chuckled softly.

“You are a parent’s dream. Bear, let her know your boundaries. If she’s the girl who deserves the way you feel about her, she’ll accept it. She’ll understand.” He looked at his watch and sighed. “My lunch hour’s over. I have to go back down. Do you want to come?”

“I think I want a nap.”

He kissed her forehead and got up from the sofa, walking downstairs and into the bookstore. She curled up under the blanket and stared ahead at the television screen. She knew she should check her cell, but she just couldn’t work up the courage to do it. She wasn’t ready for what Alex had to say, good or bad. Not yet.

 

*

 

Claire woke up with a start, feeling like someone had called her name.

“You’re up!”

She blinked the sleep away and focused on Alex, who was putting a couple of books onto the coffee table in front of them, and then picking up Castiel’s book.

“What’s this?” She sounded interested, and Claire knew it was the perfect segue into them talking about what was going on between them, and yet she couldn’t find the words, still too clogged with sleep.

“Why are you here?” She asked instead.

“Because you weren’t in school and I thought you might want our assignments. And I think we need to talk, don’t you?”

Claire rubbed her eyes for far too long, wishing she could put this off. It was one thing to read herself in the book, but to explain it to someone like Alex who was so confident in herself? She couldn’t imagine scraping the words together.

“Um, you want a drink?”

“Sure. Herbal tea?”

Claire nodded, and got out of the blanket, walking into the kitchen. Her limbs felt oddly heavy, and it took her a moment to find the tea bags. It felt like Alex was watching her every move, but when she looked back at the sofa, Alex was reading Castiel’s book. She watched as Alex turned a page, and then refocused on the tea, pouring water onto the tea bags and setting the cups in the microwave.

“Is this your dad’s?” Alex asked from the sofa.

“Uh, yeah. He thought it might help me work some stuff out.”

Alex turned another page as she nodded, and the microwave beeped as the tea finished heating up. Claire took the cups back into the living room, her hands shaking slightly. Alex had curled up under the blanket, and as Claire sat down she threw it over her lap too.

“Stuff like what?”

“Like him and Dean.”

There was a tense silence between them, and Alex dunked her tea bag a few times, as though she were waiting for Claire to say the inevitable. _Like you and me._

“Did it help?” Alex asked, still not looking at her.

“Actually, yeah. It gave me a few terms that could explain why I was okay with them dating but not seeing them together. Beyond being the daughter.”

“Cool. Did it help you figure out last night too?”

Claire felt her chest seize up. Alex was still flicking through the book.

“You mean with the guys? They were just assholes.”

Alex put the book down on the table with deliberate movements, and then locked eyes with Claire before she could glance away. She felt her mouth go dry as Alex looked at her, her expression seemingly empty save for the heat in her eyes.

“No. After.”

There was another silent pause between them, and Claire could see no way out of Alex’s confrontation. She sucked in a deep breath, and let it out.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. Or I do, but,” she bit her lower lip for a brief moment. “Look, okay, I thought you had kissed me before, when you came over and made me feel better with that make over. But I wasn’t sure and it’s been driving me crazy. I just needed to get it out of my system, okay?”

Alex raised an eyebrow.

“Out of your system?”

“Yeah. Like, now I know I definitely kissed you.”

Alex pushed her hair back from her face and sat back on the sofa. Claire took advantage of the moment to grab her mug, and stare into the liquid inside.

“I did.” Alex spoke eventually. “Kiss you. I mean. But you didn’t seem to do anything and then next thing I know, you’re handing me Devon’s number. I thought I was taking the hint by going out with him. I um, I’ve liked you since we met, Claire. But you know what it’s like, coming out in high school. Apparently it’s easier than it used to be but it doesn’t feel that easy.”

“Tell me about it,” Claire muttered. “I meant what I said last night, until you kissed me I never even thought about dating, never had a crush on anyone. Dad’s been great at talking to me about all this stuff.”

“So, what are you thinking now?”

“Now?”

“Yeah. You know; you, me, dating.”

Claire’s heart was in her throat, and she risked a glance at Alex, who was cupping her drink in both hands and staring at her knees.

“Well, what are you thinking about it?”

Alex snorted softly.

“I think it’s obvious, isn’t it? I’m the one who put the idea of a relationship into this equation.”

Claire scooted closer, the blanket rucking slightly between them, and she tried to remember what her father had said when he was giving her advice.

“I’m not completely sure. Dad gave me that book for a reason, and I think he’s worked me out. I um, I guess … I like you? And I was dwelling on that kiss for a reason. But I don’t think I want,” she breathed in deeply.

“Claire?”

“Look, if we go out, we take it slowly, okay? I need to get my head around it. But there’s no one else I would want to date.”

“Okay. That we can do,” Alex shot her a small smile. “So we take it slowly, and we keep it out of school. If I’m not ready to come out in public and I know I’m into you, so I’m going to guess you’re going to want privacy even more.”

“Yeah, that’d be great. Although, my dad already knows everything.”

“So does Jody. She’s given me some pretty good advice. And some advice I don’t think you’d want to hear. Way too much info.” Alex laughed weakly. “Okay, so both our parental figures know, so I guess there’s no sleepovers in the near future? But we’ll keep it to them for now.”

“I don’t know if Dean knows anything either.”

Alex nodded, just as footsteps pounded on the stairs up to the apartment, and their principal walked through the door clutching a couple of grocery bags.

“Girls! Hey! Is Alex staying for dinner?”

“If she wants,” Claire said as she turned on the sofa, watching Dean take food out of the grocery bags.

“Cool. Cas said he was okay if I cooked tonight. He’s staying downstairs to close up the store.”

“Okay. We’re going to be in my room. Don’t burn down the house.” Claire announced. Alex picked up the stack of homework and her drink, and Claire took her mug and the blanket as they walked across the apartment to her room. She shut the door and watched Alex arrange the homework on her desk. She threw the blanket on the bed and tentatively slid her hand into Alex’s, which was cool to touch. Alex looked over her shoulder and smiled, before turning around and leaning against the desk chair.

“I feel like a big weight’s just come off my shoulders.” She admitted. “I thought you’d be really judgemental.”

“Even after I kissed you last night?” Claire grinned. Alex gave an answering smile, that was tinged with angst.

“Can I kiss you now? Or is that too much?”

Claire leaned closer, and Alex came to meet her halfway. Like before, it was only a press of lips, nothing more, but somehow it was even better, knowing that they were on even ground. The only other contact they had was where they held hands, and it was just enough for Claire to cope with. She stepped back after a few moments, and Alex gave her another shy smile.

“That okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks. I guess we’d better get on with homework, so Dean can’t rat us out.”

“Or worse, make those awful jokes.”

“Ugh, yeah. My dad thinks when he’s being dorky he’s at his most adorable.”

Alex wrinkled her nose and slipped her hand from Claire’s, pulling out the desk chair and grabbing Claire’s vanity seat so that they could sit side by side and work.

 

*

 

Castiel had knocked softly on her bedroom door when he had finished closing the store, and slowly pushed it open. Both girls looked up from their books, their body language already in tune. He smiled at them shyly.

“Hi, girls. Dean’s almost finished cooking, and I wanted to show him something. And I thought you’d both want to see it too.”

“Ew.” Claire wrinkled her nose.

“No, Claire. I said I would respect that and I’m going to. This is something else.” He showed them the box in his hands, one that looked fairly heavy. “Come on.”

They glanced at each other and then stood up, following him into the sitting area, where he placed the box gently on the coffee table. Dean tossed a dish cloth over his shoulder and walked across from the kitchen, folding his arms and watching Castiel with a doe-eyed look.

“Okay, Cas, what’s the big surprise?”

“I wanted to let you know that I’ve taken your comments on board. And you can give me some advice on whether or not these are any good.”

Dean’s face turned an interesting colour.

“You want to discuss this in front of your daughter and her friend?”

Castiel glanced at Claire quickly, as though he was trying to read the air between her and Alex. He didn’t say anything as he turned back to his boyfriend, not about their relationship at least.

“Well, as I recall, it swiftly became a conversation between you and Claire about underwear.”

This time, Claire traded a look with Dean, trying to remember when she would ever have discussed underwear with him. He shrugged back.

“Are you sure about that?” Dean asked Castiel, who merely smiled back. He took the tape off the box, revealing tightly packed books. It was as he gently removed one that Claire understood.

“Aquaman? You got in Aquaman?” Dean sounded disgusted.

“I have a sample of a few of the most recent graphic novels. I thought you’d be pleased, since you were begging for them.”

Dean stepped closer to the box, rifling through the books.

“Cas, did you have any clue about what you were ordering?”

“I was trying to surprise you.” Castiel said quietly.

“Oh, you did. I hope the book club picks out the Hentai. Seventy-year-old’s with blue rinses discussing the meaning of tentacles.”

“You’re mocking me.”

Dean grinned at him.

“Never change, Cas.” He stepped back. “I’ll serve up, you should maybe read through some of these. And we’ll keep the Yaoi.”

As Dean stepped back into the kitchen, Castiel bent closer to Claire.

“Did he make some of those words up?”

“No.”

“Why are we keeping the Yaoi? What does that mean?”

Claire laughed, and hugged her father.

“Read up on it, Dad.”

He bent closer, whispering in her ear.

“Is everything okay with Alex?”

“Better than okay.” She whispered back, accepting another hug before following Alex into the kitchen and sitting down to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me a moment of total self-indulgence here: I don't know whether canon!Claire is in the ace spectrum at all. Her character hasn't mentioned an interest either way, her focus is on hunting. Likewise, canon!Alex has shown an interest in men. However, the things that Castiel and Claire have discussed in this chapter are things that have relevance to me, a lot of what Claire said in the first section is how I feel with regards to dating etc. When I realised a few years ago that I was asexual (I suspected at 17 but it was always portrayed as celibacy and that's not the same thing) I started looking into it, and yet I am still learning. I haven't read a book on the topic - though there are some available - but I have done some research online. I know most people won't know the words used unless they too had looked into asexuality, so for the record:
> 
> Quoiromantic (also known as WTFromantic or Whatromantic) is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum. ... Being unable to define romantic attraction so unable to say whether or not you experience it.
> 
> Autochorissexual: It is a subset of asexuality which is defined as: a disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein.
> 
> Demiromantic: A demiromantic is a type of grey-romantic who only experiences romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection beforehand. Demiromantics do not experience primary romantic attraction, but they are capable of secondary romantic attraction. The sexual counterpart to demiromantic is demisexual.
> 
> All definitions came from the asexuality wiki page at wiki.asexuality.org
> 
> I myself waver between these terms. I can also waver between being sex-indifferent and sex-repulsed.


	17. Chapter 17

Claire woke up feeling excited to see Alex the next morning, actually excited. And nervous, too. How were they meant to behave after agreeing to go out with each other? Now that they had decided to keep things quiet, to go slowly: did that mean anything had changed? Because it felt like everything had changed. She got out of bed and dressed robotically, the air feeling different, her clothes grazing against her skin as though they were made of something other than cotton. She felt like she was inches taller as she walked out of her bedroom, and saw Dean and Castiel going about a routine that was slowing becoming an every day thing. Dean was barely at his own place these days, he was always staying over. Claire suspected that her father’s room was now holding many of Dean’s clothes. His music collection had appeared in the living room, slowly at first but now there was a bookshelf full of old vinyl’s and tapes.

Castiel bent down to kiss Dean at the nape of his neck, and Claire didn’t react as adversely as she normally did. It was like a mark of affection, a way of Castiel expressing his fondness for Dean, and that was at least something that Claire could appreciate. They both looked up as she walked out, their smiles matching.

“Morning,” Dean grinned, and Castiel held his arms open for Claire. She hugged him, feeling more like his equal than his little girl for once, and then perched on the chair next to Dean, grabbing an apple and biting into it.

“You look different this morning,” he told her. She grinned at her principal.

“I do?”

“Yeah. Happier. Have you been reading the Hentai?”

“No, you perve,” Claire rolled her eyes. He grinned at her.

“Giving one of those seniors another go?”

“Ew.”

“We’re making progress, Cas,” Dean turned and looked at his boyfriend. “She didn’t say ew until I mentioned high school boys.”

“I think it’s more to do with that book on the LGBTQIAAP I gave her, actually.”

“Oh, okay. Are you an L?” Dean asked Claire, his tone gentle, not teasing for once. She shrugged.

“More like an A.”

Dean frowned.

“Really? Like, no sex whatsoever? Nothing? I mean, you have feelings, right?”

“Don’t be an asshole.” She scolded him.

“See, that right there. Frustration. Interrupting your happiness.”

Claire sighed heavily.

“Maybe you need to read that book.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy that my future stepdaughter never wants to have sex. I just don’t get it.”

“Dean,” Castiel admonished him purely by tone of voice. “Be a little more sensitive about it, maybe?”

“Sorry,” Dean apologised to her, as Castiel slipped his arms around Dean’s neck. “It’s just, sex is great, you know?”

“I really don’t.” Claire wrinkled her nose again. “But good for you, enjoying someone else’s bodily juices all over you.”

“Our kid,” Dean grinned up at Castiel. Castiel didn’t smile back.

“You should both get a move on, it’s nearly time to go.”

He stepped away from Dean and busied himself with washing up the dishes. Dean turned to Claire.

“Can I make peace with a ride to school? I’ll drop you off where the kids won’t see if it helps?”

Claire gave a nod and a shrug at the same time, and followed him out of the door, waving goodbye to Castiel as they went. She slid into the Impala, and did up her belt as Dean climbed in. He hadn’t given her many rides but he loved to work his muscle car and she knew he didn’t drive gentle. It was like Dean imagined he was in the Indie500 or something.

“I’m sorry,” he offered as he gunned the engine. “Cas is right, I know things are different to when we were growing up and that’s part of the reason we can even be together. I’d hate it if someone turned around to me and asked if I was really happy with him or if I was avoiding some chick. I guess it’s just that, I see how happy you’re getting and I’d hate it if you sold yourself short. Does that make sense?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you angry with me?”

“No. Not really.”

“Then what’s up? Worried about the kids at school if they see me giving you another ride?”

“No. Just thinking. You were saying how great sex is and I’m going to totally ignore the fact you were probably thinking about my dad at that point. Dad gave me that book, right? It said a lot of stuff about sex and sexuality and that some asexuals are sex positive and some are indifferent, some are repulsed. So if I ever had sex and liked it I don’t have to have an identity crisis. But I don’t think that’s me.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“So, when I’m weird about you and my dad, it’s not about you and him.”

“It grosses you out.” Dean stated flatly. “Sex.”

“Yeah.”

Dean didn’t reply, and when Claire peered at him, his face had gone an interesting puce colour.

“You’re really not coping with this, are you?” She grinned.

“Anything I can think of to say loops back to Cas,” he said through gritted teeth. “I can’t think of a way to stop this being gross for you.”

“It’s okay, Dean. The cowboy hat helps,” she patted his arm condescendingly. He grimaced.

“Yeah. Anyway, did you notice? He totally blanked me when I said you were our kid. You think I pissed him off saying that?”

“Does Dad even get pissed off?” Claire smirked. “He can be like a robot.”

“Cas? My Cas? Yeah, he gets pissed off. Maybe he’s trying to protect you still, or he’s putting what you need first. But Cas feels a lot of things very strongly that maybe don’t always show. And I get the feeling he kicked us out because I crossed a line.”

“It’s like our thing though, to call you my stepdad.” Claire pointed out. “I mean, that’s where this is heading, right?”

“I want it to. All those stupid rumours amongst the kids aside, I want to be part of your lives. But maybe Cas isn’t on our page yet.”

“Want me to talk to him?” Claire asked, as Dean stopped the car. They were half a block from the school.

“That might be good. Are you cool to go from here? I’m still trying to be careful, I mean,” Dean had that awkward expression on his face again, the one he wore when discussing sex earlier.

“Yeah. It’s stupid.”

“It’s risky. I know kids just like to gossip but this one’s a lot worse than me boning Sam. There’s more consequences. And while people don’t know about me and Cas,” he sighed. “It shouldn’t be your problem. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, dork.”

He forced a smile, and she slid out of the car, heading straight for her locker, ignoring the other kids as she passed them. She swapped her books over, and headed for Alex’s locker, where her girlfriend stood, sliding a notebook into her schoolbag.

“Hey,” Claire nodded at her, trying to be nonchalant. Alex looked up and gave her a small smile, and Claire felt a little niggling sensation in her gut.

“Hi, Claire,” Alex’s tone was warm, but they kept a distance between them. Still, Claire felt like she was giving the whole thing away. They walked together to class, and Claire was barely aware of the other kids, of their stupid comments and obvious staring. She was aware of the distance between herself and Alex, the way their steps matched, the electricity that she felt on the edge of her arm as though there was a current between the two of them even though they didn’t touch. They talked about the same old things as normal, homework and who Mr Singer was going to deem an idjit today, what kind of mood Mr Fitzgerald would be in, but it felt like a front, a cover for the way her chest constricted, her thoughts on Alex’s hair and the way it looked so perfect even though Alex had done nothing to it.

Everything felt like an out of body experience, even as they settled into the classroom, taking out their books and settling in their seats. Claire snuck a look at her girlfriend as their teacher walked in, and they shared a brief smile, full of secrets, before Alex turned her attention to their work. Claire, on the other hand, felt another sharp sensation in her chest. It took her far too long to realise it was a stab of attraction.

 

*

 

Alex came to the apartment again that afternoon, after school. Castiel had waved them both upstairs, smiling gently at the both of them as they passed by in the store. They settled on the couch with sodas and a bag of mini donuts, Claire spreading their assignments out in front of them. She settled back on the seat, and found Alex’s arm running along the sofa behind her shoulders.

“We don’t have to get started straight away, you know. We can relax a little.”

Alex caressed her arm with an open hand, and goose pimples immediately erupted as Claire’s breathing became shallow. Alex was pressing closer and Claire had another out of body experience, feeling like she was watching this happening to someone else from their perspective, even as her skin tingled at Alex’s proximity. She tried to give herself a pep talk, to remind herself that Alex was her girlfriend now, that Alex knew this was all new to her and she wouldn’t push her boundaries. They had already kissed a few times, and it had gone well each time, so why was she feeling panicked? Especially as Alex didn’t seem to want to do more than just hug. She didn’t seem to notice Claire’s internal conflict, however.

“I know we’re keeping this to ourselves, but it was so hard not to hold your hand at school,” Alex spoke quietly, threading her fingers through Claire’s. “I’m so glad you’re my girlfriend.”

Claire forced a smile, but stayed where she was, not even reaching across to touch the curtain of hair that held her interest so much. She didn’t resist Alex’s fingers slotting into hers, didn’t back away as her girlfriend slid closer, bending until her face was inches from Claire’s.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Claire didn’t have a response, and it seemed like her internal panic wasn’t showing because Alex was coming closer and closer, pressing their lips together gently. She tried to calm herself down, reminding herself over and over again that it was okay, they had done this before, this was what was meant to happen. Her mouth responded like it was separate to the rest of her, moving in a gentle rhythm against Alex’s.

And then it happened. It felt slimy and slug-like, nothing like how anyone described it. It was gross and invasive and Claire pushed Alex away before reason caught up with her and she could understand that it was Alex’s tongue.

“Claire?”

“No!” The words tore themselves out before she could reconnect with her mouth.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Alex’s words were soothing, as was her tone. She reached a hand up to cup Claire’s face, and she batted it away, leaning forward and resting her forehead between her knees. “I’m sorry.”

Claire just tried to concentrate on the glimpse of a book she could see on the coffee table, though she was hyperaware of Alex shifting away from her slightly, putting the distance between them. She knew Alex was probably hurt, but how could she make her girlfriend feel better about the whole thing when she wasn’t even sure why she had reacted so badly? When she couldn’t even calm down enough to speak.

“Should … should I get your dad?” Alex sounded hesitant, like she didn’t want to leave Claire. And Claire felt a different pang, one she hadn’t felt for a while. She didn’t want Castiel, as understanding as he had proven himself in the past few months. She wanted her mom. She didn’t want to talk and analyse, she wanted unconditional love and comfort within her own boundaries.

Alex got up from the sofa and Claire heard her walking towards the apartment door, ready to head down and into the store.

“Sorry,” Claire whispered before the door opened. Alex stopped.

“Are you okay?”

Claire managed to shake her head, but couldn’t look up. She sensed Alex hesitating by the door.

“What happened, Claire? Do you not want to do this? You don’t have to go out with me to spare my feelings, you know.”

“I do,” her voice came out pathetically weak. “We make sense.”

“Except when I try to kiss you.” Alex said flatly.

“I’m sorry. I’m doing my best.”

“Look … I’m going to go home, study there. I think we both need some time.” Alex crept closer, and took her books from the coffee table, and her schoolbag from the floor. “I’ll talk to you in school tomorrow, okay?”

Claire looked up as she walked out, and slumped sideways on the couch. Castiel was closing up the store that night, she had a couple of hours before he would come up. She looked up at the ceiling, and spoke softly.

“How did you do it, Mom? How did you kiss a man you didn’t really love, who didn’t really love you? How did you make yourself sleep with him? How did either of you end up having me?”

There was no answer, but Claire knew what it would have been, as though Amelia was doing exactly as Castiel had suggested and talking through her memories. She had loved Castiel, or at least cared about him enough to want those things with him, to check those boxes. It was Castiel who would give a more considered answer to her dilemma. But Castiel was a few hours from being ready to talk with her, so she made herself put it out of her mind and muddle through her homework as best as she could without Alex there.

 

*

 

Claire had attempted to cook once her homework was done, and Castiel came upstairs to find her scraping pasta into a bowl and covering it in sauce and cheese.

“Wow, dinner!” He beamed at her.

“Yeah. Is Dean with you?”

“No. He’s busy tonight, it’s just you and me.”

Claire looked at the mound of pasta she’d just made, trying to provide enough for Dean’s endless appetite.

“I’ll have some for lunch tomorrow, Claire, it’s fine. Thank you for cooking.” He came around the counter and gave her a hug. “Alex didn’t stay long tonight.”

Claire froze, and he cocked his head to one side.

“Something happened.” He stated, then took the dish from Claire’s hands, and put it into the oven, before guiding Claire onto a chair. “Talk to me.”

“How do you stand it?” She mumbled.

“Stand what?”

“Kissing someone. More than kissing someone. Even Dean, who you love? Especially Mom, since you didn’t?”

Castiel looked away for a moment, at their meal cooking in the oven.

“I enjoy it, Claire. It’s a nice way to express your feelings for someone.”

Claire looked down at her feet. Maybe Castiel wasn’t the most understanding person she could have discussed this with.

“But that’s me, Claire. And I told you that whatever happened with Amelia, it was what I thought was meant to happen. Kissing her wasn’t unpleasant, it just wasn’t intoxicating like it is with Dean. With everything you said you learned about yourself through that book, is it really that surprising that you don’t enjoy it?”

“I like Alex.”

“I know.” Castiel’s tone was still gentle. “But does she know everything about where you stand? Does she know that you weren’t rejecting her, you were just going past your limits?”

“I couldn’t say anything.”

He stroked her hair tenderly.

“Bear, it’ll be okay. If she cares about you the way I think she does, she’ll hear you out. You just have to be honest with her.”

“Thanks Dad.”

“I’ll set the table.”

Castiel started opening drawers, and Claire watched him pottering around the kitchen.

“So, what did Dean have to do tonight?”

Castiel paused with his hands in the cupboard where they kept the glasses, before looking at her.

“I asked him not to come over.”

“He thinks you’re mad about the whole future stepdaughter, fake dad thing.”

Castiel sighed and took the glasses down.

“I wish he hadn’t involved you.”

“Did he get it right?”

Castiel sighed.

“To an extent. I’m enjoying my time with him, I’m grateful that the two of you get on so well. But it does feel like he’s rushing this a little too much for me. He’s practically living with us, he talks about our future a lot. I just want to enjoy my time with him, and enjoy having you here.”

“So, it’s like a night off from being his boyfriend.”

“Essentially. I want the same things, Claire. I want him to be your stepfather eventually, I want to cultivate a life with him. But experience means I just want to enjoy the time it takes to get there. I’m sure you’re the one person who can truly appreciate that.”

Claire nodded. She would hate it if Alex pressured her past her limits, and at least Alex had backed off when Claire had freaked out over the kiss. She was lucky to have a girlfriend who would do that, even though Alex was clearly hurt.

“Does Dean realise that you just want to go a little slower?”

Castiel nodded.

“I told him when I asked him to give us a break tonight. And Alex will understand too, if she cares about you the way I think she does.”

“Thanks Dad.”

Castiel gave her a small smile, and pulled the pasta back out of the oven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legit my first thoughts with tongue kissing. It's tough when you care about someone and they want to do things like that when you're perfectly happy with hugs.
> 
> Also, sorry if Dean comes off as a jerk. That tends to be the reaction when you tell people you're ace, and Dean is pretty happy with having sex, and he has few filters so he felt like the best person to be asking those stupid questions. But hey, at least he's savvy enough to accept it's a sexual identity, it doesn't always happen.


	18. Chapter 18

Alex was almost impossible to pin down, despite the girls sharing a lot of classes together. Like she knew that Claire wanted to talk and she wasn’t prepared to discuss anything. And sure, they had agreed not to go public and it was only a couple of days that they had been together but her father was right, Claire had to establish their boundaries.

Eventually she found Alex outside, leaning against a tree and reading a book as she ate a sandwich.

“Hey,” Claire smiled at her. Alex turned a page and took another bite. Since she wasn’t running away, Claire plonked herself down in front of her, and looked around. The day was cool, and most of the other kids were eating inside. It was safe to have this talk. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

Alex didn’t even look away from the page, and Claire settled with her legs crossed, double-checking that Alex didn’t have earbuds in before she carried on.

“It wasn’t about you. Remember the other day, when I said Dad gave me that book and it helped me figure things out? And I said I needed to go slow?”

Alex finally glanced in her direction, only her eyes moving, but Claire could still see it.

“Well, I meant like, snail slow. Sloth slow. Frozen in ice slow. You … you took it further than I was ready for.”

Alex looked up properly, closing the book.

“We’ve kissed before,” Alex whispered.

“Yeah. Just mouths.”

“If you’re just messing me around, Claire, then forget this.”

“I’m not,” Claire put a hand over Alex’s book. “Look, I don’t know if I’m gay, or straight, or what. Dad said that’s completely normal, especially for someone like me.”

“Someone like-”

“I’m aces.” It felt strange to have those words leave her mouth in front of anyone she didn’t consider a parent figure. Alex looked nonplussed. “Dean thinks it’s great that Dad will never have to worry about me getting pregnant. And he doesn’t even know about us. It was funny seeing him try and understand what I was even saying. But look, I’m still figuring things out, like what all the words mean and what fits me. What I do know is that I like you and I like the idea of us. I do. I just … I just need all the patience, okay?”

“What do you mean, aces?” Alex frowned. Claire pulled out her cell phone discreetly, logged in and showed Alex a web page she had saved. Alex read with the phone wedged behind the book, and then returned the phone when she was done. “I wasn’t trying to sleep with you.”

“I know. I wasn’t saying you were. But I’m already freaked out by what I do feel and the fact you’re my girlfriend. And I like you, Alex, so much, but that’s kinda separate.”

Alex’s brow furrowed.

“I’m trying to understand, Claire. But what are you actually saying?”

“That I want you to be my girlfriend. And I wish you had stuck around so I could calm down and explain what was going on in my head. Because it wasn’t ‘ewww, Alex is kissing me’, it was ‘oh my God, was that her tongue?’ and I just freaked.”

“So … we go at your pace?”

Claire nodded.

“If that’s okay. And I’ll try my best not to freak out on you. I’m sorry I pushed you away, I wasn’t thinking  straight.”

There was a small smile tugging at Alex’s mouth.

“Definitely not thinking straight. You mind if I read up a little more on asexuality?”

“Of course not. I’m doing the same thing. I’m only a couple of days ahead of you.”

Alex grinned.

“I’m borrowing your dad’s book.”

“Deal.” Claire grinned back. “So, we’re still good?”

“Yeah. I guess we just have to find our feet.”

There was a yell in the distance, and they both looked back at the school where a huge huddle was building by the doors leading to the canteen. They stood up and walked together towards the crowd.

“What’s going on?” Alex asked Claire, but some runty freshman turned around and answered.

“Some of the school governors came, and the head of the PTA. They’ve gone into Principal Winchester’s office.”

“And that’s a big drama?” Claire snorted. The freshman nodded.

“Yeah, they heard about him sleeping with that new girl, Clara.”

Claire’s heart sank into the pit of her stomach. They were talking about her. Alex saved her before she could go in crisis mode.

“That was just stupid gossip.”

“Was it? Everyone was saying it, I’m surprised it took this long for them to get involved. I guess they needed proof or something.”

The freshman’s friend nudged him, and whispered in his ear. His eyes widened and he looked Claire up and down, before slinking off with his friend.

“Oh, this is total BULLSHIT!” Claire let loose. Several people in the crowd jumped, and glanced at her, then looked away quickly as though they realised the situation that was brewing. She could hear the whispers starting. “What proof? What could they possibly prove?”

The whispering increased, and the crowd broke up as Mr Singer limped through the crowd towards Claire, and Alex who remained at her side.

“Novak, come with me. Now.” He glanced at Alex. “Alone.”

The whispering followed her, words jumping out at her, like _fire_ and _doing it_ and _Principal Winchester_. She tried to tune it out, and focus on wherever her grouchy history teacher was taking her.

She found herself in a room with Sam, Mr Singer and two people she hadn’t met before. Mr Singer gestured for her to sit at a desk, but she remained standing near the wall, her arms crossed, her position defensive.

“Claire, You’re not in any trouble,” Sam started gently. “You know Mr Singer. And this is Michael Edlund from the PTA,” he gestured to a dark-haired, brooding man sitting behind the teacher’s desk. “And Chuck Shurley, one of the school governors.” The other man, though supposedly more important than the first, stood against the whiteboard, chewing his nails nervously. Sam sat on the teacher’s desk, and looked at Claire with huge eyes.

“Claire, you have probably heard that Michael and Chuck’s associates are currently talking to your principal,” Sam continued drily, his voice giving no indication about his feelings towards his brother’s situation. “And regardless of what the truth is, I’m sure you know the reason they’re talking to him. Michael and Chuck want to talk to you about the same thing. Bobby and I are here to help you, to help them, and to help the principal all get to the truth, okay?”

Claire frowned, just for a moment, and Sam clarified.

“Sorry, Mr Singer, not Bobby.”

The nervous man, Chuck, stepped forward, scrubbing his beard as he thought. Claire wished she were anywhere but in front of these men, being forced to discuss this when she could barely kiss her girlfriend. She didn’t want to tell them anything, about Dean and her dad, or Alex being her girlfriend, or being ace.

“So, Claire, how do, you think these, rumours started?” Chuck asked, his pacing off, pausing at odd points in the sentence. He bounced nervously on his feet. Claire shrugged.

“Do you feel like you fit in at school?”

Claire looked out the window.

“You’re not in trouble, Claire,” he repeated. She gave him a one shoulder shrug.

“This about your safety.”

“And others,” Michael added from his seat. “She _did_ burn down her last school.”

She definitely wasn’t going to talk in front of that douchebag.

“I’m sure that was a misunderstanding.” Sam said quietly, but with a tone that implied he didn’t have much patience for this Michael. “And Claire’s not on trial here.”

“And your involvement is already questionable, given that this centres on your brother.” Michael snapped right back. “I said your presence wasn’t advisable.”

“Idjits.” Mr Singer muttered under his breath. Claire smirked at that, which he caught. He gave her the subtlest wink and returned to the argument. Claire zoned out as the four men debated what to do, what questions to ask first, and instead she began to wonder when they would let her go, what it would mean when they did. Whether her father knew what was going on, how that would impact his relationship.

“Claire? Claire!” Mr Singer was getting her attention. She looked at him. “Did you hear that?”

She shook her head, and Chuck inched closer.

“You’re to go home for the rest of the day. Your father will come to pick you up. We’re going to arrange for you to be homeschooled for the rest of the week. Your friends will bring you your work. This is not a punishment, it’s to keep you away from the worst of it as we try and sort this issue out.”

She felt numb as Michael placed a call to the book store, and they all talked quietly as they waited for Castiel to show up. He must have left while on the call to Michael, as it took him no time at all to show up, pulling Claire into a tight hug, and wordlessly taking her out of the school. He didn’t speak as they climbed into his Lincoln, or throughout the short drive back home. Castiel only spoke when they were safely in their apartment.

“I’m so sorry, Claire.”

“I’m sorry, Dad. I couldn’t say anything.”

“I know,” he shot her a small wistful smile. “Dean and I wanted discretion. Your relationship with Alex is new, as is your understanding of your own identity. It makes it complicated to explain that of course you’re not having an affair with your principal when you have a girlfriend, I’m his boyfriend, and you have no desire for a physical relationship.”

“So, what do we do?” Claire asked. Castiel sighed.

“I suppose you have to do your assignments until they let you back into school. I’ll try and get in contact with Dean and see where we can possibly go from here.”

“Dad, I,” Claire began, but Castiel waved it away.

“It’s not your fault, Claire. Please, don’t blame yourself.”

“It’s not your fault or Dean’s fault either. You can’t help that you fell in love.”

Castiel kissed her forehead, and disappeared into his bedroom. He returned a few minutes later with a large box, which he held the same way he held with his letters to Claire.

“I may regret giving you these, it’s horrible timing, but I owe you them, and they might help take your mind off what’s happened.”

He handed the box over, and looked her in the eye with a concerned gaze.

“Don’t think any worse of either of us when you read them. Whatever was said was out of frustration and a shared love of our daughter.”

“I won’t, Dad.”

He pursed his lips, and let go of the box.

“I should get back to the store. If you need me, come find me.”

“Thanks Dad. And hey,” she said as he began to walk away. “It’s all going to work out. One way or anything, we’ll make it happen. You won’t have to say goodbye to Dean.”

“Thank you,” he nodded once, and left. Claire looked down at the heavy box in her hands, and wondered if the weight was from the paper, or the emotion loaded onto the pages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's such a short chapter compared to others.
> 
> And ugh, I'm reading a book by an author I love right now, and she has an aroace character and I was hoping I would feel happy about that, but the character is so emotionless that it feels like the worst kind of stereotype. And now I'm disappointed in someone I adore :(


	19. Chapter 19

_Amelia,_

_Since you refuse to take my calls or even have our lawyers set up a meeting, I feel like this is the last avenue I have to contact you, to reach out to you._

_I am sorry, Amelia. I tried to fight this, tried to honour my wedding vows and commit to you. But I can’t deny it any more, I can’t live this lie. And you are being so unreasonable about this. I did not choose this, any more than you chose to be blonde, than our child decided to be a girl. I just didn’t realise before, that this was a part of me._

_The terms of the divorce state that we have to agree on our custody arrangements for Claire. I’m still yet to hear from you what you want to do. My new apartment has a room for Claire, and I can be flexible with when she comes. But she will come, Amelia. All your threats to keep her from me are unfair. I am still her father, just because I am no longer your husband it doesn’t mean that changes._

_Sioux Falls isn’t that far from Pontiac. I can drive to pick her up every weekend, or she can fly over. She’ll like this town. You would too._

_I’ll wait to hear from either you or your lawyers about Claire’s visits._

_Castiel._

 

_Amelia,_

_Are you serious? Supervised visitation rights? Realising that I’m not heterosexual doesn’t mean I am a danger to my nine-year-old. I am NOT a danger to Claire. How dare you insinuate otherwise. You have kept our daughter from me for too long already, Amelia. I will fight this, I will fight for her. She is not a pawn to be used during our separation. You need to find another outlet for your anger that doesn’t hurt my little girl._

_Castiel_

 

_Castiel,_

_I am writing this under supervision of my lawyers, because I don’t think acting rashly as you yourself have is ideal in this situation. Your letters show your intense, unpredictable nature that has developed since you started divorce proceedings and that is why I am looking for you to be supervised when - if - seeing our daughter._

_You need to provide evidence of having a good set up, of a safe and nurturing environment for my pre-teen. You need to abide by the court stipulations, and you need to understand how much our divorce has unsettled her life. You are the one who put your desires above her needs, you’re the one who needs to prove himself. If I ever discover that you have a slew of men traipsing through your apartment, exposing her to a world she doesn’t need to know exists, I will work to make sure you never have custody of her. You have put your need for other men first. I must put her needs first._

_Please stop these unchecked letters to myself and Claire. They do more harm than good._

_Amelia_

 

_Amelia,_

_Are you really so naive and think so little of me that you think I would do that to Claire? That I would do that in the first place?_

_And for your information, these letters are also written under supervision of my lawyers, who cannot understand why, after so much time has already passed, you cannot seem to arrange a time for my daughter to visit. I do not appreciate any of your insinuations in regards to her. Would you have preferred for us to continue to live a lie? Perhaps I could have thrown away my conscience and had affairs behind your back and taught our daughter secrets and deceit, would that have been more beneficial?_

_We have shared custody, it’s high time I saw my daughter again. My lawyers will convey to yours when that will happen. I find it impossible to believe that Claire doesn’t miss me the way I miss her, that she doesn’t ask you questions. She deserves to hear the truth from me._

_Castiel_

 

Claire put down the letters with shaking hands. Neither of them had cursed, or done anything other than imply each other’s behaviour, and yet there was so much bitterness. Even though Claire could see from the dates that it was only a couple of months after the divorce. She picked a random letter from the back of the neat rows nestled in the boxes instead.

 

_Castiel,_

_I am ill. You have been told this. I am in hospital, and very fortunate that the mail arrived after Claire left for school._

_I don’t know why you insist on chasing this issue when the last few years have shown you it’s futile. Claire doesn’t want to know. I don’t want to know. We are preoccupied with my sickness._

_If you continue to push for contact with Claire, I will get a restraining order. This is ridiculous. And that goes double if the worst should happen to me. You will have to fight my parents to get to Claire. I will include it in my will that they get full custody of her._

_This has taken me over an hour to write. I am too tired for this right now._

_Amelia._

 

It didn’t make Claire feel any less nauseated. Everything Castiel had said had been true, her mother had kept them apart. And Amelia had lied. She had been so horrible to Castiel when she moved in with him, not understanding just what he’d put up with, what he’d tried to protect her from. She put the letters back in the box and wandered towards the store. She stopped when she heard voices and ducked into a small alcove.

“So, what are you going to do?” Charlie asked in an unnaturally quiet voice.

“I have no idea. I feel like I can’t even call him, or text him.”

“Of course you can!”

“No. I can’t. Because where’s the proof it’s me and not Claire? Or that I’m trying to get our story straight. Charlie, this is serious.”

“Do you want me to pass a message on to Sam?”

“I don’t know.”

“Cas, come on. Sam’s smart, he wouldn’t blab to the wrong person. Keep it PG and he’ll be fine.”

“Okay, okay. Um, let him know I’m sorry, and I want to see him, and I hope it blows over.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s all considering it’s going through you and Sam before Dean hears it.” Castiel sighed. “I’m regretting asking him for some space the other day.”

“Why did you do that anyway?”

“He keeps talking about marriage, about being a family. He and Claire have a routine for it. I just wanted one night to be sure it wasn’t going too fast, I didn’t want this.”

“Cas, you’re practically married to the guy already. Nothing wrong with going fast when it’s right. And it’s not like you wanting a little bit of time with Claire is the whole reason that someone squealed to the school governors.”

There was a tinkle of the bell as the door to the store opened, and Claire heard them moving away to greet their customer. Claire counted to five and moved out of her alcove, and straight into Alex.

“Sorry!” She yelped, grabbing out for her girlfriend before she could stumble.

“I was coming to see you, didn’t think you’d beat me down here,” Alex gave a small sideways smirk. “How’re you holding up?”

Claire shook her head.

“Come on,” she nodded back to the apartment, leading the way up the stairs and in through the apartment door. They settled on the sofa, facing each other and leaning sideways against the back support.

“So?” Alex asked, taking one of Claire’s hands gently, rubbing the back of one knuckle. “What happened after they took you away at lunch? No one was telling me anything.”

Claire explained about the meeting with the teachers, and her suspension. Alex’s expression turned sour as she talked.

“Wait, so because some schmuck thinks that Dean giving you a ride means you’re with him, you’ve been suspended while they try and work out if it’s true or not?”

“Pretty much.”

“That’s bogus,” Alex sat up straighter. “There must be something we can do?”

“Like what?” Claire leaned back, her head settling against the arm rest. “I do anything and it’s a cover for boning Dean. No one’s going to listen. And what am I going to do, sell out my dad?”

“Or you could tell them the truth about you and me? It’s so hard not to tell people you’re my girlfriend, especially the cheer team.”

Claire closed her eyes, not even trying to answer. It had been days since they started going out, she wasn’t ready for the comments, for the way people would look at them.

“Claire?”

“They’ll just think we’re trying to cover the truth. And you know I need to go slow.”

Alex sighed, and patted Claire’s knee.

“It was just a suggestion. You know I’m not going to push before you’re ready. It might be hard not to say something for me, but only because I’m so into you.” Alex shifted closer, and Claire opened her eyes to see her girlfriend hovering above her, hair hanging down and tickling along her arms. “But I’m not going to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“You don’t have to reassure me,” Claire breathed out, reaching up to run her fingers through Alex’s hair. Alex smirked, and slipped between Claire and the back of the sofa, slipping an arm around Claire’s shoulders. Claire carried on playing with her hair. “I’m not trying to shut you up.”

“I know.” Alex smiled softly. “I was just trying to think of something that could help.”

“This right now? This helps,” Claire tucked a lock of hair behind Alex’s ear, and shifted closer to kiss her. Still just a press of lips together, but it was sweet and soothing, and not too much for Claire to process. Alex rested her forehead against Claire’s, both of them grinning as they curled up against each other.

“Is this okay?” Alex whispered.

“Yeah,” Claire whispered back.

“Your dad won’t freak out if he walks in on this?”

“No.”

Claire pressed another kiss on Alex’s mouth, and then sat up.

“Hey, um, can I show you something? In my bedroom?”

“Any other person would use that as a line, you know that, right?” Alex smirked up at her. Claire rolled her eyes.

“Yes, but it’s me, and you’re the smartest person I know.”

Alex bit her lip, and got off of the sofa, following Claire into her room. They sat side by side on the bed, and Claire passed over the letters between her parents that she had opened.

“Dad gave me a whole box of these when I got home. Everything he and Mom said to each other when Mom was pretending Dad walked away without looking back.”

“Why give you them now?” Alex sounded perplexed as she held the letters gingerly.

“Because he wants to be honest. But it sucks.”

Alex read the top letter, the last one that Claire had read. The one that Amelia had written from the hospital.

“She sounds bitter.”

“She wasn’t, not around me.”

Alex nodded, and read the next letter in the pile, one of Castiel’s missives.

“He was pretty desperate to see you.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry your mom died.”

“Me too. I wish I could have just had what Dad was asking for, seeing him regularly, having my mom alive now.”

“But then we wouldn’t have met.” Alex pointed out.

“Yeah.” Claire bit her lip. “It’s weird how much good stuff has happened since she died. I still wouldn’t want her to go, but I’m glad I have Dad back, and you, and Dean and Charlie.”

Alex linked their arms together.

“I don’t even remember my Mom. Or my dad. I was in a bad place when Jody found me, gave me a place to live. But Jody has been the best version of a mom I could ask for. Sometimes you have to go through total crap to get where you’re meant to go.”

Claire rested her head against Alex’s shoulder.

“I hope you’re right.”

“I am. And your dad’s meant to be with Dean. It’ll all work out.”

Claire kissed Alex’s shoulder as her girlfriend leaned on her.

“And whatever you want to do Claire, I’m right beside you. If you want to come clean about us, or want to cover for your dad or whatever, I’ll support that.”

Claire didn’t have the words to express how grateful she was to her girlfriend right then. She didn’t know how to show it either, not without pushing past her own boundaries. She merely kissed Alex’s shoulder once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for yet another delay :( we're prepping for sale at the moment at work, and I've had a CFS flare up/bug on top.


	20. Chapter 20

It had been a long week of staying at home, doing schoolwork in the store while Castiel and Charlie went about their normal duties, waiting for Alex to visit with more work, gossip about the other students and those tender moments that were becoming easier to slip into. Alex had brought the news of when the PTA and school board were going to have a formal hearing in school, and that they wanted Claire there to talk to properly.

She walked slowly up to the school, Alex by her side and Castiel not far behind them. Castiel hadn’t spoken much about the situation, but it was so clear that he was missing Dean. He had withdrawn into himself, reading the comic books and listening to Dean’s records, drinking beer rather than wine. It was almost as though he were using Dean’s passions to make up for his absence.

Chuck Shurley met them at the door and escorted them to the cafeteria, which had been rearranged slightly to resemble a court set up; rows of chairs either side of an aisle, leading up to a few chairs facing the opposite direction. Michael Edlund was there, in the central seat almost like a judge, and Dean was in the front row of people facing forward, right next to his brother. Castiel and Alex took their seats beside Jody in one of the rows as Chuck led Claire into the seat beside Michael’s.

And then it began. Michael explained the point of the day to the room at large, before Chuck stuttered at Claire.

“So, Cl-Claire. I want you to know that you’re not in any trouble. Today isn’t about blaming you. It’s about getting to the truth okay? So I need you to tell me the truth. Can you do that?”

Claire looked over at Dean and Sam, who were carefully avoiding eye contact. She sought her father in the crowd, but all the faces blurred together and she couldn’t pick him out. She met Chuck’s eye reluctantly, and nodded, swallowing hard as she did. She had already made up her mind that she wasn’t going to confess anything about Dean and Castiel’s relationship, but she could still tell the truth around that omission.

“We’ll start slowly, okay?”

She nodded again, and Chuck seemed a little more confident.

“Has your principal ever kissed you?”

“No.” Claire’s voice was clear, carrying across the room.

“Has he ever tried to have sex with you.”

“Ew, no.”

She saw, in her peripheral vision, Dean turn to look at her, and she kept her focus on Chuck. She wondered if Dean was remembering the same thing she was, the last time he had been over and she had said the same thing about high school boys.

“Or touched you inappropriately?”

“No.”

“Has he hugged you?”

Claire wracked her brains.

“No,” she dragged the word out. “But I’ve hugged him.”

“Will you tell me about it?” Chuck’s voice was kindly. Claire felt herself warming to him.

“Uh, sure. Um,” she took a deep breath in, and tried to steel herself. “My mom died, it’s how I live with my dad now. How I ended up at this school. And Mr Winchester has been pretty cool talking about it, because he lost his mom young too. He gave me a ride to school one time to make sure I was okay, because my dad was working and they’re friends. I wanted to say thank you but I couldn’t say it without sounding like a dork so I hugged him. That’s what started all this stupid stuff, someone saw that hug and thought it meant something it didn’t.”

“It was only the one hug?” Chuck wanted to know.

“Yeah.”

“Any other physical contact between the two of you?”

Claire took another moment to think.

“He’s touched my arms before. Like, one time he was talking to Dad and I walked passed and his touched me here,” she pointed to her elbow. “And he stopped me from getting into an argument with someone, he put his hands on my shoulders and walked me off.”

“Was your father present both times?”

“Not when he stopped me from arguing with that person, no.”

“Describe what happened,” Chuck stepped back slightly. “How you ended up alone together, why you were going to end up fighting.”

Claire heaved a sigh.

“I hadn’t been at the school for very long. Dad and Mr Winchester are really good friends, and I wasn’t getting on with my dad at the time. It’s complicated. So Mr Winchester thought maybe if he took me somewhere to talk up my dad, it would help. We were playing mini golf, making smack talk, I was kicking his butt. And some other kids from school showed up and made some stupid comments, and it got to me. Mr Winchester was just trying to make sure I didn’t do something I’d regret. He wouldn’t have touched me otherwise.”

“Do you have feelings for your principal?”

“Are you serious?” Claire snorted out. “No.”

“From what we’ve researched, you used to have a lot of friends in your other schools. Here you only seem to interact with Alex Jones.”

“What’s your point?”

“It implies you’re being secretive, not trusting many people.”

Claire folded her arms across her chest, re-evaluating her opinion of Chuck.

“My mom died. It’s been hard to deal with. It’s not being secretive, I just miss her.”

Someone in the crowd snorted, and Claire rolled her eyes.

“You did your research, you know how little I saw my dad. I’m more concerned about my relationship with him than anything else. I only got to know Alex because we’re project partners and we’ve talked since working on assignments together, we became friends that way. It’s got nothing to do with Mr Winchester.”

“There’s no smoke without fire. People have noticed your principal’s car parked outside your apartment all night, and then he gives you a ride to school the next day.”

Claire sat back in her chair, and looked at the floor sullenly. It was hard not to tell the truth about the whole situation when she felt goaded. When she answered, her voice was clipped with her irritation.

“Sometimes, he comes to see my dad after work. Sometimes they get talking too late. Sometimes he stays over. When this stuff first started, Dad said he was alarmed how quickly people assumed it was over me. But let’s get this clear.” She sat up, and looked Chuck in the eye, knowing what this admission was going to cost her. “I. Am. A. Virgin.”

There was some sniggering in the back of the room, and Claire ignored it. Chuck did too. Claire bristled, and leaned forward in her chair.

“Are we done now?”

“I am. Samuel?” Chuck looked at Sam, who shook his head. “Okay, you can sit there.”

Chuck pointed to a seat directly in front of them, and Claire did as she was told, Chuck settling into the seat beside her. She leaned slightly away from him as Dean took her vacated seat, and Sam stood up to talk to his brother.

“I’m sorry its come to this,” Sam began. Dean nodded.

“Me too. Mostly, I’m sorry Cas and Claire had to go through this.”

“I know.”

It was like no one else was in the room, the two brothers just having a conversation that they just all happened to be witnesses to. Claire wondered what they were going to say that would possibly save Dean’s job.

“I know how important it is, for them to be together right now,” Dean’s voice was lower, like he didn’t want to admit to this truth. “I feel like I let them down, exposing them to this.”

“It wasn’t intentional.”

“I should’ve thought it through more.”

Sam smiled at that.

“That’s really not your style.” He sobered up quickly. “Dean, have you been having an affair with Claire?”

“No.” Dean was vehement about that. “Not Claire.”

There were a couple of gasps around the room, as though Dean had admitted something huge. He carried on before Sam could ask anything else.

“I wouldn’t say affair either. I’m not cheating on anyone. It’s a relationship, Sam. Two consenting adults.”

The whispers were building up behind Claire, and she could feel a nervous fluttering in her chest, like she could feel the build up of what was coming.

“Hey, I’ve seen you together, I know how it is,” Sam held up his hands in defence. “Anyone who saw the both of you together would say the exact same thing. None of them can believe it’s gone this far.”

“I can’t either. I thought this would go the same way as that rumour about you and me,” both Winchester’s pulled the same revolted face. “But it’s way out of hand now. I can handle losing my job because of this, but not everything else. Not being put on the register, or going without them.”

“You shouldn’t have to lose your job just because people have seen something they don’t understand.” Sam pointed out.

“Yeah, well. I probably will anyway, even if they believe the truth. People are still assholes about it. They say they’re not, but they are.” Dean looked up at the ceiling then, and Claire watched his Adam’s apple quivering. “But I’ve made my choice, Sammy.”

“I know. And I support it.”

Dean looked directly at his brother.

“I’m proud of Claire, for not breaking and blabbing about it.”

“Truth is relative,” Sam shrugged. Dean smirked.

“And my truth is that I’m in love with Castiel.”

The whispering stopped, and Claire turned in her seat, seeking out her father, hoping he was okay with what Dean had just said. Castiel stood up, a few rows behind his daughter, his gaze focused on his boyfriend. Dean looked at him immediately, and Claire turned her head, back and forth, watching the two of them make those eye-sex gazes at each other.

“Have been since the bar,” Dean shrugged at him.

“Me too,” Castiel was a little quieter than Dean. “I love you too, Dean.”

“Wanna gross out your daughter?” Dean smirked, nodded his head slowly, trying to influence Castiel’s response. Claire shot him a dirty look.

“No stetson, no making out.”

Dean laughed, and Castiel made his way out of his row of chairs, approaching Dean with a strangely staggered step as though he were trying not to run. Dean leaped out of his chair and met him halfway, pulling him straight into a kiss. Claire suddenly became engrossed in her nails as those gathered reacted to the scene in front of them. She listened carefully, but it all seemed positive, yes there were some whispers, but there were a few whoops and catcalls too. Claire looked up to see them still kissing, gripping each other tightly, and she knew they were making up for the week they had been separated.

They finally stopped kissing, and leaned their foreheads against each other, whispering just out of hearing. Claire knew what they were saying though, she knew Castiel wouldn’t be able to stop himself telling Dean how he had missed him, how empty the apartment had seemed without him. And she had no doubts that Dean would be doing the same thing. She had missed Dean too, the way they riffed off each other, the fact he was actually an amazing cook, the amount of respect he was trying to give her … but maybe their separation had been a good thing, maybe it had answered all of her father’s doubts.

Dean turned to Chuck, still holding Castiel close.

“Can we stop this charade now?”

Chuck hesitated beside Claire, looking to Michael, and Claire spoke up.

“Now you’ve come up for air? Geez, no one wants to see old people kissing.”

Dean turned to Castiel with a serious expression.

“Do you ground her or do I give her detention?”

“I think that depends on whether they let you keep your job.”

Dean took Castiel’s hand, and faced the room full of students, parents, teachers and governors.

“This is Castiel. My boyfriend, Claire’s father. For the record, it’s him I’ve been seeing the whole time. Not Claire, who’s a great kid but she’s still a kid. She’s still his kid. And maybe one day we’ll get serious enough that she’ll end up my kid too. Either you believe this or you don’t, and I know my job depends on that, but more than anything, I just want my family okay.”

They turned to face each other together.

“Thanks, fake dad,” Claire whisper-shouted. They grinned at each other, and Castiel reached out for his daughter. She left the seat beside Chuck to tuck into her father’s arm, and tried to shut out the crowd. Dean patted her arm, and looked between Michael and Chuck.

“So, what happens now?”

Chuck nodded to the corner of the room at Michael, who followed him to talk. Castiel pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, and Dean wrapped his arm tightly around Castiel.

“Sorry if that was too much,” Claire heard him whisper.

“It wasn’t, it was perfect. I was being stupid.”

“No, you weren’t,” Dean smiled sadly. “You’re the one who’s gone through a divorce.”

“But it’s different, with you,” Claire interrupted. “My dad barely laughed until you came along. You make him happy in a way I don’t remember him seeing. He’s just scared.”

Castiel squeezed her tightly against his side.

“Thanks, future stepdaughter,” Dean nodded, still refraining from hugging her at all. And though Claire knew why, it still upset her, made her angry, because it sucked that Dean couldn’t just be himself around her without everyone in the room thinking there was something wrong occurring right under their noses. He was a naturally affectionate guy with those he cared about, Claire had seen that much of him, and just because she was beginning to get to grips with her asexuality it didn’t mean she didn’t like being embraced by those she cared for.

Eventually, Michael walked back from his discussion with Chuck, and stood just in front of the three of them, addressing the audience behind them.

“After some careful deliberation, we have decided to reinstate Dean Winchester as your principal. This situation might be unorthodox, but we have decided that it is no different to how it would be if Claire was his biological daughter. Please return to your classes. Thank you.”

He turned to walk away, and the crowd began talking in earnest, milling around the room and making no effort to go back to the scheduled structure of the day. Alex crept closer, and Claire slipped away from her father to hug her girlfriend.

“Claire, what you said-“ Alex whispered in her ear. “About our friendship?”

“Well, we didn’t have the best start. I kind of hated you. And we did start bonding when we started working together. Look at us now, right?”

“Right.”

“Alex, you’re not my friend. You’re my girlfriend and my best friend and outside of my family, the most important thing to me.”

“Okay,” Alex sighed. “I don’t really know if I believe you … but okay.”

She let go of Claire and walked away, and Claire felt numb, like she had once again screwed up and she wasn’t quite sure how.


	21. Chapter 21

Dean had invited a lot of the faculty and other friends to his house to celebrate keeping his job, and coming out about his relationship with Castiel. It was Claire’s first time in Dean and Sam’s house, and she was surprised by how big it was. She knew, from Dean’s previous visits, that they had inherited the place but she didn’t realise how much they had inherited. It made zero sense that Dean preferred to spend his time in their pokey two-bed apartment, but that was where he spent most of his time.

Claire was still poking through all the different rooms as people filtered into the front of the house, when she stumbled across Alex, who seemed to be just as nosy.

“Hey,” she said softly. Alex jumped, and looked up, her eyes widening a little as she realised her girlfriend was there in front of her.

“Oh. Hi.”

The atmosphere was loaded. Claire wondered if they were about to break up. She didn’t want that, but Alex’s reaction after Dean’s trial …

“Can you believe Mr Winchester lives in a place like this?” Alex gestured behind her. Claire didn’t want to make stupid small talk.

“It was their grandfathers. Are you okay?”

Alex nodded, and carried on trying to avoid the subject of them.

“Yeah. I just never figured this was where our principal and English teacher live. It’s so weird.”

“Talking of weird,” Claire stepped closer into the room, and closed the door behind her. “What was going on at the end of that trial thing?”

Alex shrugged.

“Your dad kissed our principal in front of other people.”

“I mean about you and me,” Claire wasn’t going to be distracted as she shuffled closer to her girlfriend. “Where did all of that come from?”

Alex sank into a nearby chair, and chewed on the edge of her nail. Claire took a spot just beside her on another seat.

“Did you hear the way you talked about me? I know you were trying to protect your dad and I get it, but it feels like you’re not really into this. So you don’t have to be.”

Claire blinked, and sat back in her chair.

“Alex, they were acting like me being friends with you was a cover for some big affair with Dean. I was annoyed at them. What goes on with you and me is nothing to do with that stuff.”

“Right. But it’s hard not to be insecure with you, Claire. You push me away when I kiss you and you don’t wanna do anything with me, and sometimes it feels like you only said yes for an easy life.”

“An easy life? No.” Claire leaned closer. “I told you I only just figured out I’m ace, I’m still dealing with losing my mom, I’m just about okay with my dad and Dean and everything. Having a girlfriend on top of all that isn’t easy. But it’s you and you mean something. So I wanna make you happy, as happy as I can without pushing myself too far.”

Alex folded her arms and tapped a foot.

“What do you want from me, Alex?”

“I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have a girlfriend who wants me too.”

Claire took a moment to try and explain once again how she felt.

“I don’t get butterflies in my stomach, I don’t see fireworks. I don’t feel my heart beating extra or anything. I don’t think I’m capable of that. But I like you, and I know there’s no one else I wanna spend my time with. Maybe I’m not a typical girlfriend, but I’m trying for you. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be trying to get around the whole freaking-out-about-French-kissing thing. I wouldn’t call you and text you as much as I do. I wouldn’t be sitting here reassuring you that I want you. I want to be your girlfriend Alex, and I get that it’s hard when I don’t even know my limits and they can change, but you’re worth trying. I’m just asking you to meet me halfway.”

Alex looked down at her tapping foot.

“Rejection is halfway?”

“I’m not big on physical stuff. Dad and Dean are normally pretty good at keeping it away from me, but you saw how I was when we walked in on them having sex.” She cringed as Alex finally looked at her. “I didn’t choose to be like this. I never really thought about dating before, and if you hadn’t made it clear I wouldn’t be thinking it now.” She started laughing. “God, I’m the ace girl and I’m the one trying to convince you to date me.”

“It’s not funny.” Alex’s voice was clipped.

“It kind of is,” Claire grinned at her. “Look, I want to be with you. If you want to be with me, then what’s the problem?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Okay, would you’ve preferred it if I was like, Alex is my girlfriend, that’s why I spend so much time with her? Even though we agreed not to tell anyone yet because you didn’t want crap for it, even if it would have made it so much easier to protect Dean and Dad? I did the best I could, okay? Like I’m doing the best I can now.”

The door opened before Alex could say anything in response, and Sam stood on the other side, holding it open.

“Claire, Cas was wondering where you’d gone to. I’m not sure you’re meant to be up here either.”

“Sorry, I was being nosy. My first time over here.”

Sam smiled.

“Maybe once the party’s over we can give you a tour, but for now I need you in the meeting room where everyone else is. You too, Alex.”

Alex stood up and left the room without another word, without even looking at Claire. Sam watched her leave, and looked again at Claire.

“Is everything okay?”

It would have been nice to outpour to Sam, who always seemed so zen, but he didn’t know the situation and they had agreed no one beyond Jody, Dean and Cas would know until they were both ready. And even if Alex was breaking up with her, it didn’t mean she had to be a jerk about it. Claire did what she had been doing for a while now, and made up a cover story.

“Yeah, we were just talking about the whole thing at school.”

Sam nodded, leaning against the doorframe.

“You did really well. It would have been okay if you had told the truth, Dean was always planning on doing it. He just wasn’t sure how Cas would handle that without talking to him first, but there wasn’t really a chance for that.”

“I know. But I think Dad’s missed him way too much to care about that.”

“Dean’s missed Cas too. He’s been driving Eileen crazy, not being able to go see you guys.” Sam straightened up and cleared his throat. “Come on, we’d better get to the party before _that_ rumour starts.”

 

*

 

Claire didn’t see Alex again for the rest of the day, and she didn’t really have the chance to look. So many people came up to her, telling her they always knew she wasn’t sleeping with the principal and if they had any secrets they were going to her. A couple of guys were perhaps a little too friendly but luckily she managed to escape them before it got too uncomfortable. Her father and Dean were constantly surrounded with people telling them what a cute couple they made and asking for stories of how they met, pushing drinks into their hands as they chattered.

Finally, it was just Sam, Eileen, Dean, Claire, Castiel and Mr Singer in the room. Claire sat on the floor in front of her father who was playing with her hair idly, leaning against Dean. Eileen was perched on Sam’s knee, and Bobby was doing his best to embarrass the Winchesters. Claire had guessed corrected that Mr Singer was the Bobby who had helped raise Sam and Dean as kids and gotten them into teaching.

“… So then the house goes quiet. Too quiet. Sammy was a regular chatterbox and there wasn’t a peep out of either of them. I know these boys well enough to know silence is a bad sound with them. So I look everywhere, in the bedrooms, the bathroom, the kitchen, the study, the den. And then there’s this clunk outside. I had junkers all over the place at the time, I liked tweaking them and I’d been teaching Dean some things, and the clunk came from out there. I go outside, and at first I can’t see anything, and then when I go around my truck, I have to duck the half-apple that comes flying at my face. These two idjits were improvising a little baseball. Sam was wielding a wrench about twice his size like a bat and Dean was throwing apples from the crabapple tree at him to hit. They see me and Dean drops the apple in his hand and looks guilty, and Sammy tries to throw the wrench away. Took my truck window clean out, glass everywhere.”

“I thought you were going to kill him,” Dean chuckled.

“Him? You telling me it was Sammy’s idea to play baseball by my truck with a wrench? Boy, you were lucky you saw another day.” Bobby scratched at his beard. “I only took pity on you because you peed your pants when you looked at me.”

Everyone started laughing, even Dean, even Bobby. Claire leaned back against her father’s legs, and felt at peace for the first time in a while. Even with the Alex drama, it had been a long time since she was in a group of people, just listening to stories and feeling a part of the group rather than an outsider. And it was nice to hear that Bobby didn’t limit just calling students idjits, Dean and Sam got it too.

“You didn’t see everything, Bobby.” Dean said smugly from behind Claire.

“You bet your ass I did, boy.”

“Yeah, right,” Dean laughed as Sam sat forward.

“Okay, so that time that Dean went to bed early with a headache-”

“I watched him shimmy down the drainpipe. Rufus called me the second he showed up at the bar to try and hustle locals. He waited for ages before approaching Dean and then whopping his ass and taking his winnings. Gave them straight to me.”

“Wait, that was five hundred dollars!” Dean was indignant. Bobby turned a stink eye on him.

“You were Claire’s age, you weren’t meant to be in a bar, or hustling. Lesson learned, boy.”

“Okay, do you remember when Sammy was suddenly fascinated with your basement and said he was learning all about ‘the real Bobby’ down there?” Dean started.

“I liked Bones. But his owners posted flyers all over town looking for their beloved dog. I snuck him out when you were at school and took him home. And since Sammy wasn’t telling me he had smuggled a dog into the basement, I couldn’t tell him the dog was safely home.”

“Bones,” Sam moaned softly. Eileen signed at him, and he signed back, keeping their conversation between them. Claire guessed it was something about them getting a dog of their own.

“I can’t believe such an upstanding member of the community was such a rebellious teenager,” Castiel spoke up. Bobby smirked.

“You better believe I whooped his ass to get his act together. Especially after the thing in the field with the fireworks.”

“Oh, fourth of July,” Sam said wistfully.

“That was on Dad’s watch,” Dean pointed out. Bobby levelled him with a glare. “You know what I mean.”

“Watch was a loose term with John.”

Bobby looked choked up at his own comment, and Castiel patted Dean’s leg.

“I’d better take Claire home.”

“I’ll come. See you later,” he nodded at Bobby, Sam and Eileen. Claire scrambled up, and said her goodbyes before she followed Dean and Castiel to the front door, watching the way their hands naturally drew together, how their feet moved in time, the way their bodies turned slightly towards each other. She was glad they had the chance to just be happy together now, even if they had become public before they were really ready.

When they climbed into the Impala, and Dean started driving back across town, the conversation turned to Claire.

“Hey, I didn’t see Alex tonight,” Dean glanced in the rearview mirror. “Everything okay there?”

“I think she broke up with me.” Claire looked out of the window at the town rolling by.

“What? Why?”

“You tell me.”

“Give her some time,” Castiel said gently. “She might change her mind. It’s not like you’re in a typical situation.”

“Yeah,” Claire said softly, still watching the buildings flash past them.

“It’s her loss if she doesn’t,” Dean offered. “She wouldn’t just be losing a girlfriend.”

“Can we not talk about it?”

“Sure,” Castiel agreed, before looking at Dean. “Are you staying over?”

“What kind of a question is that?” Dean snorted.

“Yeah, Dean’s practically moved in already.” Claire told the window. “Or did you think all those records just magically appeared?”

“And my clothes, and my toothbrush, and my lightsaber,” Dean chuckled.

“Wait, you haven’t brushed your teeth for the last week?” Castiel double-checked.

“I had to get a new one. It’s been third-wheeling Sammy and Eileen’s.”

“Ah. Why would you move into our apartment when you have such a wonderful house?” Castiel wanted to know. “Shouldn’t Claire and I be slowly infiltrating your place?”

“I like your place. The bookstore, the apartment, it’s closer to work. You’re both settled there, Claire’s had enough moving around lately. But we can talk about it another time.” He pulled up behind the bookstore, and they all climbed out of the car, Claire headed up to the apartment in front of her father and his boyfriend.

“See you in the morning, keep it down if you’re doing it!” She called at them over her shoulder, and went into her room. She checked her cell, but there was nothing from Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update. I was doing a LOT of hours at work over Christmas because I'm hardly in January. I'm doing artwork for a Big Bang too so need to spend time on that, and I've been planning for another con. I'll be at OrlCon in just under two weeks and it's taking a lot of prep and panic with the flights and everything. But I still have a few things I want to throw at this story so don't think I've abandoned it x


	22. Chapter 22

Dean and Castiel were trying their best to be respectful of Claire and her turmoil over this new fight with Alex. She could see how hard for them it was, however, when they had just reunited. So even if they weren’t hugging or kissing, there were still tender little gestures between them. Lingering hands on wrists, glances that turned into eternal stares, bodies that turned naturally towards each other. Castiel making breakfast and not asking how Dean wanting his eggs. Dean laying a paper in front of Castiel, turning the pages for him when he got to the end of an article, their heads together when Dean wanted to read something himself. Claire watched from across the table and wondered if they were even aware of the way they synched together. If they were girls, their cycles would match up.

Claire pushed her cereal about listlessly. She was so happy they were back together, that nothing in their relationship had really changed, that they were content with what they had. But she couldn’t stop thinking about Alex.

Alex had promised to work through things with her, she had said she would be so understanding of Claire’s limitations, and yet when she had needed her girlfriend the most, she hadn’t been there. Things had been awkward at school since then too. So many kids Claire had never spoken to before gathered around her, wanting the dirt on Dean and Castiel, on what their principal was like behind closed doors, apologising for how she was treated with fake promises that they had never believed it. Alex avoided Claire’s accidental new audience during the halls and at lunch break, and barely spoke in class except to answer direct questions from the teachers.

She missed her. Castiel and Dean had been trying to reassure her that Alex just needed some time, that their friendship was worth fighting for, but Claire had her doubts. Alex was clearly stubborn when she wanted to be.

Dean gave her a ride to school. Now the truth was out about his relationship with Castiel, he drove her every morning, and some afternoons when he finished earlier. He was perky on the drive, high on the time he’d had with her father, and he was endlessly optimistic about Claire’s chances with Alex.

“I’ve known her longer than you have,” he reminded her as though they had been talking about the issue throughout the drive. Dean kept doing this to Claire. “She’s had a hard life too, Claire. Doesn’t let people in easily either. I bet she’s just as scared as you are.”

“I’m not scared,” Claire sneered. Dean chuckled.

“Okay, you’re not scared. Commitment doesn’t terrify you at fifteen. You’re not worried that you’ll freak out if she touches your waist. She’s not insecure that she’s found someone who can matter and she doesn’t think it’s reciprocated. You’re right.”

“Don’t be an ass,” Claire turned away from him.

“I’m just saying, as much as the last couple days have sucked, as hard as it is, give her a chance. She’s done this before right? Freaked out on you and a little while later, she comes back and it all gets solved. You’re young, this thing is new, you’ve both got a lot going on. Deal with the void and when she’s ready to talk? Listen.”

“Can I study for a pop quiz I have later with Fitzgerald?”

“Yeah, sure Garth gave you a pop quiz. Right. I’m not a rookie here.”

“I really hate you being my principal sometimes,” Claire muttered under her breath.

“I love being your principal,” Dean grinned back cheerfully.

 

*

 

It was another day of Alex not meeting her eye, of not being able to catch up to her in the hallway because yet another person wanted to digest what life was like when your principal was dating your divorced father. Another day where Alex disappeared at lunch, where Claire wouldn’t even see her after school because there was cheer practice, and then a game.

She couldn’t face going home after school, sitting in the empty apartment alone or hanging in the bookstore with Charlie asking incessantly about her life. She had some cash on her, so she made her way to the diner Eileen worked at, and spread her books on the table in front of her after ordering a strawberry shake and a plate of chilli cheese fries. She started on Mr Fitzgerald’s list of word problems while she waited, but barely made any progress before her food was put under her nose, and someone slid into her booth. She looked up, and into the smiling face of Eileen. She closed her math book, wondering what her teacher’s girlfriend could want.

“Hey Claire, I haven’t seen you in here for a while,” Eileen beamed. It amazed Claire how, even though Eileen had been deaf since birth, she managed to sound like anyone else who had all their senses. Eileen was a skilled lip reader too, but Claire still felt kind of bad that she didn’t know any sign language.

“I guess not. Saw you at Sam and Dean’s place start of the week though.” Claire pointed out. Eileen took a sip of her root beer float.

“True, but it’s nice to have you in here. I guess you’re escaping from Dean and your father, huh?”

Claire shook her head.

“Dean’s still at school. Dad’s shop is still open. I just wanted a change of scenery is all.”

Eileen nodded solemnly.

“Do you mind if I have my break with you? You can say no.”

“Please, distract me from my homework.”

“On a Friday night?” Eileen teased.

“You’re dating my English teacher. My dad’s dating the principal. You think I get to shirk homework?”

Eileen gave a sly grin.

“They’re not around.”

“You’re trouble,” Claire grinned. “I love it.”

“I do want to be your cool aunt Eileen. When that finally happens.”

Claire blinked in surprise. She hadn’t given it much thought, but Eileen was correct. With Dean and Castiel getting so close, and Sam dating Eileen … she could end up Claire’s aunt.

“Well, you’re cool. Think you’re an Eileen. You’re nearly there.”

Eileen gave a small smile.

“Yes, except Sam is a take-it-slow kind of guy. He relies a lot on Dean, I think he’ll only move in with me when Dean moves in with you and your dad.”

“He practically has,” Claire pointed out, and started chewing on one of her fries. Eileen took an onion ring from her own plate and started eating. They spent a few happy minutes eating, trying to consume as much as possible before their food went cold, before Eileen brought the topic up again.

“I think if I pointed out to Sam that Dean’s only home maybe one or two nights a week, he’d panic.”

“Maybe,” Claire said with a half-chewed mouthful of food, shoved into her cheek. “You should do what Dean did? Move your stuff in slowly, until one day he realises you haven’t gone home and you don’t need to because your toothbrush is in the holder and all your clothes are in his closet.”

Eileen started laughing, throwing her head back against the top of the vinyl.

“That is so Dean!” She gasped, and Claire smiled as Eileen fell apart giggling. It was oddly nice, sitting here with diner food, talking to the woman who could potentially be her aunt, and no stresses about what they meant to each other. No worrying that she was going to start pushing Claire’s boundaries, no panicking that Claire was accidentally pushing her away. It was refreshing to just get to know someone with no expectations. Claire waited until Eileen calmed down, and took a bite of one of her chicken fingers.

“Thanks, Eileen.”

“What for?”

“Sitting with me. Making me feel normal.”

Eileen scrunched her nose up in a smile.

“You’re more normal than I am.” She tapped her ear, and looked up at the clock above the bar. “I’d better finish up, my break ends soon.” She lifted the chicken finger up again, and took another bite. Claire ate the last few of her fries, though they were soggy and falling apart from all the cheese grease and chilli they had absorbed. Eileen scooted out the booth when she finished eating, sketched a wave at Claire and took her plate and glass with her. As she did, she revealed Alex, still in her cheer outfit, walking through the door to the diner alone. She approached Claire’s table with a meek expression.

“Hey, Claire. Can we talk?”

Claire took a moment to react, before she shifted her textbooks to the side of the table and nodded. Alex rolled her shoulder cagily, then shook her hair back.

“Not in here. Walk with me?”

Claire looked over at Eileen, who was wiping down the counter.

“Can I leave my schoolbooks here?”

“Sure, I’ll make sure they get back to your place,” Eileen smiled. “Have fun.”

Claire left some money for her food on the table, and followed her girlfriend out of the diner door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long. Went to Florida for OrlCon, got laryngitis and pharyngitis which won't go away despite the doctor giving me a bunch of meds, and have some artwork to complete for a Saileen Big Bang, so I'm busy in theory but in reality not doing much and feeling the pressure of not getting anything done.
> 
> So apologies for this being such a short chapter after the wait. It's not the chapter I thought I would be writing, the next one is, and I did consider putting them together but I get the feeling there's a lot that Claire and Alex want to say to each other. Hopefully that chapter will make up for my general rubbishness this time around x


	23. Chapter 23

Alex didn’t talk for a while, even as she was leading Claire through the town. Claire didn’t know how to start the conversation, didn’t know what Alex was waiting for. They skirted around the town hall and started doubling back towards the diner before Claire finally thought of something to break the silence.

“Is there a game?”

“It’s tonight.” Alex said over her shoulder, then aimed towards the gazebo where Claire had once cried until Sam had come to find her. It felt like a strange echo of the first time Alex had really spoken to her, and she wondered if somehow they were coming full circle. If they were ending where they began.

“Home game?” Claire checked.

“No, we’re playing against the school you accidentally burned down.” Alex climbed into the gazebo, and perched on the panelling. Claire walked in, and stood awkwardly nearby.

“Just the science wing. It was an accident.”

Alex pushed her hair back from her face.

“I’m not blaming you or anything. That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.” She smoothed her cheer skirt, and Claire shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans, just waiting for what Alex had to say. Alex seemed to be taking her time, and it dawned on Claire after far too long that perhaps Alex was nervous herself.

“So?” She prompted her.

“This isn’t easy,” She breathed out.

“It’s not going to get any easier,” Claire shrugged. “If you’re breaking up with me, can you do it like a band-aid?”

Alex finally made eye contact with her, staring deep into her eyes. It was mildly uncomfortable, and Claire couldn’t quite tell if she was trying to communicate non-verbally or if she was trying to set Claire on fire, or read her thoughts to get answers to questions Claire wasn’t privy to. She was anxious to look away, to break that feeling, but it had been so long since Alex had just acknowledged her … whether she felt those feelings she was meant to or not, she still cared, she still got hurt, she still knew what mattered.

“I guess … I just,” Alex sucked in a deep breath, and slumped slightly. “Look, until you came along, Claire, I wasn’t doing great myself. I was weird, you know? Nerdy in class, somehow a cheerleader, but not really sociable. My past is a bigger mess than yours. You’re not the only one screwing up.” She tilted her head back, looking at the inside of the gazebo roof, and Claire watched her, waiting and feeling like this was a part of relationships that no one ever spoke about. It was a minefield, and one that before she met Alex she would have gladly steered away from, but now felt like she couldn’t move, because if she did she would lose something so important.

“Look, I wasn’t in a good place a few years ago. I was used as bait by these guys who,” she shuddered, and closed her eyes. “It doesn’t matter. I was bait, and I was brainwashed. I messed up one day, picked the wrong target. I got put into care. Jody came by on official business, but told me she was a foster mom while she was trying to get to the bottom of what I was messed up in. Jody saved me, you know? From those guys, from being another kid in care. But I was still scared about trusting her. I’m scared about trusting you too, as much as I crush on you. So I get that you have your hang ups, but I have mine too.”

“What happened to your real family?” Claire asked quietly. Alex shrugged.

“I don’t know. Jody’s used her work computer to run checks, but there were no missing kid reports that matched up to me. She did DNA tests and everything, but in the end I asked her to stop. I just wanted to settle, you know? So Jody’s my mom now, and she’s the only person I’ve really let in. Until you.”

Claire looked at her feet, feeling her face growing warm as the blood rushed to her cheeks.

“I know what you said,” Alex carried on, keeping her voice low. “That it’s hard for you to be with someone, and I’m trying to get it. I am. But I need something too.”

“I know,” Claire tried to speak, but felt a lump in her throat. There were so many things she wanted to be able to promise Alex, but she already knew it wasn’t going to work with what she needed. She wracked her brains for something she could say to make her girlfriend feel better. “I’m glad you told me this.”

Alex finally dropped her gaze to look at Claire, who gave a nervous smile back.

“I think maybe we just have to talk more, right? Even if it’s hard. Even if it makes you anxious or I’m not entirely sure why I’m reacting the way I do. Because I’ve hated not even talking with you this week. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Alex gave her a small side smirk back. “Okay, so we’re still working out our bugs.”

“Rather work them out than lose you,” Claire admitted. Alex slipped off the side of the gazebo and walked closer, keeping their tentative eye contact.

“Don’t freak out,” she said as she got even closer. Claire took a deep breath in, and let it out slowly.

“What are you going to do?” She arched an eyebrow as Alex stopped a few inches in front of her.

“Break some rules,” Alex shrugged, and then opened her arms wide. Claire grinned, and fell into her arms.

“Hugs are never against the rules.”

“So this doesn’t count as PDA?” Alex checked.

“Nope.”

“What if I kissed you?” Alex whispered in her ear.

“That would be a little against the rules,” Claire said, trying to buy some time to gauge how she felt about that idea. “Weren’t you the one who wanted to keep this between us?”

“I think … I think I want to just concentrate on you and me, and not worry about anyone else. Or whether they see us or not. If that’s okay with you?”

Claire leaned back in Alex’s arms, until they were looking at each other. Then she smiled, and leaned closer before Alex had time to think, catching at her lips in a gentle kiss. Alex kissed back, squeezing her slightly. They broke apart giggling.

“I feel like such a cliche,” Alex grinned.

“That’s because you’re in a cheer skirt,” Claire nodded. Alex’s face fell.

“Shit, the game. What time is it?” She rummaged in her bag for her cell phone. “Okay, I need to go!”

“Wait,” Claire, pulled her back into a hug. “We’re not that far from the diner, we could ask Eileen to use the phone and get a ride?”

Alex nodded, and Claire bent down to kiss her again, trying not to overthink it. They were still merely pressing their lips together, but it was becoming easier, more familiar and comfortable. Alex was the first time let go, sliding her hand around to Claire’s and leading the way back to the diner. Sam was already there, talking and signing with Eileen across the counter. They looked around as the door swung open, and Sam patted the stack of textbooks that Claire had left.

“I was just going to take these to your place,” Sam smiled at Claire, his eyes flickering to Alex and back as though silently asking if they were okay.

“Uh, about that. Alex has to get to the game, do you think Dean could give us a ride?” Claire asked. Sam turned back to Eileen, his hands flying but this time he signed silently. Eileen grinned and signed back, and Claire could feel Alex moving nervously, tugging gently on her hand, wanting to get an answer. She could tell that Alex was silently counting the seconds slipping by. Eventually Sam turned back to them.

“Eileen’s just finishing up, we can use her van. We’ll swing by and get Dean and Cas, and Jody. We’ll get there on time, okay Alex?”

Alex nodded, pursing her lips, and Claire leaned closer to whisper in her ear.

“Don’t forget to breath. You can’t cheer if you pass out.”

Alex squeezed her hand, but made herself breathe just as Eileen came around the counter with her own purse, pulling her keys out and gesturing to the door. The girls followed her out, their English teacher right behind them, and they climbed into her minivan as Sam called his brother.

 

*

 

Alex left them as soon as Eileen stopped the car, rushing to where the squad was already standing and waiting. They eyed up Claire, and her strange new family as they climbed out of the car, and then led Alex away. Claire watched her girlfriend go, and let Jody lead her away to the stands, following Sam and Eileen, with Dean and Castiel behind them. They settled together on the stands, close to the football field, and Claire listened as Dean patiently tried to explain the rules of football to Castiel.

“This seems like a very strange way to progress across a field,” Castiel commented.

“It’s an art form, not just a sport.”

Eileen threw a popcorn kernel at Dean, and Jody burst out laughing, making Claire laugh too. Dean merely shrugged, ate the piece of popcorn and leaned over to kiss Castiel. Claire watched them for a moment, smiling at how loved up her father and principal were. Dean started explaining about how good the team was and the rivalry between the schools, and Claire turned shyly to Jody, who smiled encouragingly at her.

“Is everything okay with you and Alex now?”

“I think so,” Claire said slowly. “We’re still, you know,” she didn’t know how to finish the sentence, how to talk to Jody about her relationship with Jody’s foster daughter.

“Alex has been through a lot,” Jody nodded, as though she knew what Claire was trying to say. “But I’ve never seen her as happy and calm as she is with you.”

The crowd around them started standing and cheering as the teams ran out onto the field, and Claire was grateful for the interruption. They all stood too, whooping and clapping, and even more so as Alex ran onto the running track with the other cheerleaders. Claire watched transfixed as Alex danced with the others. She didn’t quite get the whole cheerleading thing, but Alex looked happy and carefree, like all the things she had confessed to Claire didn’t even exist. And Claire understood that, the need for an outlet that gave you an escape from your problems. She looked again at her father and Principal, on the looks they shared while everyone else was concentrating on the cheerleaders. And then she turned her head, and saw Sam with his arms around Eileen, chin resting on her head as she whooped like everyone else. She looked back at Alex and caught her eye, smiling. Alex beamed back and punched a pompom into the air. Jody placed a hand on her back as they all sat down, and the game began. Claire barely paid attention to what the teams were doing, her gaze kept drifting back to the cheerleaders who sat at the sidelines.

Alex kept looking back at her, and she felt a little something. Not much, not the butterflies in the stomach or the fireworks everyone spoke about, but a sensation that she and Alex had secrets the rest of the world didn’t know about. That they were connected and had a claim to each other. Claire found that she liked that, the idea that she was special to someone who didn’t have to care about her but did anyway. She leaned against her father, who accepted her into a hug easily, Dean circling his arms around the both of them. She was happy, here at this football game, watching her girlfriend’s robotic, synchronised dance moves, her father’s arms around her and Dean close too. She just hoped it would last.

 

*

 

The game ended, with their high school team narrowly winning the game. Several players ran off the pitch and straight into the arms of their cheerleader girlfriends. A few other girls drifted into the crowds, and Claire watched as Alex stepped back from the fray, clutching her elbow with one hand and watching the team celebrate. She looked to her dad, and Dean, who both seemed to understand what she was thinking, and stepped back to allow her out of the row, getting suckered into a conversation with some students behind them about some of the plays. And Claire walked self-consciously down the bleachers, feeling like she was having another out of body experience. The steps down seemed further away than normal and Claire had to make some deliberate steps to stop herself from tumbling. She reached the railings that separated the crowds from the players, and leaned across. Alex was maybe six feet in front of her. She made herself take a measured breath, and then spoke clearly.

“Alex.”

Somehow, her girlfriend heard her, above the noise of the crowds. Alex turned and smiled, then waved her pompoms. Claire beckoned her over and waited as Alex stepped closer.

“Hey,” Alex was back to her cool, collected self.

“Hey yourself. You did great out there.”

“I wasn’t playing the game,” Alex reminded her.

“I barely watched,” Claire shrugged. “Except when Dean wanted to point something out.”

Alex smiled.

“Perving on the cheerleaders, Novak?”

“Just one,” Claire grinned back. “You looked really comfortable out there.”

“Thanks. I hope Jody wasn’t too embarrassing?”

“Nah. Didn’t you hear me? I was sitting with the principal.”

Alex laughed, and stepped even closer, talking below the noise of the nearby revellers.

“All the other cheerleaders are with their boyfriends.”

Claire heard the request in the subtext.

“Boyfriends, ugh.”

Alex’s smile faltered, and Claire reached out, holding her face gently and leaning further across the barrier. Alex’s eyes went wide, but she leaned into Claire’s touch, and they kissed across the barriers. Claire could hear some people nearby gasping, but not much change in the general noise around them. She slowly pulled away and smiled at her girlfriend.

“So, I guess we’re really not doing the secrecy thing,” Alex pointed out.

“No, we’re doing the ‘what we need’ thing. And I needed to kiss you.”

Alex laughed.

“At least I know you’re listening.”

“Jody was saying earlier about grabbing some dinner. Like, with my dad and everyone. How about it?”

Alex’s smiled widened.

“Sounds good, I just have to clean up a little. Dancing to a bunch of guys throwing a ball around is a work out.”

She gave Claire another brief kiss, and headed into the locker rooms. Claire turned around and went back to her father, who was watching her as Dean continued talking with yet another student. He smiled as she approached, and she grinned at him, letting him fold her into a hug with no need for words. Dean talked for another couple of minutes before turning to the rest of their group.

“Food time?”

“Alex time, then food time,” Jody corrected.

“Alex time was implied. You think Claire would forgive me if I forgot her?”

Sam and Eileen gently teased him that he would have to break up with Castiel if he tried as the six of them made their way to the entrance to the locker rooms where they would find Alex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter makes up for my near silence! I've been having a bit of a writing hangover as well as needing to finish off my artwork for the Saileen Big Bang. Our posting date was yesterday (OMG, Saileen on Valentines day?!) and the story is so cute! Some links for you [Tumblr master post](https://saileenbigbang.tumblr.com/post/170898918158/rating-teen-and-up-audiences-word-count-122k)
> 
> [Miracles](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13674252)
> 
> [artwork](https://flutterby-cupcake-26.tumblr.com/post/170885080381/my-artwork-for-miracles-by-idreamofhazel-for-this)
> 
> if you want to check out why I've had a small hiatus from this story x


	24. Chapter 24

Eileen had driven her minivan to a restaurant a few miles away from school, a place a little more upmarket than the diner she worked on. They had all bundled out of the minivan and into the restaurant, and were talking excitedly - or signing quickly, in the case of Sam and Eileen - squished around a table that just about seated them all. Alex and Claire were sitting close together, sandwiched between Dean and Castiel on one side and Jodie on the other.

The conversation shifted constantly between the adults, circling work and food and the game along with their memories from their youth. Alex was still quiet, and Claire was soaking in all of Sam and Jody’s stories about Dean as a kid, which were just as entertaining as the ones Mr Singer had told. They sat with their hands under the table, fingers loosely concertinaed together, sharing a menu which only Alex was browsing. Their server was hovering nearby, trying to at least take drink orders but there was no break in the conversation to try. Eventually, he caught Claire’s eye and winked. She started, and immediately looked at the menu, putting her head close to Alex’s.

“Anything good?”

“I guess,” Alex pointed to a couple of menu items, and Claire gave her fingers a squeeze, feeling the waiter’s eyes on her. They agreed to split the meals Alex had picked out, as the adults finally noticed the server and started ordering drinks and appetisers for the table. The server watched Claire as he wrote things down, giving her a big smile as he walked off. Alex didn’t notice, but Dean did, frowning at his retreating back, and then glancing at Claire. She couldn’t quite meet his eye, too worried he would think she was encouraging the guy bringing their food, and he started whispering in Castiel’s ear. Claire turned to her girlfriend and tried to ignore the whole thing.

“You did great tonight,” she muttered. Alex grinned.

“Yeah? You like my touchdown?”

“Haha. I meant, you know, I’ve never really seen you dance. Especially not synchronised robot dancing.”

Alex giggled, and shook her head in amusement.

“Please, say that to the rest of the squad. Synchronised robot dancing.” She shook her head again.

“Well, yeah, it was like,” she took her hand out of Alex’s, and in the small amount of room she had, tried to emulate the cheer moves. Castiel ducked away from a punch, and Alex lowered her arms.

“Maybe not when you could knock out your dad?”

“Sorry, Dad,” Claire muttered instantly.

“I’ll forgive you, so long as you don’t try out for cheerleading.” Castiel deadpanned back. “You seem to have inherited your dancing skills from me.”

Alex giggled again, and the server came back with the drinks, passing them out from between Claire and Castiel and leaning over her more than necessary. As he walked off, he dropped a napkin on Claire’s lap. She opened it to find his number scrawled across it, and screwed it up before Alex could see. She looked up and saw Dean watching again. He nodded across the restaurant. She stood up and followed him into a corner away from everyone else, now feeling both her father and girlfriend’s gaze on her back.

“What was that?” Dean asked quietly. Claire handed the napkin straight over. Dean opened it up, and a tic started in his cheek.

“Do you want me to say anything?”

“No, it’s fine.”

Dean didn’t look convinced.

“Claire, I don’t want to interfere, or do Cas’ job for him, but I thought you and Alex were exclusive?”

“That’s not what I meant. It’s fine because I’m not interested and that’s trash.”

Dean ducked his head closer.

“Claire? That guy doesn’t seem like the type to give up. I’d rather get a new server than have the fall out over this.”

Claire bit her lip and looked back at her father, who had his head cocked to the side, and then to Alex who was watching them with no expression on her face. She nodded at Dean, letting him take control of the situation. He walked back through the restaurant to speak to someone in charge and Claire shuffled back to her seat.

“Is everything okay?” Jody asked, as the server returned with the appetisers. Instead of making use of Dean’s vacated seat, he again pressed between Claire and Castiel to serve. Claire nodded, and leaned closer to Alex, taking her hand again.

“Yeah, you know Dean.”

Jody pressed her lips together as the server leaned right across Claire. She leaned further into Alex to try and avoid him as Dean came back to the table, the manager in tow. Dean sat without a word as the manager removed their server. Castiel glanced at him, then at Claire, and seemed to realise what had been going on. Claire squeezed Alex’s fingers again, and her girlfriend who seemed not to have noticed anything more passed her a stuffed potato skin. She kissed Alex’s cheek before tucking into the food. Alex gave her fingers a squeeze before eating her own food, and falling into a conversation with Eileen about a book Claire had never read.

 

*

 

The rest of the meal passed without incident, though Claire was still aware of the server lurking nearby, serving other tables and trying to get close to their table on various pretences. She concentrated on her food, and her girlfriend, and tried to pretend he didn’t exist. Luckily Dean and Castiel - and Sam sometime through their entrees - were all watching him and keeping him away. Eileen dropped Alex and Jody off first, and Claire walked with them to the front door. Jody went inside to check on her other foster kids, who had apparently spent the evening being watched by a friend of hers who Claire was yet to meet. Alex lingered on the porch steps with her.

“Everyone in the van is watching us,” Alex muttered.

“Yep, and you don’t get the obnoxious comments afterwards,” Claire pointed out. “I have to hear it at home too.”

“Oh, Jody and Donna will give me sass too. Those two together,” Alex grinned for a moment, and then cocked her head in a great mimic of Castiel. “What was going on with that waiter tonight?”

“He gave me his number. Dean asked if I was okay, then got a new server. Never tell him, but he’s a pretty good guy. Dean, I mean.”

Alex nodded.

“I thought I saw something on that napkin. What a creep, he was like, a college student or something.”

“He’s not you.” Claire said firmly. Alex smiled shyly.

“You’re romantic when you’re not trying, you know that?”

Claire felt her cheeks burning, and Alex stepped closer, looking up at her.

“Is it cool if I kiss you?”

Claire nodded, and bent down, meeting Alex’s mouth with her own. She ran her fingers through Alex’s hair as her girlfriend put a tentative hand on her upper arm. This time, Claire didn’t freak out at all. Everything felt calm, even as Alex stepped closer. She was just feeling like she could handle it if things went further, when a yell cut through the moment.

“Girls, Eileen has breakfast shift and Cas has a store to run. Break it up!”

They broke apart and glared at the van, at Sam leaning out of the window. All the other adults in the van were laughing.

“You are so lucky you’re not getting back in there,” Claire sighed. Alex grinned.

“I’ll call you later. Night.”

“Night.”

Alex went into the house and Claire walked back to the van, shaking her head at Sam.

“Not cool.” She admonished him, before getting into the middle seats with her father and Dean. They were still laughing, trying to hide it behind their hands as Eileen pulled out and drove towards the bookstore.

“I swear you guys live to embarrass teenagers,” Eileen said once she was a few streets away. Sam laughed but didn’t answer, knowing she wouldn’t catch it. Castiel leaned over and whispered in Claire’s ear, only stopping as Eileen pulled up behind the bookstore. They climbed out, waving goodbye to Sam and Eileen, and Dean joined them as they walked up to the apartment.

“So, everything’s good with you and Alex?” Dean checked as they climbed the stairs.

“Yep. She called that guy a creep. He was.”

“You kissed her,” Castiel noted.

“That’s a point, should we be worried? Did you wear protection?” Dean teased. Claire spared him one dirty look and an eye roll before looking at her father.

“Yeah. I’m you know, trying to be a decent girlfriend.” She shrugged. Castiel gave her a wry smile, but said nothing more. He unlocked the apartment door and stood aside, letting Dean walk in and shooting Claire another smile, this one nervous. Dean took a few steps in and looked back at them.

“What’s all this?”

Claire walked into the apartment, and saw what her father had arranged. Charlie had covered the living area with rose petals and tea light candles while they were all out at the game and dinner. The room had a warm, soft glow, and the air was gently fragrant. He had told her his plan in the car, and now stood behind her in the doorway, a hand on each shoulder.

“We have something to ask you,” Claire told him. “Or Dad does, but I’ve okayed it.”

Dean seemed to hold his breath as he looked at Castiel.

“I missed you, with everything that happened at the school. Not being able to see you every day. And you’re here nearly every night anyway, and I love that. Like Claire says, you’re part of our family. So, will you-”

“Yes!” Dean interrupted, striding back and squishing Claire as he hugged them both. She could hear the smack of their lips above her head. “So, where’s my ring?”

There was an awkward moment.

“Ring?” Castiel double checked.

“Don’t mess with me. You don’t do candles and rose petals for nothing, and make big speeches with your teenager over staying for dinner. I want a summer wedding.”

“Wedding?” Castiel repeated weakly.

“Uh-huh. That cool with you?”

Claire wanted nothing more than to leave the moment, and hide in her room. But she wasn’t afforded that luxury.

“That was what you were asking, right Cas?” Dean persisted. Claire waited for Castiel to finish his sentence and ask Dean to move in with them like he was planning, but he didn’t. Eventually, he spoke again.

“Yes. Yes, that was what I was asking for.”

There was more kissing, and Claire wriggled out from between them, dashing to her room and leaving them to it. She picked her phone out of her pocket and saw a text from Alex, bidding her goodnight. She quickly texted back, and included a selfie where she kissed at the camera, and got into bed, listening for Dean and Castiel. There seemed to be nothing but quiet music playing, and she wondered if Castiel was setting Dean straight on what he was actually asking for. She fell asleep before the music stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so, I've been thinking about this fic. I know what I want to do with it, and I just checked my stats on Scrivener and it's already about 62,000 words! It's probably going to end up double that, with everything I want to include, and because of the elements included there's going to be some slow burn stuff included, which means I might add to the tags soon. Just so you're pre-warned :D


	25. Chapter 25

Claire shuffled into the kitchen the next morning to find Dean at the kitchen table, working through a stack of papers and occasionally sipping from a cup of coffee. She watched him for a while. He seemed okay, like he was part of the furniture, like Castiel hadn’t upset him with the truth. Eventually he looked up and smiled as he saw her.

“Morning sunshine,” he grinned.

“Dork.” She crossed the apartment and started pouring herself some cereal, before taking a seat at the breakfast bar, watching him pour through the papers. “What are you even doing?”

“It might surprise you, but being a principal comes with a lot of paperwork. And technically you’re not meant to see it so,” he shrugged, and clicked his pen a couple of times, before returning to the page in front of him. Claire chewed happily on her cereal for a few minutes, before Dean dragged her back into conversation. “You disappeared last night, everything okay?”

“Mm-hmm.” Claire nodded, and swallowed her mouthful. “Figured you would want to celebrate. Like, you and Dad.”

Dean gave a small smile.

“I think Cas wanted his whole family there.”

Claire trailed her spoon through the cereal and milk, watching the ripples it created.

“He had a whole evening with nearly all of us, right?”

Dean nodded, biting back a smile, and sipped from his mug again.

“So, getting married,” Claire said before shovelling a large spoonful into her mouth.

“How do you feel about that? Me being your stepdad for real?”

She chewed furiously, and gave a hard swallow.

“Okay, I guess.”

Dean left his papers alone, and sat back in his chair.

“You don’t seem sure?”

“You want me to throw a parade?”

He looked down at the paper in front of him, and tapped the table top.

“It’s not been that long since you lost your mom. You’ve been doing really well lately, and I know what it means to Cas to have that bond with you again. I don’t want it to feel like I’m pushing my way in or anything.”

Claire concentrated on her cereal again as she responded.

“It’s a little late for that, isn’t it?”

She heard the chair scrape across the floor, and Dean gently removed her breakfast before putting his hands on her shoulders.

“Cas told me last night that I jumped the gun. That he wasn’t proposing; what it was that you had agreed to. Maybe I should have let him finish his sentence.”

She looked up and saw him smiling.

“So, you’re not engaged? And you’re happy?”

Dean’s smile froze, became false.

“Actually, once you left, we were dancing together, and talking, and he told me that.”

“And?”

“And I said I was sorry, I knew he wanted to take it slow, but I didn’t see a future without him. And he said that he didn’t want to take it back, that he thought it happened for a reason. So we are engaged. If that’s cool with you? We’re not going to rush into a wedding, even if I called it wrong.”

“My principal was wrong,” Claire said thoughtfully.

“Nope, as your principal I am spot on. As your dad’s boyfriend, though …”

“Fiancé,” Claire corrected. Dean grinned. “Oh, but you are going to have to buy my love.”

He laughed, throwing his head back, and she put her bowl down hastily, and hugged him hard. He wrapped her up in a hug.

“Thanks Claire.”

“Well, you make Dad happy. Not-fake Dad.”

She pulled away and swept her hair back, trying to be casual.

“So, yeah, um. I said I’d help out in the bookstore today. You got the place to yourself. You and your top secret principal papers.”

Dean nodded, biting his smile back once more, and Claire ran down the stairs, and into the bookstore. Castiel was just serving a coffee to a customer clutching their new purchase, and Claire slid behind the till. She caught her father’s eye and once the customer was settled in the seating area to read their new book, he came up to her.

“Good morning.”

“Hey, Dad. How’s the morning rush going?”

Castiel gestured at the two people in the sitting area, and the parents with the small child in the kids section who were browsing books and exclaiming over the artwork. He leaned against the other side of the counter.

“So, bit of a mix up last night,” she sounded offhand, and adjusted the bookmark display beside the till slightly.

“You might say that.”

Claire looked her father in the eye, and he gave a one-shouldered shrug.

“Have you seen him this morning?”

“Yep, and he still thinks you’re engaged.”

“We are. I’m sorry I didn’t clear that with you first, he took me by surprise.”

“And you were trying to surprise him,” Claire grinned, as the family came up, the small girl holding two books as she sat on her father’s hip.

“Give them to the lady, sweetie, so she can tell us how much to pay.” The mother encouraged. Claire tried not to shoot her a dirty look for calling her a lady, and focused on the little girl.

“What did you pick out?” She smiled. The girl handed them over, and Claire looked at the covers. “Oh, these are great! My Daddy used to read me this one,” she put it on the top to show it. Castiel looked at the book and smiled.

“I’m surprised you remembered that.”

“He was bad at the voices,” Claire whispered conspiratorially. The girl giggled as Claire scanned them through, and gave the parents the pricing. They swiped their card through the machine, and Claire handed them their receipt. They swapped pleasantries as they left, and Castiel looked at her once they were gone.

“I wasn’t that bad at their voices!”

“All the animals sounded Russian. Every single one.”

“I did a lot of different accents!”

Claire winced, and he smiled back.

“Love you, Bear.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Are you okay? About, you know, Dean?”

“Well, you’re still both totally gross but I’ll live.”

Castiel came behind the counter to grab a box of books, and wrinkled his nose in a smile at her.

“You seem very happy this morning,” he noted, before disappearing into the stacks of shelves to put stock away. Claire checked her cell phone, but Alex must not have woken up because there were no messages. As she put her phone back in her pocket, some of the guys from her school came in, and made a beeline for the graphic novels. Dean was going to be unbearably smug if they bought something, but Claire was more worried about what they might say to her. She had accidentally made a bit of a name for herself in the short time she had been at the school, after all.

They didn’t see her right away, and she pretended to organise the display behind the cash register to avoid their eye contact. It didn’t last, however, because they were soon by the counter, laughing and making stupid comments.

“I’m just saying, if it was Rogue against Wonder Woman, it would be no contest!”

“Yeah, because the DC and Marvel worlds would collide like that.”

“Either way, they’re both hot. Can you imagine a comic where like, Poison Ivy and Storm got it on?”

Claire turned, and gave them all a dirty look.

“You buying any of those?” She asked. One of the boys recognised her.

“Oh my God, you’re that girl that slept with the principal!” His voice carried across the store, just as the door opened and closed again. The other occupants of the store seemed to hold their breath while they waited for how Claire was going to react.

“Clearly you weren’t at the hearing. And Mr Winchester wouldn’t still be at school if it was. So bite me and buy that comic or go away.”

“Claire?”

She looked at the person speaking, and then did a double-take. Her grandparents were there, huddled together as though they could possibly be hurt by the residents of Sioux Falls. Her Gram was looking disappointed, her Gampa looking furious.

“What are you doing here? She blurted, as Castiel finally reappeared. He gently moved her closer to them, then rang up the boys silently.

“Visiting you, like your father promised would happen. Why were you being so rude to that boy?” Gram wanted to know. The boys from school left the store, laughing and whooping as soon as they were outside, and Castiel stood behind Claire, one hand on her shoulder.

“Moira, Franklin, you were meant to give us some notice.”

“She’s still our granddaughter,” Gampa spat back. Castiel gave her shoulder a brief squeeze.

“She is, but what if she was visiting her friends? I need some notice.”

“And what was that about inappropriate relations with your teacher, Claire?” her grandmother looked upset. Castiel let a sigh escape him, Claire felt it stir her hair.

“It was stupid. And untrue. And those idiots still believing it means they deserved me being rude,” Claire stood her ground. Castiel rubbed her arm soothingly.

“You’re here now. Claire, why don’t you take their things to the apartment? I can handle the store on my own.”

He pressed a kiss to the back of her head, gave her shoulder another squeeze and turned to help a new customer figure out the book they were after from the colour of the book jacket. Claire gestured to the back door and took the bag from her grandfather, leading the way through the back of the store and up the connecting stairs to the apartment.

“It doesn’t seem safe, living above a book store.”

“There’s a lock on the back door of the bookstore, and a lock on the stairs, and a lock on the apartment. Dad normally leaves the store door open while the book store’s open but that’s it. And Sioux Falls isn’t exactly a hotbed of crime.”

She ran up the stairs and opened the apartment door, stepping back to let her grandparents in.

“I guess you’re going to stay in my room,” She said, and then heard the beep of the microwave. Her grandparents managed to leap further into each other in fear.

“Is there someone else here?” Her grandfather demanded, just as Dean stuck his head around the kitchen wall.

“Hey, sorry, nuking my coffee. Who’re you?”

“My Gram and Gampa, they’ve surprised us with a visit,” she looked at her grandparents. “That’s Dean.”

“Are we meant to know who Dean is?” Gram wanted to know, not acknowledging as Dean stepped forward with his hand extended.

“Oh, riiiiight, Dad didn’t want to say when we visited Pontiac. Dean’s my principal-”

Claire didn’t get any further before her grandmother seemed to faint, her grandfather barely supporting her. Dean took action straight away.

“Claire, take her legs, and if your grandfather can take her middle, I’ll support her head, we’ll take her to the couch, okay?”

Claire did as she was told, though her grandfather didn’t. Dean took it in his stride and took most of the old lady’s weight, carrying her to the sofa and laying her down and then looking for something to help revive her. Claire grabbed a blanket, but found her way back blocked by her grandfather.

“Gampa, I’m going to put this on Gram, okay?”

“You’re not going anywhere near that man,” he decided. “And he’s going to stop touching my wife. He shouldn’t be here if he’s been inappropriate with you.”

Claire rolled her eyes.

“Gampa, it’s not like that. You think Dad would let him anywhere near me if it was?”

“Who knows, the way your father left you and your mother.”

“This is not about Dad! Geez, you have to stop! I’ve seen the crap Mom and Dad sent each other, okay? I know Dad tried to see me, and he’s been guilty for years about Mom. Stop playing the victim, God! I’m going to go and help Dean help Gram, and if you loved her you would do the same and to hell with stupid rumours or who Dad sleeps with.”

She was breathing heavily, aware Dean was craning his neck to see what was going on, her grandmother stirring on the sofa.

“You were not raised to speak to me like that, Claire.”

“Whatever. I’m helping Dean.”

She pushed her grandfather aside, and put the blanket over her grandmother.

“I’ll go make her some tea, okay?” Dean said quietly, though his eyes were sparkling. Claire held her grandmother’s hand as she came around, her grandfather hovering in the doorway. Dean returned with a mug of tea, and placed it on the coffee table behind Claire. “I’m almost done with my work, you want me to look out for her while you go back to the store?”

“It’s okay,” Claire murmured back. “They’re my grandparents.” She looked around at Dean, and gave him a wan smile. “Mom’s parents.”

“Ah.” Dean nodded. “I’ll be in the kitchen then, okay?”

He left them alone, and her grandfather took the armchair once Dean was out of the room, as though he couldn’t relax while he was. Even though the room was open plan, and Claire could see the top of Dean’s head from over the back of the sofa.

“Who is that man, Claire?” Her grandfather asked, while Claire passed the cup of tea. Her grandmother held it, but didn’t drink from it. And once again, she wondered how much she was meant to reveal. No one else knew they were engaged, they hadn’t even organised rings - why should her grandparents get to hear it first?

“I told you, my principal.” Claire let her voice carry, so Dean wouldn’t be excluded.

“Those boys downstairs,” her grandmother said weakly.

“Are idiots,” Claire asserted. “Dean’s Dad’s partner, he took me to school a couple of times before anyone knew about them and people thought the wrong thing.”

“And he’s allowed to teach?” Her grandfather pushed. Claire closed her eyes, appreciating that this was what her father had been putting up with for at least six years.

“Yep. And that’s why the education system is going to hell, we let the gays be in charge.”

Dean snorted in the kitchen.

“It’s not a joke, Claire. We knew we should have fought harder to keep you.”

She opened her eyes, and saw the way her grandmother’s jaw was set.

“Did you really just come here to criticise my dad and play that card again? What’s the point?”

“We came to see our granddaughter. We miss our sweet little Claire, not this argumentative, abrasive person you’re acting like.”

There was another snort from Dean.

“She’s a teenager!” He couldn’t help but call out. Claire’s grandparents ignored it.

“I’m not the little kid I was. And I’m happy here. Dad’s great, Dean’s … Dean. I grew up and I found a good place with the person who’s meant to look after me. It’s not going to go how you’re picturing it.”

Her grandparents traded a glance, before her grandfather put his hand on her shoulder. She resisted shrugging it off.

“How about we go and check into a motel, and then we try this again? Go somewhere and just spend time together, just the three of us?”

 Claire looked at Dean, who shrugged.

“Will you tell Dad where I am?”

“Of course. You got your cell?”

“Yeah.”

“Call if you need a ride.”

Dean turned back to his work, and Claire reluctantly got up, helped her grandmother to stand and started walking to the nearest motel with them.


	26. Chapter 26

Claire and her grandparents seemed to have reached an unspoken and uneasy agreement. They didn’t mention her father and his relationship, and she didn’t tell them to go to hell. She waited with them while they checked into the nearest hotel, and then gave them a brief tour of the town, occasionally stopping to say hi to someone from school who suddenly pretended to care. Normally she would have hated those people, but with her grandparents there it only made it easier to sell them the idea that it was better for her in Sioux Falls than it would be in Pontiac.

They ended up stopping in Eileen’s diner for lunch. Claire assumed that Dean had passed on the message about what her grandmother and grandfather were like because although Eileen looked happy to see her, she treated her just like any other guest. If her grandparents had anything to say about their waitress being deaf, they didn’t share it with Claire, which she was grateful about. It was one thing them blaming her parents divorce on her father and acting like being gay was criminal because of that, it was another thing to realise that two people she did love were completed bigoted.

“You do seem settled here,” Gram grudgingly admitted as she got her coffee. Claire drank some of her milkshake.

“Yeah, I like it here okay.” Claire shrugged, and dipped her straw in and out of her shake.

“We were worried,” her Gampa stuck in. “Castiel hasn’t bothered with you for years, you seemed so angry when we last saw you. God knows what you’ve seen in that tiny apartment.”

Claire didn’t bother pointing out that she knew everything, had seen every single letter by that point that her father had sent to both her and her mother, and every reply her mother sent.

“The apartment isn’t that small. Dean and Dad don’t do anything around me. And I lost my Mom, of course I was angry.”

“We could have helped you,” her Gram said softly. “We have so many pictures of her, you could have watched home movies. She wanted you with us.”

“I needed the break,” Claire stuck to her guns. “And I needed my dad. There’s things I can talk to him about that you just won’t get. And Dean lost his mom young too, he gets it. You’re not going to convince me to leave.”

Her grandfather started trying to argue their point again - a point that seemed based on the past and not having contact with her only remaining parent - but Claire zoned out. Not because it was a pointless argument - though it was - but because Alex had just walked in with Jody and a few other people. She stood up while her grandfather was mid-sentence, and walked over to her girlfriend, tapping her on the shoulder.

“Hey,”

“Hey!” Alex grinned as she turned around. They didn’t hug. Claire didn’t want more awkward moments with her grandparents, and Alex had some kid hanging off her arm. “Jody got this monkey and her brother last night. Just for a few days, but I’ve been helping out, and so has Donna and we’re all going nuts so Jody’s relying on chilli fries to help.”

“The shakes are amazing too, kid,” Claire told the little girl clinging to Alex’s arm. The girl squealed and hid from Claire’s sight.

“Hey, I thought you were at the bookstore all day?” Alex asked.

“I was gonna be, but then my Gram and Gampa showed up. Um, they don’t know about us. I kinda want it to stay that way.”

Alex looked over her shoulder, then nodded.

“It’s cool. Their vibe is pretty strong. I’ll text you later, okay?”

Alex followed Jody to their table, taking the little girl too, and Claire slipped back into her seat, tucking into her burger like nothing had happened.

“Is that a friend of yours?” Gram asked. Claire nodded.

“My best friend, Alex. That’s her foster family. They’re kinda busy right now. Alex is really cool though.”

She looked back across the restaurant, and caught Alex’s eye. Alex grinned and turned back to the little girl, pointing at the menu items and clearly helping her pick her meal. She looked back and saw her Gram’s face. She wasn’t fooling the old lady one bit, apparently.

“I thought you were just trying to hurt us, when you said you had a … you know.”

It seemed the old bird had a problem with the word girlfriend.

“Best friend?” Claire deadpanned, her expression as innocent as possible. She felt a stab of perverse pleasure watching her grandparents struggle with the possibility that Claire might be as queer as her father.

“You’ve never had a boyfriend before,” Gampa pointed out. “Your mom told us.”

“Yeah? I think they call that a late bloomer.” Claire deflected. She could almost taste it in the air, the way they were hovering over revisiting their prejudices, how they would tear Claire down for defending her father. She was already tired of the argument and couldn’t fathom how her father had coped with it all for the last six years. She tried not to snap before they did.

“You are under your father’s influence now,” Gram began, and Claire lost her self-control.

“Uh, first of all, my dad’s pretty chill, he’s not constantly forcing his opinions on me. Like whether or not it’s a crime to love who you love,” she was fighting to keep her voice down, but could feel people watching already. “And so what if I did have a girlfriend? I’m not trying to shoot up my school, I’m not shoplifting, I go to school every day. My homework’s all done and I’m getting decent grades at school. None of that depends on if I have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a weird obsession on some musician, does it? I’m still a good person. And if you think that my orientation unbalances the fact that I’m doing okay, that I like my dad and my friends and my job and even Dean then I think we’re done.”

She stood up, and stormed out of the diner, aware that Eileen was looking at her with a concerned expression, even if she couldn’t hear a thing; and that Alex would have seen everything and would be torn between helping with the two temporary foster kids and following her and checking she was okay. She pulled out her phone and sent her girlfriend a reassuring text, and headed back to the book store.

Castiel was wiping down the cappuccino machine when she blew in, and he looked around just as she threw herself at his midriff. He let out a small huff of breath at the impact.

“I thought you were spending time with Franklin and Moira?” he said gently, cupping her head with one hand and wrapping his other arm around her shoulders.

“They were getting on my nerves. I just ditched them in the diner.”

“Claire,” he sighed, but squeezed her. “They’re your mother’s parents, whatever their faults, they should still mean a lot to you.”

“They keep acting like you’re the bad guy. Like I’m an awful person for agreeing with you. Then Alex was there and Gram worked out she was my girlfriend and I lost it with them.”

Castiel didn’t answer back, he merely dropped a kiss onto the top of her head. She looked up at him with a steely gaze.

“I’m on your side, Dad. And if you having Dean and me maybe having a girlfriend makes them act like that, then we don’t need them. It’s you and me, right? And Dean?”

Castiel gave a shaky smile.

“Bear, I am very grateful for the support, but-”

“Can you just say what you actually think? Just one time? Don’t play it down the middle.”

“I think that my life was more pleasant without Moira and Franklin’s animosity, yes. And it’s definitely a better life with you in it. But I also think that you have an obligation to remain on good terms with them. I’m not going to make you apologise, or go back there, but don’t cut them out of your life yet.”

“Dad,”

“That’s how I feel, Claire. If having you back in my life means dealing with their bigotry, I would take it, every time. I would do a lot of things to keep you now I have you.”

Claire leaned back to look at him, and he shrugged.

“Nothing crazy. But if I had to sell this store, break up with Dean, go on welfare - I’d do all of it. If I had to sleep on the floor every night to give you a bed, it would happen without a word. The hardest thing I’ve ever done is walk away from you.”

“You don’t have to do any of that.”

“And I’m grateful for it.”

Claire looked around the store. It seemed empty. She took advantage of the fact it was just her and her father.

“So um, Dean,” she began. He merely watched her, but Claire knew she could go on. “I mean, he’s pretty gross about how into you he is, and you always seem to hold back with him. Mom didn’t put you off commitment, did she?”

“No,” Castiel’s voice seemed to catch. “I know you don’t like seeing it. And Dean might be perfectly content to throw himself into a situation but that’s not who I am. It took me months of agonising to leave Amelia, it took me a while to get used to my role as your father again. I would typically go slower than we are, but Dean is like a force of nature. A good one. But it scares me sometimes, the way he is with me, the things I’m feeling … it’s overwhelming.”

“Oh, like,” Claire wasn’t sure she wanted to go down this road.

“It feels like my entire chest is imploding,” Castiel’s voice dropped down. “Like my stomach’s turned to liquid. But I can’t get enough of that feeling, of just having him near, hearing his laugh, seeing the way you relate to him. I catch myself a lot around him, I need to. Or that first parent teacher meeting I might have told him I loved him.”

Claire stepped back, digesting Castiel’s words, the strength of the emotion behind him. It was alien to her, but at the same time, she could understand it. She had seen the way they looked at each other, she knew they had something rare that she hadn’t ever seen between her Mom and her Dad. Something she didn’t have with Alex, but that was okay because she and Alex were a completely different story. And if she did feel like that about Alex one day, and it didn’t terrify her? Claire knew how lucky she would be.


	27. Chapter 27

Alex came into the bookstore late in the afternoon, both the new kids in tow. Claire approached them in the kids section under the pretence of straightening the display. The little girl was still stuck to Alex’s leg, the boy was pulling books off the shelf at ramdon and dropping them on the floor.

“Kieran, no, stop,” Alex berated him. “Pick them up now or I’ll tell Jody.”

Claire bent down and placed a finger on the top edge of the book he was tugging.

“Sorry,” Alex said to her head. “I wasn’t going to bring them in here but the deputy started talking shop to Jody and Donna’s a sheriff too so I said I’d give them a chance to talk uninterrupted. And I wanted to check you were okay?”

Claire stood up, pretending not to see as Kieran went right ahead and pulled the book out and onto the floor anyway. She smiled at her girlfriend.

“Yeah, I’m fine. My grandparents are a little hard to take right now.”

“Tell me about it,” Alex sighed, as the little girl made motions to be picked up. Alex scooped her up and settled her on one hip. “They came up to our table and started going on about poisoning minds or whatever. Seemed pretty pissed at all of us, then Jody was like, if you want to make it a civil issue we can go to the precinct? That made them shut up.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to stick you with them.”

“It’s fine. I told you, their vibe was really strong, but Jody’s not one to take crap. She said she felt bad for you.”

“Ugh, pity.”

Alex laughed, and leaned closer to whisper in her ear.

“When do you get off? Jody said we can hang out tonight, if you’re free? I have some news.”

“Me too,” Claire grinned. “I’m definitely not spending tonight with my grandparents, so it just depends when Dad lets me go.”

They both turned and looked across the room, where Castiel was at the counter, and Dean had appeared behind him. Castiel was concentrating on changing the receipt roll and Dean was leaning against the wall, but they could see them talking softly. Dean looked over at them and winked, then his eyes dipped down, and Claire turned back around.

“Does he have to check out my Dad’s ass in front of everyone?”

Alex laughed again, and adjusted the little girl on her hip.

“Since when is Dean subtle? Think your dad will let you off early if he’s hanging around?”

“You’ve still got the kids,” Claire pointed out. The girl leaned into the crook of Alex’s neck shyly, and they both looked down at Kieran, who had emptied out an entire shelf.

“Kieran, pick those up right now! I can’t afford all those books!”

“You said we could have a book,” the little girl whispered, looking up dolefully at Alex.

“I know, Kyra. One book. I didn’t say you could trash Claire’s dad’s store.”

The boy slowly started putting the books back, half open and laid on top of each other. Claire cleared her throat a few times until Kieran put them back properly.

“Sorry,” Alex muttered. “Can’t think why Jody jumped at the chance to talk business.”

“I’m just glad to see you,” Claire shrugged a shoulder. “What’s their story anyway?”

“We saw you at the diner,” Kieran said from the floor. “Alex kept looking at you. Are you _girlfriends_?”

“Yes,” Claire answered. Alex gave her a small smile.

“Do you kiss?” Kyra wanted to know.

“Not when I’m working,” Claire told her, then looked at Alex.

“Parents in a car accident. They’re alive, just battered up. They’re trying to find their aunt to come look after them until they’re well enough to come out of hospital.”

“I hope they find her soon.” Claire offered.

“Me too. Until then, Kieran’s not getting a book because he wrecked your display. Sorry.”

“Kids,” Claire shrugged, then bent down and started putting the books back properly while Kieran flopped onto the floor. Once the books were straightened, Claire picked the boy up, slinging him over her shoulder and grinning at Alex and Kyra. “So, what are you gonna read?”

 

*

 

Castiel needed Claire until the store closed, by which time Alex had managed to give the kids back to Jody. They ate dinner and then ended up in Claire’s room, laying side by side on the bed, watching RuPaul on Netflix.

“I do not get why you wanna see a bunch of guys look like girls,” Claire told her.

“Um, it’s like America’s Next Top Model, but with men who can look like women. I wish I could contour the way some of these dudes do.”

“Yeah, with your skin? You don’t need make up.”

Alex smiled at the screen, and grabbed a cushion, tucking it under her chin. Claire inched closer to her girlfriend, their arms touching, as they watched the final segment of the show. It wasn’t quite Claire’s thing, but Alex seemed happy, and she was just glad that, after such a fraught start to the day, she could spend time with someone who made her feel content. Alex reached over as the credits rolled and turned the show off, putting YouTube on the television and starting a music mix instead. She dropped the remote and then took Claire’s hand.

“So, news time,” Alex grinned. “You go first.”

“Why?”

“Because, you do not want to go after my news,” Alex insisted.

“Okay. So, after dinner last night, once we dropped you off, my dad was like, Bear, would it be okay if I asked Dean to move in with us? And I was like, Dad, keep up, Dean has moved in with us.”

Alex laughed, and Claire freed one of her fingers from where their hands were tangled together, holding it up to imply there was more.

“But Dad wanted to make it official, and he had persuaded Charlie to make the apartment look romantic. So I was like, sure, cool. So we got upstairs and Dad’s making a big speech about missing him and wanting him around and Dean interrupts to say yes.”

“That’s great!” Alex grinned. Claire shook her head.

“He asked where his ring was. Said he wanted a summer wedding.” Claire watched as Alex’s jaw dropped, and carried on. “Right? And Dad just rolled with it. So Dean is going to be my actual stepdad.”

“Okay, that’s pretty big news.” Alex conceded. “Do they know it was a mix up?”

“Yep. And they’re getting married anyway because they are sickeningly in love.”

Alex nodded, taking it in.

“Jody’s adopting me.”

Claire blinked.

“What?”

“Yeah. She’s tried everything to find my real family, and nothing’s happened. And apparently it’s been long enough that even if they’re out there, she can legally adopt me. Jody’s going to be my mom for real.”

Claire pulled her into a tight hug, knowing it meant everything to Alex but not knowing quite what to say. Alex clung back hard, rolling onto her back so that Claire was on top of her. She could feel the way their breasts sat against each other, the way Alex’s stomach moved as she breathed. One of her legs was between Alex’s, and though the hug started out as celebratory, she could feel the tone of it changing as quickly as she felt Alex’s heartbeat pick up. She sat up slightly, looking at her girlfriend’s face, and Alex pushed a lock of her hair back, her eyes glazed and dark, the light colour of her irises barely showing past her blown pupils.

“Can I kiss you?” Alex whispered. “Is it okay right now?”

Claire checked herself. She wasn’t feeling as bad as she had that time she had stayed home, finding out about her own orientation. She could taste from the tension in the air between them that Alex wasn’t asking for a peck on the lips, the most they had managed so far. But she didn’t want to promise anything she couldn’t deliver.

“We can try,” she practically mouthed back. Alex understood anyway, nodding and reaching up, cupping her face with the hand still holding that lock of hair. Claire braced herself against the bed, and met Alex’s mouth with her own, finding it hard to control her breathing even at the start. It was shaking and shallow, even as Alex took her time, enjoying the way their lips moved together, resting her other hand on the small of Claire’s back.

She was still so aware of every part of their bodies touching, of how their breasts latticed together, how their groins were close. Every shift of Alex’s shoulders or hips sent shockwaves through her. And yet … she was okay. This was okay. She took a shaking breath in, and parted Alex’s lips with her tongue, feeling Alex come up to meet her. It still felt weird, and slimy, but it wasn’t as unpleasant as last time. She could do this. She even felt bold enough to put a hand on Alex’s waist, feeling the way her girlfriend juddered under her, like Claire’s touch alone was intense. She teased her fingers along the hemline of Alex’s shirt, as Alex’s hand slid down, grazing the top of her ass.

She could picture what could happen next. The way her hips would snap into Alex’s, her hand under Alex’s top and gliding up to cup a breast. They would maybe roll over, and Alex would take control of this, and they would be dry humping before she knew it. She wasn’t ready. It was already so overwhelming. So as Alex’s hand continued its path, she broke off the kiss and sat up. Alex laid there still, looking up at her.

“Are you okay?” She asked softly. “Are you going to freak out on me?”

“No,” Claire shook her head. “That was pretty good. Pretty great. I just,” she couldn’t find the words. Luckily, Alex seemed to understand.

“I know. Thank you.” She leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Claire’s cheek. “I don’t want you uncomfortable.”

“I know. You’re a pretty cool girlfriend, you know.”

“I do,” Alex grinned. “And I want to stay your girlfriend, so if we take our time we take our time. If it never happens then that’s okay. But I am going to have to sort myself out after kisses like that.”

Claire felt her cheeks burn, and she looked away, at the Ed Sheeran music video playing. She grabbed the remote and clicked it off, finding a movie for them to watch on Netflix instead.

“I’ll go grab some popcorn, you get comfortable,” she said, heading out into the living room. She stopped walking just outside her bedroom door. She could see Castiel and Dean kissing furiously in the kitchen. Her father had her principal pinned up against the refrigerator, his legs wrapped around her father’s waist. Castiel was practically devouring Dean, and he didn’t look like he hated it one bit. He didn’t sound like it either, the way he was moaning her father’s name. Was everyone horny?

She dashed back into her bedroom, and threw herself on the bed, leaning against the wall. Alex settled next to her.

“Hey, are you okay?” She asked softly.

“Saw too much of Dean and Dad,” she muttered, and started the movie up. Alex started playing with her hair through the credits, and the opening scenes of the movie.

“They’re normally pretty good,” Alex observed. “Like, the whole cowboy hat thing and all.”

“I know.” Claire murmured.

“Are you freaking out?” Alex persisted. Claire shrugged, just as her bedroom door opened, and Castiel looked in, only the top of his torso showing. Claire assumed he was trying to hide his boner.

“Is Alex staying tonight?” He whispered. “She’s welcome to. Dean and I just want to know.”

“If that’s cool?” Alex responded. Castiel smiled and nodded before closing the door gently behind him. They heard a couple of bumps through the wall, and Claire tried to work out how she felt about the whole scenario. Knowing that her father was screwing her principal a couple of rooms away, that her girlfriend was there all night, probably in her bed with her. Wondering if she would welcome anything more between them in the late hours of the night under the cover of darkness. Alex was still brushing her fingers through Claire’s hair, her cool fingers caressing Claire’s cheek.

She sat up after a while, leaning against her headboard, and Alex leaned back, curling into her. She was barely concentrating on the movie, so aware of what was happening between them. She sat up abruptly, and crossed the room to her dresser.

“Are you okay?” Alex checked.

“Yeah. I’m just,” Claire wracked her brains for an answer that made sense. “It’s getting late, I’m getting tired, I thought we should get ready for bed, you know? You can borrow something to sleep in.”

Alex joined her, and looked through her pyjamas, pulling out a large raglan and getting changed right where she stood. Claire couldn’t help but watch as she pulled off her shirt and jeans, and tugged the top on, smoothing it down to halfway along her thighs. She turned quickly and slipped into her vest and shorts, feeling Alex’s eyes on her. Then Alex was taking her hand, leading her back to her own bed, their gazes locked on each other. Alex smiled slowly.

“Stop freaking out,” She whispered.

“I’m not,” Claire’s voice caught, taking away her usual bravado.

“It’s okay to want some of that stuff, you know,” Alex said boldly. Like she could see how confused Claire was, and was reading it better than Claire even could. “I’m your girlfriend, you can think I’m hot. I think you’re hot.”

They stopped at the bed, neither of them paying any attention to the TV screen whatsoever. They stared at each other for a few seconds, before Claire pushed Alex back, along the bed, and climbed on top of her, watching as the shock on her expression gave way to a huge smile. She grabbed Alex’s hands, and bent down to kiss her, surprised at her own behaviour. It got hot and heavy again quickly, and it didn’t take long for her to stand up again, leaving Alex sprawled across her covers.

“Claire?” She sounded dazed.

“Just hitting the lights,” Claire promised, flipping the switch and heading back to the bed as Alex climbed in. She joined her, and they cuddled close together as the movie carried on, unwatched. Claire was aware of Alex’s weight on her, of the way their bodies slotted together, their bare legs wound together. They didn’t talk, or kiss again. And somehow, even as keyed up as she felt, Claire fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may seem like I've gone off topic a little bit in this chapter, but I swear I know what I'm doing!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm not too sure about this chapter ...

It was disorienting, waking up with someone in your bed when you weren’t used to it. And yet, Claire had been aware of Alex on some level all night, sleeping lightly and not moving as much as normal. She was still tired when she woke up, and slipped out of bed, leaving Alex still dozing.

Dean was in the kitchen when she walked through, sleepily filling the coffee machine.

“Do you ever sleep?” Claire greeted him. He looked at her with slightly squinted eyes.

“Mmm, not much. Cas wanted coffee.” He leaned against the counter. “He’s still in bed.”

“Is it safe to go in there?” Claire checked. Dean frowned, and rubbed a hand over his face.

“Oh, like, is he covered up? Yeah.” He pushed a button to start the machine, and Claire doubled back into her father’s bedroom. Like the kitchen and living room, there was little evidence of their lovemaking from the night before, and Claire was grateful. She still sat on the covers on what must have become Dean’s side of the bed. Castiel blinked the sleep out of his eyes.

“Morning Bear,” he greeted her, his voice deeper than normal. “You don’t usually come in and say hi.”

“I wanted to talk,” She shrugged. He sat up, moving the pillows so that they could lean comfortably against the headboard, side-by-side.

“So?” Castiel prompted her when the words wouldn’t come. Dean appeared with three steaming mugs, passing one each to Castiel and Claire and then closed the door before sitting beside her, cupping his own mug in an almost worshipful state. “He’s not a morning person,” Castiel whispered to Claire.

“He’s barely a person,” Claire smirked back. Dean merely shook his head, almost breathing in the vapour from the coffee. “But maybe it’s for the best he’s not awake yet.”

Castiel put his arm around her, and took a sip of his drink, waiting for Claire to start talking.

“Alex,” she shrugged.

“Alex,” Castiel repeated. “Did you not want her to stay over last night? Dean was saying what cool parents we were, letting your girlfriend stay with you.”

“No, it was good. It’s just, things kind of happened and I don’t know how I feel about it.”

“Things kind of happened?” Castiel frowned.

“Yeah. Like, kissing and stuff. I mean, am I supposed to like it?”

“Yes.” Dean contributed. Claire rolled her eyes.

“Did you not like it?” Castiel clarified.

“No, I did. But the whole ace stuff makes sense for me, and now it’s like, can I do that? I don’t know what the rules are.”

“You can do it, Claire. If Alex agrees. Consent and all that.”

Claire looked around at Dean.

“I really need a sensible conversation right now.”

Dean eyeballed her over his mug.

“I’m being sensible. I might not completely get this whole ace thing, but why do there have to be rules?”

“From what I read, what we’ve talked about before, Claire, you only looked into the emotional side of things. And you were willing to give those emotional things a go, but under your circumstances. And you’re happy with Alex, right?” Castiel paused, letting Claire nod her assent. “But you didn’t talk about the physical side of things. Maybe it’s the same with that, you’re okay with certain things in certain circumstances. Don’t be bound by rules, like Dean said.”

“And you don’t have to be ace spectrum to only be okay with certain things with certain people,” Dean contributed.

“Let’s not go there.” Castiel breathed. Claire heard the first hints of tension between them.

“What?”

“There were things my first boyfriend did - not my brother, an actual person - that I didn’t like. That I do with Cas and it’s amazing. But Cas gets jealous.”

“Hardly jealous.”

“It feels right with you,” Dean shrugged.

“And that’s the end of that conversation.” Castiel bit out.

“I’m not trying to make you argue,” Claire promised. “Just figuring my own shit out.”

“I know, Bear,” Castiel squeezed her shoulder just as Dean said, “Don’t cuss, Claire.”

“He thinks he’s a dad,” Claire grinned, cuddling into her father.

“I know, it’s kind of endearing. Helps get over the fact he even brought Benny up.”

Castiel sounded bitter again.

“Cas, you had a kid with someone else,” Dean rolled his eyes. “And I love that kid.”

“He’s a dork,” Claire told her father. “Maybe forgive him for having a past?”

Castiel shrugged, just as they heard Alex calling for Claire.

“You’re up Bear,” Castiel told her.

“Go get her, kid,” Dean added. “But protection, right?”

Claire rolled her eyes, and scooted off the bed.

“Keep your make up sex down, okay?” She gave them her parting shot. Neither of them laughed, and when she peaked back they were both slurping up their coffee, though Castiel had reached his hand further along the bed to rub a finger along Dean’s arm. She went back to her room, where Alex was sitting up in her bed.

“Thought you’d disappeared on me,” Alex said bashfully.

“No, just talking to Dad. You want breakfast?”

Alex smiled.

“In a minute. Come back to bed.”

Claire climbed back in under the covers, and Alex took her mug of coffee from her, sipping it and wincing.

“Ugh, that’s strong.”

“Dean made it,” Claire acknowledged.

“Needs sugar.”

“Okay, so next time you stay, I know how to make your coffee.” 

Alex grinned at her, reaching up and giving her a kiss that tasted of coffee, and a hint of toothpaste. She pulled away and sipped her own drink as Alex placed a cautious hand on her thigh.

“I hope I didn’t snore last night. How embarrassing would that be?”

“You didn’t,” Claire assured her, then finished the drink and put her cup on the sideboard, feeling Alex’s fingers trail along her skin.

“I didn’t kick you?” Alex checked.

“Of course not,” Claire rolled her eyes. “And you’re not a bad sleeper.”

“You think they’ll let us sleep over again? Jody and Cas, I mean?” Alex’s eyes sparkled, and Claire felt the heat in her cheeks again.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I guess it depends on how much you can stomach Dean making comments on us having sex.”

Claire was trying to laugh off the way her father’s boyfriend could be, but it only added to the tension she could feel growing between the two of them.

“Well, I think you’re a long way off that,” Alex’s voice was soft. “But I had fun last night.”

Her fingers were still tracing along Claire’s thigh, sending ripples all over her body. She just couldn’t tell if they were good ripples or not. At least Alex didn’t take her silence badly.

“Did you say something about breakfast? I can smell bacon cooking.” She made to crawl over Claire on the bed to climb out, but Claire stopped her, wrapping her arms around Alex’s neck as her girlfriend effectively straddled her.

“In a minute.”

Alex smiled softly, and leaned closer as Claire did the same. Their kisses were gentle and coffee flavoured, and Claire could feel her stomach burning pleasantly with their contact.

 

*

 

Alex had gone home after breakfast, and more kisses, and a few stupid comments from Dean. And Dean had left soon after, saying something about brotherly bonding and respecting the father-daughter time Castiel had established. Castiel had looked disappointed, and practically walked him to his car before returning to Claire.

“What did you want to do today?” Castiel asked her stiffly.

“I don’t know. Bowling?” She smirked. He looked puzzled.

“You said only dorks bowl.”

“So you wanna wait for Dean?” Claire grinned. “Is everything okay with you guys?”

“Yes, of course.”

“You weren’t happy about him talking about that other guy.”

Castiel pursed his lips together.

“I’m not. I’ve met the other guy.”

Claire hadn’t expected that confession from her father.

“When?”

“The bar, the first night we met. I didn’t know he was at the time. He worked there, and I think he was trying to get Dean drunk to win him back, from everything Dean said. But then I was there and,” Castiel shrugged. “Sometimes I wonder if I would have ever met him, if I hadn’t interrupted Benny’s plan.”

“Are you kidding? If you hadn’t in the bar, that first parent-principal meeting would have had him breaking up with that guy so he could have you.”

Her father wasn’t looking at her.

“Dad, you’ve said it yourself, Dean’s nuts about you. He thought you were proposing when you weren’t. He said yes. Don’t be a jealous asshole.”

There was a knock at the door, and Castiel went to answer it rather than respond. He returned a few moments later with, of all people, Claire’s grandparents.

“We’re leaving now,” Gampa told her. “I wish this visit had gone better.”

“And I wish you hadn’t screwed at my girlfriend in a diner.” Claire said offhand.

“You’re always welcome with us Claire,” Gram said as though Claire hadn’t been rude in response to her grandfather.

“And Alex?” Claire checked. They didn’t answer, but stepped forward and pressed hugs and kisses on her. She received it all under endurance, and watched as her father showed them out. She walked halfway down the hallway steps and watched as he closed the door, leaning his head against it as though he were exhausted.

“I know what we’re gonna do,” Claire announced. He looked up at her, the exhaustion on his face. It was like her grandparents had drained all his energy, even in that small interaction. “We’re going to make popcorn, order Chinese in, and watch all the Harry Potter movies we can fit in.”

“Sounds good, Bear.” He sounded tired too, but he followed her back into the apartment and got some snacks organised as Claire sorted out the movies, and then they sat together on the sofa, cuddled up close, and entered Hogwarts with Harry. Castiel asked questions, sounding more and more confused by Claire’s answers.

 

*

 

They ordered Chinese around the time that Gilderoy Lockhart pulled Ron’s broken wand on him, and sat eating it as the third movie began. And as they dug through the little boxes of sesame chicken and teriyaki beef, Castiel started talking about something other than the movies.

“Bear?”

“Yeah Dad?” She said around a mouthful of noodles.

“The things you were asking earlier, the things with Alex?” He poked his chopsticks nervously into his kung pao chicken. “Um, I know Dean was teasing about you staying safe, but you’re not, um,”

He poked some more into his box, his face a flaming red. Claire watched with interest.

“Not what?”

“I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I know what you’ve said about identifying as ace and I remember thinking the same about myself at one point which is why I had that book in the first place. I guess I’m saying, you’re not moving too fast for you, are you?”

Claire looked at her father, and finished her mouthful before grabbing an egg roll.

“No. I don’t think so.”

“You seemed very confused.”

“I guess I am. I mean, I was never interested in dating or whatever. Mom used to take me to loads of classes, and I never wanted to miss out to hang out with boys. And then she got sick and I just wanted to be with her in my free time, you know? And then I got here and that first school sucked, and you sucked, and then I moved schools again and it got better. But I didn’t want a date at all.”

“But Alex changed your mind,” Castiel said softly, watching as she bit into her egg roll. She shrugged as she chewed.

“I guess? Why?”

Castiel dug through his box again, looking down at the chopsticks.

“We’re a lot alike. Don’t you think?”

“It’s almost like you’re my dad or something,” Claire teased.

“I just don’t want you agreeing to something you’re not comfortable with.”

“I wasn’t uncomfortable. I liked it. I think. It was just … different.”

“Like Dean said,” Castiel sounded sad.

“Yeah. And hey, don’t get upset. Dean was saying he liked things with you that he had hated before. Because it’s you. As much of a dork as he is, he got it.” She tapped a finger against the egg roll as she realised what was going on with her father. “Are you regretting agreeing to marry him?”

“No.”

“Because you keep doing this, taking a step back when Dean’s diving in. And last time you thought you were never going to see him again because other dumb stuff got in the way.”

Castiel just looked at her, and she became aware of the kid making a speech about the Grim on the TV.

“Dad, it’s okay to open yourself up to him. He loves you.”

“We’re not talking about me and Dean, we were talking about you and Alex.”

“And I’m trying to open up to Alex. That’s the cool thing about her. I might not know what’s going on in my own head but she’ll listen as I try and work it out.”

 

*

 

That night, Dean came back as Claire was brushing her teeth. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop on them, knowing how physical they could be, but after a couple of overheard words, she couldn’t help but listen in.

“What’s going on?” Dean sounded cautious.

“Not much, we watched some of those Harry Potter movies. Claire had to explain a lot. I still don’t understand Quidditch. I liked the time turner concept though.”

“I didn’t mean that, Cas.”

She heard her father sigh.

“Do you think I’m not very open with you?”

“I don’t know,” Dean’s voice was surprised. “You wanna talk feelings?”

“No, not necessarily. I mean, do you think I’m closed off?”

“You told me all the stuff about Claire and her mom and all. You don’t shut up about books you like.”

“That’s not an answer.”

There was a pause, before Castiel carried on.

“Claire and I were talking.”

“Right.”

“She thinks I hold back with you.”

“I guess with some stuff. Would have been nice to know you were flying to Pontiac that time before you were at the airport. Stuff like that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I guess you and the kid are alike when it comes to that sort of thing.” Dean didn’t sound upset. “But I know you got hurt, and you were hurt for a long time. I know you took a big chance on me. And the second you walked into that bar, Cas, I would have done anything for you. I got hit hard, you know?”

“What if we hadn’t met in that bar? What if we met for the first time at that meeting you set up?”

“Then I would have been shameless and Claire would never like me,” Dean responded cheerfully. “I would have told you all the parents take my personal cell and give me theirs just so I could call you.”

“And Benny?”

Claire could practically hear Dean’s shrug.

“Benny?”

“He was getting you drunk that first night.”

“And maybe I would have slept with him, and hated it, and regretted it. And then I would have been extra psyched to meet you. And thank God that didn’t happen. I was more than ready to have you walk into my life, Cas.”

It was quiet for a few moments, and Claire debated going into her own room when they started talking again.

“Do you think she’s going to be okay?”

“Yeah, our kid’s tough.”

“That’s what worries me. That she’s been through a lot and makes everyone think she has it all under control when maybe she’s more vulnerable than anyone.”

“You think she’ll get hurt by Alex?”

“I don’t know, Dean. She still sounds so confused.”

“She’ll be okay, Cas. I think she’d speak up if she wasn’t happy. And it sounds like Alex is respecting her boundaries. Even if they’re not as limiting as maybe she thought they would be.”

“I don’t think she likes it when you make safe-sex jokes.”

“She doesn’t like it when I make any jokes.” Dean pointed out. Claire would have been annoyed by their conversation at this point, but she had to concede that Dean was at least self-aware.

“But she does like you.”

“She’ll never admit that.” The bathroom door handle moved, hit the lock, and stopped.

“Kid?” Dean called through the door. Claire threw her toothbrush into the holder.

“Yeah, dork?”

“Guy’s gotta pee. Come on!” Dean didn’t sound ashamed of the conversation, and she wondered if they knew she had overheard. Not that she would be in trouble but she had the feeling Castiel wasn’t ready for her to see him so lacking in confidence. She came out of the bathroom, and rolled her eyes in his direction. Dean grinned, and slipped past her.

“Night, Dad!” She called into his bedroom.

“Night Bear,” he returned. She slipped back into her own room, and pressed an ear against the wall as Dean returned.

“I bet she was listening to everything,” Dean announced as he strode into their room.

“Perhaps. If she was upset she would say something. Like you said.”

“Are you tired tonight?”

Claire heard a long pause, before a whisper of, “put the hat on the door.” She pulled away from the wall, and climbed into bed. It was one thing to know they had rather a lot of sex, and another to actually listen in to it.


	29. Chapter 29

Dean gave Claire a ride into school, singing along with the old cassette tape he had put in that morning. Grudgingly, Claire had to admit that her future stepdad had some decent taste in music, even if she had never seen an actual tape deck before. Where would he even get them from?

She took her time walking into school, as Dean hurried off for an early morning meeting, and walked by Alex’s locker. Her girlfriend was already there, putting her books away. Claire leaned against the locker bank casually.

“Hey,” she tried to sound nonchalant.

“Hey yourself,” Alex smirked. She pulled a book out of her locker and then closed the door, smiling bashfully. Just then, a couple of guys from the grade above came over, smirking at them.

“Were you two making out at the game on Friday?” The tall, gangly looking one asked.

“Yeah, we thought we saw some lip-lock action.” His shorter, pudgier friend looked at them both eagerly. Claire and Alex swapped a look, which Claire was hoping meant the same to her girlfriend. Do they explain it? Do they deny it? They just wanted to be together, not to perpetuate the gossip mill.

“I thought people went to the game to watch football?” Alex asked innocently.

“And to check out cheerleaders!” Tall-gangly sniggered triumphantly. Alex gave him a saccharine smile, and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Well, then you’re shit out of luck with this cheerleader, aren’t you?”

“Girls making out is hot.” Pudgy persisted. Alex rolled her eyes, and held Claire’s wrist like she was stopping her from moving forward to confront them. But she wasn’t angry, she was bored of the entire conversation and the way they kept looking at Alex’s legs.

“Hmmm, I agree,” Alex grinned, sliding her hand into Claire’s. “But not when they’re being watched by gross teenage boys.”

“Now, stop perving on my girl,” Claire added, as Alex led her to their first class. They settled, and the girl who sat next to Claire tapped her on the shoulder.

“So, like, if you’re, like, a lesbian, like, why didn’t you say that when, like, everyone thought you were, like, getting it on with Mr Winchester?”

Claire didn’t want to talk with someone who used the word ‘like’ every time they inhaled, and thank goodness, their teacher walked in before she had to. She got on with her work, even as classmates who barely gave her the time of day tried to slip her notes. Unfortunately, her teacher spotted the girl next to her trying to hand her one of them and swooped in, grabbing the note and unfolding it. And then, in a classic asshole-teacher move, read the damn thing out.

“Claire, did you catch gay from your dad? Or from principal Winchester?”

Claire narrowed her eyes, and her teacher seemed to realise just what she’d read out.

“I’m sorry, Claire,” she turned to the girl with the note and sent her to detention, then carried on with the lesson. Claire’s whole face was burning as she made notes on the topic at hand. She felt in her pocket for the pass Dean had given her. He’d never asked for it back, she’d never gotten rid of it. As soon as the bell rang she was out of class, heading to his office. She showed the secretary, Ms Milton, the pass and was shown the wait sofa. Dean was still in his meeting.

He came out halfway through the next period, shaking the hands of some parents who had the last slot, and they walked away as Claire stood up, silently holding up the pass. Dean stood aside, gesturing into his office, and then following her in. She sat heavily in her regular chair, and Dean hesitated a moment before sitting at his desk, pulling out his box of donuts.

“Cas doesn’t like me eating these so much either,” he broke their silence conspiratorially. Claire didn’t even smirk in response, but helped herself to a cream filled, chocolate topped number. Dean pulled out his regular powdered jelly and took a huge bite. “Must be serious if you’re loading up on sugar.”

“People are talking about me kissing Alex at the game,” Claire grouched. “And it’s funny when it’s desperate hormonal guys asking because they think girls kissing is hot, it’s not as funny when people make comments like my grandparents would or pass notes that my teachers are reading out in class.”

Dean chewed his donut thoughtfully for a moment.

“Comments like what?”

Claire repeated the note. Dean looked as deadpan as you could look with powdered sugar all over your face. He swallowed, and looked at her seriously.

“Kid, it could take all day to have a talk about how much people suck. I’m on your side on this, and not just because we’re practically family. I live it, Cas lives it too. I know you want to fight against it, but pick your battles, okay?”

Claire took a huge bite out of her own donut, and Dean seemed to understand loud and clear. He dropped his voice.

“They’re not going to understand. They’re just not. But you know what? That’s okay. The only person that needs to understand you is your girlfriend and the only person you need to understand is Alex. Right? Everyone else is just unnecessary background noise.”

“Is that how you coped?”

“Pretty much. And kid? Please don’t end up in here for fighting. Not even in Alex’s honour. I really don’t want to have that phone call with Cas.”

“I don’t want that awkwardness either,” Claire defended herself. Dean grinned.

“Good. Are you ready to go back to class next period?”

Claire nodded, and Dean nudged the donut box over at her.

“You’re the only reason I ever buy crullers.”

“For a stepdad, you’re not horrible.”

“Ahem, principal.”

“That too,” Claire grinned around a mouthful of donut, and took the cruller out of the box too. They chomped happily on their donuts until the bell rang, and Dean waved her away.

 

*

 

Alex disappeared at lunch break, leaving Claire to a barrage of questions from the other kids that had her clenching her fists tightly around her fork. Some people were just curious about how she and Alex got together, but most people were douches, making all kinds of comments about lesbians that left Claire with a pulsing tic under her eye. She barely saw Alex outside of class for the rest of the day, and knew she wouldn’t see her after school when she had cheer practice. Dean was due to give her another ride home, but he wasn’t able to right away, which left Claire with time to kill. She didn’t want to hang around the car again, in case Dean overreacted about her sitting on it, and she was banned from watching Alex in the gym with the other cheerleaders, so she took herself onto the outdoor bleachers above the track meet, and worked on Sam’s latest assignment, leaving an alert on her phone for when Dean promised he would be done. She breezed through the assignment, and had started on her Spanish homework when the alert sounded. She packed up, and headed out to the lot, but Dean was nowhere to be seen. Claire slumped onto the sidewalk to wait, and fired off a text to Alex.

Dean appeared a couple of minutes later, his expression tight but he greeted Claire like he normally did. They drove to the bookstore, and greeted Castiel before Dean followed her up the stairs to the apartment.

“Did it get any better?” Dean wanted to know.

“No. I’ve barely seen Alex all day and everyone wanted to know what kissing a girl was like and if being gay was a family trait.” She scowled, and he smiled.

“Nice to know kids still aren’t original.” He pulled her into a hug, which surprised her. Dean never welcomed contact in that way, he kept his distance just in case. He was a lot more solid than her father, and he hugged tighter, but Claire felt safe in his arms. “One of the parents asked me, just after Cas and I came out, how we can possibly be intimate with each other. I couldn’t believe they asked that, who just asks their kids principal how they have sex? Sam overhead and he was great, he started talking about all the references in Shakespeare and offered to have Bobby give a history of homosexuality. Made it seem like an interesting optional class.”

Claire burrowed further into his chest.

“It’ll be okay, Claire. You can’t be surprised that kids are curious when you kissed her at the game. And give it time, other kids might feel more confident being out if you both are, and then you can explain the whole ace thing to an audience who doesn’t know how great sex is.”

“Don’t taunt her, Dean,” Castiel’s voice came from behind Claire, and he wrapped his arms around the both of them, kissing the top of Claire’s head. “Charlie’s closing up the store. What do you two want to do?”

“I want to go see Alex,” Claire decided. “I need to make sure she’s okay after today.”

Her phone hadn’t chimed with a text or call or anything from her girlfriend. Normally Alex replied pretty quickly, like she stopped everything else to respond.

“I’ll take you,” Castiel offered. Dean gave her one last squeeze and kissed Castiel briefly on the lips before stepping over to the kitchen.

“I’ll start cooking.”

 

*

 

Castiel hadn’t pried all drive over walking in on Claire and Dean having a moment. Claire knew her father well enough by now to know he was happy they were bonding and that could override his curiosity. Instead they rode in silence, and Castiel left the car to idle as Claire climbed out. She knew he wanted to check she was safely inside before he left, it was a sweet touch of his. She knocked, and when Jody answered, she pulled the door to behind her.

“Hey, Claire, how are you?” She was smiling warmly, but her body language made it clear that Claire wasn’t coming in. She could hear the engine of her father’s Lincoln idling behind her still.

“Um, I’m okay. Is Alex home? She hasn’t replied to my text.”

Jody looked behind her, as though she could see through her own front door, and then she looked at Claire with a fixed smile on her face.

“Not yet, maybe she’s out with the cheerleaders? I’ll get her to call or text when she’s home, okay?”

Jody was lying. It was so obvious. Claire didn’t walk away.

“What happened? Why doesn’t she want to see me?”

Jody dropped the smile, and looked defeated instead.

“Claire, you’re a nice girl, and you have made my daughter very happy. But you can’t help right now, okay?”

“I was getting the same crap at school. We’re in this together!”

“It’s not that simple,” Jody just looked tired. “Please, Claire, just give her the space, let her come to you, let me make this better. It’s not you, okay?”

She stepped back in the house and closed the door, leaving Claire outside. She walked back to her father’s car and climbed in, the normal fight missing. Castiel patted a hand gently, but again didn’t push for any answers. He drove back to the bookstore as Charlie finished locking up, waving at them as Castiel shut off the engine.

“Dad?” Claire’s voice was small. “Why wouldn’t Alex want to see me?”

“I don’t know, Bear. But I do know that when an issue has come up before, she’s needed her space and then she’s come to you. I know it’s going to drive you crazy wondering, but if you care about her, it’s what you need to do for her.”

Claire leaned against the headrest, staring up at the roof of the car.

“Was Jody kind, at least?”

“Yeah, I guess. But she wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“I’m sorry, Bear.”

“We were in a good place.”

“I know.”

“School sucks.”

Castiel leaned against the steering wheel, and Claire rolled her head along to look at him. He looked exhausted.

“Dad?”

“Yes, Bear?”

“We should go inside. See Dean.”

He gave her a small smile.

“Good idea. I have his ring.”

They climbed out of the car and headed up to the apartment, where Dean was singing along to one of his vinyl’s as he stirred something in a pan. As tired as Castiel had looked moments ago, it was like he had just drained a quadruple espresso just looking at Dean. He strode over and hugged him from behind, and Claire helped herself to a glass of juice.

 

*

 

Dinner with her father and stepfather was punctuated by them giving examples of the crap that they had both had to deal with after learning their identities. Dean had caught Castiel up on some of what had happened at the school as he cooked, Claire filled in the blanks, and somehow it had led to this. Castiel for once didn’t mention Claire’s maternal family, and instead focused on the Sioux Falls locals. On how women had thrown themselves at him at first, how he’d had to confess the truth to try and stop that happening. How Charlie got her job because she hadn’t made a move and made a flippant comment about hooking up with a woman the weekend before.

“It’s how I knew we were on the same page,” Castiel had smiled fondly. “Even though I don’t understand eighty percent of what she says.”

Dean had barked a laugh and confessed going to events growing up with Charlie, how they had realised about the same time that each other was gay. Claire hadn’t even figured on Charlie liking girls, and she said as much.

“Are you kidding?” Dean smirked. “One time she took me to her little LARP group, made me her handmaiden, and then tried to hit on the girl playing a fairy. She made me wait outside their tent while she made her move.”

“Charlie has the craziest stories,” Castiel nodded along. “I didn’t realise you were her ‘gay little handmaiden’ but that explains so much.”

Dean smiled with food in his mouth.

“I’ve had crap recently too,” Dean swallowed his mouthful. “Four kids have been transferred since we came out. A few parents are trying to get a petition going to get me out. Some old chick told me she was praying for my soul. But there’s good with it too. A few kids have come to me and asked advice for coming out. Someone else wants to start a gay-lesbian-alliance. One of the seniors told me I was the coolest principal on the planet. Other parents have said I’ve got their full support.”

Claire didn’t feel reassured.

“It might not even be about the two of you coming out,” Castiel said gently. “You said that Jody’s going to adopt her, maybe something’s come up with her birth family. It can’t always be easy to be with someone who has never had to deal with that.”

Claire stabbed at the remains of her dinner with her fork, pushing it around on her plate.

“Kid, don’t stress, okay? I can’t necessarily tell you if I hear anything, but if I can, I will, okay?” Dean patted her hand. Claire shot him a scowl, and he shrugged. “I can’t break other kids confidentiality. Not even for you. Not even for Cas.”

“Do you know something?” Claire pressed. Dean shook his head.

“No. I’m saying if I did, and if it’s in my power to help you, I will always try to do that. But I’m sorry, kid, I got nothing right now.”

“Can we change the subject?” Claire muttered, and took a huge bite of salad. Castiel sat up primly, his gaze locked on Dean.

“I have your ring.”

Dean knocked his chair over as he rushed to Castiel, almost wrestling him into a hug.

“I will maul you for it.”

“Well, as much as I would enjoy that, I don’t think our teenager would appreciate it.”

Claire put her fork down on her plate.

“Go nuts. I’m going for a walk.”

“Are you okay?” Castiel checked.

“Yeah. I just want some fresh air. I’m taking my cell.”

Castiel nodded, and Claire was just glad that they waited until she was on the stairwell outside of the apartment before they carried on their game of Find Dean’s Engagement Ring. Claire knew her father’s pockets would be the last place he would check. But she was strangely okay with it, as much as she was okay that Castiel had referred to her as Dean’s kid too. It was just the way their strange little family worked. She was just going to have to try to take their advice when it came to Alex, and hope for the best


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEELS

The air was cooling down as the sun set, and the area of town where the bookstore was situated had hardly any people around, but Claire was glad for that. The lack of people meant that she didn’t have any distractions, and could be alone with her thoughts, though she was listening for her cell, just in case Alex got in touch with her.

Her thoughts turned, for the first time in weeks, to her mother. To what she would have made of Claire having a girlfriend, how she would have handled Dean, what that would have meant for her relationship with Claire and with Castiel. It was hard to believe Amelia and Dean wouldn’t have bonded, between his stupid jokes and their mutual love of Castiel. And maybe her stepfather could have patched things up, if she still had her mom. And maybe Amelia wouldn’t have been enthusiastic about Alex at first, but Claire hoped that if her mother saw them together, she would understand. As complicated as it was, as little as Claire understood of her own feelings, her mother would get that Alex had become pretty special to her. Special enough that, whatever was going on with her girlfriend, she wasn’t taking it personally, and she was trying to follow the advice she was given. It was driving her crazy, sure, but she knew that Alex’s process was different to her own.

She reached the gazebo, and realised that she hadn’t been paying attention to her surroundings. She could see the diner from where she was, saw Sam sitting at the counter with a stack of papers to one side, and a plate on the other, talking with Eileen as she wiped the countertop clean. Claire leaned against the side of the gazebo and watched them for a while, as Eileen gave a big smile and signed something quickly, and Sam stood up, leaning across the counter easily with his height and giving her a kiss on the cheek. Claire smiled at the scene, at how happy they were together.

“Hello?!”

Claire turned, looking back into the gazebo. She didn’t think anyone else had been in there, but clearly she was wrong.

“Geez, I’ve been trying to get your attention since you got here,” they said, and stepped forward, so that Claire could see them in the light cast from the street lamps. She was tall and willowy, but her face was young, her face tan and her hair curly and dark. She looked unsure, biting her lip and wringing her hands under her bulky sweater as she stepped forward. “We go to the same school.” The girl established. Claire leaned her back against the gazebo post and looked at her.

“If you say so.”

“You’re principal Winchester’s stepdaughter, aren’t you?”

“Nearly. Who are you.”

“Ka-Kaia. Kaia Nieves. I’m a freshman. You’re Clara, right?”

“Claire,” she tried not to snap. She was trying to figure out what this girl could possibly want with her. She wasn’t in the mood for crap from school.

“Sorry. The kids all call you Clara.”

“And they all thought I was getting it on with Dean. Try again.”

“I didn’t,” Kaia shrugged. “I never did. Those rumours were stupid, like the principal would apparently go from his brother to an underage school girl? That doesn’t make sense.”

Claire sighed and looked away from this girl. She was so tired of talking about the whole thing.

“And I was glad when principal Winchester said he was with your dad,” Kaia continued. Claire resisted the urge to look at her with derision in her eyes. “I figured having a gay principal would probably make it easier to come out. I was talking with him the other day, about maybe having an LGBT club and he said to talk to you.”

“Why me?”

“Because I saw you kiss that cheerleader at the football game. He wouldn’t say much about it, but I figured you kissed her because you’re gay too, right?”

Claire spared her one withering glance.

“She’s my girlfriend.”

“Cool. So, how about it?”

“How about what?” Claire missed the offer. Kaia seemed ready to roll with it.

“An LGBT club.”

“Do it if you want,” Claire shrugged.

“If you and your girlfriend were in it, that would help.”

“I can’t help you,” Claire made to leave, and Kaia stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“Look, my mom died a couple of years ago, I didn’t know my dad. My aunt has been raising me but I get these really crappy nightmares. I have a tonne going on, and this is one thing I have the chance to control. Don’t you get what that’s like?”

Claire looked at her again.

“My mom died a few months ago. My dad walked out on us when I was nine, I’ve only gotten to know him again since she died. So yeah, I guess I get it. But I can’t promise anything right now about a school club.” She sighed, and her conscience got the better of her. “Look, have my cell number, and let me talk to Alex, see if you can hang out with us at school, lunch break or whatever. I can give you that much.”

Kaia held out a battered cell phone, and Claire input her number, before heading down the steps.

“I’d better get home.”

“Yeah, I’d better wait for my aunt. She works over there.” She nodded at the diner. “See you at school.”

“Yeah. See you.”

Claire started walking back to the book store, looking over her shoulder at Kaia heading into the diner. Dean had mentioned the club in passing, but it was strange to think people wanted to meet up and talk about not being hetero. She didn’t like the idea that Kaia was subtly putting out there, that she should somehow be in charge because of Dean, or because of her relationship with Alex. She still wasn’t sure whether she was actually a lesbian - how could you tell when you weren’t really attracted to anyone? Surely Dean didn’t think she was any kind of role model or poster girl for being gay?

 

*

 

Alex didn’t show at all the next day, or text Claire to let her know what was going on. Kaia had sent a few messages but it was irritating to have her phone beep, only to see that it wasn’t Alex. Kaia wasn’t a horrible person to know, it was just bad timing when Claire needed to hear from her girlfriend. At lunch, they sat together away from everyone else and talked about music, television and movies; anything but their similar histories and their orientation. Kaia wasn’t a horrible friend to have. She just wasn’t Alex.

Dean didn’t say anything that night if he had found out what was wrong with Alex, and Castiel was sympathetic to Claire’s concern. He was more interested in learning about Claire’s new friend, and Kaia seemed to be the hot topic of the night.

The day after, as Claire and Kaia walked in to school together after Dean offered them both a ride, Alex was there, putting her books in her locker slowly, her body almost tucked up inside it.

“Hey, stranger,” Claire grinned at her, leaning against the next locker. Alex didn’t turn to her, and Kaia looked between the two of them as though she was trying to read the situation.

“Hi, Claire.” Alex sounded exhausted.

“So, what was up? Did you get sick?” Claire pressed. Alex flinched, and closed her locker as a few cheerleaders walked down the hallway.

“Don’t check out our asses when we go,” one of them said, flicking back her bright red hair. “Some of us want to get our notebooks in peace.”

Alex flinched again, seemingly oblivious to Claire’s eyes on her. But it was Kaia who spoke out.

“Please, who are you kidding? Not everyone cares about cheerleaders.”

The redhead scoffed back at her.

“You wanna join the dyke brigade there, fine, but watch your mouth around me, freshman.” She narrowed her eyes at Kaia. “Are you looking at my boobs?”

“Maybe if you had some,” Kaia shrugged easily. “Real ones I mean.”

Claire snorted with laughter, and the redhead turned her focus.

“Oh, right, you’re buddying up to the principal’s favourite. That way, you don’t get in trouble for your sexual harassment, right?”

“You’re the one doing the harassing. That other girl wasn’t even looking at you.” Kaia was still cool and calm, shrugging like the whole situation was no big deal. Alex turned and walked away, clutching her books with her head down, and Claire made to follow her, but the cheerleader got in her way.

“You’re not special, you know.”

“Neither are you,” Claire spat back. “So lay off Alex.”

She pushed the girl out of her way, and ran after Alex, catching up to her in their first lesson together. Alex was at her desk, head in her arms, her shoulders shaking. Claire fell into the chair next to Alex’s.

“Are you crying?” She whispered. Alex didn’t respond. “What was with that girl? Are the other cheerleaders giving you shit because I kissed you?”

Still no response from Alex. It was beginning to get irritating, Claire just wanted to help, but she didn’t know what she was helping with. She tried again.

“Well, I’m glad Kaia gave her crap. She wants to do an LGBT group and get us in it.”

Alex didn’t get the chance to respond, even if she was going to, because at that point their teacher was walking into the room and starting their lesson. Claire forced herself to concentrate, but it was hard when she was so worried about her girlfriend.

As soon as class was over, Claire grabbed Alex’s wrist and dragged her into a broom closet, shutting the door behind them. They were pressed up close together in the dark, trying not to fall over the mop bucket.

“Claire, we have class.” Alex stated.

“Right, and we’ll go as soon as you tell me what’s going on. I’ve been going crazy worrying about you.”

“Worrying so much you met that other girl.”

“Actually, yeah. I went for a walk because Dean and Jody both told me to leave you alone and Kaia found me, started talking about being lesbian. She’s okay. But you better not be saying I’m moving on. I just want you to talk to me.”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

“Why?”

“Why? Were you not there with Chelsea this morning? That cheerleader?”

“Why because I’m your girlfriend, shouldn’t I know? What does that cheerleader have to do with anything?”

Alex made a small sobbing noise as the bell rang for their next class.

“Alex?”

“They kicked me off, okay? They kicked me off the squad because they can’t trust me to not look up their skirts even though I’m a flyer. We went to do a couple of routines and everyone acted like I was coming onto them if I touched them, even if it was part of the routine. I wasn’t allowed to do any cartwheels because it might be a lesbian mating call. And then they just decided to kick me off. They’re all trying to get Dean out as well, signing this petition about not having a gay principal. And I’m so tired of it all.”

Alex was fully crying again, her body heaving with sobs, and all Claire could do was pull her closer, letting her cry into her shirt as she held her firmly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked softly. “You shouldn’t have had to face that alone.”

“Because I know you, Claire, I know you’re planning to kick their asses and make things worse. I know you won’t resist a chance to shout back at them like that Kaia girl earlier. You think they’ll stop at bitchy comments in the hallway?”

“You’re right, I’m angry at them,” Claire conceded. “But mostly, I’m worried about you. I know you loved synchronised robot dancing and yelling bad rhymes at people just checking out your legs. I don’t get why, but I know you did. You wouldn’t be this upset if you didn’t. I’m angry they’re taking that away from you for no real reason, that they made you cry. But if you don’t want me to fight back, I won’t. And Dean will be happy because it’s really awkward when he and Dad have to have the parent-teacher discussion when they’re both thinking about how each other looks naked.”

Alex choked out a giggle, mixed with a sob.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, well. You matter to me. Cheerleading matters to you.”

Alex turned her head, and pressed a tear-soaked kiss onto Claire’s cheek.

“I won’t keep it from you again.”

“Just let me know when you need space, okay? Don’t scare me like that.”

“Okay. And promise me you won’t tell Dean? I don’t want him to make them take me back. They’ll be even worse than they are right now.”

Claire didn’t answer.

“Claire, please.”

“What if he says something? He’s the principal, he’s going to notice that you’re not on the squad anymore. And then he’ll ask me about it.”

“Say I quit. Please.”

“Okay,” Claire relented. “I can’t promise he’ll believe me, but if that’s what you want.”

“And you’re wrong too. I don’t love synchronised robot dancing and yelling bad rhymes. I liked cheerleading because it was the first time in ages that I fit somewhere. But I fit somewhere better now.”

“You flirt,” Claire teased.

“I love you, Claire.” Alex sounded serious. Claire stiffened, still wrapped around Alex. Everyone was in class, they were officially missing a lesson, and they would get in trouble for wandering the hallways now. Claire was stuck in this situation.

“Um,” she tried to buy some time.

“I know. I know, you said I matter to you and that’s huge for you to get to that point, and love is so beyond your scope right now, but I can’t help it that I know I love you at the same time. You don’t have to say anything back.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re demi, right? I’m just lucky that you felt like you knew me well enough to say yes to being my girlfriend. That’ll keep me going.”

“Wait, I’m what?”

“Demi. When you showed me those ace terms, that’s the one that seemed to fit.”

Claire remembered saying something to that effect to her father, but she didn’t think she had ever said that to Alex.

“I’m … yeah, I am.”

“So, that’s already like a big ‘I love you’, you agreeing to be my girlfriend.” Alex gave another sniff. “Do you have your cell on you? Can I use it to see how bad my face looks?”

Claire pulled her cellphone out, and Alex used it with her own, one shining a torch and the other on the selfie function so she could see her puffy cheeks and reddened eyes. She was scrutinising the tight, waxy streaks her tears had left, and Claire brushed back a silky lock of dark hair.

“You’re beautiful.”

Alex smiled, and rested her head against Claire’s shoulder.

“Prettier than Kaia?”

“Are you jealous of her?” Claire snorted. “She’s okay, but like, as a friend.”

Alex handed her phone back.

“You’re worth being kicked off the squad for. So, okay, Kaia’s a friend. But she better know I’m yours.”

Claire snorted.

“Jealous much, Jones?”

“I worked hard to get you. Damn straight I’m jealous.”

The door opened then, and they fell out, onto the janitor’s feet, trying not to giggle as they went.

“Aren’t you meant to be in class?” He asked. “Come on. I’m taking you to vice-principal Harvelle.”

They stood up and dusted themselves off, before sharing a smile and following the janitor.


	31. Chapter 31

Claire had only met with the vice principal once, when she first started at the school. Since then, it had been Dean who kept an eye on her, and so Claire had barely spent any time in the vice principal’s office. It wasn’t all that different to Dean’s, although Claire suspected that the woman across from them didn’t have a secret stash of donuts at her disposal. She was instead listening intently to the janitor, and Claire swapped a look with Alex. They were going to have to tread carefully if Alex didn’t want Dean finding out about her position with the cheerleading squad.

Eventually the janitor was dismissed, and Ms Harvelle steepled her hands together on top of the desk.

“Ladies? Why were you in the supply closet instead of class?”

Claire looked at Alex.

“You were right, that wasn’t our next lesson.”

“Ms Novak,” The vice principal started. “I know that Mr Winchester finds your wit charming but he’s not here. So a sensible answer, please. Ms Jones? You’re a straight A student, good extra curriculars. Why were you not in class?”

Alex looked at the floor, and Claire sat forward, hoping that her father wouldn’t hate her too much for this.

“It was my fault. Alex and me are dating, I just couldn’t wait another minute to at least kiss her.”

Ms Harvelle arched an eyebrow, something that Claire just knew she did every few minutes.

“I’m just so hormonal,” Claire clarified, somehow managing to keep a straight face.

“Uh-huh.” Ms Harvelle was clearly waiting for something. Claire didn’t know what.

“Look, it’s not Alex’s fault, it’s mine, I made her go in there, she kept saying we’d be late for class. But look at her, do you blame me?”

“Ms Novak, I’m a straight woman,” Ms Harvelle stated. “I have a daughter older than you. I’m not going to look at your girlfriend and objectify her. I’m also waiting for her to answer my question, not you.”

Claire sat back in her chair, and just hoped that Alex would back up her story. Alex’s gaze darted up to Ms Harvelle’s face.

“I was off school yesterday. Claire just wanted to catch me up on a couple of things.” Alex said quietly. “I didn’t feel up to texting while I was off, so she was checking I was okay.”

“And in the janitor’s supply closet in the middle of class was the appropriate time to do that?”

“You’re right, we should have waited for lunch period,” Alex murmured. “But I think Claire wanted to avoid being overheard. Girlfriend stuff.”

Ms Harvelle still didn’t look impressed.

“Now I’m starting to understand why Dean deals with you,” she sat back. “You both have detention. Go.”

Alex’s face turned bright red, but they left without a word, heading straight to the detention hall. There were three other kids in there, two kids who looked very much at home in detention and a senior who looked so out of place that at first Claire thought she was chaperoning. She sat upright in the front row, her glazed eyes staring vacantly at the board. She shook her head as Claire and Alex took two seats as far away from the other three kids as possible, and they watched as the senior turned to smile at them.

“Creepy,” Claire breathed. The teacher at the front of the room coughed.

“No talking in detention!”

Claire rolled her eyes and slumped in her seat, watching Alex as she sat down, crossed her arms and rested her chin on them. She kept her eyes on the clock at the front of the room, and Claire cast her gaze around at the others. The two who looked like they spent every other period in detention kept giggling at nothing in particular that Claire could see, and the senior returned to staring at the board, her back ramrod straight, her dark curls resting on the shoulders of her argyle sweater. And Claire began to wonder why it was that, after all this time, she hadn’t seen the vice principal. Surely that would have just saved so many issues if she had? But then, she was always going to see Dean outside of school, so perhaps not. Still, she should have been sent to Ms Harvelle at least one time since starting at the school … right?

The bell rang for the end of the period, and Alex heaved a heavy sigh as the senior approached them, clutching her binder of notes.

“Hello, I’m Patience. Patience Turner. You’re Claire Novak and Annie Jones, aren’t you?”

Claire gave her a dirty look, but she steamed on, regardless.

“I just wanted to say that I’m impressed with the courage and dignity you’ve both shown through the entire situation with the principal. That can’t have been easy.”

“Almost as hard as getting people’s names right,” Claire nodded. Patience frowned for a moment, before her expression cleared, and she gave a small smile.

“Yes, sorry, Alex.” She nodded at Claire’s girlfriend. “I also wanted to say that you have my support. Coming out in high school can’t be easy.”

“You’re weird,” Claire blurted. Alex wound their arms together.

“It was nice to meet you, Patience.”

They walked out of the room together, but Patience kept pace as Kaia spotted them down the hall and hurried to join them. They immediately began talking as if they were old friends, and Claire traded a look with Alex. She mouthed ‘what the hell?’ and Alex shrugged, looking just as perplexed. It had been the two of them for months, even when they weren’t dating, and to suddenly have two people attach themselves to them felt odd. Claire liked their bubble.

But both Kaia and Patience insisted on sitting with them at lunch, talking like old friends and bringing Claire and Alex into their conversation. Claire didn’t feel comfortable with the topic at hand, and she doubted her girlfriend did either. So she tucked into her lunch, only for someone to make the situation even more irritating.

“Look, it’s the lesbians!” Two boys from their class pushed their way onto the table. Alex grabbed her tray as it got knocked to the side, stopping it from spilling onto the floor. “When are you going to make out at school?”

Claire rolled her eyes at Alex who was giving one of them a strong side-eyed glance.

“So like, is it like with gay guys where one of you is the top and one is the bottom?” The guy between Claire and Patience joined in.

“Nah, you have one who’s a butch - that would be this one,” he gestured to Claire, a smug smirk on his face. “And the other one-”

“If you dare call my girlfriend a bitch,” Claire dropped her voice low, her eyes narrowing as she invaded his space, putting their faces close together. “Then I will kick your ass all over this cafeteria.”

“See?” The guy gestured at Claire, looking at his friend, apparently unafraid of Claire’s wrath. “Totally the butch.”

Claire pushed him backwards, but he held his seat, and it was like pushing against a wall. He grabbed her wrist, and pulled his face close to hers.

“Nice try. You know, your dad screwing the principal doesn’t mean you get to push everyone around. And get over yourself, your girlfriend doesn’t even have great tits.”

“Go.” Patience stood up, towering over him. “Now. Or I’ll kick your ass myself.”

“Come on, dude, this is the unfriendly dyke table.” The guy between Alex and Kaia said as he stood up. “I bet they’re totally feminist too.”

Kaia scraped her chair back, squaring up to him, unafraid of the fact she was younger than him and much shorter.

“Well, with guys like you around, can you blame a girl for wanting equal rights at the very least? Or looking at other girls and just wondering if there’s less drama?”

She jutted her chin out, glaring up at him, just as Sam walked past, noticing the altercation.

“Hey, kids, everything okay here?”

“Everything’s fine,” The guy beside Claire grinned, putting his arms around her and Patience. Patience held her hands up in protest and Claire shoved him off.

“Ew.”

“So gross.”

“If fine means sexual harassment, then sure, everything’s great,” Kaia barely looked at their teacher, still squaring up to the boy next to her. “It’s absolutely wonderful having our lunch break taken over by two misogynistic assholes who think that girls being gay is some kind of show for their enjoyment.”

Claire watched as Sam grew flustered by the topic, though he kept his head. It was only because she knew him that she recognised his discomfort.

“Okay, Kaia, boys, come with me. Girls, did you want to make a complaint?”

Alex looked up at Claire, but she didn’t need the glance. Alex didn’t want the drama, Dean and her father wanted her to keep her head, and she didn’t really want to see the vice principal twice in the same day.

“Not this time,” Claire muttered.

“No,” Patience said shortly. “I trust Kaia to tell you the truth.”

Alex merely shook her head, and Sam made the boys walk in front of him, Kaia trailing behind. Kaia shot them all a look as she left, but it wasn’t accusatory. Instead, it seemed to bond them all. Whether Claire and Alex liked it or not, they had two brand new friends.

 

*

 

That evening, it was just Claire, Castiel and Dean. They sat down to a dinner that Dean and Claire had cooked together while Castiel closed up the store, the three of them practically inhaling the tacos and nachos that covered the table top.

“Hey, Dean?” Claire started as she began loading her third taco shell. “Why did I get taken to the vice principal today?”

“Way I heard it, you were making out with Alex in the janitor’s closet,” Dean shrugged. “As your principal, not cool. As your future stepfather, no sex. As your friend? Nice move.”

He held his hand up for a high five, and Claire did so as Castiel looked between the two of them in confusion.

“Claire was doing what?”

“Don’t worry,” Claire said quickly. “And that wasn’t what I meant. I always get taken to you, not her. Why the vice principal this time? Wouldn’t that have just saved so much drama?”

Dean brushed the taco shell dust from his fingers, and then wiped his mouth.

“It would, but Ellen had some family stuff going on. She took some compassionate leave, and then she came back. And that’s about all I can say about that.”

“I don’t understand,” Castiel said hesitantly. “Alex isn’t the kind of girl to make out in the janitor’s closet.”

“Just pretend that the closet had a cowboy hat on it,” Claire told her father. “Because I’m not saying what the hell went on in there, okay?”

She took a bite of her newly loaded taco, as Dean grabbed a handful of nachos, his engagement ring glinting as the light reflected off it.

“Sam said there was an issue at lunch too?”

“Ugh, yeah, creeps thinking two girls going out was in some way for their gratification. That girl Kaia gave them hell. I like her. Not the same way I like Alex but, you know, she’s cool.”

“Yeah, I know.” Dean nodded, talking around a mouthful of cheesy tortilla chips. “She talk to you about the LGBT thing? Sounds like it could be what the school needs.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to be like, gay rights crazy. I don’t even know if I am gay. Alex is such a different thing for me, how am I meant to know?”

Dean nodded, and shrugged, but it was Castiel who spoke up this time.

“Claire, even though some people don’t necessarily agree, asexuality is part of the LGBT movement. Maybe they need someone like you around? Someone who is ace but goes against people’s expectations? You’re strong and passionate and vocal, but kind and caring and loyal. The only difference is that sex and relationships aren’t a priority for you. But that should still be respected.”

“We’re back on familiar ground for him,” Dean grinned at Claire.

“Dork.” Claire rolled her eyes, smiling fondly. “How’s the wedding planning coming?”

“Good,” Castiel nodded. “It’s not going to be huge.”

“Why not?” Claire spoke with her mouth full of taco.

“Because I’ve been married before, because neither of us are particularly flamboyant, and because it just feels right. And actually,” Castiel cleared his throat, sitting upright. “Claire, I have a request.”

“Oh, crap,” she said under her breath.

“It’s not traditional, but then neither is this wedding. So I wanted to ask you if you would be my best person? Like a best man, but not? It would mean everything to have you be part of the wedding, like you’re saying Dean is as much your father as I am.”

“Sam’s my best man,” Dean added, as though he had been asked to contribute to swaying Claire.

“Well, I want to say yes,” Claire said carefully. “But you do know Dean’s still on probation, right? And he might be a decent stepdad, but he’s still not you.”

“I’m right here!” Dean complained. Castiel smiled.

“She was trying to be nice.”

“Not to me!”

“I thought it was very sweet. And it’s a good point, I’m still her father.”

“Ugh, fine, if it makes Dean feel like he’s part of the family and accepted and junk, I’ll do it.” Claire grinned at her father. He wrinkled his nose in happiness, and picked up his own taco, taking a bite.

“She’s so full of the warm fuzzies, isn’t she?” Dean grinned at Castiel.

“You’re as bad as each other.” Castiel mock-chastised them. They fell into silence for a few more minutes, happily demolishing the rest of their food. Dean cracked open a beer for himself and one for Castiel, and Claire broke the silence.

“So, um, Alex said something to me earlier.”

“That’s good, right? Dean winked, and tipped his bottle back down his throat.

“Haha,” Claire rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “But seriously, she um, she told me she loved me. What do you even do with that?”

“That depends,” Castiel said slowly. “What happened after she said that?”

“I was kind of freaking out and she said I didn’t have to say it back, and she got that it was a big thing that we were even going out. But how does she even know?”

Dean and Castiel traded a look, and Claire was grateful that at least Dean was beginning to take it seriously.

“Love means different things to different people, Claire,” Castiel sat forward, ignoring his drink. “And love can be different each time. Look at me and your mother, and how that’s different to me and Dean. I love them both, in different ways. And I love you in another way entirely. I know you love Amelia, and you love me, and Dean’s someone you love and don’t like to admit to it.”

“I guess.”

“Love isn’t always wanting to touch each other and stuff,” Dean pointed out. Claire made a scoffing noise. “Oh, yeah, well … that’s just a fun thing your dad and I do. But outside of the cowboy hat, it’s about wanting to just share our lives together, survive arguments together, deal with his teenage daughter as a team. There’s nothing your dad can throw at me that would put me off.”

“I agree, love isn’t necessarily a feeling. I think that’s lust, that feeling. But love is powerful, it makes you do things you might not normally do because it’s right for the other person. It’s providing a room you never know will be filled, it’s writing letters knowing they’re not being read, it’s giving someone a second chance when they walked out of your life and putting it behind you and just looking to the future.”

“You’re both just confusing me.” Claire admitted.

“Well, maybe for Alex, she’s considered all the things you have both gone through, and she knows that regardless of all the hormonal crap, you’re worth fighting for?” Dean tried.

“Why don’t you discuss it with her?” Castiel suggested gently. “You might be able to work out if you love her too. Just remember that love and romance aren’t exactly the same thing.”

She stared at her father, who gave her a kind smile in return.

“Or give it some time. But either way, we support you.”

She got up from her chair, and gave him a hug, before heading to her bedroom. She put on a trashy romcom, and reflected on everything her dads had said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this has taken me so long to update. A few things have happened recently, a couple of friends have parted ways, I've been organising to go to the UK Creation con, my son has some school exams soon and that's been consuming, I've taken on extra shifts at work, and I signed up for the DCBB and my idea kind of exploded out of me and that's taken away from writing this. Oh, and The Sims. Being in charge of a character is intoxicating until they've amassed a fortune and your game freezes. So yeah, with one thing or another, this kind of took a back seat, but there's a few things I still want to write into this. I need to get my plot line down properly lol. I hope that I at least cleared up a couple of possible plot holes x


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, I'm sorry it seems like I dropped off the face of the earth! I wasn't going to do the DCBB this year and then I had this idea and I just couldn't stop writing and reading source material for it, and then I got inspired for my YA and somehow this fell by the wayside. It took me a little while to remember what else I wanted to include in this story too, but I think I remember now. Thank you for bearing with me x

Over the course of the next week, Claire and Alex began to hang around Kaia and Patience more and more. Patience was an asset to the LGBT club idea that Kaia had had, and lunchtimes were often big debates on how to entice any kid who might consider themselves gay or non-binary. Claire slowly got used to the idea of the group, and thanks to Patience’s organisational skills she could even see it coming together. Kaia was artistic, it transpired, and showed them some of her doodles that she thought would be good for a group logo. But beyond the LGBT club, Claire felt like Kaia and Patience were becoming her friends, and she actually enjoyed spending time with them.

She still had private moments with Alex, though neither of them had mentioned love again. Claire did debate it, she would look at her girlfriend as they hung out at either of their houses and have so many questions buzzing in her head about what it must feel like and how was Alex so sure, and maybe Claire loved her right back because a relationship wasn’t high on her list of things, or kissing, or holding hands; and yet their relationship meant so much to her and maybe that was all you needed for love? Or maybe it was as easy as the way Alex had put it, and just by dating each other Claire was halfway to being in love.

On Friday, when the football team played an away game, Claire lied to Dean and Castiel, saying she was going with Jody to support Alex as she cheered. Instead, Jody took them to her friend Donna’s house, where they had a pamper session and Donna snuck a little wine into their drinks when Jody wasn’t looking.

It was the following Friday, when there thankfully wasn’t a game to cheer for, that life took yet another sharp turn. Claire had asked her father to let the girls over for a sleepover - Alex, Kaia and Patience - and he had agreed. They all walked home together, clutching overnight bags and sleeping bags, talking nineteen-to-the-dozen as they walked into the bookstore. Charlie was manning the till, and doing some of the paperwork for the business side of the bookstore. She looked up as Claire began to lead her friends upstairs.

“Claire? Maybe it’s not a good idea to have your friends here.”

“Dad said we could have a sleepover. It’s cool. You’re not my mom, Charlie.”

Charlie looked like she had just been slapped. Her mouth gaped open for a moment, before snapping shut. Claire walked past, her friends following quietly, and they made their way up to the apartment. Claire could practically feel Kaia and Patience’s apprehension.

“I think you hurt her feelings,” Alex murmured in her ear. “Charlie’s fun.”

“I know, but she isn’t my parent and she doesn’t know everything that happens between my dads and me, so she can take her beak out of it.”

Claire pushed open the door to the apartment, and the other girls filtered in, and then stopped, all three of them staring at the same point in the living area. Claire looked also, and saw her father sitting opposite a guy who couldn’t have been older than nineteen. His eyes darted between Claire and her father, and Castiel pursed his lips for a moment.

“Ah. Yes. The slumber party.” He cleared his throat. “Jack, maybe we should go somewhere else? The sofa is yours, ladies.”

He stood, and Jack did the same, mirroring his movements as they left the apartment. Claire watched them leave, and turned to her friends. All three of them were staring at her.

“What?”

“Who’s the cute guy?” Patience asked.

“Yeah, you’ve never mentioned a Jack before.” Alex was accusatory.

“I’ve never heard of Jack before.” Claire defended herself.

“He looked like your dad. Is he your big brother?” Kaia wanted to know as she walked further into the room and dumped her belongings.

“No. Mom and Dad met at college, they had me not long after graduation. There’s no chance of anyone else.”

Kaia and Alex swapped a meaningful look. Claire wasn’t sure what it was about, and she was desperate for a subject change. She didn’t get the chance to try for one, because her friends were on fire as they set up the sleepover.

“Do you think Mr Winchester knows about him?”

“Is he your dad’s little bit on the side?”

“I bet that’s why Charlie didn’t want us to have this sleepover.”

Claire groaned and put her head in her hands. She spoke through her fingers.

“Dad wouldn’t cheat. I don’t know if Dean knows about him, _I_ don’t know about him. Let’s just … let’s put on some TV and eat some junk food.”

“Let’s work on the LGBT posters and talk about this mystery guy,” Kaia taunted. Claire looked up and saw her would-be deadpan expression.

“Great idea, Kaia,” Patience grinned. Alex stepped closer to Claire, and cupped her face with both hands.

“Look, we’re just screwing. We’ll stop talking about that guy, okay?” She stroked Claire’s cheeks with her thumbs, and stepped closer to kiss her, just as Dean arrived in the apartment.

“No getting busy girls! Not with an audience, not in front of Claire’s cool stepdad-to-be. Hey Kaia, Patience. Alex,” he grinned at them all, and kissed the top of Claire’s head as he walked past, into the kitchen area. Patience straightened in her seat, tucking her hair gently behind her ears and sitting ramrod straight. Kaia watched her principal with interest.

“Are you two okay?” Alex grinned at them as she led Claire over to their friends.

“It’s the principal,” Patience whispered. Dean looked up from one of the cupboards, and at the back of Patience’s head, smirking.

“Out in the wild,” Kaia added. Dean burst out laughing.

“Well, they’re right,” Claire clung on to the subject change. “You’re barely a person.”

“You’re in a good mood,” Dean acknowledged. “So tonight is all about gossiping and eating crap and making me and Castiel stay in our bedroom like that’s a punishment?”

“It’s like you’re in my head.” Claire deadpanned.

“Hey, where is your dad? Charlie’s alone in the store, she said Cas was up here.” He looked around, as though Castiel were going to jump out on him, and Claire swapped a look with Alex. She didn’t like the idea of lying to Dean, but she knew nothing about the Jack that her father had gone off with either.

“He was talking to someone, and left when we came in. Guess we can’t be trusted,” Kaia said as she spread poster sized pieces of paper across the dining table and added a bunch of paints. “Hey, Mr W, would you help us set up the LGBT club? We’re all in it, for different letters.” Kaia looked proud of herself. Dean nodded, and looked at Patience.

“I didn’t think Turner was LGBT.”

Patience blushed, and tried to sit up straighter.

“I’m the A. Ally.”

“Oh. Okay. Thought the A was for something else.” Dean shot Claire a questioning glance, and she shook her head slightly. He didn’t take the hint that she didn’t want to discuss it, and gestured towards the bedrooms. “Excuse us, ladies, I just want to talk to Claire quickly. Claire?”

She had no choice but to follow Dean to her own bedroom. He shut the door softly after them, and she settled on her bed. He pulled her desk chair out, and sat on it backwards, folding his arm across the back of the chair.

“Are you okay?” He asked sincerely.

“We don’t do this,” she tried to remind him. “We do sarcastic banter.”

“Actually, we do feelings conversations a lot. I know it’s got to be annoying to have someone think that allies are represented and not asexuals.”

“To be totally honest, Dean, I don’t feel like I’m LGBT. You don’t really have to demand the right not to have sex with people. I mean, you do, but not for LGBT, I think that comes under sexual assault.”

“You know what I mean.”

“It’s no big deal. Really.” Claire shrugged.

“Okay. You know who Cas was talking to when you got here? Charlie didn’t want to let me in and that’s not normal for her. I’m like a big brother to her, she normally tells me way too much.”

“I don’t know. Some guy called Jack.”

“Jack?” Dean sounded nonplussed. “Never heard of him.”

“That makes two of us.”

“Okay. Well, to avoid becoming insanely jealous of this Jack guy and to make sure Patience stops having a heart attack every time I’m in the same room as her, should I order in some food?”

“Sounds good. And you noticed that with Patience, huh?”

Dean clasped a hand to his chest.

“The principal of our entire school!” He did an almost perfect impression of Patience’s uptight reaction.

“She’s nice, you know.”

“I know. Rule keeper. Tends to space in class though.” Dean rapped his knuckles on the back of Claire’s chair, making to stand up. “Diner food?”

“Sure.”

She followed him back to her friends, where he took a spot beside Kaia and started talking to her right away about her vision. Patience was still on the sofa in her rigid position as though she was afraid of Dean judging them outside of school hours, and Alex slipped an arm around Claire’s waist, pecking her cheek and whispering in her ear.

“I told them you’re ace. Kaia’s fascinated, Patience is a little ashamed. She didn’t realise.”

They both looked at Patience, who was staring forward, eyes glazed.

“Patience? Are you okay?” Alex asked cautiously. There wasn’t even a flicker of recognition. Together, Alex and Claire walked over to their new friends, Alex sitting beside her and Claire squatting down in front of her. There was still no movement from Patience. Claire was about to check that Patience was even still breathing when she gave a small gasp, and shook her head slightly, her eyes focusing once more. She took in Alex beside her, and Claire at her feet, and swallowed before forcing a smile.

“Sorry Claire, I didn’t know the A stood for Ace. That you are one. That I upset you. I wasn’t trying to do that.”

“It’s whatever. What just happened with you?”

“Oh, nothing. Just trying to work through some homework.”

“Homework?” Kaia sneered from the dining table. “It’s Friday night, we’re not going to do homework while we hang out!” She glanced at Dean, and did a double take. “Oh, um, I mean,”

“Chill, Kaia. I’m not your principal tonight. Just your friend’s dad’s hot boyfriend. Representing the G up in here.”

Kaia gave her own fake smile.

“Right. You’re so cool, Mr W.” She rolled her eyes and turned to her friends. “Get your butts over here and help me.”

Claire went, and Alex helped Patience up, bringing her to the table. They settled on the chairs and grabbed paints from Kaia’s rainbow collection, starting to work on the posters that Kaia was planning on hanging up around school.

“So how does it work?” Kaia asked once they were all focused on their painting. Even Dean. “The ace thing, with you two dating,” Kaia’s paint brush pointed between Claire and Alex, threatening to drip green paint on Castiel’s table.

“They did threaten to revoke my membership,” Claire deadpanned.

“Claire,” Alex admonished, before answering Kaia. “It’s not so bad. It just means I have to ask if I want a kiss, and know that when Claire says no it’s not a personal thing, she’s just having a repulsed day. Sometimes it hurts, but we try and talk about it.”

Claire blushed, feeling Dean watching her, and carried on with her poster. He didn’t say anything, but she was assuming that the nudge he sent under the table was meant to be a reassuring one.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember where I was going with this now! Making up for lost time lol. Hope you like this chapter!

Castiel returned late in the evening, when all the posters had been made, and the girls had set up camp around the sofas and armchairs. Dean remained in the kitchen most of the night, texting on his phone and pretty much giving the girls their space. He came into the apartment alone, looking exhausted. Claire watched as Dean started to fuss over him, but Castiel held a hand up to stop him.

“Girls, have a nice evening, please don’t stay up all night. Dean, can we talk in the bedroom?”

All four girls oohed as Castiel led their principal to his bedroom, and they waited for a moment after the bedroom door closed to start talking.

“Where’s that Jack guy gone?” Kaia wanted to know. “And who is he?”

“I don’t know,” Claire mused. “Dad can keep things pretty close to his chest when he wants to.”

“At least we got rid of Dean and Kaia can act like normal,” Alex teased.

“I still can’t get used to calling him Dean. That’s a real person name.”

Claire and Alex burst into laughter.

“Wait until I tell you that he’s a bad loser at video games,” Alex grinned. “But he’s pretty cool to hang around with. And he’s a total sucker for Claire.”

“He tries to bribe me so he can sleep with Dad,” Claire nodded, and then she noticed Patience. “She does that staring thing a lot, doesn’t she?”

Kaia and Alex looked. Patience was once again staring straight in front of herself, apparently not taking any of their conversation in, her facial expression worried, her breathing almost silent.

“Is she … okay?” Kaia said slowly.

“She looks terrified,” Alex murmured. They watched as Patience gave a start, and looked around, seeing all three of her friends staring at her.

“Dude, why do you keep doing that?” Claire was the one to ask. Patience hid behind her hair slightly.

“Doing what?”

“Totally switching off. It’s like you left your body,” Kaia mused. Patience sighed, and pushed her hair back from her face.

“Okay, I guess it’s a slumber party thing to share secrets, and you guys are the first friends I’ve even made all high school, but … I get dissociative episodes. It happens a lot, zoning out, delayed reactions, stuff like that.” She tucked her feet under her on the armchair. “They said it’s like, childhood trauma. I don’t remember it, but I know my Dad fell out with my Grandma, big time. I think I was close to her, and I was part of their falling out, but I don’t remember. He said she was crazy. I guess I inherited it.”

“That sucks,” Alex sympathised. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know. But I can’t exactly stop when it happens.”

“Well, now you have us. We’ll fill you in when you miss stuff.” Kaia assured her.

“Yeah. And we’ve all got crap families. I don’t know what happened with my parents, but I ended up with these guys who used me as bait for trafficking. Jody was part of the police raid, she took me home and basically became my family. And now she’s adopting me,” Alex smiled.

“My parents divorced when I was nine. Dad moved here without us and my mom blocked him from seeing me. I only saw him again when I moved here,” Claire added. “My grandparents didn’t want me seeing him.”

“That’s crazy, your dad’s really kind,” Patience let her know.

“Yeah, I know. And I miss my mom like crazy, but you guys are making me see that I don’t have the worst life out there. My dad’s cool, my stepdad-to-be is funny - but never tell him that - and I’ve got a gorgeous girlfriend and two pretty awesome new friends.”

Alex touched her forearm affectionately when Claire stopped talking, and Claire wriggled closer to her.

“My mom died a few years ago, my dad bailed a couple years before that. It’s just me and my aunt. I watched my mom die, it gave me night terrors. Sorry if I wake you up screaming.” Kaia supplied.

“Cool. So, we’re all a bunch of freaks,” Patience gave a shaky smile.

“Everyone’s a freak. We’re just not hiding it,” Alex said with a smirk, before patting Claire’s leg. “Enough of the feels, right? Let’s marathon some MCU.”

“Fine. But since you have each other, I’m calling dibs on Black Widow,” Kaia winked. Alex laughed, and Claire shrugged.

“Took me this long to fall for Alex, you think I can manage a second person?”

The other girls laughed, and they settled in for the first Iron Man movie. Not one of them stayed awake to even see the end of the movie.

 

*

 

Once the girls had gone in the morning, and Claire was cleaning up the debris from their evening, Castiel joined her, straightening sofa cushions and looking very much like a man who wanted to have a Conversation.

“Everything okay, Dad?”

“I don’t know,” Castiel mused just as the doorbell rang. They both looked up at it as though they could instantly know who was on the other side of the door that way. Dean, who had been walking through from the bedroom, made his way to the door and did the sensible thing of opening it, going down the stairs to greet the person on the other side. “And that might be the reason why.”

Claire looked questioningly at her father, but didn’t have the chance to ask what he even meant by that as Dean came jogging back up into the apartment with the man from the day before. He really did look remarkably like Castiel, but from everything Castiel had said, there was no way Claire’s father could possibly have had another kid … was there?

“Oh good, Jack, you’re here. Let’s go sit in the kitchen. Did you want some iced tea?”

Castiel clapped a hand to Jack’s back and led him over to the dining table, as Claire shot Dean a curious look. He shrugged back at her, his arms splayed to overemphasise that he had no idea what the deal was with Jack. They joined Castiel and Jack in the kitchen, Dean heading to the coffee machine as Castiel poured iced tea into tumblers for the rest of them. Claire sat opposite Jack, studying him silently. He gave a vacant smile back. His eyes were a similar blue to Castiel and Claire’s own shade, but his hair was much lighter than Castiel’s, almost as blonde as Claire herself was. If there was any chance that this Jack could be her older brother, how had she not heard of him? Why was he back now?

Eventually, Castiel and Dean settled in empty chairs. Jack took his iced tea with an enthusiastic “thanks!” for Castiel, before Jack broke the awkward silence.

“Last time I saw you, Claire, you were four, and I was eight. My friends wanted to play street hockey and you insisted on playing too. Knocked the goalie’s tooth out with a puck two minutes in, do you remember?”

“No.” Claire said abruptly.

“Oh. That’s a shame.” Jack was still grinning. “My friends said you were unforgettable.”

“What’s going on, Dad?” Claire asked, unsure what to make of this Jack.

“What’s going on is that Kelly lost her job, and Jack might to leave college. Luke’s refusing to pay a penny more than the alimony he’s meant to pay and it won’t cover his tuition or rent. So he came here, knowing we were in town and might be able to help.”

A memory niggled at Claire. Luke was one of her uncles, very much estranged. He had been with Kelly for a while, and she seemed good for him. Too good. He messed up one too many times, and Kelly left him. All this happened before Claire was even born. When Kelly was still pregnant … with Jack. She wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. Jack was her cousin. A cousin she hardly ever saw because Uncle Luke was so weird.

“Help?” Dean stuck in. Jack looked at him quizzically.

“Oh, sorry, Jack, this is the man I was telling you about last night. My Dean. Dean, this is my nephew, Jack.”

“Family,” Dean nodded, as though that was the correct response. “Anything you need, Jack.”

“We were talking last night,” Castiel said slowly, his gaze on Jack. “Of possibly letting Jack live here, and work in the bookstore part time. It would free up some of the strain on Charlie and myself, and he could earn money to get through the rest of his course. But I did say how small the apartment was, and that it depended on how you both felt.”

“I could sleep on the couch,” Jack offered. “I know it’s not ideal, but Uncle Castiel was by far the kindest of my uncles. I thought it anyone might help, it would be him. My mom can barely afford the apartment she moved into when I came to college, and if I’m there I’m a bigger drain on her cash. If I worked here, I could maybe earn enough for college and send some to her too. I wouldn’t get in the way, I promise. And it would be nice to spend more time with Claire.”

He gave a shy smile, and Claire would have bet money that he got away with murder with that smile. But she wasn’t sure. She didn’t remember Jack, not really. She didn’t remember a lot of Castiel’s side of the family thanks to the acrimony between her parents. And the apartment was small, there was only her bedroom, and the one Dean and Castiel shared, the bathroom and the open plan living space and kitchen. Where would Jack even fit in their lives? Even sleeping on the couch didn’t explain where Jack’s clothes and school books would go.

“So, what do you think, Claire? Dean? I didn’t want to give Jack an answer without including you in the decision, but last night wasn’t right to do that when the girls were over.”

“It’s cool with me, Cas. Family’s important.” Dean spoke easily.

“I don’t know,” she said slowly, trying to ignore the way Jack’s smile dimmed when she didn’t jump at the chance. “Maybe Jack and I should hang out today, and then I could let you know?”

Jack’s mega-watt smile came back.

“That would be great! But no street hockey. Not with a firecracker like you.”

Claire gave him an unsure look, but nodded.

“Cool. Let’s go.”

Jack jumped up from his seat, and held the doors open for Claire as they walked out of the apartment and down the stairs. He bounced along as they left the back entrance of the building, the front door to their apartment, and Claire led the way around to the store fronts. She looked up at her cousin, who had a smile plastered over his face and an excited gleam in his eye.

“How are you so happy?” She asked him, shoving her hands into her pockets and dodging around a group of middle school girls who were window shopping outside of a jewellery store. “Like, you’re basically homeless and your mom’s broke and your dad’s a d-bag, and you look like you won a year’s supply of candy bars.”

“I do like nougat,” Jack mused, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I suppose if you look at it like that it’s not good and I should be upset, but I have a mother who loves me very much and has given everything to make my life a good one. I have a compassionate uncle who is willing to help out even if he can’t do much, and I have a cousin I’ve missed for eleven years who wants to spend the day with me. I might even be able to stay in college. Life is good.”

“Were you always this optimistic?” Claire teased him. He squeezed her shoulders.

“I guess so. Hey, what are we doing?”

“Street hockey,” Claire teased him. His brow creased for a moment before he realised.

“Oh, you’re kidding! That was cute though. You were this tiny little thing, and no one really wanted to let you play because we were jerk kids. And I let you have my stick and you were so fast, you used your height, and you have a wicked power serve. We were stuck like glue after that.”

“I don’t remember it. Or you.”

Jack took Claire’s confession in his stride.

“Like I said, you were a little kid. I don’t remember stuff from when I was a little kid either. Like, pre-kindergarten.”

Somehow, they had wandered up to the diner. It was still mid-morning, too early for a burger, but Claire would never turn down one of their shakes.

“You’ll like this place. Their shakes are the best.”

Jack happily followed her into a booth. Eileen wasn’t working, but there was a woman who looked so much like Kaia that Claire knew it was her friend’s aunt. She gave them menus and a sweet smile before walking away, and Jack started studying the menu seriously.

“So, what are you studying at college?”

“Child psychology. Kids are fascinating. They’re so much fun.”

“Well, you do seem like a big kid yourself,” Claire teased him. He merely grinned his wide, innocent smile, his eyes lit up.

“Thank you! Although, my studies are hard. It’s worth it. Do you want to share a slice of pie?”

In any other circumstance, Claire might have thought that Jack was disregarding their familial ties and hitting on her - people did date their cousins after all - but it just seemed to be a part of Jack’s character, to want to help and share, to be positive, and to have a sweet tooth that appreciated pie as much as her future stepfather.

“I think that depends entirely on what kind of pie you were eyeballing,” Claire decided. They discussed options for a while, and debated shake flavours too, before finally agreeing. Kaia’s aunt took their order, and Jack sat forward across the table.

“Uncle Cas said you’ve been through a lot lately, you know,” he had thankfully dropped his voice for this. “He said you might be the one to say no to me staying and that if you did, he’d come up with a back up plan. So you asking to hang around with me is a lot better than I was expecting. I’m sorry about your mom.”

“Me too,” Claire sobered up at the mention of Amelia.

“I kind of remember her? She got along real well with my mom. You look a lot like her. And she was nice, I remember that. She didn’t deserve cancer.”

“Can we not talk about that?” Claire whispered, as her salted caramel banana and his peanut butter chocolate shakes appeared, along with a slice of coconut cream. Jack unwrapped his fork from his napkin and nodded.

“Sure. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Jack bit into the pie, and groaned with a contented smile spreading across his face.

“Oh, that’s good. Try some!”

Claire unwrapped her own fork and did so. It was tasty, and fresh, and she could see why Jack had reacted that way. They quickly demolished it, chasing the last few crumbs and smears of whipped cream across the plate, fighting over the last bite and dissolving into giggles. They focused on their shakes, and on catching up with each other’s lives. Not the angst-ridden pain of their immediate families, but of Jack’s reasons for going into child psychology, and how he ended up prom king; of Claire learning about her orientation and travelling around the states with her mom during vacation times back when Amelia was well.

Jack was someone she didn’t realise she had been missing. He was effortlessly positive, and told good stories. His good mood was infectious, and it was clear he doted on her still. She felt lighter with him than she had since her mom had gotten ill, like she was just a teenage girl having fun with her friend who also happened to be her cousin.

“Hey Jack?” She said as he insisted on paying for their food. He smiled up at her in the middle of calculating the tip. “It’d be pretty great if you stayed. I mean, it’d be cramped and you wouldn’t have a real bed, but this has been fun.”

The smile on his face was huge, and he jumped up to pull her into a hug.

“That’s great, that’s so great! Thank you, Claire!”

She hugged him back tightly, the smile on her face feeling just as big as his usual one.

“Should we go and tell Uncle Cas?” He asked as he let go and they stepped back slightly.

“Nah. We’re going to enjoy our day first. Besides, if he’s not working in the bookstore then he’s definitely getting busy with Dean.”

“Then you definitely have to show me around.”

“Sure. Deal.” She held out her hand, and he gave her five. It wasn’t what she was aiming for, but it felt right at the same time.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just adding this quickly because I have a full day today. Should be able to do another chapter tomorrow!
> 
> Please see end notes for a trigger warning for this chapter

When Claire and Jack returned to the bookstore at closing time, it was to find Dean decked out in school colours and Castiel rushing around the store, making sure all the closing procedures were completed with more haste than normal.

“What’s going on?” Claire asked, as Jack looked with wonder at the comic book display. Dean grinned at him behind his back with an air of smug self-righteousness.

“There’s a game tonight, we want to go. I’m surprised you didn’t remember, Claire!” Castiel said from the front door as he drew the deadbolts. “Her girlfriend is a cheerleader.” He said as an aside to Jack.

“Oh. Cool.”

Claire didn’t know what to do. She didn’t think Alex would appreciate their principal finding out the truth, but what was she going to say to convince them not to go? She scrabbled quickly, and glanced at her cousin. Jack was as good an excuse as any.

“Is that a good idea, Dad? I mean, Jack needs to move all his stuff upstairs and we probably have to rearrange some furniture in the living room.” Claire pretended to study the comic book display too.

“You’re okay with Jack moving in?” Castiel asked, the distraction taking.

“Of course I am. He’s a nice guy.”

“We’ve got time to move Jack’s stuff in, but the game’s in thirty minutes,” Dean checked his watch, and then addressed Jack. “Sorry, it’s my school, as principal I should at least show up to the home games.”

So much for that working. She couldn’t protest, and Dean practically pushed them out of the door and into the Impala. Jack was looking around Dean’s car with that same innocent curiosity that he had worn for so much of the day, and Claire pulled out her cell to quickly text Alex, letting her know what was happening. The message sent, and then the battery died. Maybe she and Jack shouldn’t have taken so many pictures throughout the day, as good as it had been to hang out with each other again. She could feel stress seeping in like it hadn’t all day.

At the school, Dean pulled into his spot and they walked together as a four to the football pitch. Dean treated them to popcorn and soda, and found them a good spot beside Sam and Eileen before leaving them to talk to the players. Claire was between her dad and Jack, who had already struck up a conversation with Sam who was evidently curious about the newcomer. Claire caught her father’s eye and gave him a nervous smile.

“It’ll be okay,” he mouthed at her, and scanned the field. The mascots were on opposite sides of the field, trying to psych up the crowd as the spectators gathered. Claire watched them as well, as Dean came back, sliding into the seat next to Castiel and giving him a swift peck on the lips. Claire quickly cast her gaze around the crowd, but no one seemed to react. Maybe the school accepted their relationship now, and knew that Claire was there with her two dads just like any other family would come together to watch the team.

The cheerleaders ran out, jumping and whooping, before standing in formation and beginning their cheers. Claire could barely stomach to watch them, to see the girl who had threatened Alex beaming and receiving adulation for being able to kick above her head and drop into splits. After a couple of cheers, and a pyramid that didn’t impress Claire, Dean leaned across Castiel.

“Claire, where’s Alex?”

“Uh, I don’t know.” Claire tried her best to look baffled.

“Shouldn’t she be cheering?” Dean pressed.

“I don’t know, Dean.” She ground out. He sat back, saying nothing more, but Claire wasn’t stupid. She knew he was working it out, but there was no chance to pursue the conversation as the football players came running out onto the field, and the crowd cheered louder than the cheerleaders. Claire focused harder on the game than she ever had in her life, reacting appropriately to touchdowns and checks by the other team. As soon as a break was announced, she excused herself to the bathroom.

That was a mistake.

“We saw you in the front row,” A voice called through the cubicle door as she was mid-pee. Faces appeared at the top of the cubicle on either side of her, all of them sporting curly ponytails and pigtails tied in school colours. “Checking us out.”

“Not even.”

“Shut up you filthy little lesbian,” the redhead, Chelsea, sneered.

“You’re the one watching me pee when you should be prancing about, pretending you don’t know half the dads in the audience have a hard on for you.” Claire bit back. One of the other cheerleaders spat in her hair.

“I said shut _up_ ,” Chelsea narrowed her eyes. “You’re not welcome at games, or any school functions, or gym, or anywhere. You got that?”

Claire made herself wipe and pull her underwear and jeans up, leaving the stall to wash her hands and prayed she wasn’t shaking.

“Our principal is gay, you think I’m the one who’s not welcome, you bigot?”

There were fingers in her hair, false nails raking against her scalp and they took hold of her hair and jerked her head back. Her neck cricked, and one of the girls landed a punch on her eye. She went to punch back, and two other girls grabbed her arms, someone else restrained her legs, and there was still that painful hold in her hair. Chelsea advanced, slapping her and punching her, scratching her face with her false nails, and all the while keeping up a stream of insults. The other girls were laughing, cheering her on, and Claire wanted to be anywhere but at this game, in this bathroom right now. Had the cheerleaders done this to Alex too? Was this why she had hidden at home, ashamed to even come to school?

Eventually, they heard a coach calling for the squad, and they dropped her onto the floor, her cheek falling into a greasy puddle where a sink had been leaking. She laid there, feeling winded from the blows to her stomach, the sting of her face where she’d been hit, where the nails must have cut through flesh. But she wasn’t crying, she felt numb inside. Like she couldn’t move, like it wasn’t even her laying there. She had no idea how long she had laid there, feeling her injuries and nothing more, before someone was calling for her. A nasal sound that could only be Eileen. Even if she wanted to respond, it wasn’t like Eileen would hear her yelling back.

But then Eileen was pushing open the door to the bathroom and stopping in her tracks, her eyes wide.

“Sam! SAM! She’s here, she’s in here!”

Sam came striding in through the door, blanching slightly but not stopping as he bent down beside her.

“Claire? Claire, are you okay?” He fussed. “Can you hear me.”

“Yes,” she said weakly.

“What happened?”

She didn’t want to admit to a thing.

“Accident. Slipped.”

Sam’s expression told her he didn’t believe her, but as he had no proof of what did happen, he didn’t accuse her of anything. Instead, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and called for an ambulance, then called Dean and quickly let him know where Claire was. Castiel and Jack came running in a couple of minutes later, and Jack’s face falling was the worst moment about the whole thing.

“What happened?” Jack demanded.

“She said it was an accident. But the cheerleaders were missing in action for a while,” Sam answered. So, she hadn’t fooled him at all, and her English teacher had made a good guess at what had happened. “I noticed that Alex also wasn’t cheering tonight.”

Castiel knelt down in front of her, gently brushing her hair behind her ear. He didn’t seem to have any words, and Claire was grateful. He was the one who could break her resolve.

The door burst open again, and Dean held it open for the paramedics, who chivvied everyone else out of the way and started to do checks, making sure Claire was okay and gently lifting her to place her onto a gurney.

Castiel came with her in the ambulance, but she still wasn’t talking properly, as though all her snark had been knocked out of her with every punch. Dean agreed to drive Jack in the Impala, and Claire was grateful that they would be around, but that she had her father with her. He held her hand and wouldn’t let go for the entire ride in the ambulance, or in the emergency room where they ran tests and ordered x-rays. She had no idea how to say how much it meant to have him there, but from the way he gave her fingers a gentle squeeze and talked in reassuring tones, she figured he knew.

She participated in her observations, giving her arm for the blood pressure cuff, following instructions when they shone a light in her eyes, but she still wouldn’t talk. If she admitted what had happened, even as they pressed her for information, she was afraid she would cry.

They eventually found themselves in a consultation room, Jack and Dean joining them with Dean saying that Sam and Eileen were in the waiting room outside. The consultant showed them the x-rays, and took pictures of Claire’s injuries. She had a broken nose, and two black eyes, some bruising on her ribs, and one of the scratches on her face required stitches, once they pulled the false nail out of her cheek. Castiel agreed that they could reset and protect her nose, and went with her for the procedure. They decided to keep her in overnight, incase the impact to her head had caused concussion. They refused to let Castiel stay with her, but he promised he would be back first thing in the morning, and thank goodness the bookstore was closed on Sundays.

It was only after Castiel left, and Claire was alone in her room, that she let herself break down into sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Claire is beaten up in the bathroom by the homophobic cheerleaders. I've tried not to be too graphic but understand the mention of it happening can be enough. If it affects you, please feel free to skip this chapter.


	35. Chapter 35

“… don’t know what to _do_ , Cas!”

Claire became conscious just as she heard the raised voice. She tried to keep her breathing deep, and eyes closed, even as the pain in her rib cage and on her face made itself known.

“Is there anything we can do until she’s ready to talk to us? I know you want to get to the bottom of it, but until she’s ready to say something, there’s not really much you can do.”

“How are you being so reasonable about this?”

Claire’s eyes almost opened just at the tone of Dean’s voice.

“Reasonable? Dean, my daughter has broken bones! It’s the least confident I’ve seen her, the longest silent treatment she’s ever given me. I feel sick just thinking about what she might have been through. But how will that help her? How do you expect she’ll talk to us if we’re yelling about this? And you’re the principal, Dean, you’re meant to be impartial here.”

Claire almost couldn’t believe that they were arguing like this, except that she knew Dean could be a hothead, and that he father’s passive approach to things often drove her crazy too.

“I guess that makes me unprofessional then, because I will put your daughter first as much as I can. I love Claire, way too much to let anyone get away with hurting her.”

Claire didn’t need to open her eyes to know what the expression was on Castiel’s face. That doey-eyed, head cocked, pouty mouthed expression that meant Dean had hit right in the heart. However long the argument had gone on for before Claire woke up, it was now over. The lip smacking sound signalling their kiss that followed a moment later confirmed it.

“Look, you have Ellen, let her speak to those girls. Set your punishment but let her carry it out. And if Claire wants to press charges, you can be there as her other parent.”

“She’s a minor,” Dean reminded Castiel.

“She’s old enough to decide.” Castiel put his foot down. There was the sound of the door opening and then closing.

“Hey, how’s she doing?” Jack’s voice was cautious, but still had that happy undertone to it.

“Still asleep.” Dean sat flatly. “Jack, you don’t have to be here.”

“She’s my cousin. And you both need a break too. When was the last time you ate or used the bathroom? Go, sort yourself out, Claire will be fine with me.”

“I want to be there when she wakes up,” Castiel insisted.

“I’ll call you, I promise,” Jack sounded gentle, but it was clear he was going to stand his ground too. “Uncle Cas, you need to at least have a nap. She has a broken nose, it’s not terminal, she’ll be okay. You need to be okay too.”

There was the sound of someone settling into a chair, and Claire knew Jack was making himself comfortable.

“Jack,” Castiel began to argue, but Claire was grateful that Jack was adamant.

“At least go get a coffee. You don’t want to worry her when she wakes up and you’ve turned into a zombie.”

A few moments passed, before there were footsteps, and the door opened and closed once again. It was silent then, except for the occasional creak of a book. Jack was obviously using the time to study. Claire blinked her eyes open and saw him in the chair by his bed, making notes from a textbook with a highlighter in his mouth. He didn’t look up, which Claire was grateful for, because she wanted the time to just watch someone being normal before she had to confront what had happened.

After around ten minutes, Jack turned a page.

“Let me know when you want me to tell Uncle Cas you’re awake.” He looked up coyly from under his floppy blond bangs. “I knew you were awake when I came in.”

He looked away and carried on studying. Claire went to roll over and felt a tug in her arm. She was unable to prevent the groan of pain that came from it. Jack put his studying on the floor and jumped up to help her.

“Go careful, you’re gonna pull your painkillers out.” He fussed over her for a moment, and began to smooth her hair back from her face. “How’s your nose?’

Claire just stared at him. It almost felt like, if she spoke, she would start crying again. But Jack took it all in his stride, luckily.

“Yeah, okay, dumb question. It’s broken, Jack. And you slept all Sunday, which is why Cas is being extra protective. And why you have this tube too,” he pointed to Claire’s other arm, where an IV was going in. “I think the doctors want to keep you in a couple of days and then you need to stay home and rest for a little while longer.”

Claire lifted a hand carefully, trying to avoid pulling on her IV, and wrapped her pinky finger around his. He looked at their hands, and then back up at her.

“You can talk to me, Claire. Don’t let them take your voice away.”

The door to the room began to open again, and Claire closed her eyes quickly. It was one thing having her cousin know she was awake, but other people might be completely unbearable.

“Hey, Jack,” it was Alex. Claire kept her eyes closed. “She’s still sleeping?”

“Yeah,” Jack lied smoothly. “The accident took it right out of her. The painkillers probably help.”

“So you haven’t found out what happened?”

“No.”

“Will you tell me as soon as you find out? Or get her to call me?”

“Maybe if you stick around she’ll wake up and you can ask her yourself?” Jack sounded hopeful, like Claire would take the opportunity to blink her eyes open and greet her girlfriend. She made a snuffling sound and moved her head on the pillow instead.

“Has she woken up at all?” Alex sounded concerned.

“No. But that’s good, because Uncle Cas wants to be the first person she sees.”

“You’re still holding her hand.” Alex pointed out. Jack let go and cautiously put her arm on the bed.

“Uh, yeah,” he gave a small chuckle. “Pinky promising that if she woke up soon, I would buy her some Ben and Jerry’s and we’d eat our feelings over the game. I guess I was hoping she’d hear me.”

Jack was a good liar. He sounded so earnest and innocent as he did it.

“Your books are open on the floor.”

“Are you trying to say I’ve done something?” Jack still sounded pleasant, but like he didn’t appreciate the insinuation. Even if it was accurate. The door swung open again before Alex could dig deeper.

“Hello, Alex,” Castiel said stiffly.

“Where were you on Saturday?” Dean jumped straight in. “Did you know this was going to happen?”

“Dean,” Castiel muttered.

“No, Cas, this is bogus! I want to know what’s happened. Why you weren’t cheerleading on Saturday.”

“I have to go,” Alex muttered. There were scuffling noises, and then the door opened and closed once again.

“I don’t think she knew, Dean,” Castiel said quietly. “And you’re still her principal.”

“And there’s still something going on that I should know about in my school.”

“Uncle Dean, maybe you need to try a different approach?” Jack suggested. “I know you’re angry and you want justice but yelling at teenage girls will make them stop talking.”

“I know,” Dean sounded defeated. There was a squeal of chair legs scraping the floor. “I guess I feel responsible. I pushed Claire to be proud of who she is and she got hurt doing it. I’m her principal, I’m almost her stepfather-”

“And you’ve helped her with so much, Dean. She probably wouldn’t be talking to me even now if it wasn’t for you.” Castiel’s facade was breaking, as was his voice from the emotion of his words. “You understand a lot about her that I still don’t. But that doesn’t mean you’re responsible for everything that happens in her life.”

Claire couldn’t take it anymore. She blinked her eyes open, and saw Dean and Castiel embracing in a plastic chair at the foot of her bed. Jack was still by the side of the bed, watching the two of them together. Dean looked over as Castiel drew back, and he forced a smile onto his face.

“Hey, Claire.”

“Claire!” Castiel whipped around, and scrabbled to approach the bed. She watched him wordlessly, letting him kiss her forehead over and over. She could feel his worry, his concern, but mostly she felt how much her dad cared about her. And then Dean was wrapping his arms around both of them, pressing them together in a hug but trying to avoid the pain in Claire’s chest. Claire watched as Castiel waved Jack into the bundle, and then the four of them were hugging on the hospital bed.

“Wait, mind the lines!” Jack pulled away first. “We didn’t tug them, did we?”

Claire shook her head.

“I’ll go get the nurse. Maybe now Claire’s awake she can come home.” Dean gave her shoulder a squeeze, and left the room. Castiel gave Claire a little space, but stayed close, stroking her face, mindful of the bandage on her nose. He didn’t say anything, but smiled down at her. Claire found herself staring into his bright blue eyes. It was like he could see everything that had happened, everything she felt about it. And she could see how much he had worried, how much he was beating himself up for the events of the game.

The moment broke as the nurse came in with Dean. She took note of Claire’s heart rate and blood pressure, removed her IV and antibiotics, and promised that Claire could be discharged in a few minutes. She left the room and all three men started moving around; Jack gathering up his books, Dean finding Claire’s possessions and Castiel helping Claire out of bed and into the nearby bathroom to change. She noticed that, despite the conversations she had overheard, none of them were pressing her to talk. And that suited her just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Generic excuse for late postage.
> 
> My sister got married, there's been drama at work, I haven't written for a while. Take your pick.
> 
> I'm sorry. I'll do better. Hopefully.


	36. Chapter 36

Back at the apartment, Claire went straight to her bedroom, and curled up on the bed, putting on her Netflix and staring at the TV, not absorbing any of the show in front of her. She cuddled up to a cushion, and tried not to let the weight of the weekend press down on her.

She failed. She kept thinking back to that game, to how she’d tried to protect Alex from Dean’s curiosity. How she should have just kept her mouth shut with the cheerleaders, but how that probably wouldn’t have made any difference in the end. And how stupid she was, how easily she let them surround her and just took the beating. Like she thought she deserved it.

The tears rolled along her cheeks, soaking the edges of her bandages, just as her door creaked open. She refused to look over at the person disturbing her privacy. They sat next to her on the bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into their side. She spotted the carton of ice cream in their other hand, two spoons already stuck in.

“My mom swore by ice cream when she felt bad,” Jack spoke quietly, offering her the tub. “And you’re not being yourself right now, so … ice cream?”

Claire took a spoon, and dug out a huge chunk of gooey chocolatey goodness. Jack did the same after wedging the pot between them. They ate about a quarter of the pot in silence before Jack started talking again.

“So, can I ask why you didn’t want to talk to your girlfriend earlier?”

Claire poked around in the ice cream tub rather than answer.

“She’s worried about you.”

She looked up sharply, and Jack gave her an innocent smile. He looked like butter wouldn’t melt, but she knew there was a lot going on in his head. He had probably already worked out what had happened, or enough of it.

“She feels guilty.” Claire deflected.

“Why? She didn’t hit you.” Jack didn’t make a big deal of the fact it was the first thing Claire had said in days.

“Exactly.”

“And you’re mad at her.” It wasn’t a question, which Claire was grateful for.

“Yep.”

“Why?” Jack swiped a lump of chocolate out of the carton that Claire had been eyeballing. “I mean, she wasn’t involved in what happened. I know Uncle Cas said she was a cheerleader and they think the cheerleaders did this to you, but why would she join in and why would you be mad at her if she didn’t?”

Claire clammed up again. Jack had made it sound so reasonable, so logical, and it would have been so easy to tell him the whole truth, but Claire had promised not to say anything about Alex being kicked out of cheerleading. And though she was mad at her girlfriend, she wasn’t going to spill her secrets.

“Claire?”

“My nose hurts. I think I want to nap.” She stuck her spoon in the ice cream and laid down, turning away from him. It took Jack a couple of minutes to realise she was serious, and leave the room.

 

*

 

In the morning, Claire woke to an empty apartment. Dean was at work, Castiel in the bookstore and Jack must have gone to school. Claire got changed into jeans and a sweater, and headed into the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror properly for the first time since the game. Her eye sockets were mottled blue and purple, and her nose bandage spread across her face, tugging on her cheeks and her upper lip. Everything around the bandage was puffy. And staring at herself in the mirror was making her feel lightheaded, so she made her way to the sofa in the living room, holding on to the walls and sideboards until she made it safely to the sofa. Jack’s cover was thrown over the back of the cushions, and Claire wrapped herself in it, waiting for the room to stop spinning.

She felt pathetic. Humiliated that the other girls had taken her by surprise so easily, that she hadn’t fought back hard enough and now she was a fricking victim. Angry that she had let this happen in the first place, and angry that covering for Alex had led to this. If she had been allowed to confront that Chelsea when she wanted to, if she could have given Dean a heads up about what was going on in his own school, then maybe she’d be in class right now, getting mildly excited by Kaia’s ideas at lunch period, grateful for Patience’s cool, logical approach that tempered their youngest friend.

Even her last school hadn’t been that bad. She would have still been there if it hadn’t been for that faulty bunsen burner knocking over. But then Dean wouldn’t be part of their family, and she might not have bonded well with Castiel, still angry at him for a situation she’d only been given one side of …

Castiel came into the apartment for his lunch break, and smiled at Claire as he settled in the nearby armchair with a pot of ramen noodles.

“I hope it’s okay we kept you off school today. I didn’t think you’d be up to it.”

“I’m not. I got dizzy just coming in here.”

“How are you now?”

Claire shrugged, as Castiel ate a huge mouthful of noodles.

“Dad?” She asked while he was still chewing. “I want to be homeschooled.”

He chewed furiously, and swallowed hard.

“Homeschooled? Why?”

“Because I don’t want to go back there.”

Castiel put his noodles down.

“Claire, don’t let them chase you away. That’s what bigots like that want-”

“They’re not chasing me,” Claire interrupted, sounding more sure of herself than she had for a while. “I just feel like there’s been a lot of drama and I don’t need any more. It wouldn’t be forever, just maybe for the rest of the year? That’s only a couple of months away. Dean could bring my schoolwork every evening and I’ll work on it when he brings it over, and then he can take it in the morning with him. And I could help out in the store as well.”

Castiel looked down at his noodles, sitting there uneaten.

“What about Alex? And your new friends? Dean was excited for you to get involved in the LGBT group. I think if you don’t go back you might regret it.”

“If they’re my friends, they’ll still be my friends when I go back, we’ll stay in touch.”

“I’ll think about it,” Castiel picked his lunch back up. Claire didn’t point out that it was Tuesday and she still wasn’t back at school because of his decisions. Instead, she let him eat, and fuss over some painkillers for her. As he was going back to the store for his afternoon shift, Claire spoke up again.

“Dad? If Alex comes by, don’t let her in. I don’t want to see her.”

Castiel had been at the door, about to leave the apartment, but he turned and looked at her, appraising her from where he stood.

“Is this something to do with her not being there on Saturday?”

She could have told him so easily, but he would tell Dean and then it would be an even bigger drama.

“I just don’t want her to see me with my bandages on.”

Castiel paused for a moment before nodding. After all, he didn’t know she had been awake when Alex had been in the hospital, and no one had mentioned her girlfriend visiting, so he couldn’t blame her for that sentiment.

“Okay. I think she’s trying to avoid Dean anyway.”

He left the room, and Claire deflated on the sofa. At least she had bought time away from Alex. She was way too angry with her girlfriend to want to see her.

 

*

 

At dinner that night, Castiel brought up the subject. Claire was finding it hard to eat around her nose guard, and Dean had barely looked up from his plate since the meal was served.

“Claire wants to be homeschooled,” he declared, with no beating around the bush. Claire watched as Dean finally looked up, loaded fork already half-raised to his full mouth. He chewed furiously, but his need to speak won out against talking with an empty mouth.

“Waadomeehuskul?”

Claire thought it was an achievement that her father could look at Dean so tenderly when that was the face he had to deal with, half-chewed food rolling around barely formed sentences.

“I mean,” Castiel interpreted his fiancé. “She wants to have her work brought home, where she will work on it and send it back in with you. Or even email it back and forth.”

Dean chewed furiously and swallowed.

“My school not good enough for you?” He asked Claire, but there was a twinkle in his eye. A small one, but it was there. “I get it, kid. If it makes you feel any better, Ellen suspended all the cheerleaders.”

“What?” Claire practically choked the word out.

“Yep, suspended. Off the team. They’re arranging tryouts for anyone who hasn’t been a cheerleader before. I’m not tolerating anyone getting beaten up, but especially not you.”

“I didn’t say anything about what happened,” Claire pointed out. Dean shrugged.

“I had a couple of eye witnesses, and cameras in the hallways after some locker thefts last year. I watched the tapes yesterday with Ellen and the governors who came in for my hearing, we discussed our options then.” He raised his fork a little more, and then paused again. “You being homeschooled might be a good thing.”

“Really?” Castiel sounded let down. Dean dropped his fork onto his plate.

“Yeah. It’ll give Claire a break, it’ll let us sort out the situation without overcomplicating it, and it means you won’t worry about her. And she won’t drop behind so much if she starts homeschool tomorrow instead of after her nose heals.”

“I just don’t want her to get too scared to go,” Castiel muttered.

“Claire? Nah, my cousin is too kick ass for that,” Jack chimed in with a huge grin. Claire shot him a grateful one back, hoping he could see it around her bandage.

“I just want to breathe. I’m not running.”

They all looked at Castiel.

“When did this become a group decision?” He muttered.

“When you made Dean a part of the family and let Jack stay here,” Claire teased. Her father sighed.

“Fine. I’ll talk to your principal about homeschooling you for the rest of the semester.”

“Very funny,” Dean flicked a pea at his fiancé.

“I think your principal is going to agree,” Jack joked.

“Yep, or my dad’s going to have to grovel.”

“I like Cas on his knees,” Dean laughed. Claire and Jack groaned and catcalled, and Castiel pelted him back with a spoonful of peas. When they had calmed down a little, Castiel started speaking again.

“You know, Dean and I have been talking, and perhaps this is the wrong time to bring it up, but,” he looked at Dean who was once again eating a huge mouthful, but who immediately reached across and stroked the back of Castiel’s hand. “We’re considering moving.”

Claire sobered up immediately, and her father noticed.

“Not too far! But this apartment was fine when it was just you and I, and then with Dean moving in … and now Jack … it’s not built for so many people. It’s not fair that Jack just has a couch. And the Winchester family home is so big, too big for just Sam and Eileen … they’re talking about moving into Eileen’s place, which is smaller. We could have the Winchester house, and Charlie could rent this apartment. Her lease is almost up on her apartment and it would mean I could trust the person living above the store. What do you think?”

Claire remembered the house they were talking about from after the hearing. It was huge, definitely better than squeezing into the apartment above the store.

“It could be great, you can both have your own room, we can have a dining room and a den and a study. Claire could have a room just for homeschooling. We’ll make a room a games room,” Dean had clearly been planning this for a while.

“I don’t know if I can afford it,” Jack muttered.

“Jack,” Dean squared up to him. “My grandparents paid off the mortgage years ago. It’s just running costs. We wouldn’t charge you much, not when you’re family.”

Jack gave Dean a huge grin.

“Then yes, thank you. Yes!” He laughed as he stood up to hug Dean, and then Castiel. Claire caught her father’s eye, and gave him a small smile.

“Well, you did only look for a two bed apartment while you were waiting for me. We’ve gotten bigger since then.”

Castiel looked relieved, and held his arms out for her. She curled into her father’s arms, who held her gently to avoid her bruised ribs.

“I have another question for you, Claire. An important one.” He lowered his voice.

“Shoot.”

“Will you be my best person? When Dean and I get married?” He seemed flustered, nervous, as though he thought for a second Claire would suddenly no longer accept her principal as her stepfather.

“Uh, I already am your best person.” She teased him.

“I meant like a best man, standing there, making sure I say the right things at the right time, looking after my ring for Dean. But you’re not a man, obviously.”

“I knew what you meant, Dad. But like I would let you pick anyone else.”

He kissed her forehead gently, and freed her to go and play some video games with Jack while he and Dean cleaned up and then discussed how they were going to organise the move.


	37. Chapter 37

Jack had a study day the next day, and he and Claire sat side by side at the kitchen table, both working through their individual assignments. Jack had gone to the local store at breakfast time and bought some junk food, so they were happily eating their way through a packet of cookies as they worked. Apart from the scratch of pen against paper, the click of Jack’s laptop keyboard keys as he typed, and the rustle of the cookie packet, the apartment was silent. So when there was a commotion from the bookstore, they heard it loud and clear; banging shelves and raised voices. Claire and Jack looked at each other as there was stomping up the stairs.

The door to the apartment burst open as they both stood up, and Claire’s jaw dropped. Alex had come storming in, looking angry, her face red and puffy. She didn’t stop moving until she was in Claire’s face, almost nose to nose despite their height difference. Claire wanted to step back, protect her nose, but she didn’t want to give any ground either.

“What the hell, Claire?” Alex’s voice was raised too, her entire body language setting a challenge.

“What the hell yourself,” Claire snapped back. “You could’ve knocked.”

“Your father wasn’t letting me up, I had to get past him.”

Sure enough, there were more footsteps on the stairs, and Castiel appeared, breathless and as angry as Claire had ever seen him get.

“I asked him not to let you up. Like when you needed some time, Jody wouldn’t let me see you.” Claire managed to fold her arms in the small space between them.

“Are you serious right now?” Alex spat.

“Are you? I needed some recovery time, I look like an idiot with this thing on my face, I’m allowed to have some time off the grid for that.”

“That’s not even what the problem is,” Alex argued. “The problem is, you got me suspended.”

It took a moment for Alex’s words to make sense.

“How the hell did I get you suspended?”

“You told Dean it was the cheerleaders, everyone knows you did. He’s banned all of us from the squad and suspended us for a week, and he didn’t even have the balls to tell us himself, he got vice principal Harvelle to do it. I wasn’t even there! You know I wasn’t even there!”

Claire pursed her lips, and refused to bite.

“Did you tell Ms Harvelle?”

“What is your problem?!” Alex snapped. “What did I do to you?”

She couldn’t help herself.

“You got me beaten up.”

Alex finally took a step back.

“When I’m back at school, don’t talk to me. Don’t even look at me. We’re over.”

Claire raised her chin in a perfect mimic of her father and kept it there until Alex had stormed back out. As soon as the door downstairs slammed, she sagged against Jack, who put a cautious arm around her.

“Are you okay?” he asked. Claire shrugged.

“Not really.”

“I tried to stop her, she came into the store like that, chased a couple of our regulars away. I told her you still had a concussion and you needed to rest but she was determined.” Castiel looked guilty.

“It’s not your fault, Dad. It’s hers.”

Castiel cocked his head.

“Do you want to talk?”

It would have been so easy to agree, but Claire knew there were no real secrets between Dean and Castiel, and if her principal heard what had happened there would be more confrontations. And Charlie wasn’t due in the store for another hour, which meant that he had left it open and unoccupied.

“It’s okay. I just need to take five minutes.”

“I’m here, Uncle Cas.” Jack reminded him. “I’ll keep an eye on her and if she’s ready to talk, I’ll let you know.”

Castiel hesitated for another moment, and then walked back down the stairs. When they were sure they were alone, Claire turned to Jack.

“She’s mad for a reason.”

“I can’t think of a reason why she would think you would get your girlfriend in trouble.” Jack pointed out.

“That’s the thing, it’s her fault, that stuff. She got kicked out of the squad for going out with me, that’s why she wasn’t at the game on Saturday. But she didn’t want Dean making a big deal out of it, so she asked me not to say anything to him. Which means not saying it to Dad. And I guess the cheerleaders wanted to make me feel bad about dating her too,”

“Which is how you got your nose broken,” Jack frowned, like he was doing the math, working out how it all fit together. “So, either you’re in the wrong for telling Uncle Dean that she was kicked off the squad or you’re in the wrong because you didn’t and she’s been unfairly suspended for it?”

“Pretty much.”

“I’m sorry, Claire. Maybe in time you’ll make it up, and she’ll apologise?”

“I won’t hold my breath.”

“Thanks for telling me, at least. No wonder you wanted a break from school.”

“Just from the other kids. I don’t get to avoid the work.”

Jack looked guilty.

“Yeah, maybe we should get back to studying.”

Claire smiled at him gratefully, and slid back into her seat, looking at her latest assignment. Nothing went in, because even though she was staring at the text, all she could think about was how Alex had just broken up with her. It was infuriating, for all the reasons she had told Jack, but also because she had promised herself not to be the victim anymore and now she had to deal with a break up on top of everything else. And maybe she didn’t like the physical aspect of a relationship, but she liked the connection she and Alex had had. Or at least, the one that she thought they had had, where they could talk and be open with each other. But reflecting back, Alex wasn’t great at communication all the time. And yet, she had been the one to use the L word, the one to lay that bare and she had thrown the relationship away over something she had created?

Jack must have been able to tell that these thoughts were swirling in her head, because after half an hour of them both pretending to work, he shut his textbook.

“I think we’ve earned the afternoon off. Wanna play a game?”

Claire grinned at him.

“Playstation?”

“Cards,” he reached into his pocket and pulled a pack out. Claire shoved their books out of the way to make space for the cards.

“Sure, teach me poker.”

 

*

 

By the time Dean came home, Claire and Jack were in a serious game where they were using Oreos as currency, snacking on their winnings as they went.

“Am I meant to say something about gambling?” Dean asked. “Like, parenting, blahblahblah addiction?”

“No, but we’re getting low on double stuffs so if you got cookies, we’ll deal you in,” Jack gave his most charming smile. Dean considered it for a moment, before pulling a tray of donuts out of his work bag.

“My cruller eater’s gone AWOL, can I play donuts?”

“There’s a cruller fee,” Claire winked. Dean sighed.

“Fine, but I get a cookie too.”

“Deal,” Jack opened the box, snaffling a donut stuffed with cream and covered in a maple bacon glaze. They shuffled the cards and dealt him in, passing him a stack of cookies. He ate one and put a donut in the middle of the pile. When they were all concentrating, Dean started talking.

“Want to go over to the house when Cas closes up and pick out your rooms?”

“Sure,” Jack smiled over the top of his cards.

“Cool, cool. So why was Alex over here earlier, screaming at you, Claire?”

Claire studied her cards. There really were no secrets between Dean and Castiel.

“As if you don’t know why.”

“I don’t. Unless she’s blaming you for her suspension.”

“That’s exactly it,” Jack nodded.

“Then that’s stupid.” Dean turned a card in his hand around.

“She said because I knew she wasn’t there on Saturday, I should have said something.”

Dean didn’t break a sweat.

“I talked about that with Chuck, Michael and Ellen. We agreed that we wouldn’t be making that an issue, thinking that if we allowed her to stay at school and on the team it would make the whole thing worse. And she’s not innocent, why wasn’t she at the game? Did she think something would happen to her or did she know what they were planning for you? She wouldn’t answer anything, so why should she get the special treatment?” He put a card down and drew another one. “Don’t let it get to you.”

“I’m trying.” Claire swapped two of her own cards, and bit into her donut.

“Good. It’s not on you. How’s your nose?”

“Sore.” She put two cookies in the middle of the table. “What’ve you got?”

“Fold,” Jack threw his cards onto the table, and stood up to get a drink. Claire gave her future stepfather her best poker face, and he gave her a smirk.

“You got nothing.”

“Wanna bet, old man?”

His only response was to add another donut to the pile. She pushed all her cookies in. He raised an eyebrow, and threw his cards down too.

“Dammit.”

Claire fought the urge to gloat as she scooped up her winnings, and carried on eating her donut. Dean got up to start making dinner, Jack helping him out, and Claire began to pack away the cards. She picked up Dean’s hand, and Jack’s, and looked at both of them. Dean had a full house, Jack had a royal flush. She looked over at them, at Jack peeling potatoes and Dean mixing a sauce together, both completely harmless domestic jobs. But she knew they were both taking pity on her for the whole situation with Alex and the cheerleaders.

 

*

 

After dinner, where Castiel and Dean had steered the conversation to wedding talk and Jack’s studying, they went to the Winchester’s family house. It was a gorgeous old farm house, with a wraparound porch and an actual turret. Going in took Claire right back to the day when everyone found out that it was her father and not her who was seeing Dean, prying in the rooms and hearing Mr Singer’s stories about Dean as a kid.

She could feel the history of the place, nearly smell the memories of a young Dean. Jack had already made a beeline for some old family pictures, of a young Dean and much younger Sam grinning up from the hood of the Impala Dean still used. They were clutching army men and Lego pieces, and a blonde woman stood a little way behind them. There was a picture of a man who looked much like Dean did now in an army uniform, the quality of the photo fading and giving way to a sepia tone.

“Was that you?” Jack asked him.

“No. My Dad. He was a marine before we came along.”

“Was that your mom?” Jack pressed, pointing to the first picture.

“No, that was Ellen, the school’s VP. She and Bobby raised Sam and me. Mom died, Dad couldn’t deal. But I’ve got good memories of this place. You wanna see the passageway I used to scare the crap out of Sam when he was a kid? I think the rainbow wig is still in there.”

“Really, Dean?” Sam appeared from another room.

“Dammit, I had you believing there was a ghost clown for so long,” Dean clicked his fingers, as Sam rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, sure. I knew it was you.”

“You still freaked.”

“You were an ugly kid,” Sam shrugged, but then they both hugged, and Sam looked over at Claire. “How’s the nose?”

“All fixed now, it’s a miracle. I’m just wearing this as a fashion statement,” Claire pointed at her bandage. Sam wasn’t fazed, which given he grew up with Dean perhaps wasn’t surprising.

“Excellent. So it’s just my bad teaching that’s making you want to be homeschooled?” Sam grinned. “I don’t blame you. When we found you …” Sam looked at a loss for words.

“Yeah, well. Now we’re moving in.”

Sam grinned, and gestured to the stairs.

“Go pick a room. Jack, it would be great if you could as well, I want to talk with my brother a minute.”

Jack followed Claire up the stairs, and they began to look in the rooms together. It was clear which one was Sam’s, and where Eileen’s influence was. Dean’s was recognisable as well. The room that Jack liked seemed to be Sam and Dean’s parent’s room. It was bare, except for a few photographs of a pretty blonde woman, an old worn journal on the counter top and basic furniture around the room. But there was a large bay window and it was a good size. Claire eventually picked out one near the end of the hall that had a view of the front and side of the house, and a small en suite bathroom. It was made up like a guest bedroom, and they sank together onto the old bed, resting on their elbows as they looked up at the ceiling.

“You’re taking this well,” Claire said. “The moving, five minutes after you last moved.”

“So are you,” Jack pointed out. “Uncle Cas told me the whole story. Why I hadn’t seen you for so long.”

“You mean it’s not just because Uncle Luke sucks?”

Jack’s happy-go-lucky facade slipped.

“Maybe he does, but I still try with him. He’s still my father. He might not be perfect, but he’s mine.”

“I get that.” Claire flopped fully on the old bed, stirring up some dust. “Dad and I didn’t get along when I first moved in. But I couldn’t be without him now.”

Jack flopped down next to her, stirring more dust and making them both cough. They both got up, shaking off the dust as Jack began to laugh. Claire looked at him for a moment, wondering what was so funny, but his laughter was so contagious, Claire soon found herself laughing too.

When they calmed down, Claire grinned at her cousin.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” Jack promised. “I miss Mom, but it’s nice spending time with you again.”

Castiel started calling up the stairs for the both of them, and Jack stood back to let Claire lead the way back down.


	38. Chapter 38

Claire had been homeschooled for around a week, and was getting into a pretty good routine. She would wake up late and eat breakfast, then take herself into the study, check her assignments and start ploughing through them. If Eileen wasn’t working, she would sit with her and read quietly, and make her lunch when it was time. Claire would work until every assignment was done, usually around the time Jack came back from his college classes, and they would spend the rest of the afternoon bonding before Castiel and Dean came home, and then they did something as a family. It didn’t feel like it was a new house with her father, stepfather-to-be and cousin, it felt like a routine they had always had, comfortable and companionable.

They had moved in the day after picking out their rooms, and it had taken less time than Claire would have thought. But the apartment was small, and Jack hadn’t spread out very far in the time he had lived with them, and the house was already furnished … she was grateful that the worst of it was packing clothes and knick-knacks - and her parents letters - and changing the bedding over in her new room.

She woke one morning to the sound of voices downstairs. It wasn’t her father’s day off, and Jack had a placement for his study, so she was a little surprised to hear anyone. She crept along the hallway, hoping it wasn’t someone taking advantage of a supposedly empty house. As she got closer, she heard the voices, and recognised one as Dean’s. It was strange that he wasn’t at school, but as Principal, Claire supposed he had some perks to the job.

“Can’t you do anything, Dean?”

It was a woman talking to him, a woman with a voice Claire recognised but couldn’t place. She stopped just before the stairwell and listened.

“What would you have me do? I’m her stepdad. I’m not even that, not yet. Not officially.”

“As their principal?”

“I have to keep my roles separated. After that whole crap where they thought I was seeing Claire, it’s important I do.”

“Alex is miserable. She didn’t do anything to get suspended.”

Claire realised who it was, Sheriff Jody. She listened closely as Dean gave a heavy sigh.

“Some of the faculty feel that, missing the game and not cheering when she’s part of the squad was a sign that she knew what the other cheerleaders were planning and was either the target or wanted to avoid seeing Claire take the fall.”

“Oh, come _on_ , Dean!”

“I know, okay?”

“She’s not even on the squad, they kicked her off!”

“I know that, too.”

Claire fought the urge to squeak in reaction to that. Dean knew? How did Dean know? Why hadn’t he said anything?

“Then why is she being punished?”

“Because it’s not just me making these decisions, and because she’s not being honest with us. It’s a lot bigger than a cheerleader being kicked off the squad. I said when I came out with Cas that I’d support the LGBT kids at the school, and the school also has a zero bullying policy. A kid got hurt, a kid who people think is out. A kid I’m too close to make an informed decision about. I was allowed to know what had happened, I was allowed to hear the negotiations about what to do next, but my input would have been unethical.”

Claire had never heard Dean talk like that, like he had so much going on in his head and weighed out every single argument. He hid his intelligence pretty well. No wonder her father was in love with him.

“Really, Dean?”

“You think I want to punish her? Why do you think Ellen took it over? I know you want me to change it but I’m not a part of this.”

“And what’s going on with them breaking up?” Jody pushed. Claire could almost hear Dean shrug.

“You tell me.”

“Where’s Claire? I’d like to ask her.”

There were sounds of movement at the base of the stairs and Claire crept backwards, wishing she had picked a room closer to the stairway to go back and hide in. As it was, she tried to front it out and start walking forwards the moment she saw the top of Dean’s head. He looked at her as soon as he came within view, and Claire knew he knew she’d been listening in. He raised an eyebrow but didn’t mention it.

“Hey, just get up?”

“Yeah. What time is it?”

“Ten. I stayed home and did some paperwork, Cas and I have a few appointments to get to. Alex’s mom’s here.”

“Okay.”

She followed him down the stairs and saw Jody in her sheriff uniform, watching her progress.

“Hi, Jody.”

Jody was staring at the nose guard that Claire still had to put up with.

“Claire. I was just talking to your dad about this situation with you and Alex.”

Claire didn’t react, didn’t speak. She took a seat and looked up at Alex’s adoptive mother, waiting. Jody shot Dean a look, but he soon sloped off to another room.

“Don’t you miss her?” Jody said pleadingly.

“Yes. Of course. She’s my best friend. But she broke up with me, Jody. She made me keep it quiet that she got kicked off the squad and then it’s my fault she got punished because the teachers still thought she was part of it.” She folded her arms. “It doesn’t make sense to me.”

Jody raised her eyebrows. Clearly, she’d been missing those details. What had Alex said about the break up?

“I was going to ask you to make it up with her.”

“She doesn’t want to see me again.”

“Well,” Jody was clearly wracking her brain. “What if I talked to her, got her to come over? What then?”

Claire had thought about this, she’d even talked it through with Jack a couple of times. What to do if Alex wanted to make up. She had made her decision, but she didn’t know how it would go down with Alex.

“Then I’d want to be friends again. But just friends. I don’t think dating is for me.”

Jack had asked her if she was sure, if she wasn’t selling herself short at fifteen, and she had tried to explain it to him the best she could.

“You were so good together, both of you were happy. Weren’t you?”

“I don’t expect you to get it. I’m not saying I don’t want her in my life, I’m not saying it was a bad thing. But I love her as a friend and when we were dating I was trying to change myself to make her happy. I think we’ll both be happier as friends.”

Dean reappeared then, as if he was listening in - he probably was - and was going to stand up for Claire if Jody argued.

“So that’s what I’m meant to tell her?”

“No. That’s what I need to tell her. But if you can convince her to talk to me again, I’d really appreciate that. I miss my best friend.”

Jody looked up at Dean, and then stood up.

“Okay, I’ll talk to her. I hope your nose heals soon.”

“Thanks,” Claire said as Jody headed for the front door, Dean behind her. Claire went to the kitchen and put some waffles in the toaster oven. Dean came into the kitchen as she was squirting syrup on them, so Claire figured he’d been talking to Jody for a little while.

“So, you’re sure you’re done dating Alex?” he asked. Claire licked some syrup off her finger.

“No offence, Dean, but you’re not the person I would want to talk about that with.”

“Hey, come on!” He grabbed a fork and cut a corner off a waffle, eating it himself. “I’m mature.”

“You also don’t get the ace thing.”

“I’m learning.” He swallowed the mouthful. “I watched that show with the horse guy and his ace friend. I heard Sherlock was written as ace. I’ve looked into it. Try me.”

“Fine. I just got to thinking, Alex and me were good as friends, and I do really like her. But I freaked out so many times when she tried to do girlfriend stuff and I shouldn’t have to do that, I shouldn’t have to train myself to put up with stuff I’m not comfortable with.”

Dean stole another mouthful of waffle.

“So what, she forced you into it?”

“Of course not. I was forcing myself, trying to make her happy. And that just meant neither of us were happy. I heard what you said.”

Dean looked nonplussed at the change in direction.

“Huh?”

“How long have you known she was off the squad?”

“I worked it out when you were in hospital, and then something Ellen said she overhead confirmed it. I figured you had your reasons for not saying anything.”

“Yeah,” Claire saw him reach for her plate again, and slid it closer to herself, out of his reach, before he ate all of her breakfast. “I did.”

He nodded.

“Still doesn’t change a thing.”

“So you’re not going to try to talk me out of it?”

“No. You’re allowed to change your mind, or do something for you. And if you’re talking yourself into the basics of a relationship then it doesn’t sound like a good start.”

Claire ate her waffle thoughtfully.

“I guess we can’t all stare at someone’s dad like we want a piece,” she said eventually.

“I was glad the desk was there,” Dean grinned.

“Gross! You’re so gross!”

“I haven’t even told you what I was picturing with Cas.”

“I hate you. I’m going to go do my schoolwork because it’s way better than hearing about the boner you got from my dad.” She pushed away from the table, leaving her breakfast half eaten.

“Hey, wait,” Dean called after her retreating back. “Do you wanna come with Cas and me? Pick out some wedding stuff?”

She stopped walking, and looked back at him.

“Really?”

“I promise not to make any more inappropriate comments about how hard your dad gets me. But you’re doing well at school and you’ve taken to the homeschooling better than I thought you would. Take the break.”

“Fine.”

“We need to meet Cas in half hour at the store. You might wanna change out of your pyjamas.”

She walked back, and grabbed her plate, eyeing him as she did.

“I’ll be ready.”

And with that she took her waffles upstairs and into her bedroom.

 

*

 

The appointments were at a florist, a tailor’s, and the place that Castiel had picked out for the wedding venue. He didn’t seem surprised to have his daughter tagging along which meant either Dean had told him, or it had been his idea in the first place.

She kept pretty quiet as they went through their options for flowers, Dean resigned to the fact Castiel wanted some, Castiel trying to keep it as simple as possible. She kept catching her father watching her, but he didn’t mention anything until Dean was trying on his tuxedo.

“How did he possibly sell errands to you?”

She grinned at him.

“By saying I get to spend time with you.”

He sighed, and rested his head back.

“I suppose you’re not working on school stuff while you’re here. That’s the draw, right?”

“I feel personally attacked by your assumption.”

Castiel smiled faintly.

“I heard Jody was over earlier?”

“When do you two actually get the time to blab absolutely everything about me? Seriously.”

Castiel tilted his head back to watch her.

“He called while you were changing and denying him your waffles. Look,” he pulled his phone out and showed her the call log. Scrolling down, she saw her name, and Jack’s, and Charlie’s, in a sea of Dean’s. There must have been at least ten calls a day.

“Needy, much?”

“Just in love,” Dean spoke up. “And you’re part of the family. We tell each other everything about Jack too.”

They turned to look at him, and Claire couldn’t help but agree with her father’s soft gasp. Dean in a tuxedo with satin lapels, a waistcoat and a bowtie made him look like some pin up from an aftershave advert. He just needed to tweak his cufflinks.

“So, do I give you a boner?” Dean asked.

“Don’t answer that one, dad,” Claire begged. Dean laughed, and Claire pretended to be sick. When Dean chuckled again, she looked at her father, but he was suddenly far more interested in the ceiling.

“Your turn,” the sales lady turned to Castiel.

“Could you give me a minute?” He asked uncomfortably, still addressing the ceiling. Claire felt disgusted, and the sales lady looked at her.

“Are you a bridesmaid? Did you want to pick out a dress?”

“I’m my dad’s best person.” She corrected.

“You can pick out a dress,” Dean spoke up. “Or a tux. Whatever.”

She left with the shop assistant, into the adjacent room with bridesmaids dresses. It was like a pastel rainbow of satin and tulle.

“You know they’re probably making out in there,” Claire nodded to the back room. The sales assistant didn’t bat an eyelid.

“Your fathers have decided on green and blue for their wedding colours, you’re going to want to pick a dress in either shade.”

Maybe the girl had to stay professional and not care that her “fathers” were discussing their erection status over the sight of each other in their rentals. She knew Castiel had to have been mouthing something behind her back about it, and as much as it was embarrassing to be in the situation and as little as she cared about things like erections, it was nice seeing the lighter side of her father that Dean drew out.

She picked a few options and got led to a fitting room as Castiel was trying on his own tuxedo. She was getting corseted into her first dress when she heard Dean exclaim “Cas, I’m wearing a rental!”

“You did it to me,” Cas shot back, the humour evident in his voice.

“I’m sorry about them,” Claire told the mirror in front of her, looking at the woman tying her dress behind her.

“Nothing worse than I’ve heard from quite a few maids of honour. I had one mom tell her daughter her dress needed to be accessible for the honeymoon.”

“Barf.”

The sales assistant smiled.

“Did you want me to fix your hair quickly? Give them some idea of how you’ll look?”

Claire nodded, and watched as she was transformed into a girly girl. It was a strange sensation. After the hair, the assistant opened the door and she walked out. Dean and her father were standing close together, talking softly, but they both turned as she walked out, Castiel’s face softening into a soppy expression as he leaned against Dean. Even Dean looked like he was close to tears.

“Okay, don’t be dorks about it.”

“You’re beautiful, Bear,” Cas said softly.

“You make gorgeous kids,” Dean agreed.

“They’re being dorks about it,” Claire said to the sales assistant. She raised her eyebrows and walked away. Claire turned back to her dads. “So, this the kind of thing you were thinking of?”

She gestured to the dress, which was sleeveless, corseted at the back of the bodice and flowing into a knee-length skirt. Depending on where the light hit the material, it looked blue, green, or turquoise. Her hair was simple, the front tendrils twisted round into a braid hanging down her back.

“Perfect,” Castiel sounded choked.

“Okay. Um, I’m going to get back in my jeans so I don’t have to see you crying,” she scuttled back into the changing room, realising she was stuck in the dress without the assistant. She stuck her head back out, catching them kissing, curled up in each other. She made out to clear her throat, and they broke away to look at her.

“Um, I need some help.”

Castiel came with her, and shut the door, giving her some privacy. He was gentle as he undid the back of the dress, she could see him concentrating on the job as she watched him in the mirror.

“Thanks for not actually crying,” she told his reflection.

“Dean said we should hold it in for the wedding day. It’s coming up fast.”

“Yeah,” Claire said softly. “But it doesn’t feel like anything will change. Dean already feels like my other dad. It’s just a party where you two get to be disgusting over each other all day.”

Castiel chuckled, but sobered quickly.

“Dean told me about what you said to Jody. About Alex. Are you okay?”

“Actually … yeah,” Claire nodded. “I think I’ve known for a little while it wasn’t totally working and we were still trying. I do care about her, but I still don’t have those feelings, you know? Like, I keep waiting for those fireworks people talk about, but they’re not there. Just occasionally mild panic.”

“I know exactly what you’re talking about.”

“Mom.” Claire didn’t even have to guess.

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I mean, I still miss her, but we’re a good oddball family. You, Dean, me and Jack.”

“I think so too. But maybe after we’ve gone to the venue, you and I could have a talk, go over how you’re feeling?”

He looked up at her in the mirror, their gazes meeting in the reflection.

“That would be great, Dad, but I think I’m okay. And I think I should be talking to Alex.”

“Just know that I’m there for you if you need it.”

“I know. I read the letters.”

He gave her another smile, before straightening, and kissing her temple.

“I’ll go take my suit off now. Be prepared for Dean complaining the rest of the day.”

Claire laughed as he left the room. She locked the door after him and changed quickly into her clothes. As she was tying her boots back up, her phone pinged with a text. She looked at the screen, and saw it was Alex, asking to talk after school. She hesitated a moment, and then replied, saying she’d be at Alex’s as soon as she was done with her two dads.


	39. Chapter 39

Alex was sitting on the porch steps when the Impala pulled up after the wedding errands. At the venue, they had sampled the food on offer for the menu, and Dean and Claire almost turned it into an eating competition. She was stuffed with good food, and despite Dean breaking his promise several times to mention how excited Castiel made him, they’d had some decent conversation too. But pulling up and seeing Alex watch the car slide into its spot made her stomach churn and her heart plummet. Even if she knew it was the right thing to do, it wasn’t going to be easy.

Dean and Castiel headed straight into the house, giving brief hello’s to Alex and giving them some space. Claire would have bet money that they were listening at the front door. She climbed out of the car slowly, and headed to the porch steps, sitting on the same one as Alex, a short distance away.

“I didn’t mean what I said.” Alex started with no preamble. “I was mad. Mad at myself. And I guess I yelled at you because I care about you and thought maybe we’d be okay through it all.”

Claire stared straight ahead, at the sidewalk lined with shrubs and the cars parked in the opposite driveway.

“You said never to talk to you again.”

“I was being stupid. I was mad, and I took it out on you. But I shouldn’t have done that, I should have understood how you were feeling. And I shouldn’t have asked you to keep my secrets for me then be mad when you did.”

Claire didn’t have a response. Alex was right, she had asked too much of her.

“So what, you’re still mad at me?”

“No, I’m not. I just don’t know what to say.”

“Okay. How’s your nose healing?”

“I don’t know. I have an appointment in a couple days and hopefully this thing will be off.”

“You’re still beautiful, even with it on.”

“Thanks.”

Jack pulled up at that moment, and they both watched as he climbed out of the car and grabbed a stack of books off the passenger seat. He waved eagerly at them, and slipped between them to go in the front door.

“So, when did you move here?”

“About a week ago. Dad felt guilty about Jack sleeping on the sofa, and the apartment wasn’t really big enough. Sam and Eileen wanted somewhere smaller, so they moved into Eileen’s place and Charlie’s in the apartment, and we came here.”

“So, you’re not avoiding me.”

“No.”

“What’s school been like? My suspension’s almost up.”

“I haven’t gone back. I’m not going back until next year.”

Alex looked at her with a stricken expression on her face.

“What?”

“You have to go back, you can’t let them win! Kaia and Patience have been over my place almost every day after school, planning how we’re going to make this work for the LGBT club. If you’re not there,” Alex tried to reign her emotions in. “You’re a part of it all, Claire. And those bitches are going to think it’s okay what they did to you.”

“I need the break, Alex. Dean’s got me all set up for home school, and it’s going okay. It’s nothing to do with what happened at school, not really. But I lost my mom, Alex, and then I had to learn to be with my dad again, and then Dean, and all that junk, and Jack coming here. I wouldn’t get rid of any of it, but I just need some time to go a little slower. Time away from school drama will help.”

Alex laid her hand on Claire’s arm.

“Tackling it together would help too.”

“This is right for me, Alex. And Kaia and Patience will be at school with you.”

“They’re not my girlfriends.”

“Nor am I.”

Alex immediately lifted her hand from Claire’s arm and drew into herself.

“I didn’t mean that. It’s a dumb fight, and now we’re making up.”

“It was a dumb fight, and we are making up. But I just want to be friends.”

“Just friends.”

“It’s not just friends to me. I like having friends, and you’re the best one I have. But I’m still learning how I feel with this ace stuff and I need time with that too.”

“So we’re on a break?”

Claire shook her head.

“No. I’ve given it a lot of thought, the last few days, thinking how I react when you kiss me and trying to work out if I’m okay with it. And sometimes it’s fine, sometimes it’s tough to make myself do it-”

“I know all this. That’s why I check whether it’s okay.”

“And I appreciate that, I do. But sometimes I say yes and I’m not sure.”

“So, we keep figuring it out, and we stop when you don’t want it.”

“If we’re going to do that, then why aren’t you listening when I’m saying I want to stop it completely?”

She looked steadily at Alex, who looked away, trying to subtly wipe a tear without Claire noticing.

“I’m not trying to hurt you, Alex. But if we stay together we’re both going to end up hurt. And there was less drama before we started going out.”

Alex stood up, and walked partway down the path, towards the sidewalk, then stopped, turning back to look at Claire. She watched Alex carefully, but there didn’t seem to be any more words. She couldn’t think of anything else to say, she didn’t want to make the situation worse.

“I meant it, when I said I loved you.” Alex spoke quietly.

“I know.” Claire looked down at her knees. “And I love you too.”

“Then why isn’t that enough?”

“It’s not about it being enough. But love doesn’t have to be a physical thing. And I don’t want to limit you with what I need.”

Alex rushed back to her, kneeling down.

“Claire, if you want us to stop being physical for a while, we can do that. Just, please don’t break up with me.”

The tears were falling out of Alex’s eyes, slow and steady, but this time she didn’t wipe them away. Claire reached out and did it for her, stroking her cheek softly.

“I don’t want it to be a while. I don’t want to hurt you either. There’s no way to do this without one of us getting hurt though.”

“Call it a break, Claire. I can handle a break, but I can’t handle a break up.”

Claire fought the frustration that bubbled up, and nodded instead.

“Okay. A break.”

Alex pulled her into a hug, and she stood up, bringing Alex with her. They held each other tightly as Alex calmed down, and Claire waited to feel bad for lying to her. It felt kinder to lie than to keep going around in the circle. And maybe Alex knew deep down that she had done that, but had to come to it in her own time.

*

 

When Claire walked back into the house, she could see her fathers and Jack sitting in the front room waiting for her, all three of them twisted on the sofa where they’d been watching from the window. She felt wrung out and drained from the break up, and thankfully no one wanted to rehash it. Castiel held his arms out for her, and she crossed the room and cuddled into him, letting him pull her onto her lap like when she was a little girl. Dean and Jack cuddled into them, so her entire hodge-podge family were in a big ball of affection.

“Mind my nose,” she said quietly, curling into Castiel’s chest. Dean stroked her hair back, and Jack reached closer and kissed her forehead gently.

“Break ups are tough,” he told her, leaning his head against Castiel’s shoulder. “Leaving my high school girlfriend Maggie for college was so hard. But if that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have found you guys again.” Jack gave her one of his sweet, gap-toothed smiles. “There’s something better ahead.”

“Thanks, Jack.”

Dean let go of them and disappeared for a few minutes, before returning with some blankets, a bowl of popcorn and a giant bag of chips. They rearranged themselves under the blankets, and Dean put the television on, scrolling through Netflix for an action movie they could all enjoy. Claire curled up against her cousin, giving Castiel and Dean the chance to be together, but they were unusually distant. Still side by side, and sharing the snacks, but Dean didn’t have his arm across Castiel’s shoulders, Castiel wasn’t holding his knee. The small gestures that Claire didn’t even notice any more were absent. And she knew why.

“You don’t have to hold back for me,” she said. Castiel gave her a small smile but did nothing, and Dean grunted and hit the volume on the remote a couple of times. Claire looked back at her cousin, and Jack gave a goofy grin before winking, and pulling her into a tighter hug.

When the movie was over, Jack went to study, and Dean went to cook dinner, leaving Claire and her father.

“Dad, you and Dean don’t have to hold back for me.”

“Well, thank you Claire, but we both agreed it was a good idea. You’ve made a big decision and even if you made it a few days ago, it’s not going to be over with straight away.”

“But that’s the thing,” Claire turned to face him properly. He watched her with that tilt to his head that meant he was listening intently to even the words not said. “I don’t think I’ve made a big decision. I care about Alex, and she’s still my best friend, but I couldn’t cope with the physical stuff between me and her. That doesn’t mean you can’t touch Dean in front of me. It just means I’ve learned something about myself. I’m still good with hugs.”

He gave her a weak smile.

“Still, we know touch is an issue for you and that you think we’re embarrassing sometimes. We’re just trying to respect you.”

“I get it. It’s sweet. Don’t be gross, but still, you can hold his hand and stuff.”

“We’ll give you a couple of days. But you’re right, Dean will probably combust. Be glad your room is further away from ours now.”

“Barf.”

Castiel laughed.

“There’s my girl.”

“Do you think she’ll be okay?” Claire dropped her voice.

“I think she will. Like Jack said, break ups are tough. Especially when you’re not the one deciding to break up.”

“She thinks it’s just a break. She wouldn’t accept how I was feeling and it just felt like agreeing to a break was the smart thing.”

“Maybe it is. Maybe you’ll miss her companionship. You don’t want to be isolated while you’re being homeschooled either, you might miss her more than you realise in the next few weeks. And I know you know your own mind and you’re smart at making decisions but I’m just saying, it’s good to leave the door open.”

“I get it. Thanks.”

Castiel sniffed the air hopefully.

“Dinner smells good.”

“Want to go harass Dean to hurry it up?”

Claire grinned, and hurried in to the kitchen before her father. Dean was busy at the stove, singing softly to himself with his back to them.

“Hey, fake Dad, I’m hungry!”

Dean didn’t even skip a beat, but flipped her the bird over his shoulder.

“It’s not her fault, it smells so good. Jack’ll be in here soon, nagging you too. Want any help?”

“Yeah, pour me a beer.”

“Me too, Dad,” Claire added. Castiel rolled his eyes, and grabbed two beers out of the fridge, passing one to Dean and sipping from the other bottle himself. “Oh, come on Dad, I’m in the middle of a break up!”

“And you’re under twenty-one.” Castiel pointed out. “You can have a coke.”

“So the sympathy only stretches so far?”

“Sympathy, yes. Lots of sympathy. Breaking the law when I’m still your principal? Not so much.” Dean said pointedly. “Can you set the table too? This is nearly done.”

“Good, because I can’t concentrate when it smells so good,” Jack said before he entered the room. “You’ve got good taste, Uncle Cas.”

“Thanks Jack. Want a beer?”

Claire made an indignant sound, but Jack shook his head, and helped himself to the coke, pouring some for Claire and grabbing the knives and forks for dinner, getting Claire off that hook. She grabbed some dishes and looked over to see Dean brush his fingers against Castiel’s arm while he thought she wasn’t aware. It at least settled her mind that they weren’t going to go completely cold turkey for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession: I've only really had one break up (mostly relationships fizzled out) so if this was a little weak, I'm sorry. I don't have a huge well to dwell on there.


End file.
